Quote of the Post: "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." - Benjamin Disraeli

Random Playlist Song: Gilbert and Sullivan - HMS Pinafore - Things Are Seldom What They Seem, Incomprehensible As Her Utterances Are

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Latest project to be unveiled:

Why I Dislike Modern Music (complete with soundclips and pictures)

I know that most visitors will not bother to click on the link above to visit said page, so I shall mirror it (largely) here, sans the pictures.


Why I Dislike Modern Music

Please note that the title of this page is "Why I Dislike Modern Music", and not "Why anyone who likes modern music is a crass idiot who deserves to be shot". Few may agree with my intensely subjective opinions, but I retain the opinions anyway. Also, the following points do not all apply to all genres of modern music.

Non-modern music is by no means immune to all of these, but it suffers from the symptoms below to a much lesser extent.

Breathing

Some singers (usually female ones) seem to take pride in breathing (loudly) as much as they can in between notes, anywhere they want. Whether this is due to:

1) a lack of talent
2) stylistic flair
3) a genuine lack of breath because when they're supposed to be breathing, they choose instead of mutter or shout random words (heavy metal bands are especially fond of this)

is unknown, but either way it sounds horrible.

Case in point: Whitney Houston singing in an extract from "When You Believe". The bolded asterisks represent each loud breath taken by Whitney.

Listen to the WMA file (30s: 83kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Transcription: Many nights * we prayed * with no proof * anyone could hear * in our hearts a hope * ful song * we barely * understood * now we are not (short, quick breath) afraid * although we know there's much to fear * we were moving mountains long * before we * knew we could (30 seconds, 12 loud breaths)

Compare this to the movie version (the asterisks here represent a soft, sometimes barely audible breath): Many nights we prayed * with no proof anyone could hear * in our hearts a hopeful song * we barely understood * now we are not afraid * although we know there's much to fear * we were moving mountains * long before we knew we could (35 seconds, 7 soft breaths)

Gesticulation and screwing up of eyes
A popular action among singers of modern music is to close their eyes (often screwing them so tightly shut that you can see their wrinkles), so they don't have to see their audience's reaction (and possibly to counter stage fright) and singers gesticulating with one hand (or both hands if they are not holding a mic) in a general forward direction, sometimes with clenched fists.

Example:

*picture*

Similar-sounding songs

Perhaps it is just me, but for some reason I think that the Backstreet Boys' "Larger Than Life" and "I Want It That Way" sound very similar, and for some time I had difficulty distinguishing between the two. Moving to more objective measures of similarity, 'Quit playing games' and 'I want it that way' use the same drum machine, and have practically the same beat programming.

Other artistes with similar sounding songs: Michael learns to rock and Britney Spears.

Sleepy/stoned sounding singers

Some singers, especially in dreamy-atmosphered songs, sound like they are either half-asleep, lazy to sing their notes out properly or stoned.

Case in point: In Sarah McLachlan's Angel, at parts of the song, her voice is so light that, in combination with her grace notes and occasional hoarseness, you feel like slipping into a marijuana-induced daze. All in all, she "does the waif-like wailing thingy a bit too much".

Listen to the WMA file (24s: 67kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Airy/throaty singing

Some singers have singing which is so airy, it's scary.

Case in point: In this extract from "When You Believe", Mariah Carey's singing is so airy, you almost think that there is a hole in her
voice box.

Listen to the WMA file (7s: 26kb, 20kbps, 22khz)


Others sing so throatily, they sound like they have sore throats.

Case in point: Extract from Macy Gray's "I Try"

Listen to the WMA file (9s: 31kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Remixes

Not content with selling a song once, modern music artistes like to make countless remixes of the same tired tune to fleece consumers. For example, "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic has the following dance remixes:

Tony Moran Mix
Richie Jones Mix
Soul Solution Mix
Richie Jones Club Mix
Matt & Vito's Epic Mix

I don't want to consider how many non-dance remixes there might be.

If you thought that was bad, think of how many remixes there are of William Hung's "She Bangs" :)

Prevalence of Love, Sex, Violence and Drugs as themes

See any rock band, eg Red Hot Chilli Peppers or the Smashing Pumpkins. Also see such songs as "Fuck Her Gently" by "Tenacious D" and "Fuck It" by "Eamon".

Even if the none of the above mentioned topics are themes of the song, obscenities and vulgarities are often inserted into the songs so they are offensive for the sake of being offensive. Examples: Limp Bizkit, zheng zhen yue, Eminem

Case in point: The chorus to Eamon's "Fuck It" which goes:

Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

Listen to the WMA file (14s: 41kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

If that isn't enough for you, just look for any gangsta rap song.

Lazy singing and slurring

Jay Chou mutters and mumbles his way through his songs, so you can hardly hear what he is singing.

As for slurring, My Bloody Valentine is guilty of this sin, as the following clip from "Only Shallow" makes clear:

Listen to the WMA file (19s: 56kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

If you couldn't make that out, you're not alone. Even fans of 10 years are sometimes hardpressed to make out what they are singing. Some theorise the slurring is deliberate so if they're on drugs and forget the lyrics, no one will know the difference.

For the sake of completeness, the lyrics were supposed to be:

Sleep
Like a pillow
Down(ward)
And
(Where)
She won't care
Anyway

Looks over talent

There is a tendency to feature only good looking people, perhaps to distract the audience from the lousy singing of the performers. The emphasis is more on the performer than on the music, and you often see cults of personality forming. In fact, most modern music artistes are good looking - good looks seem to be a necessary but not sufficient pre-requisite to make it big (except for the odd person like Marilyn Manson, whose lack of good looks is arguably - conversely - a draw factor)

Prime example: F4. See also the horde of lookalike Taiwanese sweet young things: Xiao Xiao and others whose names I can't remember, who last a few months each and then disappear

Clones

When record producers have hit upon a successful formula, they try to repeat it. This is why groups and artistes who are essentially identical clones of each other appear.

Taiwanese Boybands: 5566, F4, Energy

*picture* F4

*picture* 5566

Synthesised music

As will be apparent to all, using instruments which do not produce tones, but rather synthesise them, is not a wise move if one wishes to inject subtleties and nuances into one's music.

Music Videos and fans' short attention span

Invented to counter the increasingly short attention spans of pop music fans, people in music videos prance around, stare at the camera and generally act like idiots. Especially bad are the music videos by Britney "Big Fake Boobs" Spears.

*Picture* *Picture*
Frames from Gunther and the Sunshine Girls' "Ding Dong Song". What lesbians necking and groping each other's breasts has to do with touching Gunther's Tralala, I don't know. Maybe it makes them more hot for him.

During live performances, the ever-changing images present in music videos are not available to sate the audience's cravings for action and movement, so to compensate for this partially, artistes sometimes hire dancers to prance around in the background, dazzle audiences with frequent changes between various glitzy and impractical costumes (see Chinese pop concerts by female artistes), smash guitars or otherwise liven up the atmosphere.

Assorted miscellaneous gimmicks

Since most modern music makers are entertainers (in the holistic sense of the word) rather than musicians first and foremost, they incorporate various gimmicks, attention-grabbing stunts and publicity-garnering actions into their lives both onstage and off it.

A by no means exhaustive list of examples:
Onstage: Flashing/strobe lights, loud noises, glitzy costumes, Michael Jackson's crotch grabbing, Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"
Offstage: Various sexual misdemeanours, S.H.E obviously contrived name (what are the odds of 3 girls who just happen to be named Selina, Hebe and Ella forming a Chinese pop trio anyway?)

*Picture*
Strobe/fancy lighting

*Picture*
"S.H.E". No, I still haven't figured out which is which. One day, I swear I will bankroll a group called H.E.R or H.I.M

Repetitive, meaningless lyrics and sounds

Many song writers endow their songs with simplistic and meaningless lyrics. Some are overly fond of certain words: "heart", "apart", "fire", "desire" and "dream", while others do not even bother to take that effort and instead write in an abundance of "ooo"s, "yeah yeah yeah"s and other such noises.

Case in point: The starting of Fantasia Barrino's "I believe", where she goes: "Oh... Ohhhhhh... Oh..."

Listen to the WMA file (16s: 48kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Another example: The refrain in Eamon's "Fuck It" where he goes:

Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh
Uh huh yeah

Listen to the WMA file (14s: 43kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Drums

People say that modern music groups need drums to keep time because they don't have a conductor. That may be so, but surely it is not so hard to co-ordinate music making in a small group of 3-6? Chamber music ensembles do that all the time, as do acapella groups. A totally unscientific survey reveals the extent to which modern music depends on drums: 95% of the songs have constant drumming, 3% are sentimental piano ballads and 1% are sentimental guitar tunes (both of which only have 1 performer, so drums aren't that important)

Besides the lack of talent of many modern music makers, the fetish for drums can also be explained by fans' addiction to them: most are used to hearing a beat to nod along to, and many cannot keep the beat without a drummer playing it out for them to hear. Additionally, drums are sometimes used to drown out bad 'singing' and tuneless 'tunes', and to keep up an underlying mind-numbing rhythm to dull the audiences' wits and either stupefy them or work them into a frenzy.

Case in point: New Order's Blue Monday, where the mind-numbing beat heard in the following sound clip is repeated for all 4 minutes of the song

Listen to the WMA file (14s: 43kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

But there is worse -St. Germain's Thank U Mum (4 Everything You Did), the even more mind-numbing beat and bass riff of which is repeated for all 12 minutes of the song!

