"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." - Jimmy Demaret

***

Jogjakarta trip
Day 3 - 30th April - Solo, Jogjakarta (Part 2)

The locals didn't seem to sweat much. Probably a combination of their being used to it and their ancestors having been here for millennia.


There was a place called Ayam Goreng called Kentucky. Gah.


The sheep here all look pathetic. It must be too hot.

I saw a place with a sign reading "fotocopy" which was weird - shouldn't it be "fotokopi"?

I just missed my train, so I had 2 hours to kill. I decided to have lunch:


Nasi Rames (with chicken). Fried Chicken, tempeh, ikan bilis and crumbs (?). The old woman serving me used her hand to take the food but I didn't really care, since I'd already done what I came to Jogja to do. In any case, that would build up my system so even Indian Rojak would not be able to kill me.


Stall. Spot the huge lizard in the first picture.

I tried a few lines of Dutch on her, but either I was very bad or she was even worse or she was too young or she hadn't learnt any last time.


How you can see sugar is free here - there was a lot of undissolved sugar at the bottom of my Es Teh. I ordered a second serving which had no sugar, though - maybe the makcik ran out. Or thought I was pre-diabetic.

Though this was only 1 hour by train from Jogja, the signs in the train station were different - the toilet was "kamar mundi" ("kamar kecil" in Jogja) and the mosque "mushola" ("masjid" in Jogja).


At the station, I was intrigued by Intip Goreng - rice formed into the shape of a bowl and deep fried. The makcik at the stall tried to palm one off on me (drizzled with black syrup) for the unbelievable sum of 75,000 Rp (about S$11). I was so scandalised, I gasped and stormed off. Immediately, she offered it to me at 5,000 Rp, which was still overpriced, but I said alright. This incident only confirmed my observation that everybody in Indonesia was a cheat when it came to money - I wouldn't be surprised if I was ripped off at 75% of non-signboarded places, but usually I had no energy or saliva to bargain.


Es Soda Gembira - carbonated bandung. Which, as expected, was very sweet.

When my train pulled up to Solo station early, I rushed for it like everyone else and left the Intip Goreng behind in the process. After it pulled out 15 minutes early, I discovered that it was making a loop, and after stopping at another station it soon returned to Solo (I didn't get my Intip Goreng for fear of missing the train, and anyway it had probably been stolen already). Perhaps everyone else was kiasu and wanted a seat. The fact that the lights were turned off for a while (possibly to save power) didn't seem to deter them.


Weird music to announce the train's departure - they used the Big Ben music. Het Wilhelmus would've been more appropriate.

I was surprised that the trains ran on time. Thank god Indonesia had not been an Italian colony. I would investigate further, but I don't think Abyssinia is a particularly fun place to visit and anyway camels might be more reliable there than trains.


Train on the way back. "Business class" had all hard seats, and one woman was sitting on (and crushing) her vegetables. At least they didn't have anemic rotating fans like in the morning but vents in the ceiling.

Train tickets were tied to the train, which was stupid, since reserving seats was not possible.

I was wondering why there were no garbage bins on Javanese trains - until I saw 2 guys throwing their drink cups out of the window.

The Indonesians I talked to thought I was a student - perhaps because I was frugal.

At one station a sign translated "musholla" into English as "mushalla". Great.

Some jokers (even women in tudungs) were wearing jackets which were zipped up. Maybe it's the modern equivalent of wearing a hair shirt.

Back in Jogja:


You've heard of nipple slips - this is a loincloth slip.


I was a bit hungry so I inspected the street food again. The brown satay was something starting with "bar" but I was not adventurous enough to try mystery meat. Nor did I want chicken intestines so I settled for pisang goreng and a fried bread ball. I asked how much it was and thought I heard "12", but it was "dua" so I was lucky.


Bun with what is probably Gula Jawa (Gula Melaka) in it.


The Last Supper

I also stopped in a convenience store:


Dutch Lady is around after all.


Local Root Beer. Maybe A&W was being paranoid, or locals don't give foreign brands the benefit of the doubt. This 'The Groovy Taste' Rasa Root Beer was awful - before the root beer taste hits you, the bitter taste of tonic water does.


"Silikon Kondom HP"


"Hotel Pantes". CWN also thought it was something else at first.


