"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it." - Leo Rosten

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For some reason I can't find a full transcript of this online:


Chuck Berry - My Ding-A-Ling (Full Version) (from "The London Sessions"), 1972

"Well in that case. It gives us one more to do, in that case we got to- *cries from audience*

We got to do our Alma Mater, we must do our Alma Mater. And our Alma Mater - oh yeah, our Alma Mater is a fourth-grade ditty and it's very cute, I learnt it in the fifth, I was a little behind. But it's a beautiful song of togetherness, and when I say togetherness, believe me, I do mean togetherness. If it wasn't for togetherness I wouldn't be here tonight, really. Oh yeah! *cries from audience*

And if it wasn't for togetherness, none of the rest of you would be here tonight - oh yeah! *cries from audience*

Well now this also happens to be a sexy song, and there's nothing wrong with sex, not a thing wrong with sex, nothing wrong with sex, nothing wrong with sex! *cries from audience* Sex is a beautiful thing - it's honourable and it's lovable. My father is a Baptist Minister. He taught us. He told us: 'Son, there's nothing wrong with sex, it's just the way that you handle it, you see'. Oh yeah! *cries from audience*

So, now, the reason it's a sexy song is because the girls have one part and the boys have the other. Very simple. Now we gonna teach the boys their part first, cos they only have one part. See. Oh yeah! No no, I gotta hold the pick with these two fingers. This the only one I got to work with. Okay. Now, it happens to be in E-flat and it's not a rock-and-roll number, so we have to turn our boxes down a little bit, because it's real sweet and groooovy, wow is it groovy.

Okay fellas now here's what you do. Now I'll sing the girls' part and when I lean this way, you come in with your part. Now here's the way it goes. The girls say: "My..." and the boys say "Ding-a-ling". See? That's right. That's right. And then girls say: "My..." then the boys say "Ding-a-ling". You notice how the boys' part starts riiiiising right there? And then the girls say: "I want you to play with my..." and the boys say "Ding-a-ling".

Okay. Alright? Alright? Alright? *cries from audience*

Okay. Okay now. Alright when I lean over this way, fellas, we want you to come in real strong with your ding-a-lings, hear? Okay, here we go: "Oh...". I'm gonna sing the girls' part here, when I lean down this way.

"Oh... My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"
"Oh, my"
"Ding-a-ling"
"Oh, my"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"

Girls! Girls, the boys got their part ready. The boys got their part ready, honey. Yes ma'am. Yes ma'am, they are ready! *cries from audience* The boys got their part ready. Did you hear how they were standing out there? Oh yeah. Okay now girls, now you can't let the boys out, do you? We want you- I want you to sing in your part. We want you to put your part around the boys' part so we can get all all these parts together. Alright. Okay. Okay girls, okay. When I lean out this way, you sing what I was singing, and now this way, fellas, be sure to get your ding-a-lings in there. Okay, here we go.

"Oh... My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"

Ooh, that was fairly good. That was fairly good. But you know there was about six girls down here taking care of all em ding-a-lings out there. You know, that's too much. That's too much for 6 girls. That's too much. We need more girls. Cos them were some strong ding-a-lings over in here, yeah. We need more girls to sing. Now c'mon girls, now open your mouth, now here and get it, c'mon c'mon. Oh. Oh oh. Naw naw naw naw. Oh naw naw naw, now come on.

"Oh... My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"My"
"Ding-a-ling"
"I want you to play with my"
"Ding-a-ling"

That was beautiful. Had about 58 girls singing here, yeah. Wait till we get along the fifth verse, all the girls will be singing. I told you it was a fourth grade number, is a cute little song too.

*Sings*
When I was a little bitty boy
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy
Silver bells hangin' on a string
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling

Chorus (sung by audience)
Oh, my
Ding-a-ling
My
Ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my
Ding-a-ling
My
Ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my
Ding-a-ling

*Spoken*
Beautiful, beautiful, that's what I call togetherness. Mmm.

*Sung*
You know,
Then Momma took me to Sunday School
They tried to teach me the Golden Rule
Every time the choir would sing
I'd take out my ding-a-ling-a-ling

*Chorus*

*Spoken*
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful, really. You know, it never fails, it never fails. Guess where the strongest manners are? Right over in here. Guess where the strongest ding-a-lings are - right behind, another room. Beautiful, beautiful.

*Sung*
Mmm,
And then Momma took me to Grammar School
But I stopped off in the vestibule
Every time that bell would ring
Catch me playin' with my ding-a-ling-a-ling

*Chorus*

*Spoken*
That is beautiful. You know what I heard, I heard, I hear 2 girls over here singing in harmony. That's alright, Honey. This is a free country - live like you wanna live, baby. Yeah. Ain't nobody gonna knock you darling. Mmm mmm. Yeah, freedom. Yessir, there's one guy over here singing "my" too. That's alright, brother. That's alright, you got a right, baby. Ain't nobody gonna bother you.

*Sung*
Once I was climbing the garden wall
I slipped and had a terrible fall
I fell so hard I heard bells ring
But held on to my ding-a-ling-a-ling

*Chorus*

*Spoken*
Mmm, fellas, let's give the girls credit now. Don't they have a beautiful passage here? In the song, in the song, in the song, in the song.

*Sung*
Mmm,
I remember the girl next door
We used to play house on the kitchen floor
She'd be the Queen, I'd be the King
And I'd let her play with my ding-a-ling-a-ling

*Chorus*

*Spoken*
We got about 500 girls singing now, I'll tell you. You know that's future Parliament out there singing? Future government, really, of England, out there singing. And I'll be glad when you get in office and change a few things. Oh yeah! *cry from audience*

*Sung*
Mmm,
Once I was swimming 'cross Turtle creek
Man them snappers all around my feet
Shure was hard swimming cross that thing
With both hands holdin' my ding-a-*trails off*

*Chorus*

*Sung*
Girl downstairs she's so big and bold
Grandma warn me she is too old
Used to take me swinging in the schoolyard swing
Swing down and take my ding-a-ling-a-ling

*Chorus*

*Spoken*
That's so beautiful, I think it's a beautiful little song, really I do. And guess what? Everybody's still not singing there's a few right down front here who's not singing. We're gonna dedicate this verse to those who will not sing. Yessir. And we're gonna ask the spotlights when we get ready to sing the verse, to look around for those who aren't singing. So here goes to those who will not sing.

*Sung*
Mmm,
This here song it ain't so sad
The cutest little song you ever had
Those of you who will not sing
You must be playin' with your own ding-a-ling

*Chorus*

Nah nah nah
Oh your ding-a-ling
Your ding-a-ling
We saw you playing with your ding-*trails off*
Oh, my ding-a-ling
Everybody sing
I want to play with my ding-
Everybody - my
Oh, my
I wanna play - everybody
with my ding-a-ling


Interestingly enough, the girls actually kept to the melody, while the guys just shouted their line (figures).

And I was even more behind - I learnt it in the seventh grade, and a corrupted version at that. Boo.