Jakarta trip with my Secret Indonesian Lover

"How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality." - Norman Douglas

***

Jakarta trip with my Secret Indonesian Lover
Day 1 - ???

At some point in the past this year, I was in Jakarta for a short trip to see my Secret Indonesian Lover. Obviously, since my Lover is Secret, I can't give away too many details for fear of compromising his/her identity.

One of the few good things about Jakarta (besides my Secret Indonesian Lover) is A&W. Unfortunately, the A&W outlet at the airport that I patronised didn't seem to have Curly Fries, but only the Root Beer Float. Later I discovered that the outlet outside did, but the staff member who served me hadn't managed to communicate this to me (he just pointed in a vague direction). Grr.

We had dinner at a restaurant where there wasn't a menu - the staff just brought all the dishes round and we said what we wanted.




Our food selection - 2 chicken and 2 vegetable dishes. One of the latter was Chinese style and the other was probably bamboo - sayur something.


This keropok was not like keropok in appearance or taste. Instead it reminded me of something else:


Pork Rinds


Area with all the food


Dessert


"Enzyplex, Koran Tempo" - I wouldn't want to consume such a health supplement

Some younger Indonesians like to walk around in zipup hoodies. Maybe the air-conditioning in the malls is too cold for them.


Pharmacy: "Intimate Care" (notice the condoms). "Feminine Care" is already an annoying-enough euphemism for sanitary products, but this one makes no sense.


I didn't know what salt crystals in the toilet were for. Someone told me it was to throw into the bath water.

Day 2 - ???


I was very gratified to see, at breakfast, that they had PORK Bacon (in a separate corner). Nothing but the best!

There were very much fewer women in tudungs than Singapore - and even somewhat less than Jogjakarta. This was probably because it was a bigger city.


McDonalds Motorsikal-thru


I can't remember why I took this - perhaps because they didn't bother redoing the ad campaign using local actors (like they would in insecure Malaysia)


"Creambath + Blow Variasi"
It's one thing to advertise a Creambath, and another to advertise a Blow Variasi, but both at the same time...


"I ♥ Indonesia"
A T-shirt I will never buy, let alone wear

There seemed to be a lot of A&Ws. My impression was that each mall had one.


Street Food


Half of the overhead bridge was filled with hawkers

A lot of places advertised that they had hair extensions, then I saw a girl with hair until halfway down her thigh - maybe she'd gone for it.


Haram carving


This was either a haram dress or a huge apron


CMI lightup crooked arrows - I've never seen crooked lightup arrows, let alone such crooked ones.

Before going I had noted down the locations of the 3 Krispy Kremes in Jakarta (and Indonesia as a whole) so we went to Plasa Senayan in order to hunt for its outlet.


Notice one flag is upside down.


Risoles. Inside was potato salad and chicken strips.


Nasi Goreng Java


Indonesian versions of famous European foods: "Fried Calamary & Tar Tar Sauce", "Gordon Blue Parmigiana" , "Turkey ConFunghi". Too bad there was no "Weiner Snitzel".


There was a Din Tai Fung in the shopping centre. Although I dreaded what I knew I would probably find, I took a closer look:


"Xiao Long Bao isi Ayam, Xiao Long Bao isi Kepiting & Ayam, Shao Mai isi Udang & Ayam, Jiao Ze isi Udang & Ayam, Jiao Ze isi Sayuran & Ayam, Jiao Ze isi Sayuran"
What a disgrace


Spectacle in Shopping Centre - witness the (pointless and ugly) ostentation


The symbol for the female toilet looks like a man wearing a skirt - maybe it's a toilet for crossdressers.

When we got to where the Krispy Kreme outlet was supposed to be, I found nothing, and was told it had closed down a few months ago. Grr.

There was a Breadtalk in the shopping centre near where the Krispy Kreme used to be. I thought of asking about their meat floss, but I'd had enough shocks for the day.

We then walked around the atas (and expensive) supermarket. From the prices and the selection, we knew it catered to Indonesian Chinese. Indeed, we saw many more Chinese in the mall than the rest of Jakarta.


Delicatessen. The pork section was bigger than both the non-pork deli and the raw beef section.


"UHT & Adult Milk"
Maybe grown Indonesians don't drink UHT milk.


Notice the amount of soy milk - the people who come here are very rich.


Oregon Fruit Products - we don't even have this in Singapore


They didn't segregate the Babi from the non-Babi cans - as I'd seen in Jogja


"Fascinating, Awesome, Breath-taking and Inspiring... This is The World Heritage"


Trees in Bitumen plots sunk into the road


Ang Moh in tudung promoting some telecoms card. Hah.


I was amused by this contraption to prevent the marble being scratched.


I went out to buy some supper after returning to my lodgings. I asked them for Indomee Goreng but I got it non-goreng. Grr. But it was still nice, with the Teh Botol. And I even got vegetables!


Usually they sell cocktails, but here the only alcohol was wine by the glass. The gaping hole in the menu was filled by Shaved Ice drinks. Hah.

Jakarta trip with my Secret Indonesian Lover
Day 3 - ???

This day I got to fly back to Singapore. I was very happy - even though I had to say goodbye to my Secret Indonesian Lover.


"Parfum Center. Prices Less Than Down Town Market. What to Think More? Buy Here NOW !!!"
Apparently super hard sell works on Indonesians.


Gamelan Orchestra. Notice the security guard playing. The woman was singing Bengawan Solo, ugh.

At the airport, I also finally got to have my A&W.


Menu


A&W Counter


This cost me 41,000 Rupiah. !@#$. The fries alone were 18,000 (I bought more to takeaway - just before a new batch came out).

There was an airport souvenir shop which amused me to no end because:

1) The prices were in US Dollars
2) They advertised that they had Imported Condoms. Maybe Indonesian ones break easily (which is why they are the 4th most populous country in the world)
3) They had these products in a special cabinet:


"女人催情劑
壯陽"
Only in Traditional Chinese characters, to boot.

[Translation: sex stimulant used by females
testerone booster]

I asked the shop girl and she just said they were for ladies. I don't know why there's always such a taboo about items or activities involving the female bits (there's a similar taboo about sanitary pads and tampons). In any case, US$25 Cialis does not sound like a good deal to me.


"Buy any 5 get 1 free. Any combination of chocolates, candies, cookies, puddings, dried fruits or nuts (Except European brands)"
You can get anything free - except kualiti. IIRC there weren't any Japanese brands either.


Buddha


CIMB's Epic Fail: "A common element in the flags of Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand: red stripes. No one knows Southeast Asia like we do"
This seems to be an imitation of HSBC's "the world's local bank" ad campaign, but whereas you need to do token research online to find out the facts that HSBC prides itself on knowing (that the number 888 is lucky in China, while 4 and 13 are unlucky in Japan and the UK respectively, and that "Football" means different things in the US, UK and Australia), anyone who isn't blind can match CIMB.


"Disable person lift". I don't want to ride in this.