Listen to the WMA file (7s: 24kb, 20kbps, 22khz)

Clapping

Some music-makers like to encourage their audiences to clap along to their songs, spoiling the enjoyment of those who want to actually listen to the songs. Some justify this travesty by saying that it lets the audience participate in the music making, but my view is that this not only dulls potential enjoyment of the song (if any), it also mocks the performers' abilities to keep time (if they have, in fact, any)

Miscellaneous gripes

- Noise, rather than music: My Bloody Valentine has the "Wall of noise" concept, which results in songs painful to the ear
- Sliding: Some singers are fond of glissando (sliding their notes), which isn't bad in and of itself, except that they do it badly

Conclusion: Essentially, to make it big in modern music, you must break most (if not all) of the rules of good singing.

Credits: This page would not be possible without my various friends and acquaintances, with extensive knowledge of modern music that I do not possess

Feedback is welcome: gabrielseah(at)hotmail(dot)com or with the feedback form (or leave a comment on this post)

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Most productive composers

Composer	Composing Years	Total Hours of Music	Average Hours per Year
Franz Schubert	18	134	7.4
Henry Purcell	16	116	7.3
Wolfgang Mozart	29	202	7.0
Franz Hayden	54	340	6.3
George Handel	54	303	5.6
J S Bach	47	175	3.7
L v Beethoven	35	120	3.4
Robert Schumann	26	72	2.8
Pëtr Illich Tchaikovsky	30	76	2.5
Felix Mendelssohn	27	57	2.1
Anton Dvorák	45	79	1.8
Johannes Brahms	45	71	1.6
Franz Listz	51	76	1.5
Giueseppe Verdi	63	87	1.4
Richard Wagner	53	61	1.2
Béla Bartok	45	48	1.1
Hugo Wolf	28	28	1.0
Richard Strauss	68	67	1.0
Frédéric Chopin	26	21	0.8

Source: Random True Facts

Quote of the Post: "The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper." - Thomas Jefferson

Random Playlist Song: Liszt - Mephisto Waltz No 1

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After watching King Arthur, I was not quite as aghast as I was after watching Troy, but I came close. Mainly this was due to the movie's claim (or implication, at the very least) that it was presenting the TRUE story of King Arthur, based on the latest archaeological evidence.

First, there's the problem of the timeframe and location. Given that the last Roman legion was withdrawn from Britain in 410AD, I find it hard to believe that 42 years later, Roman Britain was still running like a normal province of the Empire, with Roman soldiers still guarding cities (or remote outposts in the north of England, as the case might be). Also, from what we know, the real "Arthur" operated in southern England, not near Hadrian's Wall.

And then there's the nonsense about Arthur's knights being Sarmatian horsemen who were indentured to the Roman Empire for 15 years is bad enough, but for some reason, 6 of the said horsemen are posted all the way to the other end of the empire, in Britain. Let us put aside the fact that the furthest the Romans ventured into Central Europe was Dacia under Trajan, and that Sarmatia was considerably further north/north-east than Dacia. Now, raising a legion in Sarmatia and posting it to Britain, I can accept. Raising a century of Sarmatian auxiliaries and sending them to Britain, I can still accept, despite its unlikeliness. But sending at most 20 (for that looked like the maximum capacity of the Round Table) Sarmatian horsemen to Northern England and not replenishing their numbers even after more than half of them are gone? Besides defying historical fact, that also defies logic (though maybe not movie logic).

What about these Sarmatian "knights", then? I see two distinct possibilities: that they were either trained as Roman heavy cavalry/cataphracti or Sarmatian medium cavalry. The evidence in favour of the former theory is that the "knights" were taken away when they were boys, and trained under the Romans instead of Sarmatian warriors. Their battle tactics also seem to resemble those of cataphracts more than those of Sarmatian medium cavalry, with their seeming eschewing of spears for broadswords (though of course, they are most similar to those of Dark Age knights). However, this would not explain why the "Sarmatian Knights" were held in such high esteem (viz the Roman cavalry), nor their practise of mounted archery. In favour of the latter theory is the knights' possession of sets of vaguely Scythian-looking armour (which they for some reason only use during the final battle, preferring to use brigandine, adapted segmented armour (Lorica Segmentata) or scraps of various types of armour for normal errands. Perhaps it's more convenient if you do not need the protection) and the fact that they were considered so much more special than normal Roman cavalry. With the conflicting evidence, my conclusion is that the film makers got themselves into a historical mess with their attempts to bring medieval knighthood (complete with elements of the chivalric code, even) back in time to the early Dark Ages (what's new?).

And of course, there's my usual pet peeve - stirrups. Considering that stirrups were only widely used in the time of Charlemagne, and the Persians only knew about them in the 6th century, seeing stirrups in 452AD was extremely disturbing (though not as disturbing as seeing them c. 180AD in Gladiator, during the reign of Marcus Aurelius). [Disclaimer: Some say the Huns brought stirrups in, but I'm not entirely convinced] Not to mention that the heroes, as usual, often go about sans helmet. After all, they all have tangible halos around their crowns, so head protection is unnecessary except in extremis (ie the final battle).

The portrayal of the Saxon invasion also leaves much to be desired. The first Anglo-Saxons who arrived in Britain came at the invitation of the British, and were not an invading horde. There's also the question of how on earth the Saxon chieftain managed to overcome the logistical and practical problems involved in shipping an army of thousands all the way north of Hadrian's wall. Maybe the film makers confused the Saxon invasion with the later Viking incursions.

Other puzzling things:
- Crossbows (the handheld versions of which were only used towards the end of the first millennium)
- Celts with Trebuchets (no, they were not using mangonels or onagers. It was clearly a Trebuchet due to the hanging counterweight)
- The good guys' archers' Bows of Accuracy and Piercing and Arrows of Multiplication (a skyful of arrows came from maybe 10 Celtic Archers' bows)
- How slashing blows to chainmail-clad opponents could fell them, despite chainmail being very resistant to slashing blows (if the slashes were so powerful that they penetrated the chainmail, then we should have seen or heard the armour's sudden collapse)

And a few saving graces: Bucklers and Celtic Torcs

Finally, how can an evaluation of any historical or fantasy movie with a warrior heroine be complete without a comment (or two) on their ridiculous fighting outfits? Whereas the males wear armour to protect themselves, the females like to bare their bodies, hoping that the sight of a half-naked woman will befuddle their enemies, making them vulnerable to the swing of a sword. Another review puts it best: "[A] Xena the Warrior Princess figure: Guinevere, who is not only an excellent archer but is also apparently impervious to the elements. In the dead of winter she fights in a kind of sleeveless nightgown, and for the climactic battle she wears a revealing Thierry Mugler-style S & M outfit." As a side note, Guinevere's swordplay was all wrong - women, being on average 30% weaker in their upper bodies, simply cannot practise the hack-and-slash style of swordfighting, as they will surely lose to men. They should instead rely on speed, skill and agility.

The sins above will probably not be held against the movie by normal people. After all, visual spectacles and stirring cinematics are what film makers aim for, not logic and historical accuracy.

I'm quite sure I got one or two things wrong, being rusty, and I also had to leave out some qualifications and explanations for brevity's sake. Anyone else cares to shed some light on these matters?

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MDA has this poster about the "new" movie ratings system which gushes about how parents can now make informed choices about which movies are suitable for their children and how the movie ratings indicate which movies are suitable for which viewers, so you can now let ratings guide you in your choice of them.

There is no word, of course, of how people will be banned from watching movies which are "unsuitable" for them. Indeed, from the poster alone you'd think that they expect that patrons under 21 will obediently stay away from the movies deemed "unsuitable" for them.

Bah.

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Interesting.

To fill up the seats for the GEP reunion dinner they got:
- teachers and other school staff
- GE branch people
- primary school GEP alumni (it's unlikely that they invited those currently *in* primary school GEP)

So much for a last minute 50% discount on tickets.

Quote of the Post: "Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf." - Sam Ewing

Word of the Day: "reredos"

Random Playlist Song: Rameau - Les Indes Galantes - Contredanse

Almost wants me want to watch the opera. But the only time I saw an opera I fell asleep. Damn Italians.

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Thanks to Yucheng, I took longer to come out of the toilet than 3 teenage girls.

Oh, the indignity! The dishonour! The shame!

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A shining example

"Perhaps there is a lesson in Indonesia's experience not just for Islamic countries, but for one of Asia's other giants too. The party men who run China like to argue that democracy is unsuited to a poor, sprawling country that has no experience of it: chaos is what China's leaders say they fear above all. But it does now seem that Indonesia—a polyglot rag-bag of islands that emerged as a nation only through the accident of having been collectively administered by the Dutch—has given the world a powerful counter-example."

This is slightly too optimistic a view, I think. But anyhow we know chaos is just an excuse China's communists use to keep their claws on power. I'm sure they can come up with countless more sufficiently delusional reasons to justify their repression.

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"I squirted into the bottle 4 times" - Someone on transferring shampoo into a smaller bottle.

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Phlogger Comment from "hey": "please resurrect rgs yearbooks!!!!!!"

Answer from me: No. Have fun doing them yourself :)

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Dr Seamus Phan apologises for defamatory article on NKF

"If they make allegations that are defamatory and that are damaging to NKF, we will have to take action because our reputation is at stake and knowing what we have done for the citizens of Singapore, for the poor and for the 2,000 patients that we have, we have to take the necessary actions as required."

Now, where have we heard this (or words to that effect) before?

At least now we know what they do with all that money.

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It seems that either deviantart is easily hackable or people have easily guessable passwords.

