When you can't live without bananas

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Saturday, June 21, 2003

I daily get traumatised by ever more horrific sights.

Somehow, following links on a survey MIW sent me to try to entice me into letting them spam me, I came across this:

Our Army Songs Website

The music has been updated and beats can be heard in the background, but most of the lyrics are still sickeningly jingoistic and deceiving. I *am* surprised that they have a song called "Knock It Down", though:

"Hello, I am your Sergeant. And you are all my men.
You will listen to exactly what I say, understand?

When I ask you to eat, you eat...
When I say sleep, you sleep!
Do you know what I will do for you
If you screw up my plan?

Knock it down Knock it down
Get your hands on the ground and
Knock it down Knock it down
Just take it like a man and Knock it down"


I've seen 2 of the music videos (yes, all the songs there are available in MUSIC VIDEO format, with karaoke style higlighting of lyrics too), and it seems that almost all of the footage was taken during Obedience School on the Island of Doom.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

More typing. This time on grammar tests.

Joyful jovial jubilation!

Britain's heart is broken

HUNDREDS of tearful David Beckham fans swamped The Sun's grief helpline yesterday after news of his move to Spain. Some readers were so upset by his departure from Man Utd to Real Madrid that they said they were considering SUICIDE. Others claimed they would have trouble performing in BED with the England skipper playing abroad. And many gay men rang in saying they were devastated by the departure of one of their most popular icons...

Worried Steve, 26, from Sheffield, said: "My wife fancied Becks so much. The heat is now on me to perform in bed and I'm worried about getting aroused."

Another caller, who didn't want to be named, said: "Beckham defined my sexuality. Now he's gone I don't feel I'll be able to perform in bed."

Colin Stuart, 25, from Mill Hill, North London, said: "Becks has helped me realise I am gay. I think I will have problems with my partner now as we both liked him."

Dan, 35, from London, said: "I'm terribly upset. He was a gay icon and I loved him. I can't concentrate on my work."

Student Rob, 21, also from London, said: "He was a gay icon. I feel abandoned now he has gone. I feel empty - I thought he would always be there."

Chef Lee Brown, 23, of Preston, said: "My wife is Beckham nuts and is moving to Spain to be near him. If I don't go our relationship's over."

Another caller who didn't want to be named said: "My friend has Beckham tattoos on his arm and has threatened to cut it off."

Dad Frank Wilson, 33, from London, said: "I've never been so upset. My whole family are crying.

I cried myself to sleep after hearing the awful news.
Grandmother Mary Richards, 85

"I'm going to burn my Manchester United kit and give up my season ticket."

Telesales worker David Phillips, 27, had similar problems.

He said: "My whole family are in tears. What am I supposed to tell the kids?"

Daniel Payne, 21, from Bromley, Kent, said: "I'm so upset. I can't believe he's gone."

And 24-year-old salesman Akhmed, of Oxford, said: "He was like a god to me. I have a tattoo of him on my chest. I feel powerless that he's gone."

Hannah, 17, said: "I've followed Becks all my life. I don't know how I'll get through my A-levels now."

Gran Mary Richards, 85, said: "I cried myself to sleep after hearing the news."

London cabbie Colin Bennett said: "The world's gone mad � he's only a bloody footballer."

Counsellor Dai Lloyd-Hughes: "The most important thing to do if they're upset is talk about it. If their feelings persist they should talk to the Samaritans or visit their GP."

Psychotherapist Mick Walsh: "Because we see Becks so often, many feel they know him personally. Now he's gone it's like someone they know has died."

Hahaha oh dear.

Someone sent me a video, taken surreptitiously on a Clie, of Ho Poh Fun scolding a student. This is probably the modern day equivalent of what I was doing with my Palm IIIc in J2 :)

I was never taught by her, but this is what I always imagined her lessons were like :)

http://synthesis.port5.com/stuff/HPFterror.mov [Not hosted by me, btw]


Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Gah. I take a day off, then when I come back my mother makes me type schoolwork for her again.