I don't know why I took this

We then went to the shopping centre again and looked in the bookstore.


Probably the first time I've seen a price tag marked up


Female Delusion: "The definitive guide to deciphering 'manspeak': What Men Say, What Women Hear." I think the fact that women get so confused says more about women than men. Indeed, this is hinted at by one line in the blurb: "Why do we ever ask 'Does my bum look big in this?' when no answer on the face of this planet is ever correct?"

I was very surprised to find a copy of "God is not Great" on sale, as monotheism is one essential component of Pancasila. It's probably banned in Malaysia.


"Sufi: Solutions to World's Problems"
Another haram book: sufi is banned in Malaysia!

The blurb of the book above is very cunning - what seems to be praise for the book are actually words about the author, and they aren't even genuine praise:

""Your presence, and that of Maya and Liny (author's two colleagues accompanying him for the conference), made all the difference. Everyone seems to be happy with the outcome." - H.E. Ambassador Kesavapany, Director (sic) Institute of South East Asian Studies, Singapore

"We really enjoyed your participation." - Dr. Farid Alatas. Associate Prof. and Head, Dept. of Malay Studies National University of Singapore"


Evidence of the unpadded bras on sale in Jogja

We then went for dinner by the road side again.


Menu


Es Tape (tapioca). This was disgusting and tasted like diluted juice gone bad. The green bits at the bottom were like styrofoam.

Satay cost 17,000 Rp, which worked out to more than 50 cents a stick. This must be the night market premium, but it's still ridiculous. Almost everyone eating by the roadside was local - where do they get the money?! Incidentally we didn't see any ang mohs eating street food - maybe they don't trust push cart or fly-by-night places. Then again, they can afford restaurants.


Sate Kambing. Even at >50 cents a stick, half of it was offal!


Sate Udang


Nasi Goreng Istimewa. This was really bagus.
CWN: "The tastiest thing I've had in Indonesia so far, on the trip. Of course, nothing beats babi panggang... but we're on the wrong island"


Bebek Bakar. As with other local style meat, this was ridiculously tough. In fact, the only meat I'd eaten that wasn't tough was Ayam Goreng Kentucky (i.e. breaded).


Dinner at the road side


Band. I was surprised because they went beyond the usual guitars (see the violin, double bass and drum set). Too bad there was no collection box or I'd have given 1,000 Rp - I was really impressed.


I liked the design of this frontage.


After dinner, we went to Angkringan, this road where local bloggers apparently hang out (and side by the road side). Presumably there's wi-fi there, but I didn't see any laptops.


Truck with lots of water bottles.


Angkringan street scene

There were enough people at Angkringan for there to be people directing traffic.


CWN had kopi joss - coffee with a piece of charcoal inside. Local superstition has it that this reduces the caffeine level. CWN said it tasted the same.


Street kid. Just seconds before she picked up a squashed cockroach and flung it away. Ugh.


Flower. I liked this.


Haram!


"Friendly Atmosphere". I love places which have to advertise these things.


"Areal Becak" (their rest area, presumably)


Dodgy-looking drink.


Guava is called Jambu here.


Borobodur and Prambanan bread. Wth.


"Sutra. 12 Kondom impor". Uhh... And it's licensed from a company in North Carolina.


"Bear Brand. Ready to Drink Milk"


PALM OIL

Fiddling with the hot water in my room shower brought me back to my titration days - outside of a very fine range the water was either extremely hot or super cold. The toilet also leaked through the day, but Indonesia has lots of water so it's okay.


Quotes:

[Me: Ooh, you use your left hand {to eat}. How sneaky] I wipe my ass with my right hand.

[On Angkringan] Why do bloggers meet here? There's no wi-fi right

I've learnt from my days in green that cigarettes are very good for driving away most things. Including horny guys.

"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation." - Bertrand Russell

***

The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness - "By many objective measures the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. The paradox of women's declining relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and industrialized countries. Relative declines in female happiness have eroded a gender gap in happiness in which women in the 1970s typically reported higher subjective well-being than did men. These declines have continued and a new gender gap is emerging -- one with higher subjective well-being for men... the changes brought about through the women's movement may have decreased women's happiness. The increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions may have led to an increased likelihood of believing that one's life is not measuring up. Similarly, women may now compare their lives to a broader group, including men, and find their lives more likely to come up short in this assessment. Or women may simply find the complexity and increased pressure in their modern lives to have come at the cost of happiness."