Ivan is the 6th person to get hacked by this one hacker so far, and he lost:

- One blogger account (with 3 blogs deleted)
- One Gmail account
- One Yahoo! email account
- One DeviantArt account
- One Gondolend account
- One EZBoards account

Our condolences.

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I was analysing, with the help of some friends, the reasons why I was reviled where e'er I went in secondary school and JC, and how likely it would be that I would be similarly ostracised in NUS. Many thought I was over-reacting, but I do have a reputation, and I must have built up that reputation somehow.

It was, in a sense, unfortunate that I had (and have) many characteristics that teenage denizens of boy schools despise. A low pain threshold, weakness (both emotional and physical), being fat, singing Soprano 2, a loud scream... and various other flourishes considered unseemly.

Funnily enough, though I used to be called a "faggot" (a female maggot, as the official definition went) during lower secondary in RI, people now complain to me about other people whom they deem "faggots". Probably this has something to do with the fact that I no longer scream, but I'm sure there's more to it than that, for I still retain some, if not effeminate, then non-masculine tendencies. Perhaps extended exposure to post-pubescent girls: their mindless foppery, frequent hysterics and general screwed-up-ness did the trick - compared to them, I cannot hold a candle.

In JC, it was slightly different. Some of my reputation carried over (one of the disadvantages of going to a JC for which your secondary school is a feeder for), but I also became enamoured of strange hobbies, like playing with hard-boiled egg yolks. And I'm sure most of my various sobriquets did not endear me to the ones I named, fond though I might have been of them (the people) and of expressing my fondness for them with a warm feeling and smile everytime I used their nicknames. It was also probably most unwise to publicise said nicknames: I have a feeling almost all of them know what I called them, and not everyone appreciates being called "Deformed Student" (though I still maintain that I used that phrase fondly, not maliciously, hard though it may be to believe).

Someone pointed out that previously, I hadn't seemed to bother about my eccentricities and social gaffes and stiltedness. That isn't strictly true, but I suppose I have also decided to be pleasanter - if for nothing else, then to reduce others' distress. However, as always, there are some things I will not compromise on. Trade my various entertaining indulgences and quirks for the mere trifle that is social acceptance and popularity? No can do, bub. As Achilles declined to choose a long but dull life, so do I refuse the staid existence. No one is going to prise Wo-hen Nankan (aka the Asian Prince) from me, except from my cold, dead fingers! Though it would be nice to find some other fans of his, for I am alone in my adoration.

[Addendum: Apparently, there is a widespread misconception that I always choose to be different for the sake of being different. I must note that I would imagine that pretending to be weird when one isn't actually is an extremely tiring and tedious chore, and is absolutely not worth the effort it entails.]

There have always been the people who have taken the time to appreciate my insanity (if any of you are reading this - thank you). I think, too, that at this level, people should be at least a bit more mature and tolerant of weirdness and social inaptitude. Finally, if nothing else, I am assured that soon I will have other social misfits to keep me company during the cold winter days!

Quote of the Post: "I found your speech to be good and original. However, the part that was original was not good. And the part that was good was not original." - Samuel Johnson, to one of his less motivated students

Random Playlist Song: Messiah - Air - Ev'ry Valley Shall Be Exalted

Most of the catchy tunes are in the first part of the oratorio. Maybe Handel ran out of ideas and inspiration.

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"Wernicke's area performs the opposite role: it gives us the ability to understand speech by storing the memories of how words sound. Damage to this area produces Wernicke's aphasia, in which the sufferer cannot understand speech, either his own or others', and speaks only in meaningless babble. (Since the victim has lost all memory of what words are supposed to sound like, he is usually unaware that there is anything wrong with him, and does not understand why he cannot be comprehended by others.) While this jargon often sounds very much like a language and indeed is often mistaken for a foreign language by someone unfamiliar with the condition, it conveys no meaning (Heilman 2002, p. 4). There are evident implications for the sects that believe in glossolalia ("speaking in tongues")." (A Ghost in the Machine)

"The first mind game is the spontaneously generated fantasies that accompany indoctrination. The second mind game is to not allow understandings of experience to be modified by subsequent learning and experience. The third mind game is verbicide. The fourth mind game is an assault on ethical and moral integrity. The fifth mind game is the induction of dissociation. Burning of bridges is the sixth mind game. The seventh and final mind game is fear." (The Mind Virus - Ideas behaving in society like viruses in the body)

The Case Against 'The Case for Christ' - A study in Christian apologetics (Sometimes I don't know why I even keep the book still)

Shades of Pascal - Despite the author's protestations, I find his story amusing and well-written.

Recently the True Christian Church of Christ has been turning out really pathetic articles. From intelligent if subtle parody, it has degenerated into puerile and delusional ranting. Take this one for example. Ah, for the days when they turned out gems like this: Proof That We Are Correct. That one's a real killer. Or even "That time of the month" (I like the cartoons). As someone commented: "simple rule: if there's a page devoted to saying why it's not a parody, it's a parody"

What Would Judas Do? - "Who do you want to be your savior? A whiny guy that suffered three hours and went to heaven or a man that was willing to endure pain and torment FOREVER in hell for you? The choice is clear."

Seems someone put the book I bought for $30 online. Oh well, tis good to have a symbolic book in my collection.

Proving a Negative - "The fact is that Christianity is the proposal of a theory, and like all theories, it entails predictions--but these predictions are not being born out. So Christians invent excuses to save the theory--excuses which have absolutely no basis in any evidence or inference, except the sole fact that they rescue the theory. This is Ptolemy's epicycles all over again: the motions of the planets and sun refused to fit the theory that they all revolve around the Earth, so Ptolemy invented numerous complex patterns of motion that had no particular reason to happen other than the fact that they rescue the theory of geocentricity. It is simply far wiser to conclude that instead of this monstrously complex and bizarre architecture of groundless saving suppositions, it makes far more sense, and uses far fewer suppositions, to simply admit that the universe doesn't revolve around the Earth after all."

***

New Bible translation promotes fornication - Archbishop of Canterbury praises version for 'extraordinary power'

Matthew 23:25
Authorized version: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!"
New version: "Take a running jump, Holy Joes, humbugs!"

Matthew 26:69-70
Authorized version: "Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, 'Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.' But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest."

New: "Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: 'Haven't I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?" Rocky shook his head and said: 'I don't know what the hell you're talking about!'"

***

"NTU now have mah, G199 : General Social Ettiquette, 1 AU subject. 1 lecture everyweek. Written exam, 1.5 hrs."

wth. Meanwhile, it seems girls get pregnancy tests at the NUS medical checkup. Or at least they did last year.

This is really weird.

***

Character Counts

Late last week I was rushing around trying to get some last-minute shopping done. I was stressed out from all the junk going on at work these days. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts for a few loyal co-workers. I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing.

The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children new winter coats.

The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to coats for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I queried.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loud did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help.

So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

***

Xiaxue on guys' incessant army talk when girls are around:

"When we girls are with you guys, we do not chatter on and on about make up, or how our menstruation blood is a different colour this month and how we spend SIX FUCKING YEARS OF OUR LIFE BLEEDING AND WHEN WE BLEED WE GET SHIT FOOD AND SHIT PAY, or how long nail art just came off boohoohoo, or a deep discussion about which epilator is the loudest and most powerful and seems to be able to pull even the toughest ingrown armpit hair, or what colour scrunchies we like, or our week's DIET PLAN to have a grapefruit a day, or other stuff that guys don't understand nor are interested in right? So would you all shut up about army and cars already? We were only pretending to be interested. How about talking about the weather for a change? At least the weather doesnt have stupid terms in it like burpees, which we do not understand? Tekong is subjected to weather too right? Or maybe bitching about your bunkmate's penis size. That would be fun to talk about? Not the fungus at the door, or CONFINEMENT."

Not quite true, but we get the drift.

One thing you can't fault her for: incoherent and indecipherable passages written lyk tis... aniwae mi veri happy tat i dun haf to put up wif tis... *hiakz*

(Excuse me now while I go and flagellate myself with a birch branch)

***

Scaphism, also termed "the boats," was a frightfully cruel method by which Persians slowly tortured their prisoners to death.

A pair of small rowboats were hollowed and outfitted with holes such that, when one was inverted and laid atop the other, a seamless container was formed within which the naked prisoner could be secured, his head, hands, and feet protruding from his floating prison.

The victim was force-fed an overly generous meal of milk and honey, and additional honey was liberally smeared all over his protruding head and appendages. The whole contrivance was then floated out on a stagnant pond, causing multitudes of insects to settle on the exposed appendages of the sufferer.

The diarrhea that accumulated within the enclosure as a result of the prisoner's last meal induced yet more insects to work their way into the inside and afflict his anus and genitals.

Historical records indicate that Mithridates, who was sentenced to death by scaphism for having incurred some minor insult against the king, took seventeen days or so to die.

***

Just say no? - "A recent survey revealed that more and more of us are boycotting companies that trade unethically. We all know about Nestle and Esso, but who are the other bad guys - and just how bad are they? Leo Benedictus offers a useful guide"
Some of these are very odd. The article suggest we boycott Lonely Planet because they produce a travel guide to Burma, and Coca-Cola for "allegedly assassinating union leaders in Colombia".

Cow in police custody linked to headless chicken case

Johnny Singaporean - This HCJC Humanz guy's dream was to take part in the NDP (National Day Parade) and now he's blogging about it on the official site. Oh, and in the picture there he's saluting the camera while standing in front of a "I want to be part of the National Day Parade" poster. Please shoot me now. Meanwhile Tym offers her own POV.

