Since Halloween is over, I've seen so many posts and reels of friends and influencers decorating for Christmas and being gleeful about beginning to listen to Christmas music. So many captions involving some form of "Tis the Season!" sentiment. So, earlier than ever, guess it's time for my non-Christian PSA to all of American society:
There is no such thing as Secular Christmas. No one who actively observes a religion other than Christianity is persuaded by clever points that Christmas trees and Santa Clause and candlemas all allegedly derived from Pagan celebrations (nor does it make those of us who aren't pagan want to adopt those holidays). Christmas is not an "American" holiday, nor are Christmas traditions part of Americana in anything other than a display of Christian privilege and exclusionary behavior/mindset.
Calling something a "Holiday Party," or "Holiday Celebration" and decorating with trees, candy canes, snow flakes, nutcrackers, etc. -- it's not secular and it's not non-denominational. Further, although this year Hanukkah happens to occur at the same time as Christmas--some years it happens during Thanksgiving, so putting a Menorah up at a "Holiday" party in deep December is at best a half-hearted token gesture to acknowledge that Christmas is not the only winter adjacent holiday, but usually quite out of place and demonstrates no true thought or care was put into making it a secular party.
Hanukkah is not equivalent in any way to Christmas, and many families do not try to make Hanukkah compete with Christmas. Do not assume that if you are talking to a Jewish family, instead of asking "What are you getting for Christmas?" that asking "What are you getting for Hanukkah" is the right question. Hanukkah is a minor holiday on the Jewish calendar. If you feel you must ask about a winter holiday upon learning that someone is Jewish during the winter months, then a) make sure Hanukkah has not already passed, and b) ask generically "How does your family celebrate Hanukkah?"
If you learn that someone is Jewish or, more generally, does not celebrate Christmas, do not offer your condolences, and try to control any pained or sorrowful looks. I'm ok with the fact that I don't celebrate Christmas. I also don't think it's any type of child abuse that my kid doesn't celebrate it, so please do not say "oh, I just feel so sorry for your son that he misses out!" Especially if you happen to be within my child's earshot. Please do not ask if we even celebrate Christmas "a little," (yes this is often a very real question).
If you consider yourself an ally or a progressive person, or even a thoughtful person--break with the traditions of the more exclusionary generations that came before you, and start teaching your Christmas-celebrating children from an early age that not everyone celebrates Christmas, that Santa Claus is not real to everyone but is a tradition that is celebrated only by people who celebrate Christmas, and educate them on other cultures and traditions proactively and early, so that your children do not automatically start assuming that everyone is Christmas-observing around them.
Have important conversations with your children about why popular Christmas stories such as A Christmas Carol and How the Grinch Stole Christmas demonize and villainize individuals who do not celebrate Christmas. As your children get older, ask them to think about some of the anti-Semitic concepts that are present in stories like A Christmas Carol, and discuss with them how non-Christians were often persecuted in places like Portugal, Spain and pre-revolutionary Russia/Ukraine/Poland for failing to celebrate Christian holidays.
If you truly think that the "magic" of Christmas is believing that Santa visits homes with good children, I would recommend you reframe your mindset. If you are dead-set on doing this because this is how your childhood went, or your parents' childhood went, then I would suggest thinking about other traditions or beliefs that were acceptable when you were children or your parents were children and how you've discarded those. Why are you still holding on to this exclusionary way of thought so tightly? And, G-d forbid, if another child "ruins Christmas" by telling your child the "truth" about Santa Claus--do not put that child on blast on social media or engage in any efforts to ostracize that child or his/her family.
If you are a school teacher or a children's programming coordinator in a public school - adding "I have a little dreidel" to a "winter" concert is insufficient. Why are you so committed to having children sing Christmas-themed songs and doing crafts with candy canes? Also - if you insist on having a discussion of holiday observances from other cultures, please talk to the parents of minority children in the classrooms before having the child be put on the spot to explain their own life to others like a show and tell exhibit. Nothing like being "othered" by your teacher (spoken from experience).
I promise--those of us who don't celebrate Christmas live very happy and fulfilled lives. I even enjoy seeing Christmas lights around town and enjoying Christmas celebrations at other people's homes when we are invited as guests (much like celebrating a friend's birthday with a party). We have our own traditions and celebrations that we find quite enjoyable. I say Merry Christmas to my friends who celebrate. I’m happy to invite others to Hanukkah parties at my home, or other religious holidays. But I really hope everyone can recognize that there is no ‘default’ celebration in this country—or at least there shouldn’t be.