Learning English for Japs - Home English Home

Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream

Mao Zedong communist posters! God, they even have some against Falungong, the "Evil Cult" - "To combat Falun Gong, the Party has sought recourse to propaganda techniques not seen since the Cultural Revolution. These include character assassination (of Li Hongzhi and others), cartoons reminiscent of the lampooning of class enemies, endless essays depicting the deleterious effect of the doctrine, documentaries exposing movement leaders as frauds and followers as dupes, etc. The "struggle" against Falun Gong has even resulted in a revival of the use of propaganda posters beyond merely educational or congratulary purposes."

M'sia: Don't buy original CDs and DVDs. A rare insight from Ma-laysia: "The refusal of recording companies to lower prices despite repeated calls by the government was helping fuel the trade in pirated movies, music and software, alleged Deputy Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Minister S. Subramaniam. The minister pointed out that some genuine movie video CDs (VCD)--a popular format in Asia--cost as little as US$2.60, indicating that some profit is possible even at that price. These cheaper discs also do not get pirated, he said. 'Those priced at RM$30 (US$7.90) and above are normally the ones that get pirated. This proves that the price factor is the main reason consumers buy pirated CDs and VCDs,' he told the news daily the New Straits Times."

'In Malaysia, prices are fixed individually by the respective recording company. If one company fixes a price too high, it will find itself priced out of the market.' - Recording Industry Association of Malaysia's General Manager. Right. Not heard of oligopolies, monopoly profits and collusion, has he?

Tailors for cats


SNE 86

22. That a father wrote in to complain that the his son's unit wanted donations for the Annual Army Half-Marathon donation card to be at least a certain amount.

The official reply from Mindef was that no minimum amounts were asked for, just guidelines given.

In other words,

-the CO tell the S4 he wants the men to fall in at 0800h

-the S4 tells the OC that the CO wants the men to fall in at 0700h in Smart 4 uniform

-the OC tells the PC that the CO wants the men to fall in at 0600h in Smart 4, SBO, Helmet, and Rifle

-the PC tells the Platoon Sgt the CO wants the men to fall in at 0500h in Full Battle Order

-so the Platoon Sgt tells the men to fall in at 0300h in Full Battle Order and go for 24km Forced march

23. That Pte Teo will now go back to camp and enjoy the blanket party from his Platoon mates because all of them will be enjoying weekend guard duty for the next 20 years (there is no minimum number of guard duties, it is just a guide).

All because "one of you buggers go and complain your fardder mardder over a stoopid donation card".

Next time your enemy come to your foxhole, remember to complain to your fardder marder too.

24. That Pte Teo will now get to enjoy many "coffee sessions" and heart-to heart talks with his CO about the personal problems he seems to be having with his Army Half-Marathon donation card.

"Thought control is a copyright of totalitarianism, and we have no claim to it. It is not the function of government to keep the citizen from falling into error, it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error." - Robert H Jackson

"What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist." - Salman Rushdie

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Hi everyone; i know this is short notice- i will be coming back to singapore on 8 july to 20 july. Would love to catch up with u guys (if you're a stranger who stumbled onto gabriel's blog ... i'm sure you're a wonderful person whom i would treasure if i got to know you); unsure if i will have a handphone in singapore so contact me by icq or call me at home. Even better if u can suggest a time/tell me when you're free. For those in JC- school starts already rite? In any case, appointments are more feasible esp if

a) they do not clash with dinner (have to be at home at that time)
b) they are near my house (i.e. places in the west, holland v etc)

My brother will be coming back as well so i'm really looking forward to spending this time with him and my parents.
Will try my best to contact u once i reach singapore, but no promises.
Do u want anything from melbourne? Kai, i'll try to get u fudge ... i'm trying to find a recipe for it now my exams are over actually so if mine turns out okay.... Gabriel kettle chips i suppose... they came up with new flavours u know! called "sensations". Anyone anything else?

Monday, June 16, 2003

I'm going to take over documentation work soon - argh. The day of reckoning had been postponed, but the Fates have finally caught up with me. Argh. Come, Clotho and Lachesis, I fear you not, for Cheong will be to my left, Gollum opposite me, and Boon Wei (my upper study) halfway across the Island in Temasek Poly, but just a phone call away!

Apparently, my sleep is disturbed in more ways than one - the drivers claimed I screamed in my sleep at 2 am one morning while on duty. Also, someone else also thinks that it's impossible to rest well in the medical centre, so it's not just me. Maybe it's the Sudol/Printol that interferes with the body's systems.