On-line Orgasmic Simulation. How does the other sex experience pleasure - I saw this before when it didn't have any pesky javascript dialog boxes. Now I'm jealous! :P

Collection of James Bond movie gadgets

D O G T O Y :or: M A R I T A L A I D - You decide - Dogs and marriages both need accessories to stay healthy

Bush's pre-emption is a two-track policy - There's a different reality in dealing with North Korea and Iran versus Iraq - The different reality being that Iraq didn't have Weapons of Mass Destruction but the other 2 do or might. Moral of the story: If America doesn't like you, you'd better get some Weapons of Mass Destruction to protect yourself.

I'm on MSN Windows Messenger now ... if you know me then add me using my yahoo email address! - andrew gan

Quote of the Post: "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw

Random Playlist Song: Mozart - Divertimento in F Major for 2 Oboes, 2 Horns and 2 Bassoons, K 253

***

Inspired by her M$N display picture, I commissioned from nina the following:



Dedicated, of course, to the people searching for "Emma Watson's underwear" and their ilk.

Tis a marvellous piece of work, of a standard to which I am unable to aspire, since my "graphics manipulation skills are limited to cutting and pasting, resizing and cropping". Well actually my font aesthetic isn't very well developed, so the words wouldn't look so good if I did it myself, and I would have used 1, or at most 2 fonts, instead of the 3 you see above.

I was looking for an additional caption to put below this picture, as is my customary practice. Some suggestions:

"Who says wizards don't wear anything beneath their robes"

"This one had her underwear stolen by google"

"Whodunit? Potter? Weasley? Or YOU?"

"Does your wife approve of you looking for nude pictures of me?"

This one takes the prize:

"Is it so odd we want to see the knickers of a teenaged girl? It's not like she's over the age of consent and ready to do... things with us."

***

In other news, I've just recovered from a batch file run awry.

Moral of the story: Check your batch files carefully before running them. Especially if they involve deleting stuff without your confirmation.

***

My DVD-rom drive won't read all the cheap TDK CDs I bought with Melvin last year and then burnt. To think that they were advertised as: "TDK CD-R GOLD". Bah. I thought gold CDs were supposed to be good. These CDs are called "gold" CDs, but the upper surface of each CD is a dirty bronze colour, and the reverse side is off-silver.

At first I thought that maybe I'd waited too long before burning them (the latest that Melvin and I could have bought the pack of 50 CDs was in February, but I think we got it last year), because I didn't start burning them for quite a while after we got them, but then, a Verbatim CD that was left opened but unburnt for about the same length of time could be read by my DVD drive.

Maybe it's where I stored them (under the computer table, where sunlight *sometimes* reaches). But then, Xephyris is also complaining that his DVD-ROM drive (bought in 2004) "hates CDs", so it's probably mainly due to the weak DVD lasers, and the lousy TDK CDs.

Anyhow, I recently bought 10 "Verbatim Datalife PLUS" (*awe* *shock* swoon*) CDs at $8.90 for a pack of 10 with assorted fancy colours. The uncoloured ones were retailing for $9.90 for 10, the only difference being the colours. Maybe professionals (whose demand is more inelastic) need the plain silverish ones to bolster their image.

Lucky I have an external CD-RW drive, which I can use for badly burnt CDs if my hypothetical future DVD-RW drive can't read them :0

***

More search referrals:

bdsm "obstacle course" - Not one I would care to try. I think I'd rather do SOC.

gynecological poses pictures - How many poses could there possibly be?

redneck outlook stationery - Rednecks don't use Outlook

singapore materialism filipino maid

emma watson's relationships - She's too young to have had many. Then again, this is the decadent West we're talking about, from which corrupting winds blow to sully the purer-than-pure East, replete with wholesome Asian Values which magically eliminate all our social problems.

easy instructions for making a slingbag

Emma Watson sucked my wang - What's a wang?

disserations on youth gangs

emma watson's muscle - She looks very scrawny to me.

topless Twi'lek babes - Exotic tastes here.

man wearing thong at sentosa beach

interesting ways to masterbate - If you can spell it properly, this is a pretty interesting way.

RJC uniform purple

F&N firearms

stossel, pantyhose

emma watson bra size - "Watson generates nearly 60 percent more search activity than Daniel Radcliffe who portrays Harry, and gets 400 percent more searches than both Rupert Grint, a.k.a. Ron Weasley, and Tom Felton, who plays Harry's arch enemy Draco Malfoy."

nude handsome boys

emma watson's vagina

saf malays

buying porn vcds in subang jaya

godmother fuck yong boy - The name of the boy shouldn't matter.

d&d inn bangkok pool - I always wanted to play D&D in an inn in Bangkok.

babysitters taking rectal temperatures

napel cloth

photos of males wearing women's leotards

Who counts your push-ups at Air Force BMT

costume "grow boobs" - That's one powerful costume

online yaoi comics (a guy who falls in love with someone who wants to kill him)

chij semen skirt

sudol body tonner

waffletown Singapore - Good waffles, great chicken

purchasing chij uniforms - Try Yahoo auctions

sammyboy.com.sg asia commercial - In your dreams

"tai mai shu" racist - Wing would be racist too, then.

fairfield methodist secondary fuck - That's a new one. Before this it was all Bedok Secondary.

mysteires of women

mattress "spring broke"

is there is any company that don't use haram contents in lipstick - Lipstick is arguably haram intrinsically, since it breeds vice and immorality.

annabel cheong, singapore porn - Must be a new porn star wanting to ride on Chong's success.

raffles girls' schoolgirls nude - This came almost immediately after the one above. Maybe the 2 people can go talk to each other.

+"zlad" +"gunther" - Brothers in spirit!

chinese commando bagua - They still use those? For what, to blind people?

aunty panty theft

Daniel Radcliffe, (do u prefer boxers or briefs?) - Maybe he goes commando.

Air Stewardess colour-blindness - I'm sure you can still fly as long as you don't mistake Coke for Red Wine.

us army lsd "assault course" - I think you'll fail the course if you're on LSD. I wonder if this is harder than the BDSM obstacle course.

zaogeng adventures
jamie adventures zao geng - Someone should make a game called: "Zaogeng Adventures". Fun!

emma watson's height - 5' 5" (165 cm). But I'm sure she'll get a growth spurt soon.

top ten ways on how to masterbate

If you have sex in the swimming pool, does it hurt the fallopian tubes

were can i find free budist prayer chants

olsen hatelisting

Brendan Fraser Circumcised

friendsters malay page

madrigals clinton inauguration

dettol indian print ads

posb debit mastercard rewards - Not much to speak of. Bastards.

ass hammer shit nugget pandemonium

"singaporeans" "poor english"

hwa article: why god's women do not wear makeup

swedes in michigan

"We Share" Holst, Prof. E. Thumboo - I should make up campy lyrics to desecrate some lovely song as well.

spiderman in a sarong picture

pussy cunt permanently loose gaping

Emma Watson's school - Ooh. Stalkers.

is it okay for a male pre teen to masterbate males

smelling emma watson socks

Karnak divine masturbation

xxx hoom sex - What's a hoom?

acjc girls uniform pictures

Muslim meals on Singapore's Airport are they slaughtered in the name of Allah

emma watson gets her menstrual

recruits naked in pulau tekong

the naked punishment for recruits at pulau tekong prison school

"small neck" "dress shirts" - I hate dress shirts which strangle me, with my small neck!

poem gangster melayu

Quote of the Post: "Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement." - Snoopy (Charles M. Schulz)

Random Playlist Song: Pinay - Dahil Sa Iyo

Actually I don't like this version, as it's sung by some women who try too hard to sound sultry but end up sounding like, well, cheap sluts. It's marginally better than the Alfred Apaka version I have, where the guy sounds like one of those Hawaiian men in Aloha shirts, strumming his guitar and you can just *see* the Hawaiian girls dancing in their grass skirts behind him.

Ah, to hear once again the version arranged by Joy Chia! I really liked that arrangement.

***

Why do I keep getting irrelevant junk mail?

This time it's about something called the Jackrabbit, supposedly used by Charlotte in Sex and the City. It *does* say that "Men will enjoy this toy as well", but doesn't state how.

A testimonial from a satisfied customer: "Now I don't mind being single".

Oh well, at the very least, the description of their deluxe version made me laugh.

***

Integrated programs are very evil. I suspect it's just a way to stop the brain drain that happens after O levels. Now that their students will have no more O levels, they will be unable to defect to other schools. Very devious.

***

Yaoi Girl:

"I have read Catherine Lim- but I didn't like what I read at all. I feel her books are mostly mysticism without substance. Kind of like movies by Zhang Yimou."

I'm sure Zhang Yimou fans will beg to differ.

***

A (partial) replacement for MP3.com!

"Classic Cat is a directory with links to over 1200 free to download classical performances on the internet, sorted by composer and work."

***

My mother tried to force me to get a hair cut.

"You look like a barbarian... Normal tech... You want to keep a ponytail?"

I think she's on to me :0

***

Recently I've been playing Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader, despite the bad reviews it got from a few places.

It's definitely not quite up to the level of the previous Black Isle games like Baldur's Gate (I and II) or Planescape Torment, probably because it was developed by Reflexive Entertainment, but it's still passably fun, with the appearances of Leonardo da Vinci, Shakespeare, Shylocke, Machiavelli and other historical figures in its alternate history setting being an incidental plus (or minus, depending on your point of view), and witty and mirth-inducing dialogue appearing from time to time. The quick loading times are also a welcome plus.