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices." - William James

***

On argument:

The Meming of Life » The Joy of Giving Up

"At this point I have some choices.

Do I challenge his assertion...? Do I challenge [his implicit argument]? Do I point out that [his alternative proposal is as bad, possibly even worse]? Correct his spelling of Napoleon? Tell him [he is misquoting someone and misattributing the quote]? Do I point out that [his premise is totally wrong]

To answer these, answer this: What result am I after?

Ten years ago I would have started with, “Oh Aaron, Aaron. Where do I even begin?”—then gone after every single one of those points in as superior a voice as possible. In the end, I’d imagine him lying in a pool of cyber-blood.

But most of us eventually notice that winning an argument requires that the vanquished recognize his defeat. Sure enough, time after time, I would be amazed and incensed when the other person — apparently unaware of his demise — came back with more nonsense.

I came to realize that these exchanges accomplish precisely nothing but lost time and gained blood pressure. He comes back, I reply, again and again. We consult our mutually-exclusive rulebooks to see who’s winning. And oh how the pretty painted ponies go round and round.

I want those hours back.

... I didn’t unleash a deafening point-by-point but chose a third option: the (potentially) hearable reply.

The hearable reply includes two elements: at least one point of agreement, and ONLY ONE solid, well-supported point of difference"


My tack is slightly different:

As long as you don't get emotional or (often and) irrational (like the people you're arguing with), such exchanges do help to convince bystanders of the truth of your argument (as long as they aren't already irrevocably convinced, like the person you are arguing with, of the truth of *his*).

Even if there is no audience, like tempered steel arguments emerge from fire stronger - and you occasionally even learn something new.

Of course, the down side is, as the writer points out, less time and more blood pressure.

So the question is where the optimum point lies - but generally as these exchanges grow longer (and either or both parties becomes more and more irrational and/or emotional), the benefits go down and the costs go up.

"The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." - Ronald Reagan

***

The Beerbelly - "Sneak your choice of beverage into: the movies, concerts, ballgames, just about anywhere"
I prefer the Wine Rack

Addicted To Being Good? The Psychopathology of Heroism - "People whom we consider to be heroes (or X-altruists, as I am referring to them here), while among some of the most admired individuals, they possess many of the same traits as the sociopath... the X-altruistic person is anything but passive or meek. They are often feisty, argumentative, independent, idealistic risk-takers and convention-breakers. Sound sort of like the sociopathic personality?"

Smart PC Utilities - Vista Services Optimizer - "Vista Services Optimizer is an open source Windows tweaking utility that can improve your Windows Vista and Windows 7 performance and security with a simple mouse click, by tweaking Windows services in an automatic and very safe way according to the way you use your computer and which software and hardware you use"

Singapore refuses to renew foreign journalist’s visa - "“The refusal to renew freelance journalist Benjamin Bland’s press credentials again shows the Singapore government’s intolerance of independent and critical reporting,” said Shawn W. Crispin, CPJ’s Southeast Asia representative"

SpecGram—Letter to the Editor - "In 1922, on the occasion of their 10^th wedding anniversary, my mother attempted to recreate the famous Rôti Sans Pareil (“roast without equal”) of an early 19^th century French royal feast. It consisted of seventeen nested birds: a bustard, a turkey, a goose, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck, a guinea fowl, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a thrush, a lark, an Ortolan Bunting, and a Garden Warbler, the last stuffed with a single olive. By all accounts, her recreation was a success, and my grandfather declared it the greatest meal of his life... Leftovers from the casserole were injected into sausage casing for use as part of the usual sausage stuffing of the next turducken... Careful analysis, including detailed modeling of the Nearly Catastrophic Thanksgiving, when Hungry Uncle Hank almost ate the last slice of the turducken, has lead to the conclusion that that there are at least 6.0221415 x 1022 molecules (one tenth of a mole) of the original Turducken"

Depressed woman loses benefits over Facebook photos - "She said her insurance agent described several pictures Blanchard posted on the popular social networking site, including ones showing her having a good time at a Chippendales bar show, at her birthday party and on a sun holiday — evidence that she is no longer depressed, Manulife said... Blanchard said that on her doctor's advice, she tried to have fun"

Schoolgirl arrested for refusing to study with non-English pupils - "The five - four boys and a girl - then began talking in a language she didn't understand, thought to be Urdu, so she went to speak to the teacher. "I said 'I'm not being funny, but can I change groups because I can't understand them?' But she started shouting and screaming, saying 'It's racist, you're going to get done by the police'... a ten-year-old boy was hauled before a court for allegedly calling an 11-year-old mixed race pupil a 'Paki' and 'Bin Laden' in a playground argument at a primary school in Irlam. When the case came before District Judge Jonathan Finestein he said the decision to prosecute showed "how stupid the whole system is getting"... "A lot of these arrests don't result in prosecutions - they aim is to frighten us into self-censorship until we watch everything we say""

Climate Emails Stoke Debate - "The scientific community is buzzing over thousands of emails and documents -- posted on the Internet last week after being hacked from a prominent climate-change research center... A partial review of the hacked material suggests there was an effort at East Anglia, which houses an important center of global climate research, to shut out dissenters and their points of view"

American Airlines worker fired for replying to web user complaint - "Mr Curtis, an American web designer, was unimpressed by his experience using the the AA.com website, and made that clear in a lengthy open letter to the company on his blog... Mr X, a web designer, responded to the letter... after bosses at American Airlines became aware of Mr X's response, they searched through their email database, found his identity and fired him for a breach of the NDA... "AA fired Mr X because he cared. They fired him because he cared enough to reach out to a dissatisfied customer and help clear the company's name in the best way he could""

Stupid Travel Arguments (And Why We Should Stop Having Them) - "'People say that travel broadens the mind, so you might expect to find a tad more tolerance between fellow travellers. Instead, I find myself constantly up against different types of travel snob, people who consider themselves superior for a wealth of bizarre reasons'...
i) Backpack vs. Roller Bag
ii) Guided Tour vs. Independent Travel
iii) High-Tech Travel vs. Low-Tech Travel
iv) Tourist vs. Traveler
It’s just as easy to bury your head in a good old-fashioned book or lose hours writing in your journal as it is to go cross-eyed sending constant text updates to Twitter from your mobile phone... all the arguing over semantics and ignoring commonalities does little to promote travel to anyone who’s on the fringes, either. If we as travelers want this to be some kind of exclusive club where only the people who agree with us get to join, we’ll keep having these arguments"

How To Quickly Fix A Phone or MP3 Player With Water Damage - "From my own experience and those of my family, you stand a pretty good chance of fixing your phone this way. I’d say there is a success rate of around 75%."