I'm being put on a training regimen again. Only, this time it seems that it will be followed up upon by my own Platoon Commander. So maybe it will work this time. Maybe. So maybe pigs will fly (I may pass IPPT), but the Palestinians will never bomb the Kabaa (I'll never pass SOC). On the bright side, I might finally grasp at The Final Solution this time, what with the daily training. Hopefully, it will be enough for my goals, yet not so strong as to incapacitate me seriously.

Sathiesh and Ban Xiong were laughing at Chemistry with me. It's such a joy to find people who appreciate bad TV, and who make snide remarks with you. Anyhow in our attempts to give credit where it is due, we noticed that the male in the female body left his/her legs open, while the female in the male body closed her/his legs. It's the little things like these that make of break a show!

The reservist cookhouse has Wireless Internet Surfing. Wah. But I thought laptops were illegal... Oh well, reservists can do anything, I suppose.

Apparently it is useless to wash any clothes in camp, due to the lack of sunlight, so I will stop doing so.

Jason is keeping track of the number of times I flip the bird. It stands at 4 now. Wah.

Boon Wei and I were at the bus stop when a convoy of trucks rolled past us, and some black sludge spilled out the back onto the road. This sludge smelled like shit - only worse, and we were over the moon when the bus finally came. Meanwhile, the trucks continued speeding on. I think by the time they reached their destination, most of the sludge was gone.

We've just shifted into new bunks, so we're now at the opposite end of the level. During the shifting day, I was on duty, so I didn't have to lug cupboards, but the flip side was that everyone "choped" all the good beds. No matter, the Workshop people will be leaving for good in about a month, and meanwhile I have my Personal Bunk in a Top Secret location. Either that or I can sleep on the floor like I used to do in SMM.

Pros of new bunk:
- More people
- Nearer to water cooler
- Showers are more powerful
- Mobile shoe cabinets
- New pillow!

Cons of new bunk:
- More people
- Hotter and more stuffy if you're not on the top beds just beside the fan
- If you take the top beds, climbing the ladder hurts your feet and transaction costs are high to either mount or dismount the bed
- Smaller cupboard
- Larger lock required for cupboards

To reduce the pain involved in mounting or dismounting the bed, I hit upon the idea of padding the ladder's steps. This was pronounced as being "very you" by Melvin, and is the latest in a line of things I have done against his advice of "Don't do stupid things".

I'm so touched!

Xephyris and Chinx took this picture for me while in Japan ^_^' <-- teardrop


Don't send me porn. I only have 10MB left on my hard disk.

[On screaming in my sleep] You must have been having a good dream. You sounded like you were making love.

[Review of Ju-On] When the show degenerates into Night of The Living Dead mode with a superfluous bunch of zombie schoolgirls, it is bye-bye time.

[On padding the steps of the ladder used for mounting the bed] You provide more entertainment than the TV

[On Lu Rui En] She sounds like she's from RJ... [Me: Do I sound like I'm from RJ?] Yes.

[On Lu Rui En] She can speak properly in this ad, why can't she speak properly in the show?

[Sees me brandishing a fly swatter] What are you doing? [Me: Trying to kill the fly] It's on your hear, dude, it's on your head. [Someone else: What's he doing?] He's trying to kill the fly [Someone else: These people are mad man, these people are mad]

[Geraldine] I don't look that good what
Someone who wants to remain anonymous sent me this labour of love, which should be familiar to some RJ alumni. This person is very endearing and his/her lessons were always very memorable... Needless to say, names have been removed to protect the innocent:


market failure:
goodness gracious me!
when the government wants to do a cost benefit analysis it must know which are private and external costs and benefits, HELLO hello.

Do you understand or not? And then for the other on - eh *** you got it wrong i worked out the answer for you if they give you 2 variables; if they give you mpc and mpm then you still have foreign trade mulitiplier. GO AND READ the notes. i prepared you very well.

YOU BETTER do your work or else I will send you to see the vp. Wah he's very fierce, you think he's very young but wah. i saw him scold ****** (*** ***) so don't play a fool with the big guns here.