However, the game is rather too difficult and fast-paced, making play frustrating at times, the gameplay too hack-and-slash for my liking (yes, I dislike hack-and-slashes), and there is neither a map annotation function, nor markers for of locations of interest on the area maps, damnit.

Most importantly, it lacks the elusive X-factor (read: I'm too lazy to divine what that X-factor is).

I can't wait for Knights of the Old Republic 2! I swear I'm going to buy it when it comes out, since the original was one of the few games to grip me in the last few years, shaking me out of my normal jaded state.

***

The Drive to Legalize Picks Up

"Marijuana in its natural form is one of the safest therapeutically active substances known to man... Trying to reduce heroin addiction by preventing marijuana use, it's been said, is like trying to reduce motorcycle fatalities by cracking down on bicycle riding... Marijuana may well be the least addictive and least damaging of all commonly used psychoactive drugs, including many that are now legal. Most people who smoke marijuana never become dependent. Withdrawal symptoms pale compared with those from other drugs. No one has ever died from a marijuana overdose, which cannot be said of most other drugs. Marijuana is not associated with violent behavior and only minimally with reckless sexual behavior. And even heavy marijuana smokers smoke only a fraction of what cigarette addicts smoke. Lung cancers involving only marijuana are rare."

I like the poem (of sorts) they quoted about Prohibition:

"Prohibition is an awful flop.
We like it.
It can't stop what it's meant to stop.
We like it.
It's left a trail of graft and slime
It don't prohibit worth a dime
It's filled our land with vice and crime,
Nevertheless, we're for it."


You'll never see such level-headedness in Sinagpore.

***

John Kerry and John Edwards can't keep their hands off each other! - "I've been covering Washington and politics for 30 years. I can say I've never seen this much touching between two men, publicly"

Which member of the Bush Administration are you? - I like the descriptions of the various members in the "list all possible results" page

Academic recreates naked Olympics

SmartKlamp: Single-Use, Automatic Circumcisions - Automating male genital mutilation

Lego Spiderman movie

Couple had sex on stage during concert - "The young couple, Tommy Hol Ellingsen, age 28, and Leona Johansson, age 21, are members of the environmental organization «Fuck for Forest.» They have sex in public in order to put focus on the rainforest."

Operation Bucharest - by Jack T. Chick - Finally! An entertaining Jack Chick tract! This one's damn funny. As Xephyris comments: "it's so fnuny, lol... they portray the spies as religious fanatics, ala the Al Qaeda! Wait, give us a week to pray! LOLOL... 'God is with us in this undertaking!' <- rather than american spies, it fits zealots more, don't you think?"

***

I've always thought that anyone deprived enough to want to stalk me would be seriously deprived, and possessed of exceedingly bad taste. And now one such person has apparated.

(Unfortunately,) I have a bisexual (cyber)stalker. Well, if everything goes well, I will have *had* a bisexual cyber-stalker, whom I will never see in Meatspace.

My sad tale starts in the middle of June, when for some reason, about 5 people started sending me friend requests and messages on Friendster, all asking to be my friend. Being spooked by this sudden conjunction of the planets, I turned all of them down. Besides which, somehow Friendster has always struck me as a place to network with existing acquaintances rather than meet new ones.

After my polite declining of their friend requests, most of them got the message, but one person persisted in bothering me, with the refrain, "I want to make new friends" (in ircz speakz, of course). In a last attempt to get him off my back, I told him that I didn't use Friendster anymore (essentially true), and not knowing how to take a hint (or many hints, rather), he replied: "since you dun use friendster anymore,pls sms me
@ xxxxxxxx now... I luv making new friends... Can u pls sms me?? Hope to receive ur sms soon.."

I ignored this and continued blissfully watching grass grow and paint peel. Until someone added me to his M$N list. Not suspecting anything, I added him and asked, as is my customary ritual, who he was. Imagine my wide-eyed shock when I discovered that he was ****** from Friendster who had been bugging me all along. Not least of my worries: how the hell did he get my M$N email address?! I hope he didn't visit this blog :0

The conversation from that point on follows:

Me: why did you add me?

Him: i alreadi told u tat i want to make new friends wif u....

Me: ...

Him: :D can u pls tell me abt urself now?

Me: erm.

Him: pls??
hey...r u bisexual??
can u pls chat wif me for a while?? [Ed: All this while, I was playing Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader (see above)]

Me: no I'm not

Him: u only like women??

Me: erm. yes.

Him: pls sms me @ xxxxxxxx now...
canu???
igtg....
bye.... pls remember 2 sms me....thanks....cya....


Unsettled as I was, I cast my net into the deep blue sea. I trekked to several oracles on mountainous peaks and cavernous depths to seek the advice of the gods; I slaughtered countless chickens to dig in their entrails, seeking the secrets of the twisting ether; I dug out my divining rod, following every twitch of its body.

Most advised me to put him on my ignore list. Not a few speculated that it was the picture of Wo-hen Nankan, the Asian Prince, that I had for my M$N account display picture that had drawn him:



But then, I don't have that pic in my Friendster account, so.

Some people wondered if it was just someone trying to play a prank on me. I find that very unlikely, since this person went to the trouble of creating a Friendster account, putting pictures of "himself" up, and finding 37 "friends" to add to his list.

Others wondered if he was Mr Tim Tang, of luvacguys and Stop being gay fame, but from his Friendster profile, he doesn't look CBTH (cute, boyish, tanned, handsome), so I ruled out that possibility (heh).

And for some reason, one or two thought that it might be a girl pretending to be a boy. My response?

"*shrug* guys sometimes pretend to be girls. girls never pretend to be guys :P except for butches. but that's in real life, so. and it's obvious they're butches, not guys."

I was actually thinking of following my idol's actions and putting up his picture with these words: "I am not gay/bi, so guys, don't bother sending in your picture. As a punishment for thinking I'm gay, I posted a picture of this man, named ******. He is in the Possibly Gay Men section. If you ever seen him, now you know he's gay! Don't send in pictures if you're a guy, or you'll face the same punishment as him!", but I decided to be nice (unless he continues pestering me, then that's a different matter).

Anyhow, a day after the first M$N contact (ie yesterday), he tried to talk to me again:

Him: hi there... How r u? may i chat wif you now,pls??

Me: what about?

Him: I want to get to noe u well... Can u pls tell me abt urself???

Me: I don't particularly want to know about you [Ed: In an attempt to chase him off, my tone became more chilly]

Him: why?? Look like u r not interested in making new friends.... [Ed: Ooh. Someone is getting confrontational now.]

Me: look. what're your motives in approaching me?

Him: Wat's wrong wif making new friends??

Me: have you done this before?

Him: YESSS
Let's talk abt soocer.... i'm a diedhard Liverpool fan....

Me: I don't like soccer. no I meant approaching people
have you done it before?

Him: Of course....

Me: and how did they react?

Him: mm.... they r happy... they want to make new friends.... [Ed: *cough*]

Me: right. and is "making new friends" your only motive in approaching me?

Him: OF COURSE....

Me: look. whatever you wanted to do, you did it all wrong. in the future, if you do not want to freak people out/piss them off, don't come on too hard. now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch grass grow. good day

*I block him*


Hopefully that'll be the last I'll hear of him.

To think that just the other day I was musing about how, in a certain light, it would be fun to have a stalker (I was thinking of a cute one, naturally).

Guess I'm getting my just desserts *pout* [Ed: For people who like Chinx aka Stranger who don't understand jokes, a Disclaimer: MY MUSING WAS A JOKE]

Quote of the Post: "The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." - Robert Benchley

Random Trivia Bit: On the night of March 19 1980, 70-year old Monica Myers went to the Betterton sewerage treatment plant to test for chlorine and sediment. Unfortunately, she slipped on a catwalk, fell into a tank of human waste, and drowned.

Random Playlist Song: King's Singers - Fair Phyllis I Saw Sitting All Alone

***

Screwed Up Girl took a quiz again, and I felt inspired to take it to divine some new fact about myself:


Which Ariel are you?
~ a quiz by Clear Black Lines ~

I kind of liked this scene, when the stupid girl got her comeuppance.


While digging up the 2 quizzes I did previously (once again, inspired by her), I found that my permalinks were broken. Gah.

Anyhow, I shall revel in the previous 2:



You are the Mermaid-hunter, a harpoon wielding mariner who is leery of mermaids and their charms, knowing that they are treacherous and have lead many poor sailors to their doom. You trust in your stout ship, impervious to the magicks of the merfolk, and you spend your time sailing the seas looking for the fins of your enemies. There are but a few who perform such a useful service, the rest having fallen long ago to the wiles, charms and sex appeal of the mermaids. Rate my quiz so that more mermaids-in-hiding will be revealed for you to hunt down!

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You will marry Wo-Hen Nankan. He is filthy rich and will take good care of you. You will get to be driven around in his fast cars and sexy vans. Plus, he has a vibrating hand. Congrats!!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Now that I have taken 3 quizzes, I can be like all the bloggers who have pages keeping track of the ones they have taken!

"In recent years, we have been swamped by the phenomenon known as 'online quizzes', many of which are propagated by Quizilla. These wonderful CGI/Javascript entities let one discover startling new facts about oneself - such as what kind of gut-infesting worm you are, or in what sexual position you will lose (or previously lost) your virginity in, and pair a picture of said object/person/situation/entity with a few words about how the quiz taker takes after said object/person/situation/entity, and the implications this has for his (or, more likely, her) daily life and inter-personal relationships."