Obsessed with 'ugly' women - ""Unattractive" women use their sexual wiles to take advantage of lonely or desperate men... men, especially if they are middle aged, drop their guard when they encounter younger women "who are not beautiful." In contrast, an attractive woman who shows interest in such a man automatically sends up a red flag in his mind: This woman must be up to something... Women, whose beauty, he says, is "transient." Ugliness, however, is "eternal," as illustrated by the old Japanese saying, "In three days you get tired of a beautiful woman while in the same period of time you get used to an ugly one""

Disney Princesses, Deconstructed » Sociological Images - "The evolution of the Disney princess:
Snow White (1937): Her burgeoning sexuality is a threat to another woman, so she's killed. Her only asset, physical beauty, is what saves her in the end
Sleeping Beauty (1959): Betrothed at birth to solidify a political position, she is killed by another woman out of spite. Her owner...ahem...fiance, saves her with a kiss. Again, sex is her only salvation.
Belle (1991): Saves a prince's life. With her only asset, her sexuality.
What Disney princes teach men about attracting women:
Prince Charming (x4): Be rich, charming, famous and good looking.
Aladdin: Be charming, good looking and appear to be rich and famous."

Don't Judge My Hair: Epic Hairstyles

YouTube - Disney templates fail! - "Ressemblance dans les films Disney"
I wonder if the Nine Old Men realised what they were doing

Japanese Doggy Style Reloaded - "This particular challenge was called ‘Tamanade Matsuri’ (玉なで祭り), or ‘touching the testicles festival’ (for a loose translation), where men seemingly let themselves be violated by the Japanese fighting dog, the tosa dog."
Damn Japs.

The UN and corruption: Extracting teeth, and other things | The Economist - "In many ways, says Robert Palmer of Global Witness, an NGO, a toothless treaty is worse than none. Politicians can point to their signatures as evidence of virtue, and continue to steal unimpeded"

A child does not fail, but defers success - "Failure, says Liz Beattie, a retired primary school teacher, is a word that should be deleted from the classroom dictionary, because it can put children off learning... At the conference of the Professional Association of Teachers. The motion reads: "Conference believes it is time to delete the word 'fail' from the educational vocabulary, to be replaced with the concept of 'deferred success'."... "Everyone fails at some time in their lives and it is often in those circumstances that we learn the most""
Elsewhere - "God forbid that children should receive an honest evaluation of their work; building up their fragile self-image is FAR more important than preparing them to be thinking, employable adults one day."

City sorry for Miss Universe snub - "Natalie Glebova, 23, who won the global beauty competition in May, was told she would be allowed in [Toronto] only if she removed her Miss Universe sash and crown. City officials cited a by-law which prohibits activities encouraging sexual stereotyping and degradation... a 1990 by-law forbids any events on the square that "exploit the bodies of men, women, boys or girls solely for the purposes of attracting attention," the Globe and Mail reported. The law adds, "specifically, beauty pageants will be prohibited""

Security Fix - PC Invader Costs Ky. County $415,000 - "The criminals stole the money using a custom variant of a keystroke logging Trojan known as "Zeus" (a.k.a. "Zbot") that included two new features. The first is that stolen credentials are sent immediately via instant message to the attackers. But the second, more interesting feature of this malware, the investigator said, is that it creates a direct connection between the infected Microsoft Windows system and the attackers, allowing the bad guys to log in to the victim's bank account using the victim's own Internet connection"

Apple’s Snow Leopard Is Less Secure Than Windows, But Safer - "Like previous versions of the Mac OS, Snow Leopard lacks security features that are built in to Windows XP, Windows Vista and Windows 7, such as full Address Space Layout Randomization to thwart attacks from malicious code. That makes Macs more vulnerable to attack, explained Charlie Miller, a security researcher and author of the book The Mac Hacker’s Handbook. But despite its weaknesses, Mac users have no reason to panic — yet. Apple’s PC market share is still roughly only about 10 percent, giving hackers and malicious software coders very little economic incentive to target the Mac. In short, Mac users are ducking behind a short wall — but as long as the enemy is firing in another direction, they’re not in grave danger... Two years ago there were zero pieces of malware targeting the Mac platform, and in the past year, there were a few hundred"

'Cats and dogs use more energy than cars' - "In their book Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living, New Zealand-based architects Robert and Brenda Vale say keeping a medium-sized dog has the same ecological impact as driving 10,000 km a year in a 4.6 liter Land Cruiser... they recommend keeping "greener", smaller, and more sustainable pets, such as goldfish, chickens or rabbits"

Qian Xuesen - "[He] was the father of China's missile and space programmes, transforming the country from a primitive technological backwater to a nuclear power. Qian made his contribution to China's development, however, only after being arrested and then deported from the United States at the height of the McCarthy anti-communist witch hunt. "It was the stupidest thing this country ever did," said the former US Navy secretary Dan Kimball. "He was no more a communist than I was, and we forced him to go""

Ice-skating bear kills circus head
One comment: "When Ice-skating bears are outlawed, only outlaws will have ice-skating bears."

Double-check Your Antivirus Program - "I found two sites that will take your file and scan it very (and I mean very) thoroughly. Virustotal runs the file by 29 antivirus programs, all in about two minutes"
Uhh...

Co-ed college housing ups sex - "more than 41 per cent of students in co-ed housing said they binged on a weekly basis compared to less than 18 per cent of those in single-sex dorms. While 63 per cent of students in single-sex housing said they'd had no sexual partners in the past year, this was true of only 44 per cent of students in co-ed dorms. Among students in co-ed housing, almost 13 per cent said they had had three or more sexual partners in the past year, compared with 5 per cent of students in single-sex dorms"
I'm surprised it's so low.

Bay Area faces holidays without little silver balls on baked goods - "Store shelves are almost bare of the beloved, tooth-crunching decorations called dragees -- better known as "those little silver balls.'' Because of a Napa lawyer's lawsuit alleging that the shimmery mini-orbs are toxic... "He's the Grinch that stole Christmas this year"... Once again, California is on the cutting edge, the only place on the planet where using dragees could land you in court... Pollock says his motivation wasn't that someone had been hurt by eating dragees -- he doesn't know that anyone has. But he says dragees have the potential to put consumers, especially children, at risk... State health and toxic waste authorities said dragees weren't a concern as long as they were labeled properly. "We are not aware of any health problems associated with this product"... Distributors and retailers said they've settled with Pollock not because they believe their dragees are toxic but because a trial would cost far more than settling. But, like Beryl Loveland of Beryl's Cake Decorating and Pastry Supplies of Virginia, they're angry and think a trial would have proven that there's nothing wrong with a few dragees now and then."

"The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism." - Sir William Osler

***

Someone was blaming Disney for propagating the princess mindset in women, so I dug and transcribed this gem up from my archive:


Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size

"If you have a daughter, it's likely you're familiar with Bratz, the must-have doll for the under-10 set.

But could these toys be promoting an unhealthy body image among young girls due to their unrealistically large heads?

Here's Jean Anne Whorton to take us - Beyond The Facts.

Since their launch in 2001, Bratz dolls have been flying off the shelves. They're fun, they're fashionable - and their heads are enormous.

*Dangerous Heads: Facing The Bratz Ideal*

According to gender equality advocate Melissa Waters, even though these dolls can't talk, they're sending young girls a message about their bodies.