If you play the fool - and i know that maths teachers are taking up a lot of your time. I think there is an inefficient allocation of resources like market failure in economics - you are spending too little time on your econs!

Ok question 49, remember the one i did for you change in consumption must be mpc x change in disposable income must cut taxes by a larger amount because indirect measures will save some of the additional income. These are very important concepts which i have explained very very clearly. You must know how to calculate inflation rate... see DRQ/case study in CT 1. you definitely must know this. and if there is inflation, the general price level is rising. the cost of living goes up. even though your inflation rate goes down. Still an increase in the price level. cost of living is living expenses.

(*****: Mrs *** do we need to study the multiplier?)
Of course multiplier need to know if you don't know you die flat ok... money banking prices in - you know the production poossibiltiy slope is the same no international trade. Determination of exchange rate. demand for a countries currencies is a derived demand. Singapore off the Sars list, tourism increases, demand S$ thus appreciation of sing dollar.

Know what is meant by visible and invisible trade. Know measures to correct deficits. you see ah when you devalue your currency and in this case your goods are cheaper. therefore demand must be elastic. Supply must also be elastic. Need excess capacity to meet the increased demand. if don't have, then the price rises again and nullifies the effects of inflation. AND i will reccommend you strongly to do current papers. you can do it ok.

so are there any questions to ask me? let me ask you a question, how many of you have done your mcq until BOP? you CHAM ah. you better do for your a level exams. Don't play the fool ok... mcq is VERY important. Also ah, please relate your case studies to the given preamble. If you give bikini clad answers you will get bikini clad marks. i'm telling you... you go and write all the learn by heart lecture notes cannot pass you you understand or not? you understand or not? and you got to read carefully. I believe you will do well. Henry you have any quesitons to ask me?

(*****: Ya, you know the national income, what is the value added approach?)

The markets becoming bullish because the sars virus is being killed by the heat but it will come again in autumn. and if it really comes it will wipe away a lot of people to death.

The capital gains is the gains you receive from the sale of all this. its not included right... i just set to test your understanding... you understand or not... that's why you must be very careful. it will be applied to government departments. definitely... pls ah... government expenditure for national income... the G ah, the G ah, it excludes transfer payments don't anyhow write ah... pls ah... pls be very careful. i expct you to learn very well mr ******'s topic. if you spot ah... you are going to be in big hot soup.

*** ah... i will tie your hands if you don't stop... DING DING... are you scared or not? I think econs you should not be scared... you should be scared of your further maths... they always want to kill you know... me ah, i don't want to kill you, but some people... they just want to CHALLENGE you (referring to mr ******)... to death, no... to the highest of the mountain. You will see stars... and when stars come out of your head ah... you cannot think. Those questions i set... can come out one ah... those questions that we do ah... these are the questions that are likely to come out in the A LEVEL exams.
That's why that time i ask **** **** **** ah,... why you set this question they never lecture that question you know... how can you set a question like this and never inform us...at least you are smart and never do. but there are still some weirdos who go and try... Really weirdos. NEVER try a question that is not to your advantage.

this ** *****... pls ah... don't do things that require too many things inside. that's why i teach you ah... i will only do questions that don't require too much concepts. you're playing TOTO with the teachers if you want to try... you shouldn't play toto.

(***: Mrs ***, what is toto?)
you don't know toto? Aiyah gambling lah... the five numbers, six numbers.... that time i bought you know... the other time i bought i won one thousand dollars. that time i bought ah i went to Bulgaria. i'm very lucky. then i transited at... aiyah dunno where lah... then that place ah the number came out first prize. i bought one dress 480 dollars. the number came out. don't know why i so lucky i can touch. so all these things i bought free. my diamond brooch free. my dress also free. i issue that check to that company, wed or thursday... on Saturday my number came out exactly. Wah that stupid number first prize. my husband ask me why i so STUPID. even when i was young my savings box ah...my sister in law touch ah that number... then she win. the house i buy... true indeed, when i step in ah, came out second prize. sometimes i avail myself of the opportunity, but other times i just cannot lah.