Quote of the Post: "Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers

Random Playlist Song: Muppets - The Cat Came Back

***



Iraqi Driving License

***

Wowbagger commented, in a previous post's comment thread, that: 'I find HvK's conducting often overly "heavy". He flooded the market with his recordings, but most of them are mediocre.'

I wouldn't quite go that far. His other stuff is okay, it was just the particular track I heard that day.

***

The definitive lyrics from Zlad's "Elektronik Supersonik":

Hey, baby. Wake up from your asleep. We have arrived onto the future and the whole world is become...

Elektronik, Supersonik
Supersonik, Elektronik

Hey, Baby. Ride with me away.
We doesn't have much time.
My blue jeans is tight.
So onto my love rocket climb.
Inside tank of fuel, is not fuel, but love.
Above us, there is nothing above, but the stars, above.

All systems gone!
Prepare for downcount!

Five, Four, Three, One, Off-blast!

Fly away in my space rocket.
You no need put money in my pocket.
The door is closed, I just lock it.
I put my sparkplug in your socket.
The sun and sky is bright like fire!
You and me gets higher and higher.
Part of communication wire!
Only thing can stop us is flat tire.

Hey Love Crusader, I want to be your space invader.
For you I would descend the deepest moon crater.
I is more stronger than Darth Vapor!
Obey me, I is your new dictator.
For you is Vee'noose (Venus), I am Mars.
With you I is more richer than all the Tsars!
Make a wishes on a shooting stars,
Then for you I would play on my cosmic guitars!

Ladies and Gentlemens
Fast-en your belt seats.
We has commenced our descent,
I trust you enjoy this flight,
as much as you enjoy this accent.

Now, Back on earth is time for downsplash.
Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash.
People have arrive for to cheer me from near and far.
And as I block I open door and shout:
"I am world's biggest washed up superstar!"

As for sure as the sun rises in the west
Of all the singer and poets on earth, I am the bestest
Come, let me put ring of Jupiter on your finger,
Then like a smell around you I will ever linge.
Okay, it's time for end, no more will I sing.
Let me take you back in time.
I want for you to experience "Big Bang"!

*Shows Nuclear Explosion*

Long Live space race!
Long Live Molvania!


I still prefer Gunther.

Ed: One line corrected thanks to En Ming. That's what you get when you nick lyrics from elsewhere!

***

Apparently Nata de Coco didn't come from Malaysia after all, but is a traditional Filipino dessert:

Nata de Coco Case Study

***

Sometime ago, I suddenly got deluged with Friendster messages from assorted strangers from around South East Asia, all wanting to be my "friend". Freaky, very freaky. This is another reason why Friendster is evil :)

***

At first I thought luvacguys was a big joke. After all, you had lines to the effect of "Ahhh! So nice smelling" (when describing the secret toiletries he used for radiant skin) and gushing over cute AC guys by a male who proclaimed that he wasn't gay (bi at most). I can't quite remember what he said, or exactly how he said it, and he purged most of his archives, but those who read his gushing will know what I'm talking about.

Now, he seems to have morphed into a homophobe who throws biblical passages about with wild abandon. Still, no one reading his writing would think that any sane person could write the following in all seriousness:

"They are not only UGLY in the insides, but UGLY on the outsides!!! These people God will repay what He owes them. Okay to summerise it all: stupid ugly inside-and-outside people know shit! STAY AWAY FROM THEM!!! DO NOT TOUCH THEM!!! DO NOT LET THEM INFLUENCE YOU!!! THEY WILL MAKE YOU UNCLEAN AND IMPURE!!!"

and:

"I will take down the gay shops in heeren. I will take down that toto/4d/soccer betting corner in Cheers store in Cineleisure. You guys must buy and watch that "Mother Theresa" VCD from Sembawang music shop. You guys must see and/or buy that "World Hunger" T-shirt from 77th street in Heeren. So many guys in town wearing pink. I am not gay. This is me as a non hetro and non homo guy writing my blog, like it?"

Now, with his launching of a personal attack (a laughably bad one, I might add) on someone, I am forced to conclude that it is either a very sick parody, or a product of a truly deluded mind.

"There is nothing more for me to say to you Adri, except to take things easy and get your emotions in check before you ever leave the house. Camomile tea would help, and not too much spicy food like onions and garlic, they will truly MAKE one horny so cut it down please."

I really don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

***

Judge found dead mouse in beer - "The first thing I did was scream in horror. Then I screamed in revulsion. Then I dropped to the ground, holding my head in my hands while I was still screaming... My wife ran in, holding our one-year-old, and she started screaming and the baby was screaming because she didn't know what was wrong with me"

Create Your Own Thomas Friedman Op-Ed Column

Operation Mandatory Patriotic Tattoo

Women Reportedly Plowing Naked in Nepal - "Female rice farmers are plowing their fields at night in the nude to please the rain god during a dry spell in southwestern Nepal"

The Little Mouse That Wasn't - "After six years of regulations and restrictions that have cost builders, local governments and landowners an estimated $100 million, new research suggests the 'threatened' Preble's mouse in fact never existed"

Church compounds the sins of the fathers - "In the past, when the church refused to take responsibility for sexual abuse by its priests, it compounded the damage by transferring them to other parishes. Today, their destination is other countries."

Piracy no stranger to Christian tunes - "Christian teens are stealing Jesus music.... at nearly the same rate as secular music is being pirated by non-Christians, according to a new study done for the Gospel Music Association. The findings were a jolt to many in the evangelical music industry, who expected churchgoing teens to be mindful of the Commandment, 'Thou shalt not steal'"

Scientists 'see new species born' - Doubtless Creation 'Scientists' will have some disingenuous way to pooh-pooh this amazing event

Quote of the Post: "The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money." - David Richerby

Random Playlist Song: Burns and Smithers - Look At All Those Idiots (from the Simpsons)
Very appropriate for my rant of the day (see last part of this post below)

***

Fahrenheit 9/11 may not be the most truthful of movies, but it sure is entertaining, especially in its first part. Some of the conspiracy theories drawn are too improbable and improperly substantiated, though, and he omits things here and there.

(Under the Hot Lights, More Distortions From Michael Moore)

In other news, in a book fair at the Concourse set up by The Word Shop, I bought Michael Moore's "Dude, Where's My Country" for $10. Considering that the cover price is more than $20 at bookstores, it was a good deal. Incidentally, The Word Shop seems to have disappeared into the void in the face of its [superior] competition. I wouldn't even have known about that they were behind the book fair if not for the plastic bag I got (or maybe the Word Shop had nothing to do with the fair, and the bags were bought by the fair's organisers at The Word Shop's Closing Down Sale). The Word Shop is dead. Long live The Word Shop)

***

What will NSFs do with their extra 6 months?

"7. Seek psychotherapy to deal with lingering Sunday night book-in depression "

This should be: "7. See a psychiatrist to deal with lingering NS-inflicted depression"

***

I have no idea what the guy behind http://luvacguys.blogspot.com/ is trying to do.

Now he seems to be going on a gay-bashing (or at least tut tut-ing) rampage, and has been using the Bold HTML tag even more freely than Wo-Hen. I was more entertained by his gushing over AC guys, really.

Then again, this line is hilarious: "The majority of gay people I never remember doing things to help the homeless, the elderly, the sick, the disabled, the young, the unfortunate, intellectual disabled, all because they think they themselves are the sick, the helpless, the needy for their stupid perfect partner, they think they are the most needy people in the world! All their energy and time goes to their worthless branded shopping, their clubbing, their movies, their restaurants, their cafes, their parties, their weekend getaways, their resorts, their holidays!!! They stay in their high rise condos, their big houses and fast cars, being totally indifferent to others. The gays say, "I am clean, don't touch me you unclean people!"."

Amazingly, there are people who don't seem to realise that it is a joke, and have been flaming him all this while (if, by some chance, it *isn't* a joke, please shoot me now).

***

Stupidity knows no bounds (repost of a Friendster bulletin I put up)

Now, the few of you who are still actively using Friendster might have seen an alleged "Latin Prayer" being circulated on Bulletin Boards lately.

Amazingly, this chain letter (or prayer, if you like) is powers of magnitude more powerful than all the other chain letters out there. While those only threaten to leave you shagless, loveless or at most kill you, this one has power over the lives of your whole family. Wow, just imagine that.

I would like such amazing power too. Not to put a death curse on the families of all the idiots who read my obviously fake chain prayer, but to emotionally blackmail gullible fools into wasting bandwith, pissing sensible people off and making other foolish nincompoops circulate the balderdash that I've written around the world!

How stupid are you? Do you really believe some rubbish posted on a Friendster bulletin board which you haven't even read and can't even understand, can have an effect on you?

Sheesh, the bastard who started this ridiculous joke couldn't even get his facts right - the damn thing isn't even in Latin, for pete's sake. Latin does not have upside down question marks, tildes or other squiggly signs over the letters. Everyone has actually been forwarding a Spanish prayer (of sorts). Hell, it isn't actually a prayer, more of a homily about how to pray, part of which reads: "No, we are giving the Praise to our God. He it is the object of our praise.It is the reason thus we sang, reason why we sounded our instruments of [untranslated word: punyeta]. We cannot be singing to the light one without giving the weight him that deserves to be singing God to him." No part of the homily says anything about death.

If you were only stupid enough to believe in this nonsense, you can still be forgiven. But if you actually reposted this chain "prayer", you are not only stupid, but horribly evil. Is it not enough for your family to die? Do you want the families of all your "friends" (up to all 500 of them) to have a curse of death over them? Shame on you. You deserve to go to hell. Or you would if it existed (and millions of innocent people were condemned to burn there for all eternity by a "loving" god, but that is another rant for another day), so I will just excoriate you selfish and malicious people here.