'What girls are taking away from this is that in order to be beautiful, you need to have a head that's twice the size of your torso'

*Pediatric Analysis: Head Size Perception in Females Age 7-14*

Melissa isn't alone in her concerns. Yvonne Gray gave her daughter Shayla her first Bratz for Christmas last year.

Now, she wishes she hadn't.

'I want to be a good parent. I want her to feel good about herself, about her head. I mean, we all want to be the woman with the head out to here *gestures*, but at some point, you have to say that you're okay with your little head, and be okay with having a nose'

Shayla says nearly everyone her age owns a Bratz doll.

'So Shayla, tell me, what do you and your friends like about Bratz dolls'
'Well. we think that they have really cool clothes and that they're pretty'
'And do you think that you're as pretty as them?'
'No I don't, because I have a really small head'

The Bratz are depicted as having fun lives. Shopping, dancing and playing sports. But what isn't shown is how difficult it would be to do any of those things with an enormous cranium.

'If you make a Bratz doll a human height, the circumference of her skull would be 5 1/2 feet. She wouldn't be able to lift her head, and the sheer weight of it would crush her spine, rendering this so-called 'cool girl' bed-ridden for life'

*Poster: 'All head sizes are beautiful!'*

Waters' organisation is spreading their message through school programs and a national ad campaign.

*Poster: 'Beauty comes in all head sizes'*

*Pamphlet: No Such Thing as the Perfect Head Size*

Their goal is to reach pre-teen girls now and avoid dangerous consequences later

*Pamphlet: Bigger Head or Dead? Dangers of *something*hy Head Size *something*ntion*

'We really have to teach girls that any size head is beautiful. Otherwise they're going to be in a plastic surgeon's office at 23, asking for cranial implants or collagen injections in their scalps'

Regardless of Waters' warning, the demand for Bratz Dolls continues to grow, along with parents' concerns.

'I've actually seen Shayla trying things. Just the other day I saw her hitting herself in the face with a book to try to try to get her head to swell. Am I going to walk into her room and find her with a hammer to her head? I just don't know anymore. A doll shouldn't make a girl feel bad about herself.'

But for millions of girls like Shayla, that message isn't getting through.

From Beyond The Facts, I'm Jean Anne Wharton.

Thank you Jean Anne, for that. Sad, how our society is so focused on the size of - women's heads."

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself." - Jessamyn West

***

Why I shall [try to] wear a Black Ribbon on Wednesday (25th November) - on a Campaign against Male-on-Female Violence

The White Ribbon Campaign



November 25th is "The International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women". In conjunction with this, AWARE is promoting the "White Ribbon Campaign" (WHC; started by some Candians) which is about "Men working to end men's violence against women". Men are asked to make "a personal pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls", and asked to proclaim that "our future has no violence against women".

While on the surface of it this is a worthy cause, it does not take deep analysis to realise that this campaign is deeply problematic.

With the emphasis on men's violence against women, this campaign discursively reinforces the stereotype of men as iniquitous aggressors and women as helpless victims and threatens to replace the complex picture violence between and within genders with a simplistic view.

Of course, it is true that probably the majority of violence suffered by women is inflicted by men, but then the primary victims of male violence are other men. This is to say nothing of female-female and female-male violence - especially since the WHC's definition of "violence" is more than meets the eye. Indeed, it has been suggested that "Men create more damage, but women hit more than men do".

Even if it were true that the bulk of violence was directed at women by men, one is put in mind of the objections raised to this line of Singapore's Constitution: "Except as expressly authorized by this Constitution, there shall be no discrimination against citizens of Singapore on the ground only of religion, race, descent or place of birth in any law". The phrasing of this line, as well as the word "only" is very important as some implications seem to be that:

i) One can discriminate against non-citizens
ii) One can discriminate based on other factors like sexual orientation, language and political affiliation.
iii) If the Constitution authorizes it, you can discriminate against - in law - citizens based on religion, race, descent or place of birth.

Similar principles apply for the WHC; if you think that stereotypes in general are necessarily bad (as the people behind and supporting the WHC surely do), surely you should also think that a campaign that encourages stereotypes (even if unwittingly) is also bad.

Physical Violence

The WHC says that "violence against women takes many forms", including "Physical violence against spouses and girlfriends - from hitting right up to murder".

I'm sure that we can all agree that murdering another person (even if your target is not a female, and you are not a male) is wrong, and so too is anything that might constitute cruel and unusual punishment. Yet, "hitting" is a potentially broad term that could encompass many forms of physical activity, from bashing with a cudgel to punching with fists to slapping with the palm.



Now, there're many people who will say that a man should never hurt a woman - but most of these would cheerfully go on to endorse women slapping men, or perhaps even hitting them in the groin (many of them while mocking the man's sexuality). Indeed, when women engage in physical violence against men, most people assume the man must've done something wrong and thus deserves it. This view probably comes about from men being seen as subjects and aggressors, and women as objects and victims. If an aggressor is the victim of his erstwhile victim's aggression, he must have deserved it as he was violent himself, and for an object to turn on its subject would be like an ass mounting a lion.



Furthermore, hitting can also be playful, low-intensity and/or not unwarranted. Sometimes you can see girls pulling their (presumed) significant others around by the ears - this potentially falls into some or all of these categories, yet if all forms of hitting are considered undesirable forms of "physical violence", this behavior would surely qualify too.

Consider too that many parents hit children to discipline them. Going after your child with a hot iron is definitely child abuse, but mild slapping or hitting is probably not.



A definition of unacceptable hitting thus has to include criteria of intensity, duration, regularity and provocation; in short, you shouldn't hit people hard, many times, often and when they've done nothing wrong.

Sexual Violence

The second category is "Sexual violence - usually committed by a boyfriend, husband, trusted adult, or family member". I don't have too much to say on this aspect in particular, at least based on the poster, except that it has been reported that reports of women carrying out sex attacks on children have soared in the last five years, and it is clear that this is because men are pigeonholed as sexual aggressors whereas women are sexual victims. I will also note that date rape is another problematic concept.

Emotional Violence Abuse

Although the WHC calls this "Emotional Abuse", the fact that this is a campaign about Violence leaves us in no doubt over what "Emotional Abuse" is considered.

The WHC defines "Emotional Abuse" as "sexual harassment at work or on the street, stalking, jokes that demean women, and controlling behaviour". While stalking and sexual harassment (once flirting has clearly been made unwelcome) should be unreservedly condemned, controlling behaviour is very much more contestable a term. The fact is that we control other people's behavior all the time. For example, a woman might refuse to cook her boyfriend his favourite dish until he fixes the plumbing. Again, similar to hitting, a working definition of "controlling behaviour" has to include criteria of intensity, regularity, complicity and reasonableness. In other words, in the example above, we would not sensibly call this "controlling behaviour" if the woman did not lock her boyfriend out of the house, it only happened occasionally, the man sighed and went "yes, dear" with a half-smile and the damaged plumbing was causing the bathtub to leak.

