To pre-empt possible complaints from Johnny Malkavian, among others, I am splitting this blog post into two - the quotes are separated from the rest of the post.

You may view the rest of the post here.

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Quotes:

Some of you are asking me for my instructor's manual... As the book suggests, the instructor's manual is for the instructor. (book's name)

Economics have a long tradition (has)

Each firm's treats the output of the competitors (firm)

You have 3 of these equilibriums (equilibria)

[On the break] Alright. Come back in 1 minute.

[On the caption for a NUS dance group in a commemorative video] 'With their feisty opening number'. 'With their slutty opening number', more like.

[On deadlines] The usual loose interpretation of 'midnight' that we have in this class.

[On a survey answered using scrap paper] In reality, it's just a survey by the paper industry to find out what paper students use.

[On asking questions after a survey] No opinion? Brainpower has been used on the 5 points. It's going to be sleeping for the rest of the 2 hours. 'I've done my job. I've given the 5 points.'

[On defining what's alive - respiration, metabolism, movement, reproduction etc] That definition - the 7 categories. That's for a biology textbook. But in reality it's complete nonsense.

[On someone using a handout for scrap] Wah! Leftover paper from the lab. *Tragically* You're not supposed to recycle it till next semester.

[On people fearing the cessations of their consciousnesses] If we were thinking with our gonads I'd think we'd be less concerned with death.

Most of the dust in your home is actually dead skin cells. And the dust mites feed on it. *starts then stops video* How's your lunch there?

[Video: Very little of your body is more than 10 years old.'] So the next time someone asks you how old you are you can tell them 10 years old, and you'd be mostly right.

[On copying problems being responsible for senescence and skin and gut cells being replaced very often] This is the kind of nonsense you get from medicine students... Most people I know who died did not die of skin problems.

[Professor: What's the function of testosterone?] Makes you horny.

If you lower the testosterone level or raise the estrogen level, you get feminised males. [Student: But they live longer.] I don't think anyone has tried that.

All sigh murs (Alzheimer's)

Which country has [a] comparative advantage in producing chips? Obviously Chipland.

There was this article which I was just read (reading)

mer'cantle'lism (mercantilism)

[On Concorde's ad celebrating its failure and withdrawal] Retiring after 28 years - a success. But actually it was a failure.

They boycotted the import of tuna from Mexico (banned)

A Korean farmer went all the way there to commit suicide, to Cancun.

[On Singapore's stand on free trade] What is Singapore's stand on this? Singapore is all things to all people.

Everybody else? Notice I didn't say 'anybody else', I said 'everybody else'.

Eh nax (annex)

[Professor: Is 'atman' the fourth state of reality?] Atman is not the author?

[On library skills] You can go to the library and have a 2 hour lecture. And it's ex... This way is better.

[Me on a random essay topic: 'What is truth?'] No, that's too broad. I'll make up a topic. 'What is the effect of watching too much Power Rangers on USP students?' [Student: They write good critical thinking papers]... 'What is the effect of watching too much Power Rangers on the Writing and Critical Thinking skills of USP students?'

You go down to the 'DS' shelf, which is probably before the 'DT' and after the 'DR'. *chuckles from audience* It's 2 hours! That's why we shortened it.

[On anal citation formats] This is to teach you how to follow arbitrary rules. [The skill of] Which will serve you will in life.

[On citations] Think like a computer. Do what you're told and only what you're told.

[On grading] It's not how much I like you. You'd all get an A if it's how much I like you.

It's important that you don't do this. *opens essay* B! *throws away essay* Don't do that. Or don't do that in front of me. I already have rashes. Don't stress me out.

[On essay returns] There are comments at the bottom and comments throughout. I have no life. I just do this.

We're almost done... 3 more classes... No one's said: "But we won't see you anymore Dr ***!"

Singapore adopted the Westministerial system of government on independence (Westminsterial)

True an unaccountable, dishonest government. (through)

[On JBJ] I wrote to him. We became quite good friends. I invited him to my birthday party, and things like that.