The original "prayer" is posted below for reference

"This is a latin prayer. And you have opened it. And because you did open it, you will repost this bulletin if you do not want the members of your family die in a year's time. I'm not kidding around. You do have the option to ignore this message and death knocks at the door of your family. Have fun! P.S. Don't change the SUBJECT TITLE of the MESSAGE. Adios! Avada Kedavra!

THE PRAYER OF DEATH:
El tiquira con vosotros mes tera dima ul
kevadra,
ses avada, mi jubilo con de los requerrimos,
unta
de pondresita kon cantamos, remanso tu sus lomis
enta dira ela proteuera, lumos esta di ridikula
pontre se mundo de adios. mustros monda, el
tiquiera. Cada vez que elevamos nuestras voces
en
alabanza y adoración al Demoño, es necesario que
lo hagamos bién, entendiendo lo que le estamos
diciendo. Es por ello que la Palabra de Dios nos
enseña que debemos usar nuestro intelecto para
entonar cánticos al Satanas. Es tan sencillo
como
comprender lo que estamos cantando. Es procesar
cada palabra que estamos entonando, haciéndola
brotar desde nuestro corazón, y dirigirla a
nuestro paliente. Recuerda que no estamos
cantando por cantar, ni estamos entonando
cánticos para escuchar lo bonito que se oye. No,
estamos dándole la Alabanza a nuestro Dios. Él
es
el objeto de nuestra alabanza.Él es la razón por
lo cual cantamos, por lo que sonamos nuestros
instrumentos de punyeta. No podemos estar
cantando a la ligera sin darle el peso que
merece
estar cantándole a Dios. Que las palabras no
salgan de nuestros labios, sólo porque nos
sabíamos la letra de tal o cual canto, sino que
sea brotando desde nuestro corazón, expresando
al
Señor todo lo que Él es para nosotros. Si vamos
a
entonar un canto que diga por ejemplo: "Tu
eres
Bueno", que realmente estemos comprendiendo
lo
bueno y maravilloso que Él es con nosotros. Si
estamos diciendo: "Tú eres grande y
fuerte", que
todo nuestro ser lo esté proclamando. Si estamos
cantando: "El gozo que el Señor ha puesto
en
mí",
¿estaremos en una actitud de seriedad o de
tristeza?. Al contrario, debemos expresar lo que
estamos diciendo, por lo tanto debemos estar
contentos, gozosos y sonrientes al proclamar
estas verdades. Y si estamos cantando:
"Enciende
una Luz y déjala brillar", ¿Porqué hay
algunos
que elevan sus brazos? Éste canto, al igual que
muchos otros, son para cantárselos a nuestros
hermanos, en alabanza al Señor (Alabanza es
hablar de Él a otros). En cambio si estamos
entonando un canto que diga: "Tú eres
Santo,
Santo, Santo", ahora es cuando debemos
elevar
nuestras manos y nuestro corazón al Señor y
adorarle. Debemos usar nuestra inteligencia al
cantar alabanzas, es muy importante. No
olvidemos
que "Grande es Jehová y digno de ser en
gran
manera alabado". por lo tanto debemos
alabarle
como Él lo merece, con todo nuestro corazón y
cantando con el entendimiento , proclamando y
declarando lo que Él es. Si estamos celebrando
que Cristo ha vencido a todos nuestros enemigos,
entonces alegrémonos y declaremos con toda
convicción ésta verdad. Si estamos cantando que
nos rendimos a Él, pues que sea una realidad y
que Él gobierne verdaderamente sobre nuestras
vidas. Yo te animo a que uses tu inteligencia al
momento de cantar y entrarás en una nueva
dimensión de la Alabanza de nuestro Dios. Avada
Kedavra. Nema"

Quote of the Post: "Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings." - Laurence J. Peter

Random Playlist Song: Tartini - Sonata In G Minor - The Devil's Trill - 1 - Larghetto Affettuoso

"According to historical tracts, while fast asleep, Tartini dreamt that the Devil stood at the foot of his bed, trying to bargain for his soul. So Tartini challenged the Devil to a musical duel. 'How great was my astonishment,' Tartini wrote, 'when I heard him play with consummate skill a sonata of such exquisite beauty as surpassed the boldest flight of my imagination.' When he awoke, Tartini, attempting to reproduce the netherworldy music of his dream, wrote 'The Devil's Trill,' a sonata in G minor that is one of the finest pieces of music ever written; in short, a masterpiece."

***

Does anyway want a polish Windows XP SP1 CD?

I downloaded the wrong ISO and burnt it without checking first. Bloody hell.

***

Amusing field reports:

"Imagine 4 days of fun in the sun at Sentosa. Law camp was not it. No, law camp was 5 days of mucking around NUS whilst listening to bimbos and watching otherwise normal guys act cute along with their 19-yr old xiao mei mei counterparts. Law camp was 5 days with a certain member of an RI/RJ fraternity. Law camp was full of Hwa Chong and RJ ppl. An already bleak picture by now. So everyone tells me that law girls should be smart and chio. Well, chio maybe, but definitely not smart. Maybe book smart, but uber bimbotic nonetheless. And i can't abide bimbos. No matter how chio. No compromise there. To paraphrase the most uber-made-from-parts-of-other-bimbos bimbo, 'This is MRT what, not bus, cannot use coins...' said in reply when someone requested to borrow coins to pay for a temp EZ-Link... it seems that social acceptance requires going to Mambo every Wednesday, Wala Wala every Thursday, any random place on Fri to get piss drunk, and some other random club/hostel room on Sat for the same reason as Friday. In fact, my first OG outing is going to be a trip to mambo-land the following Wednesday. Naturally, I'll be out of the country. Preferably somewhere with more intelligent beings, e.g. the moon."

I hope the camp I'm going for turns out better.

***

Singabloodypore - Yet another alternative news source for Singapore news. Of course, this only focuses on the bad stuff, so you may not get a full picture. But then, the Nation Builder Press doesn't often write about the bad stuff in the first place, so. See also WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN [till the next boo-boo]

Mad monk's member features big in Russian erotica museum - " Measuring 28.5 centimeters (about 11 inches) -- allowing for shrinkage caused by pickling -- Rasputin's penis displayed in a tall glass bottle is, to put it delicately, a big attraction at the museum."
But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar (whatever that means)

Indian Spiderman to wear sarong - "Spiderman will put on a sarong and fight the bad guys through the rickshaw-clogged streets of Bombay in an Indian version of the US comic classic... Peter Parker, the American who becomes a superhero thanks to a spider bite, will be replaced by Pavitr Prabhakar who gets his crime-fighting powers from a Hindu holy man."

Chain Mail Bra - And with this, I have finished reading the extensive collection of descriptions of medieval weapons and armour on that site.

"A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why" - Ever heard this alleged trivia bit? Find out how you've been mislead all these years - The duck's quack echo myth

Just when you think you've seen everything, along comes the Impulse Computer Accessory. First a USB light, then a USB fan and now this.

***

Something Quanteng sent me:


Buffet at Singapore (sic)

The Fullerton Singapore - Gourmet Buffet Dinner
Where: Town Restaurant (tel: 6877-8128)
When: 6.30-10.30pm, Mondays to Saturdays
Cost: Starts from $28+++

What: Rolled out on April 8, the buffet allows diners to mix and match meals. They can pick from various main courses and help themselves to
the Gourmet Appetiser Buffet and Gourmet Dessert Buffet, which cost $20+++ and $15+++ respectively on their own. There is also the Seafood Tower at $28+++ per person or $48+++ for two. Or they can opt for the Appetiser and Dessert Buffet ($25+++), Seafood Tower and Dessert Buffet ($65+++ for two) and Seafood Tower with Appetiser and Dessert Buffet ($98+++ for two).


Conrad Centennial Singapore - Big Breakfast Buffet
Where: Oscar's Cafe & Terrace (tel: 6432-7481)
When:7am-3pm every Sunday
Cost: $28+++ (adult); $14+++ (child)

What: Launched in March this year, it serves everything from muffins to dim sum and seafood fried rice. The highlight is the vitamin corner, which includes a juice bar. From 11am, pay $40+++ to combine the breakfast spread with the carving of the day.


M Hotel Singapore - Sunday High Curry
Where: Cafe 2000 (tel: 6421-6222)
When: Noon-3pm every Sunday
Cost:$28+++ (adult); $14+++ (child)

What: What started off as a pure curry buffet in February this year now includes a Western spread. This includes roast prime ribs and Yorkshire pudding. The fish head curry is highly recommended.


Shangri-La's Rasa Sentosa Resort - Brunch 'N' Plunge
Where: Sharkey's (tel: 6371-1071)
When: 12.30-3pm
Cost:$39.50+++ (adult); children 12 years and below are charged half price.

What: Enjoy a great sea view and free use of pool facilities as you tuck into the buffet introduced in June last year. Barbecue items such as pork ribs and tiger king prawns, and local favourites like fried oyster omelette and kueh, dominate the spread.


Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel - Children's Buffet
Where: Cafe Brio's (tel: 6233-1100)
When:Noon-3pm every Sunday
Cost: Free for kids aged 10 and below, accompanied by adults paying for the Sunday brunch ($50+++ or $65+++ with free flow of champagne, wine and beer)

What: The spread made its debut last year and offers such items as mini hot dogs, burgers and chicken nuggets. There are also activities such as magic shows and balloon sculpting.