"Jokes that demean women" is an even more contentious category. Presumably any joke which made women its butt would qualify (i.e. a sexist joke - or at least one with women as the object of humour).

Yet, to proscribe an entire genre of jokes would reduce the possibilities for human interaction - even with and between women (just as Malays do tell Malay jokes and Christians do tell Christian jokes, women do tell sexist jokes - and not just those excoriating men). Extending this principle, most jokes would have to be canned, since I cannot think of a joke that is not a pun that won't offend -somebody-.

This is not to mention the evils of censorship (if harm was a sufficient criterion for censorship, the first idea to be censored for hurting women would be... feminism). Furthermore, humor is always based on a modicum of truth. For example, have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? And no, blaming patriarchy doesn't cut it.

Even if you wanted to say that sexist jokes (against women) were not very nice, it would be a stretch to call them "emotional abuse" and thus "violence". It makes as much sense as calling all abortion murder, and legalised abortion a genocide. As a friend of mine commented, "i am a woman. I crack jokes about myself and other women. Does that fall under self-harm?"

One might also point out the double standard that people hardly bat an eye at jokes (or statements) that demean men. As a common T-shirt reads, "Men are like lava lamps. Nice to look at, but not very bright". Also, statements that are often thrown around to encourage women usually do it at the expense of denigrating men. Some classics of the genre:

- "A woman has to work twice as hard as a man to be thought of as half as good. Luckily this is not difficult"
- "Anything boys can do, girls can do better"
- "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!"



As Warren Farrell notes, "in the past quarter century, we exposed biases against other races and called it racism, and we exposed biases against women and called it sexism. Biases against men we call humor". The point not being that we cannot make any jokes, but that we should lighten up and stop getting offended over every little thing.

Furthermore, sexist jokes are the least of women's problems. A man asking a woman to lose weight would piss her off/"emotionally 'abuse' her" more than if he told her a sexist joke. Yet, if you want to look at "emotional abuse", the top perpetrators of emotional abuse against women... are other women - who are more socially aggressive than men; "evaluations of the promiscuity of other women" are certainly extremely hurtful to women (seeing as how no woman wants to be called a "slut"). Slimming ads could similarly be seen as structuralised gender-based violence. Does it really make sense, then, fingering men for this? As H. L. Mencken observed, a misogynist is "A man who hates women as much as women hate one another".



With regard to "jokes that demean women", the proverbial case of the boy who cried about a splinter in his finger while his house burnt down comes to mind.

I might perhaps be accused of being uncharitable in interpreting the WHC's intentions in an unreasonable way. Yet, in a world full of double-speak where racial discrimination against certain races is not considered racism (in the same way that killing Jews was not considered genocide because they were sub-human) and where "not sending girls to school" is considered "gender-based violence". And with the classification of sexist jokes as "emotional abuse" which, in turn, is called "violence", this is surely not an invalid concern.

Female genital mutilation/sex trafficking

Here, I will just note that not all forms of female genital mutilation (female circumcision) are created equal - the reality is more complex. I will also note that male genital mutilation, on the other hand, is ignored - nay, socially sanctioned, and even celebrated in many quarters.

In all...

I'm sure I would find a lot more disturbing material if I looked at the The White Ribbon Campaign's website, but time (and the attention span of readers) is limited, so the above should suffice.

One wonders if a campaign targeting men and focusing on male-on-female violence has many more merits than a campaign targeting anybody condemning violence against anyone. I would be less uncomfortable with an effort by the world of men to end violence (period), or an effort (period) to end violence (period) against women, but the combination narrows the scope far too much.

In some cases, a targeted approach might make more sense than a general one. For example, "working with Malay and Muslim organisations to spread the anti-drugs message to Malay youths" seems to have been very effective in reducing drug abuse in the Malay community in Singapore (but do note that this was against the backdrop of a strong anti-drug message targetted at the entire population). Yet, I do not see how this might apply with the WHC.

In short, a much better campaign would be about "people working to end violence against other people", with people being asked to make "a personal pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against anyone", and asked to proclaim that "our future has no violence against other human beings".

I will thus look for a black ribbon to wear tomorrow, to express my condemning of violence against people, and disapproval of sexist, unreasonable campaigns.

"There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of science." - Louis Pasteur

***

The person who designed the AsiaOne Unsubscribe Feedback Form seems to be either unable to think laterally or unwelcoming of non-desired feedback.



"We Hate to See You Leave Us!:
Let us know why you are unsubscribing so that we can improve our service. Thanks!

Content: Nil / Ads are not relevant / The ads do not appear on my email

Email: Nil / Received too much email! / My email acct. has changed

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Note that "Nil" is not a valid selection, so either way you're left asking for ads.

Here're some suggestions for additional options, since that will presumably be easier than coding in a text box:

Content: Content is not relevant / Too many ads appear in the emails / Content is of poor quality

Work: Better things to do than read your boring (and possibly unsolicited) newsletters / More important things to do than read your boring (and possibly unsolicited) newsletters"

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another." - Ambrose Bierce

***

u r wt u wr:

- 'Never judge a girl by her T-shirt'
- 'Good girls like cruising'
- 'Don't hate me because I'm beautiful' (this was worn by a 9 year old
who wasn't even wearing bras yet)
- 'Sexy round the clock'
- 'I am so worth is fitch'
- 'I only sleep with the best'
- 'Come as man'
- 'Cutie bebe'
- 'So good at being bad'
- 'Lady love bad boy'
- 'I'm hard to forget'
- 'I dig good boys' (yeah right)
- 'Sweet cute $ mate' (this was an auntie in her 50s)
- 'Live for today'
- Anything I've wanted to do, I've done. Everyone I've wanted to have, I've had'
- 'abcdefg 0123456789 Cute natural girl *something* Are you ready?'
- 'I need you *picture of fist* My hand is tired. Apply below'
- 'Luscious *pot of honey*'
- 'Deadline is over if you want it' (this is a dup, but I saw 2 girls wearing this within 1 min, albeit in different-coloured T-shirts)
- 'Angel' (her clouds were making this prominent, so maybe she wanted people to lie on them)
- 'All I want for Christmas is two girlfriends' (she was holding hands with someone who was presumably her boyfriend, who should've been more than happy with her wish)
- 'Love is a gamble a gamble we have we have to take'
- 'Live love date right'
- [Back] 'Back to basics. Reading, writing and... WRESTLING'
- [9 year old] 'A life of luxury and love by modern'
- 'There's something about you that I can't get out my head'
- 'Hey let's go do fun stuff'

Guys
- 'Jobs for FT. NS for sinkies' (I want one!)
- 'Your daughter is in good hands'
- [50+ year old uncle with wife] 'A hug is like a bandage for a wounded heart'

"The trouble with normal is it always gets worse." - Bruce Cockburn

***

I'd seen a cartoon version of this before, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that a real-life one has popped up as well:


Remember even when you are having a really bad day,




someone will still want to screw you.