[On joining an opposition party] Reactions from kin and friends: my parents were very calm... My friends called me to dinner... 'Have you sorted out your assets? Have you done your tax returns? Are there any skeletons in your closet?'

Everytime the MPs are sworn in, they swear to protect and defend the Constitution. Considering the number of amendments you tend to wonder about this.

Although I may not look it, but I am part of the revival... Yesterday was my 40th birthday. It was kinda depressing, but today it's okay again. (I)

[On coverage of the opposition] Every now and then you will see some okay news in the media. Sometimes even something positive.

[On asking questions of ministers in parliament] Sometimes they can't answer, so it's very satisfying.

[On the elctorate] They should be thanking the opposition for the goodies right? No elections, no goodies.

[On reasons to join the opposition] I think 'die with [a] clear conscience' is quite self-explanatory.

[On reasons to join the opposition] I hope you can see why some of us have chosen to get involved. We are not crazy.

Our usherers, who are located on either side of the lecture theatre. (ushers)

[On the short timing of the 2001 elections] The last election was at a time of great urgency. As Mr Wong Kan Seng pointed out, we needed to act fast - that fast?

We don't know when the next election will be... It could be next month - you know the way things are here.

[On JBJ] I don't think any of us can claim to have gone through the suffering that he has gone through.

the party carders (cadres)

[Student: Do you a foresee a change of government in your lifetime?] How long will I live?

What we envihsage (envisage)

Many countries have grappled with the problem of minority representation, and I'm not sure, I don't think any one of them has chosen the GRC system to entrench that... I don't know any other countries use the GRC system. (correct for)

I think Singaporeans are apathetic to politics. For 2 years I stay in Singapore I do not see any demonstrations. (I have lived)

Some of you: the only way you know who your MP is is when they hang a banner outside your house with someone's face: So and so wishes you a happy new year.

[On cutting business costs] They always look at the worker as the first source of cutting.

[On being chided by the Powers That Be] '*** is only in her early 30s' - it was wrong - 'she doesn't understand'

The say'krer'sea of the vote itself (sacred-cy - the right word is 'sanctity')

I would also like to take this op'pour'tchoo'nity... without further adue (opportunity, ado)

We should start with chickens. Chickens are really dumb... Pigeons are really dumb. All they can do is shit. It actually turns out that they are art connoisseurs. They can distinguish between a Monet and a Picasso.

[On some claims for animal cognition] If you see some of the researchers - they're so intrigued by their animals that I don't quite believe them.

[On Bonobos] Pacman is something that they are very good at. They like Pacman.

Tee'toe'ler (Teetotaler)

[On a woman in a video who kept cheering her chimps on from when they were young] This is a very annoying woman... What a traumatic childhood.

[On evolutionary psychologists' theories on most artists being males in their reproductively active years] This is what they say, which often gets them into trouble.

[On evolutionary psychology's explanations] Funeral music... No one composes that to attract mates... Philosophy is a different issue altogether. No one uses philosophy to attract mates.

If you're a boyband, it will give you a lot of access to females. It's not theoretical. There's a lot of evidence for this phenomenon.

[On rhesus monkeys paying with fruit juice to see female genitalia] That's something like an innate interest in pornography.

The first question is how to define language. Since we have lots of English Language Majors we can get a better understanding of that.

[On Kanzi, the smart Bonobo] Since he gets a reward everytime he does something right, he's very fat.

60% of talking is social interaction [as opposed to 'useful' information exchange] - gossiping. So if I want to teach 2 hours of *** I need to talk for 6 hours (5)

[On Boys don't Cry] It wasn't very entertaining. [Me: It's not meant to be entertaining. You mean moving... Maybe you're not easily moved.] Are you kidding? I cry at commercials.

Plair'toe (Plato)

[On why we use Greek letters for population statistics and Roman letters for sample statistics] The Romans conquered their Empire, so the Greeks became the population and the Romans became the sample (?!)

I know some students I see in tutorial classes: I never see their faces in lectures, even though I peer here and there.

Pearson's Correlation Coefficient. Which Pearson? Are you interested to know? *silence from audience*

Although in last year's exam paper, I convinced students that playing 4D is futile.