"I love your "Malaysian Accent", can you say it again?"
"几够力一下有没有"

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

"All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it." - H. L. Mencken

Random Playlist Song: Richter - Haydn Sonata Hob. XVI 32, I

***

I was asked to go to KL this weekend, but declined, since there'd be nothing interesting to do but eat and make fun of Malaysia and Malaysians.

There is a "Windsor convalescent home" near NUS. I find its name quite disturbing.

I've actually found a Singaporean MMPR fan a year older than me; he has a worn MMPR: TM poster in his room.


The July 2002 posts have been restored.

Excerpts:

"People like to refer to psychiatric cases as "P" cases. This might be due to laziness, but I suspect that it is actually an unconscious effort to distance themselves from the ugly reality - that people do go crazy while in indenture. No one cares, or chooses not to. It is never in the press, it is chucked aside and the only way you might ever see the victims is by visiting the SAF ward in Alexandria. And the ever useful US Army Policy on Gays is applied - "Don't ask, don't tell"."

"Through the drudgery of it all, however, there was one bright light. None other than Private Lun Yaodong, Clarence! Yes, this irrepressible personage showed up on Monday complaining of chest pains - evidently doing light fatigue work for National Day stresses him so, but he still has time, through all the strain, to spike his hair - so he was strapped to the ECG machine. What should I have done? Used the rectal thermometer on him? Shot him with a 16 gauge venula?"

"I'm thinking of getting new nametags for my No 4 shirts. "S Q Seah" is just a touch impersonal. I'm looking for something with a bit more character. Maybe I'll even get one saying "Agagooga"."

***

Someone: oh... what char do u play anyway

Me: PBEM or real life [Ed: Meaning real life D&D] or exalted

Someone: real life, u're a Level 14 Cynic?

Me: GAH

Someone: real life, i'm a lvl 20 Hedonist :P

***

Catherine Lim - Utopia or dystopia?

"A nation of politically naive citizens can threaten Singapore's survival. It is time the Government teaches politics and independent thinking to its people.

THE interested observer of the Singapore political scene cannot but notice the emergence of a new model of People's Action Party governance. After 40 years of PAP rule, through the leadership of two prime ministers and in the first year of the third, the emerging model carries the strong endorsement of the past prime ministers and is shaping into a blueprint for future governance."

[more]

Democratic centralism can only take us so far.

***

Vatican announces new communion wafer designs

"In an attempt to broaden the appeal of the Catholic Church and encourage more people to partake of Holy Communion, the Vatican has released details of several new Communion Wafers, to be used alongside the traditional Host.

- Classic - the traditional Host wafer remains unchanged (apart from the addition of essential vitamins and minerals, which are believed to smooth the transition to human flesh)
- Raisin-filled - taking note of the success of various breakfast cereals, this wafer has a plump, juicy raisin inserted into it during the manufacturing stage, to appeal to the health-conscious communee.
- Choc-chip - sprinkled with delicious chips of yummy dark chocolate, this Host is a great introduction wafer for beginners.
- Teddy - same as the Classic wafer, but pre-cut into a cute teddy-bear shape, for the younger members of the congregation. An excellent way to entice recalcitrant kiddies to Church on a cold Sunday.
- Piccante - flavoured with black pepper and chili, this gives the miracle more of a gastronomic kick.
- Inspirational - embossed with short Bible verses, and Holy or humourous messages such as "I died for you", "Don't bite me" and "I am LORD"."

***

According to Nationmaster, Singapore ranks:

- Last in the world for "Agriculture - Root and tuber production (per capita)", "Labor - Regulation" and "Labor - Regulation - Firing"

- 3rd last for "Economy - Industrial production growth rate" (we're shrinking by 9.8%) and "Health - Infant mortality rate"

- 4th last for "Labor - Regulation - Employment Conditions" and "People - Total fertility rate" (maybe the 2 are linked)

- 6th last for "Disasters - Tsunami - Funds pledged (per $ GDP)" and "Health - Plastic surgery procedures" (I guess slimming and bust enhancement doesn't count)

Meanwhile, we're:

- top in "Economy - Net government saving" (I wonder why we're not using our hefty surplus), "Health - Tobacco - Cigarrete imports (per $ GDP)" and "Health - Tobacco - Cigarrete imports (per capita)"

- 2nd in "Crime - Executions (per capita)" (I thought we were top, but the Bahamas has that dubious honour), "Military - Expenditures - dollar figure (per capita)" (Israel's first)

- 3rd in "Democracy - Presidential elections - Registered voter turnout" (Eh? Well, not for non-Presidential ones), "Education - Library members" (This is *not* in per-capita terms, which makes it even more surprising) and "Health - Tobacco - Cigarrete imports" (This is in absolute terms so - ahem)

- 4th in "Democracy - Parliamentary elections - Registered voter turnout" (They've got to be kidding. As defined by "the proportion of registered voters who actually voted", they claim we had a 94.6% turnout in 2001)

- 5th in "Food - McDonalds restaurants (per $ GDP)" (Defined as "Number of McDonalds restaurants. Per $100 million of GDP) and "Government - Suffrage" (We tie for highest age of enfranchisement in the world)

***

A Men's Room Monologue

The smoking scalp? - "Last year, I noticed a presidential trend, that seemed unpresidentially fetishistic, and began collecting images."
Someone: my my, you have a fetish similar to George Bush... at least you two can now overcome your political differences with this common fetish

This chilli is so hot, you'd have to drink 250,000 gallons of water just to put out the fire - ""We live in an extreme world," explains Blair Lazar, a hot sauce creator. "And I make extreme foods.' In his hands is the hottest spice in the world, an ultra-refined version of chilli powder so fiery that customers must sign a waiver absolving him of any liability if they are foolish enough to try it."

Town celebrates Orgasm Day - "The small town of Esperantina marked the day with lectures about sex, impotence and the importance of orgasm... Town mayor Felipe Santolia told Terra Noticias Populares: "I think that the orgasm issue is a very important and modern one.""

***

"South Asian modules are basically out to gain sympathy votes, making the papers easy as hell, while putting in as much (depressing, really!) video clips of the atrocities done against the untouchables, the myraid gender and caste inequalities, the lamentations of the women displaced by civil war, the men weeping for their fates within the karmic wheel, all in an effort to mask the fact that the lectures are really, desperately boring, and worthless in any case. I attended not one full lecture, and the readings are still alien to me. Tip: Wiki and google are your best friends. Especially when it comes to essays. Grin."

Heh.
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