Viking 1: "What's our motto?"
Viking 2: "Rape, pillage, burn!"
Viking 1: "Yes. In that order."
Viking 2: "Oh."
*Viking 2 raping skeleton in a burning house*
This caused a lot of butthurt on Pixie and Brutus (the post has since been deleted), which inspired Renson to write a "Monty Python like skit of PG friendly Vikings":
(Scene: Viking climbs assault ladder and meets an enemy soldier on the town's wall)
Viking: Argh! I'm here to pillage and burn your village. Part of that involves burying my axe in your gut!
Settler: Wait a second. Let me take my helmet off. I'm a woman, as you can see.
Viking: Argh! Doesn't matter. I'm an equal opportunity axe killer. Women can certainly bear arms and fight as equals. Equal strokes for equal folks!
Settler: What did you just say? Strokes?!
Viking: Strokes being axe strokes I mean. No innuendo intended. Sorry.
Settler: Alright I believe you.
Viking: That's a relief. Let's get back to the pillaging and burning?
Settler: Alright. But we've a complication. You see, you are below me on that ladder, and you are thrusting your axe up at my belly. Think of the angles.
Viking: I don't see how... Oh oh! That's dreadful!
Settler: Yes. That would count as penetration with a foreign object. Which in many legal jurisdictions counts as rape.
Viking: and we certainly don't do that! We only pillage and burn and shove big metal objects into innocent people. We don't force our sexual organs into orifices evolved to take exactly those organs because this is clearly the worse thing you can do to someone. Worse than leaving them gutted and screaming with their intestines out.
Settler: You done? The details are upsetting me.
Viking: Sorry! I should have led with a trigger warning.
Settler: You're forgiven. Now where were we.
Viking: I was hoping you might be nice enough to move back a little so that I can climb up and use an overhead axe strike instead. That way my axe can land in your head, and we can totally avoid any sexual innuendo that might result from me thrusting my weapon up from below...
Settler: You're doing that with the details again.
Viking: Sorry! This is a learning experience for me. I just want to make sure that my future descendants can honestly say we only pillaged and burned, and certainly never raped.
Settler: I see. So I assume this means my genetic bloodline ends here instead of carrying on by becoming one of your forced wives?
Viking: yes I'm afraid so. We don't rape. Period.
Settler: Well then. Let's not disappoint the future. (Steps back to allow the Viking to climb up the ladder)
Viking: Thanks! (Climbs up and buries his axe in the Settler's head, who falls down dead).
Vikings! We've taken the wall! Onwards! Pillage! Burn! But certainly don't rape!