Addendum: MFTTW would like to say that these are MICE and not RATS

"I want to give a massive middle finger to the stifling "Asian values" society that makes women into conniving, manipulative, self-styled "princesses" and men into the impotent eunuchs who have to serve them."

Hurr hurr!

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten." - B. F. Skinner

***

YouTube - 呼叫魚 - This fish is REALLY fresh.

Letters: Exploding 'roaches - 05 December 1992 - New Scientist - "While I have heard of borax being recommended as a cockroach poison, it apparently acts slowly and sodium fluoride is preferred. However, I have personal - very favourable - experience with a slight variation on this recipe for spicing the sugar-flour pellet. This is to incorporate ordinary baking powder (sodium bicarbonate) into it... their continued consumption of the baking powder leads to a state of gas accumulation which causes the stomach lining of the cockroach to burst. Exit cockroach"

Plastic chemicals 'feminise boys' - "Males exposed to high doses in the womb went on to be less likely to play with boys' toys like cars or to join in rough and tumble games, they found... "This feminising capacity of phthalates makes them true 'gender benders'.""
Progressives must use more plastic

Question time: Cindy Crawford - "Q: Fashion gets blamed for encouraging eating disorders.
A: I think people want to find something to blame. An eating disorder is way more than a girl looking at a magazine and seeing a picture of a skinny model. Maybe that's one tiny piece of the puzzle, but I think it's a lot more about self-esteem and self-love and control, so it's too simplistic to just blame it on models who are skinny.
Does the fashion industry like women?
A: We as the consumers, we as the women, have the power. If you don't like something, don't buy it. Don't buy the magazine if you don't like what it says. If you don't like the image a brand is putting out, don't buy it. What I really don't agree with is people who complain about it but still support it. You're giving your power away. If people don't want skinny models, stop buying the magazine with the skinny model, and believe me those magazines will change fast. It's business."

From Tunis to Tehran, the great veil debate - "Often forgotten amid such controversies in Europe - which tend to center on allegations of "Islamophobia" or the desire of Western nations to control a minority community - is the fact that nowhere is the debate over the Islamic veil older or more heated than in Muslim societies themselves... In 1970s Egypt, for example, head scarves were donned mainly by rural women. Today, on the streets of Cairo, at least 80 percent of women cover their hair... [veiling] stems from various cultural traditions that predate Islam... "Whenever states get involved with it, it gets worse... Take the example of the Islamic Republic [of Iran]. When you push women so far, they become very innovative; They come up with things that Khomeini never would have predicted."... After Turkey in 2000 banned wearing head scarves for driver's-license photos, many women simply took to using computer programs to insert images of hair over their scarves... women are commanded to reveal their faces when making the pilgrimage to Mecca. Ms. Milani argues that behind that requirement lies much the same logic that led Britain's Mr. Straw to insist on seeing women's faces when he talks to them. "Why the command to uncover the face? It's exactly the same argument," she says. "It's a public setting, and people need to know who's standing next to them.""

The latest research on the correlation between religion and niceness. - "If you look within the United States, religion seems to make you a better person. Yet atheist societies do very well—better, in many ways, than devout ones. The first step to solving this conundrum is to unpack the different components of religion... All humans, even young children, tacitly hold some supernatural beliefs, most notably the dualistic view that bodies and minds are distinct... Other aspects of religion vary across cultures and across individuals within cultures. There are factual beliefs, such as the idea that there exists a single god that performs miracles, and moral beliefs, like the conviction that abortion is murder. There are religious practices, such as the sacrament or the lighting of Sabbath candles. And there is the community that a religion brings with it—the people who are part of your church, synagogue, or mosque. The positive effect of religion in the real world, to my mind, is tied to this last, community component—rather than a belief in constant surveillance by a higher power"

Can I file for a divorce on grounds of adultery if I suspect my wife of cheating on me with a woman? - "The law only recognises adultery between individuals of the opposite sex... Frankly, it may be just cheaper to pay her more attention and get some action going in the bedroom"
That's what I like about advice columns - they give advice instead of going into social commentary and analysing power relations and, in the end, missing the point of the original question.

The Scientists: A History of Science Told Through the Lives of Its Greatest Inventors - "It is natural to describe key events in terms of the work of individuals who made a mark in science: Copernicus, Vesalius, Darwin, Wallace and the rest. But this does not mean that science has progressed as a result of the work of a string of irreplaceable geniuses possessed of a special insight into how the world works. Geniuses maybe (though not always); but irreplaceable certainly not. Scientific progress builds step by step, and as the example of Darwin and Wallace shows, when the time is ripe, two or more individuals may make the next step independently of one another. It is the luck of the draw, or historical accident, whose name gets remembered as the discoverer of a new phenomenon. What is much more important than human genius is the development of technology, and it is no surprise that the start of the scientific revolution `coincides' with the development of the telescope and the microscope... If Newton had never lived, scientific progress might have been held back by a few decades. But only by a few decades. Edmond Halley or Robert Hooke might well have come up with the famous inverse square law of gravity; Gottfried Leibniz actually did invent calculus independently of Newton (and made a better job of it); and Christiaan Huygens's superior wave theory of light was held back by Newton's espousal of the rival particle theory."

The Virtuous Corruption of Virtual Environmental Science - "We are used to hearing that economic interests have corrupted scientific findings, but the possibility that science might be corrupted by noble causes is largely overlooked. This book shows that this danger is real, that values can often lead to poor science, and that we are more likely to accept lower quality science when it lends support to our political preferences. Using the examples of biodiversity and climate science and the attack on Lomborg’s The Skeptical Environmentalist on these two issues, Aynsley Kellow reveals how the reliance of environmental science on mathematical models and the infusion of values into its conduct have produced a preference for virtual over observational data. It argues that both sides of politics are capable of exerting such an influence, but suggests some reasons why those on the political Left seem to be more prone to do so at present, to the detriment of public policy."

A Few Questions for Belle de Jour, Call Girl and Scientist - "Q. Has anything you learned as a call girl proven useful in your life as a scientist?
A. It taught me a lot about being able to talk to a variety of people with different backgrounds and relating to their points of view. Also the value of listening to them instead of rabbiting on about Fact This and Evidence That quite so much. Also, the power of being a decent-looking blond woman in the world. People may not take you seriously at first but they don’t resent your approach. Once the door is cracked open, it’s up to you to show your value as an intelligent person. Leveraging my sexuality to promote my work? You bet."

Fur: Would you rather go naked? Not any longer - "From a line-up that included Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer and Elle Macpherson, only Turlington has stayed true to her word. All the others have, at one time or another, chosen to promote or wear real fur in the intervening years... Leather is a by-product, whereas animals are killed solely for their fur. Can it ever be truly "ethical"? "I don't have a problem with people following their principles, but what bugs me is when people pick and choose," says Lynn. "People are really misinformed about the products they wear. Nobody argues with the pesticides used on cotton plants that will kill wildlife. To think that silk or cotton doesn't do damage to the environment is a lie... Karl Lagerfeld, perennial bete noire of the anti-fur lobby, is unapologetic about using it: "In a meat-eating world, wearing leather for shoes and clothes and even handbags, the discussion of fur is childish"... "I came across a supplier of kangaroo fur from Western Australia where, because of changes to the environment, kangaroo numbers have become far too high in areas and the vegetation has been destroyed, so they have to be culled.""