Body art. Literally - "An American artist has spent the past 20 years making sculptures out of human skin, and is to exhibit his work in public in the UK for the first time later this year... Using skins from white men who donated their bodies to medical science, he has created freak versions of mundane items including flags, boots and maps of America – in effect using skin like leather. His work, he says, is a commentary on human cruelty and America's ethics and morality... Gallery owner Robert Devcic said Krasnow uses only white skin because much of the suffering in the Americas has been caused by white people. "He uses skin to make the point that suffering is universal," he said. "It is tanned using the same process that you'd use for an animal skin.""
Not only are white men evil, their skins can be used for 'science'

Manic Pixie Dream Girls Are The Scourge Of Modern Cinema - "The always-relevant Onion A.V. Club has coined a term for the type of movie girl-woman whom we've long despised: the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. The A.V. Club defines the MPDG as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures." Our own Sadie had a fantastic rant about this particular kind of flighty creature, whom she termed "Amazing Girls," or, ideal muses whose beauty, sweetness and gentle, studied eccentricity renders them entirely docile... As the A.V. Club deftly notes, "Like the Magical Negro, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype is largely defined by secondary status and lack of an inner life. She's on hand to lift a gloomy male protagonist out of the doldrums, not to pursue her own happiness.""

Moving Beyond Bias - "We justify the rhetorical contortions that excuse black people from challenging examinations; in the end, it is based on a tacit sense that such things are antithetical to black authenticity, that it is somehow untoward to require this kind of concentrated scholarly exertion on black people. It is the grown-up version of what Barack Obama termed in his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention "the slander that says that if a black youth walks around with a book in his hand he's acting white." "I sit with Shakespeare and he winces not," W.E.B. Du Bois wrote in 1903. A century later, the International Association of Professional Black Firefighters tells us, "Cognitive examinations have an adverse effect upon blacks and other minorities."... Imagine Du Bois listening to a rep from the black firefighters' association now sneering that the promotion test merely measures "the ability to read and retain"--i.e. engage in higher-level thinking processes! O tempora, o mores."

Ethnic profiling doesn't stop terror - "In a study released on Tuesday, the Open Society Institute -- a think tank and democracy-promotion organization funded by billionaire George Soros -- argues that racial profiling of Muslims is essentially a public relations tool designed to make people feel safer in the immediate aftermath of a terror attack... The report, titled "Ethnic Profiling in the European Union," argues that profiling is both ineffective and counterproductive, pointing out that "stops and searches conducted under counterterrorism powers in Europe have produced few charges on terrorism offenses and no terrorism convictions to date." At the same time, targeting specific communities alienates them, "contributing to a growing sense of marginalization in minority and immigrant communities.""
The study is slightly misspecified: stopping people randomly, period, does not stop terrorism. Intelligence does.

On Jacob Zuma, Iraq, Croatia, home ownership, Somali pirates, education, Greece, Machiavelli, economics - "An enduring lesson of financial crises, you point out, is that “political constraints interfere with economically efficient solutions” (“The curse of politics”, April 18th). But who is to blame that “academic economists often proposed solutions that glossed over real-world political and legal obstacles”? This is, once again, the proclivity of a profession that has long left the real world for mathematical niceties in ever more intricate models. I would thus propose an alternative title to your article: “the curse of economics.”"

nasubi - "Nippon Television's (NTV) producers have obviously never heard of the Geneva Convention. If they had, they wouldn't have treated poor Nasubi the way they did. They wouldn't have stripped him naked and shut him in an apartment, alone with no food, furniture, household goods, or entertainment. They wouldn't have kept him there for over a year until he had won $10 000 in prizes by sending in postcards to contests. They wouldn't have cut him off from the world and they would have told him that he was on nation-wide TV."

PornOrchestra: radical reinterpretation of pornographic film scores - "The PornOrchestra is an attempt to radically reinterpret the soundtrack to pornographic film. This complicated genre has taken its share of scorn: from adult film producers who refuse to pay it any mind to legions of consumers who instinctively snap the sound off after pressing Play."