The fortune teller sees my face and told me (Me: Mrs ***, why did you see a fortune teller?) Oh, I never go and see her. You see, because the manager that time I was working not here lah, we go out for lunch then I met her. When she sees my face she says january and may i will strike 4D. just happens this manager of IT, he very pantang, he always ask her. She says his office cannot have pillar, so there's no load on his head. i don't believe in all this ah. She says I'm very lucky. i don't believe in all this... but its still happening to me. i have this luck to touch all this kind of money. only i can touch this kind of money. if other people buy my number, cannot come out.

When i first came as HOD in rjc, first year suay ah never come out that handphones question. second year came out exactly. tell you ah, i can't believe it my tutorial question came out. 1999 also, that's why ******'s brother that year all very happy. i think the ah-curls (UCLES) examiners saw my question. You know why, because my friend she works in ministry, she came to my house and then she said, this question **** *****, very good ah, how come you can set this kind of question so good ah?? then i say i give you one copy, its ok. Then you see, that year, came out that question. (triumphant grin)

(***: Mrs *** they copied your question.)
No. UCLES examiners they cannot copy exactly, how can they copy? they MODIFY. only my students damn lucky ah, they all do damn well. the prelim questions came out. three questions out of four came out exactly in the A levels exams like in my dreams.

(***: what are your dreams like this year, Mrs ***?)
(cackles happily). Aiyah i don't know about this year yet. i never pray hard enough, never dream. aiyar. the ri people go and tell the teachers, there is one HOD in the school very good at spotting question. then the academic head come back and tell me, i very sheepish cos i know they are referring to me. this last year.. the question very tough. they are going to set the same. same question but they are going to rephrase it with a very long preamble. even case study minimum wage i told mr ****** to set, and lo and behold it came out ah.

in 1999, they set questions on low rates of inflation. you better take my advice you better read. i've done for you already. things i do ah, you all think i... i... i ... i don't want to see ah... i haven't taken my temperature. those from the heartland jcs ah they won't do well. you will do well... i got a good record ah.. you have to study to tango with me,. the lowest grade you will get is a C. ok so you need any help or not? Ok you can go now.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

David contacted me yesterday, asking me if I wanted to go watch "Revelations" by The Necessary Stage, since someone wasn't able to go and they had an extra ticket.

"It can't be that bad, they've a reputation to uphold" - my favourite bard

I would have gone, just for the heck of it, since I get to stay out tonight (medical appointment) and I'd nothing better to do, but my former maths tuition teacher Mr Seow, uncle and auntie are over today for a Fish Head-Popiah dinner (party).

Besides which, I've long lost my faith in modern theatre being comprehensible and unpretentious, and the ticket was $20 (or was it $30?). And lucky for me too, for I just stumbled across this review by someone whom I had, for some reason, acted rather strangely towards in J2 and thus doesn't like me:

"revelations by the necessary stage was quite a letdown, horrid script. disjointed incomprehensible out-of-point ["on 28th january 1819 sir stamford raffles landed on st john's island.. constellations are starbursts of.. in 1992 singapore launched its courtesy campaign" one after another, all this while the actors had gay sex] after the first 20mins i caught no ball. at least the acting was superb. such a pity. until the end tkx and i just thought we weren't smart or artsy fartsy enough haha but that kinda changed when we were walking out and realised that
NO ONE understood the damn play. sheesh.

still at a loss at what local theatre is trying to prove. everything has to do with sex, deviant sex, homosexuality, abuse, violence, beauty=pain kinda thing.. at the expense of a solid storyline. which is a big fat pity cos the actors have talent.

but the worst part of the show has got to be the post-show feedback form:

if you could spread SARS to any of the characters, which would you choose? and if you were forced to rape one of your siblings at gunpoint, would you rape your brother, sister, or would you rather die?

so damn sick. like honestly, what the eff. that's not art. that's just in complete bad taste."

Somehow, I expected that :)


Just finished Dragons of a Lost Star, book 2 in the War of Souls trilogy which Mr Ban Xiong lent me, while I lent him Magician and Silverthorn.

I come all this way, grimacing at the disturbing monotheistic undertones, and I find out that the "One God" is Takhisis!

Gah. I feel so cheated. Couldn't they have come up with something better?

He Who Must Not Be Named: "what do youwant, Morgion?"
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