Raffles The Plaza - Plaza Market Peranakan Buffet
Where:Plaza Market Cafe (tel: 6431-6156)
When: Noon-2.30pm and 6.30-10.30pm daily; high tea from 12.30-5pm
(Sat,Sun & public holiday)
Cost: Lunch costs $25+++ (adult) and $13+++ (child); dinner costs $30+++ and $15+++ respectively; high tea is $23+++ and $12+++ respectively

What: The showcase of authentic Peranakan cuisine was introduced last year and the ayam buah keluak and durian pudding have won fans.


The Fullerton Singapore - Chocolate Buffet
Where:The Courtyard (tel: 6877-8129)
When: 8-11pm every Friday and Saturday
Cost: $24+++ (adult); $12+++ (child)

What: Since 2002, chocolate lovers have been indulging in treats such as the chocolate mango yoghurt mousse. The drink station with its premium chocolate-blended drinks is the highlight.


Shangri-La Hotel - Coffee Garden's Seafood Extravaganza
Where:Coffee Garden (tel: 6213-4275)
When: 6.30-10.30pm daily
Cost: $61+++ (adult) and $31+++ (child). It used to cost less than $25.

What: The seafood buffet made its debut in 2000 as an occasional special and was made a daily affair in February this year. The over 100 items range from barbecue lobster to Norwegian salmon dishes.Italian, Indian and Japanese sections offer pizzas, curries and sashimi.


Meritus Negara Singapore - Local Delights Lunch Buffet
Where: Claymore Cafe (tel: 6831-6686)
When: Noon-2.30pm Mondays to Fridays, except public holidays. Brunch is served on weekends from noon-4pm.
Cost: $16.90+++ for weekdays and $19.90+++ for weekend brunch. Children pay $9.90+++ for both.

What: It started off as the Yong Tau Foo Buffet in 1997 but local favourites like laksa were added last month. The duck noodles and prawn mee soup are big draws.


Swissotel Merchant Court Singapore - Buffet Lunch & Dinner
Where: Ellenborough Market Cafe (tel: 6239-1848)
When: Noon-2.30pm, 6.30-10pm daily
Cost: $19.90+++ for lunch and $24.90+++ for dinner on weekdays,
$25.90+++ for weekend dinner. Children pay $11.90+++ for lunch,
$13.90+++ for weekday dinner and $14.90+++ for weekend dinner.

What: This spread with a strong nonya component has gained fame since 1997 and the star remains the durian pengat, a yummy mousse. Other must-haves include the slipper lobster in black bean sauce and abalone mushroom noodles.


The Ritz-Carlton Millenia Singapore - Sunday Champagne Brunch
Where: Greenhouse (tel: 6434-5288)
When: 11.30am-3.30pm every Sunday
Cost: $88+++ (adult); $45+++ (child)

What: The extensive spread launched in 1996 includes 25 appetisers, 50 types of farmhouse cheese from France and local, Indian and Western specialities. There are 16 sections in all, including the popular oyster, sashimi and souffle. Wash everything down with Moet & Chandon champagne.


Four Seasons Hotel Singapore - Sunday Brunch At One-Ninety
Where: One-Ninety (tel: 6831-7250)
When: There are two sittings: 11am-1pm and 1.30pm-3pm
Cost: $68+++ (adult) and $30+++ (child); Pay $98+++ to add free flow of Veuve Clicquot champagne.

What: This eight-year-old brunch has 20 hot and cold stations offering fresh oysters, sukiyaki, dimsum and pasta. The sinful dessert buffet station carries 25 sweet treats. Kids get their own spread and activities.


Hotel Inter-Continental - Olive Tree Mediterranean Buffet
Where: Olive Tree Mediterranean Restaurant (tel: 6431-1061)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm for lunch (Mon-Fri) and 6.30-10.30pm for dinner (Sun-Thu)
Cost: $39+++ for lunch and $52+++ for dinner. Free for children under seven years. Those aged between seven and 12 years will be charged according to their age. For instance, a seven-year-old will be charged $7+++ and a 10-year-old will pay $10+++.
What: It has attracted a strong following since 1995. The menu changes daily and offers more than 20 items, including the popular seafood on ice and pasta.


OLD FAVES

Copthorne King's Hotel - Penang Buffet
Started: 1972 and charged $16
Where: Princess Terrace (tel: 6318-3168)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm (3.30pm on weekends and public holidays) and
6.30-10pm daily
Cost: $28+++ (adult) and $20+++ (child);

What: One of the best-known spreads around, this buffet used to feature 28 items but now offers about 40. These include must-have dishes such as Penang laksa, Penang Hokkien mee soup, and Penang char kway teow.


Grand Hyatt Singapore - The Pete's Place Salad Bar
Started: 1973 and charged about $9
Where: Pete's Place (tel: 6416-7113)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm (Mon-Sat) and 6-10.30pm daily
Cost: $16+++; It costs $19.50+++ if you throw in soup and dessert and $26+++ with the pasta main courses. Children pay $19.50+++ and get the whole works.

What: Toss your own greens from the fresh selection of 20 main salads, nine toppings and five dressings. If you are going for the pasta, try the signature dish, Cioppino, a tomato-base seafood pasta.


Royal Plaza On Scotts - International Buffet High-Tea
Started: 1980s and charged $8.50+++
Where:Cafe Vienna (tel: 6589-7799)
When: 3-5.30pm (Mon-Fri); Noon-5pm (weekends, eves and public holidays)
Cost: $18.50+++ (adult) and $9.25+++ (child) for weekdays and $24.50+++ (adult) and $12.25+++ (child) for weekends, eves and public holidays

What: Launched in the 1980s, the spread includes more than 80 Asian favourites and Western treats, of which the bread and butter pudding is most famous. It is also one of the few eateries in town that serve halal buffets.


Goodwood Park Hotel - Local High Tea
Started: 1980s and charged about $10
Where:Coffee Lounge (tel: 6730-1746)
When: 2.45-5pm daily
Cost:$18.80+++ (adult) and $9.40+++ (child).

What: started as a Straits Chinese spread now comprises more than 20 items, including dimsum and local and Western fare. There are also cooking stations that whip up roti prata and popiah. The apom berkuah with banana sauce, a Peranakan dessert, has been the hot favourite since day one.


Hotel Phoenix - International Buffet Lunch & Dinnerbrp
Started: 1985 and charged $10.50+++ and $12.50+++ for lunch and dinner respectively
Where:Phoenix Garden Cafe (tel: 6233-6129)
When:Noon-2.30pm and 6.30-10pm daily; a Local Hi-tea Buffet is also served daily from 3.30-5.30pm. Cost: $23+++ for lunch and $25+++ for dinner; children pay $16.50+++ and $17.50+++ respectively

What: There are about 50 items in the spread, more than double that when it made its debut. More soups and salads are now on offer, to suit the health-conscious palate of Singaporeans today. The signature dish roti prata - is a must-try, as is the durian cake.


Hotel Royal - Tropical Peking-Style Steamboat Buffet
Started: 1985 and charged $9.90 and $12.90 for lunch and dinner respectively
Where: Jade Room Restaurant (tel: 6251-8135)
When: 11.15am-2.30pm and 6.15-10.30pm daily
Cost: $13.80+++ for lunch and $18.80+++ for dinner. Children pay $9+++ and $12+++ respectively. On weekends, eves and public holidays, adults pay $16.80+++ and $19.80+++ respectively.

What: The tangy dipping sauce, concocted from 13 ingredients including sesame, peanuts, chilli and vinegar, is the secret weapon here. Diners can take their pick from 32 items, including sea cucumber, fresh prawns and peking dumpling. There is also a choice of 10 cooked dishes such as fried chicken wings.


York Hotel - Penang Hawkers' Fare
Started: 1986; original price not available
Where: White Rose Cafe (tel: 6737-0511 ext 1156)
When: Held traditionally during school holidays in March and September for 17 days each time, the buffet sometimes has an extra run in December.
Cost: $21.80+++ (adult) and $17.80+++ (child) for lunch and dinner.

What: The first-come-first-served spread is one of the most widely-anticipated culinary draws here. Hawkers from Penang's Gurney Drive set up stalls offering perennial favourites such as Penang laksa, cuttlefish kang kong and crispy lor bak.


Raffles Hotel - International Buffet High Tea
Started: 1991; original prices not available
Where: Tiffin Room (tel: 6331-1612)
When: 3.30- 5pm daily
Cost: $31.50+++ (adult) and $18+++ (child)

What: The high tea has earned a name for its indulgent spread and service. The scones with jam, butter and whipped cream, chicken pie and dim sum are top draws. Tiffin Room is also famous for its curry buffets.


Meritus Mandarin Singapore - International Buffet
Started: 1994 and charged $39.50+++ for lunch and $45+++ for dinner
Where: Triple 3, The Buffet Restaurant (tel: 6831-6271/72)
When: Noon-3pm and 6.30-10:30pm daily
Cost: Lunch costs $41.80+++ (adult) and $24.80+++ (child), while dinner is priced at $52+++ and $32+++ respectively.

What: Formerly known as The Stables, the restaurant now offers more than 60 dishes, comprising 22 appetisers, 20 types of hot food and 20 choices of dessert. There is a different theme each month, but the baked honey-glazed ham, roast prime rib of beef, salmon sashimi and rock oysters are trademark items.


Last but not least ..... cheapest buffet at Marine South .... est SGD12.00 per head in open space........