"There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for." - Fred Hoyle

***

Belle de Jour: 10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009

"She followed the course so often ploughed by girls of our background, proclivities and age: a Women's Studies degree at a respectable-enough university followed by appropriately counter-cultural employment interspersed with periods of living off her moneyed parents. She has ironic items of clothing and names her cats after dead politicians. She not only listened to Nirvana the first time around, but thought they were overhyped poseurs then, too. In other words, she's a hipster. To say my life spun out in an entirely different direction is understating the fact slightly...

[She] makes some baldly ridiculous claims - the idea that before going on a date, you need to spread a man's contact details all over your flat and have a girlfriend ring up the next day to check you aren't maimed or dead being one such conceit...sorry hon, but only hookers do that. Get over yourself...

I was put off straightaway by this sentence, addressed to men:

Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones?

... It amazes me just how casually, and how widespread, the assumption is that men have things easy.

Go on, open a Sunday supplement today. How many pages in before you encounter some polly filler by a female columnist implying men in general (or her man in particular) doesn't pull his weight at home, while she majestically juggles family, work, and the burden of having a vagina which has the audacity to bleed once a month? How many pages before you encounter some self-flagellating male columnist admitting to same?

Let me state for the record that if being a man was easy, hookers wouldn't exist. Fact...

Bottom line, it takes a particular kind of self-consciously middle-class gynecentric view of the world to imagine that the only physical danger men face is in a war zone...

There are elements of male life that, as a woman, I am exempt from. For the most part this is reciprocal: in most situations they will never have a fear of rape. But I almost never enter a room worried about who is sizing me up for fisticuffs

... There are plenty of situations that read as 'Danger!' to men in which I would get a free pass. Because I'm a girl.

And let us not forget that the sort of men who exercise violent dominance over women do not only do that to women."

Dicite, Grammatici, cur mascula nomina cunnus,
Et cur femineum mentula nomen habet?

Sic ego: sic aliquis senior de gente verenda
Retulit, attollens longa supercilia:
Mentula feminei gerit usque negotia sexus;
Inde genus merito vindicat ilia sibi.
Indefessus agit res qui sine fine virorum,
Mascula non temere nomina cunnus habet.


Alternatuvely:

Disce quod a domino nomina servus habet.

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde

***

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

"Dear Madam:

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note :

"Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady."

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." - Mitch Hedberg

***


Quotes:

Pour se détendre... [Me: J'étudie français... ensuite j'ai la stress beaucoup]

How do you know my age? [Me: *points to class register*... Have you heard of the Christmas Cake Theory?...] *annoyed noise* [Me: It's okay. I see a ring.] *annoyed noise*

[On Tom Bombadil] Thank god they didn't show him in the movie, or I'd have died

[On Business Studies] I chose marketing, because you can say whatever you want

[On her babydoll fringe] I went for a talk with International Students and the woman asked, "Is anyone from China?" And she looked at me.

[On 'les deux hommes ont ouvert ses jambes'] At least you're studying beyond the book. [Me: Yeah. Sometimes I sexually harass my friend by sending her French pickup lines.]

[You do something] Avec ton ami, ton frère? [Student: Avec ton frère] You know my brother?

Singapore is a modern country. However there're still things which are very different in France or in Europe... Politically incorrect to put a picture in your resume... No name in your resume, it's just a number... Maybe if I carry African name, there're some people who don't like?... Maybe one day it will come [to Singapore] (have an, won't)

[On Singapore] If you compare with the countries around [the region], yes it's modern. If you compare with other countries it is not modern.

[On speed personality tests with questions asking the same thing in different ways] Your level of genuity (honesty)

Responsable de l'accueil! Pas manager. 'I'm the manager of the reception' 'Wow, how many people?' 'Me only'

[On some people in Singapore] La carte... 'President'. 'Wow!' 'How many people?' 'I'm by myself' (I don't employ anyone)

French people are lazy. I don't exaggerate... Le système en france... Le boulanger. You can make a good living.

Audacieux... some people really go to the edge of what is permitted... When you send your resume to a big company there are many resumes... They send a resume which is pale blue, so in the pile you see a blue line... People who send paper that is not A4. It doesn't fit in the pile... They try everything to be noticed. Some people send musical letters. When you open, 'wah wah wah'

'Vous voulez quoi'? 'You want what'?

Where can you not drink wine? [Student: In the train, in the church]

Elle a eu un an d'anglais à l'école mais elle ne peut pas dire un mot. She studied English for a year at school but she cannot speak a single word. Which is very likely, when you study Engish in France... [Me: At least we can speak a word of French] Very often it's English phobia. You do not want to learn English in France.

He reinstalled the Olympic Games (revived)

All the Latin countries. In Spain they do not want to speak English. In Latin America. In Africa... It was in Bei'gin. The conference was in Chinese and English... All the African delegation[s], being able to speak French but not English, they left. (Beijing)

[On the Olympics] Some countries, they are poor... Tell them: 'Get set, go!' 'Huh? Quoi?'

[On the Youth Olympics] They have to find people who speak French. It is extremely difficult. In August, all the French people are on vacation

[On homework] Pas panique. Some people are empty already.

[On 'oui, je l'ai mangée'] If it is femminin, even if it is avoir, you must add the extra e. [Student: *sotto voce* What the fuck] [Student 2: I knew that was coming]

I foe'cues on the second part (focus)

Comment réussir un interview: un entretien, pardon.

They learn by heart certain expressions, and they say it during the interview... C'est bizarre... Et n'est pas naturel.

If you want to be a manager in France, good luck. A lot of people don't want... it's very hard to move the immovable... [Student: Communist] N'est pas communist... People still shout at the boss... Manage what is unmanageable... They went to bomb the factory, because the trade union find, the agreement is not respected. They already destroyed half of the factory (them, found, was)

In the South of France, à Marseilles, people like to strike for the sake of striking. People find an excuse to strike.

11 or 12 years ago... CISCO. The people who guard the vans went on strike. Within 4 months, people attacked the vans with the bazooka... The people wanted more money... 2 vans. People won't know which one to shoot... Or they shoot both vans... You will explode with the van. They don't find you anymore, they find pieces of you... très violent... Les gangsters... They don't have a knife. They have a rifle. (a)

[On the Paris metro] The gang. They attack you at 1am... They have to find someone to kill. They [the drivers] go on strike. they want more protection. You have to pay the guard... They are wrong or they are right? [are they]

In Singapore, many times I hear people say 'ooh lala'. They sound ridiculous... Oh là là.