100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]

Batteries Feel Included: 309. Easy Solutions #1 - "So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway. What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard... Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:
a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future...
There will be three possible outcomes:
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting."

Free boob jobs offered to nurses at Prague clinic

find last.fm very-far-away-neighbours - "interesting option to waste some time is listening to last.fm-libraries of users having more or less an opposite taste than yourself. sadly, while last.fm's so called neighbour finding options are quite great, it lacks a decent search for users who do not share your taste at all. this gap is now closed, just enter your last.fm username below and you should be able to find several more or less randomly selected users which all have one thing in common: they listen to almost completely different music than you do :)"

Hottie Ann' - "My name is Ann, I'm a 22 yo' woman in Singapore. Currently I am looking for work as a secretary at an office building. :)... I am a kind woman who is looking for a man that would give me some good experience…My name is Ann, I am GENUINE european girl, half german-half czech. I am open minded girl and consider myself attractive.. I like this Internet thing. I have posted some pics, I hope you will like them"
Like PopCap, this is another site that does IP targetting. I am amused.

I Will Have To Visit Singapore Someday… - "I have always heard stories about this sort of thing in Southeast Asia, but never have I seen the proof!"
Raffles Hotel sold Sluts for 6.25 each in 2003 (not including 10% service charge, 1% cess or 4% GST

Made-to-order playmaids - "What the middle-age lady wanted was to be introduced to a Singaporean man who was a widower or a divorcee of any age, who could do with a live-in companion. For S$300 a month, she would move in with him as a part-time mistress and home minder... It’s mutually beneficial, since the man could have a companion-cum-domestic help at half the cost of a full-time maid (plus levy). No contract, no marriage, no legal complications! It is temporary and no notice of termination is needed. “Just say goodbye and pack your bags’” she said... “These are lonely men whose wife has died or who are divorced, and their married children long gone, so the companionship is as important as the sex,” said one agent. It is useful to eliminate the risk of lonely, vulnerable men being cheated by a foreign spouse... The tidal wave of arrivals in recent years – especially the women – has brought about tremendous social changes to this small island that are both good and bad. It has added to a vibrancy never experienced before, but it has also created social friction among the locals, including family break-ups. Their number is unknown. According to Tian Fu Club, a clan association formed by the mainlanders here, 300,000-400,000 Chinese have become citizens or permanent residents here."
Interestingly, the men are the ones who are vulnerable in this narrative.

"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office." - H. L. Mencken

***

The Magic Flute
Impempe Yomlingo
Victoria Theatre, 30th May

Though Die Zauberflöte is my favourite opera, I've never actually seen it staged live. I was also curious to see what South African twist this production - a reimagining of Die Zauberflöte in a South African context and using South African instruments and musical traditions - would put on it, and if it would work.

In sum, it didn't.

Orchestration

The orchestration on marimbas and African drums did not produce a sound that could carry, even in the small Victoria Theatre (I was at the back of the Stalls - those in the Circle must've had it worse). Marimbas also cannot do running notes, so to ameliorate this problem (and to flesh out the rather bare orchestration) at many points the ensemble vocalised which didn't always work, not least when it obscured the singing of major characters.

Meanwhile, not only were the delicate flute and ringing glockenspiel replaced by a trumpet and what looked like metal jars filled with water respectively, many of the passages written for them (and for Papageno's pipes) were replaced by new phrases which ranged from insipid to awful.

Worse, the operatic style of singing that many of the singers were trying to affect (partially or mostly, and successfully or unsuccessfully) simply did not mesh with the sound of the instruments.

Although the vocal lines of the main characters were relatively untouched, in Zum Ziele führt dich diese Bahn, one Spirit sang the original lines layered on top of the other 2 (and some ensemble members) affecting a gospel stance, which was jarring.

Most disastrous of all, the harsh sound of the marimbas and drums (and worse, the hoots and racuous singing from the ensemble - see below) simply didn't work with songs meant to be tender, like Dies Bildnis Ist Bezaubernd Schon (though with faster-paced and more energetic ones like Schnelle Füße, rascher Mut, it did).

Singing

While most of the singers were at least decent, Pauline Malefane's Queen of the Night was a severe letdown. O Zittre Nicht had the messiest running notes I'd ever heard from a professional or amateur, at a performance or at a rehearsal, with her not only slurring them but trailing behind the orchestration.

Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen was even worse. The arranger seemed to have realised that the marimba ruined this aria, but even the minimal marimba orchestration took the menace out of the aria. With worse-than-skeletal orchestral support, she then went out of tune (even though it sounded like it'd been toned down already). Coupled with her voice lacking the necessary power, she sounded more pathetic than commanding or menacing.

Luckily, Sarastro ("Simphiwe Mayeki or Sebastian Zokoza") had a solid bass, and Papageno ("Zamile Gantana or Phumzile Theo Magongoma or Lizo Tshaka") was good as well, with mischief in his voice (though he could've injected more).

Tamino ("Mhlekazi Andy Mosiea or Sonwabo Ntshata") had a thin voice, but he was adequate, though occasionally getting derailed at the high notes.

Dancing

What was presumably South African dance was injected into many parts of the performance. When the ensemble was cheering "Sarastro Vive!", I too let out a whoop of encouragement.

All this energetic dancing was an interesting touch, and enhanced the impact of scenes like Die Strahlen Der Sonne, but it wasn't always appropriate (as when one woman jived on the balcony at the end of Dies Bildnis; on a side note, it can get very distracting when people jiggle too vigorously).

In fact, it downright ruined some parts, as during Bei Männern, welche Liebe fühlen, when the ensemble's tolerable soft clapping was joined by their singing and soon descended into the banging of drums and their whistling, ululating, dancing and waving their hands in the air; or at the end of Act I and the start of Act II, with energetic dances not befiting the gravitas of a Masonic ritual (presumably the Masons have a branch in South Africa too, and anyway the virtues of Tolerance, Justice and Truth are universal; the Priests were bowing their heads while the racket was going on around them, so at least they understand the meaning of solemnity).

While the production's energy was undoubtable, energy in and of itself does not always work. Even bacon is bad if used in desserts (or most desserts, anyway).

Staging

The set was very simple, with virtually no backdrop and touches reminiscent of school plays, like words on cloth reading "Sarastro's Place". Though simple, it served its purpose, and also fitted the stripped-down orchestration.

Little material seemed to have been cut; the only cut aria I could identify was Alles fühlt der Liebe Freuden. Whether it was to further villify Monostatos, who was painted very unsympathetically, or in the interests of time, I do not know. They also cut the scene where Papageno meets Papagena for the first time, which makes his delight at finding her later on puzzling (and makes him look even more desperate than he already is).

The opera was transferred to the South African context quite effectively, with the 3 ladies' weapons being sharpened wooden sticks and Sarastro being clad in white robes I'd imagine village headmen wear. However, in the Ordeal of Fire and Water, Pamina and Tamino are annointed with white face paint, have white towels placed around their shoulders. They then enter a trapdoor out of which smoke is pouring and later have to be pulled from it, unconscious. This makes them look like customers at a health spa who enter a steam room, only to be overcome by the heat.

Miscellaneous

It struck me that the cast was much less racially diverse than the South African rugby team (in fact, it appeared to be the same as that of Bafana Bafana), but I doubt anyone is complaining.

The egalitarianism of the company was also interesting, with even major characters (and the director!) taking turns to play instruments. They looked like they had a lot of fun playing.

Before each act, the cast members milled around on stage talking to each other. This made it look like a market scene.

The use of languages other than English (presumably South African ones) added touches of authenticity (so to speak), but surtitles would have been nice.

O Isis und Osiris became "our ancestors". But Isis and Osiris are African what!

Conclusion

All its flaws notwithstanding, The Magic Flute was popular with the audience, probably for its sheer novelty and energy. The various audience-pleasing touches didn't hurt, with one neon sign reading "The Spirits" and another in the shape of a crescent moon; putting the 3 Spirits in pink nightdresse with teddy bears; and at another time, dressing the 3 Spirits as ladies in neatly cut dresses with handbags.

Then again, most of the audience was probably clueless, as everyone clapped at the end of the Overture's exposition (or maybe they were polite - as at atrociously bad SSO concerts).

While The Magic Flute was a good experience and was interesting, I will treat it like seal meat - once is enough, and I wouldn't go back for seconds.