Qu'est-ce que c'est - 'ne quittes pas!' *claps hands* [Me: 'Don't dump me']

[On the test] I count on you to come. Not to skip it. Even if you fail, which is not possible, even if you fail, you can still continue.

[On the test] You have an oral. [Student: 1-by-1?] 3-by-3.

[On a test] I prepared a class of 12. Only 3 came. All the 3 didn't know about it. The next week, everyone came. 'I was sick'

Tu joues dans le film?... [Student: J'en fais beaucoup] Tu révé.

[Student: J'aime beaucoup de travail, mais je déteste -] Tu détestes des vacances?

Ever been to France before? [Student: Airport...] The most miserable airport you can imagine in the world.

Don't say 'je fesse' because that is 'my bottom'

[Me: Je veux lire du livre de Jean-Jacques Rousseau] En français? [Me: Oui] Bravo. That is hard, even for me.

Test is unpredictable. [It] Can be anytime. Don't think: 'Today there is a test. I will come late'. It can be at 9:45 [Ed: the class ends at 9:30] *laughs from class* You will not be laughing next time. (A)

How do you say 'rest' in Frence? [Me: Coucher?] Coucher is to have sex.

Tell me what you did during the last holiday. If you didn't do anything, you can lie. I don't care... It's not necessary to copy the sentences in lesson 19. I know them by heart.

You want a break now or a break later? Or no break? [Student: Not very French right] Ah ah!

[On grammar] This is like the rules in Singapore. Don't think, just apply.

[On grammar] The instructor is not a transvestite or bisexual.

Beaucoup. Not boo'koh. Boo'koh is a nice bottom.

[Me: Why is it chercheur and not rechercheur?] I don't know.

In case there are mistakes, one of you will do a striptease... [Student: There's only 1 person they want to see] [Only female: There's nothing to see, really] (if)

How much do you understand? [Student: Soixante pourcent.] [Student 2: Souxante pourcent. [Student 3: Moi aussi] [Me: Soixante-onze pourcent] C'est exact! [Me: Je suis statisticien]

I am pleased to inform you that in a few weeks you will have a test. A real one. 3 hours. [Student: Are you serious?] The teacher is always serious. Otherwise it will be unprofessional... Vous aurez une torture individuelle... If I have a camera now to take the picture (had, a)

'Pourquoi est-ce qu'elle est fatiguée?' [Me: Parce qu'elle a couché à ses amis.] Avec ses amis. [Student: Yuck] Autres raisons? *silence* Everyone wrote the same.

Tu as voyagé seul? [Student: Non] Jamais? [Student: I'm too young]

Tu préferes voyager organisation ou non-organisation? [Me: Non-organisation] Pourquoi? [Me: Je déteste {les} singapouriens... Autres choses? [Me: Ils sont kiasu] Shit, I don't know how to say that in French.

[Me on why Singaporeans like Bangkok: Les femmes sont belles] [Female student:] Les femmes [à singapour] sont belles aussi.

Le cheval... Le lapin. [Student: Yucks] Sorry, but the Chinese eat everything, okay. [Student: In China]

Tu n'est pas végétarien?... [Student: Carnivore] [Student 2: Carnivore] [Me: Omnivore] C'est précis

En france, a certain percentage mange cheval. Pourquoi? [Student: Le beaucoup {de} cheval.] *laughs from students* You stupid lah!... La personne beaucoup de cholestérol. Ne mange du bœuf... Mange le cheval. (Il y a)

Autre réponses? Everyone wrote the same. Fantastique.

[On a listening exercise] Petite dick? Vraiment. Really.

[On Cannes] C'est très très cher... Un café, soixante dollars.

[Student transforming 'on a mange' to past tense: On a se mangé.] You were eaten by cannibals.

Australie?... Masculin? Feminin? Unisexuel? Travesti?

The most important countries in Europe are female. [Student: Important? How do you know what's important?] Is Morrocco big? Is Vatican [City] big? [Student: Vatican? Where's that?]

Pas de logique. Bag. Should be female. It's male. Car. Should be male. It's female... Russian, it's even worse. Masculin, feminin. Et neutre.

[On L'Académie française] If you want to become one of these guys, you have to - how do I say - wait for one of them to die.

[On the second person singular losing the e in l'imperatif] C'est stupide. C'est ridicule. C'est absurde. Mais c'est français. Sorry... Stupidement, ridiculement, français.

Autres choses? Everyone wrote the same thing. Pouvoir la télépathie.

[Me on les conseils donnés aux vacanciers: Ne vous habillez pas à l'extérieur. Habillez vous dans votre chambre.] So you go naked in the streets.

[On someone writing about 'Luc'] Le personne qui parle est un homme ou une femme? [Me: Pas différent]... It depends on your sexual orientation. 'Luc'. She is in love with him. Probablement, c'est une femme.

Où restes tu, en vacances?... [Me: à les rues] Dans les rues.

[On a mistake] Non! Non! Non! [Student: I'm fine. Don't worry about me]

[Student: You're not teaching the next class right?] Unfortunately for you, I think I will continue. You are so unlucky, no?

What happened to you last week? [Student: Err, my girlfriend's birthday]... Merci. [Student: No choice]

[Student: Je me suis réveillée à six heures et demie.] Pour faire l'exercises français?

You look stressed [Student: Okay] I should take a photo of you... If you make a mistake, I [will] just scold you.

[Me: Je me suis reposé] Dans le bureau? [Me: Dans les toilettes] Combien de temps? [Me: Cinq minutes.]

Comment est-ce que vous partez en vacances? [Me: à pied] You will go very far.

[Student on survey results: Ils préfèrent la campagne et détestent - autres] *silence* C'est possible.

99 person't of the time (percent)

[Student on l'imparfait: Isn't yesterday in the past?] Yes. Don't- [Student 2: Think] *whisper* Just apply. Be a good Singaporean. [Student 2: Basket] Shut up.

'Ne vous achetez pas trop de choses.' How do you say [therefore,] give me your money.

[Teacher: Vous préferez partir à Singapour ou à l'étranger pendant vos vacances?] à Singapour! [Teacher: à Tampines?] à ma maison

[On the relief teacher] Her English is worse than my French.

Je déteste dormir mais j'aime coucher.

[Teacher: I want to know why you decided to study French, and not Spanish, or Italian.] Sounds nice

My husband's French. [Teacher: So no choice] So no choice.

[Teacher: Tu fais du sport?... C'est tout?] Huh? [Teacher: C'est tout?] I didn't come last week.

[Teacher: Quelles sont tes loisirs préférer?...] Étudier.

[On his weekend] Coucher. That's correct.

[Teacher on 'en': Tu bois du café?] It's easier to say yes.

[Teacher on vegetables eaten: Autres choses?] Lemon. [Student 2: Kiam cai]

Nous quittons notre appartement; il est trop buyant et très grand. [Teacher: C'est possible. Je préfér] Il est pas assez bruyant.

[Teacher: Any suggestions for the test?] Something simple

[Teacher: Is that alcohol?] I need it for your class.