More ifunny rejects:
"The Kang Variant: O-Kangma Bin Laden. Avenger Tower of his Universe *World Trade Center with Avengers logo*"
"NIU (looking like NIG) GERS
Savannah 18"
>Wake up in termite infested apartment
>Pray to American flag for good fortune
>Text from my boss says I have to
come in for unpaid overtime
because he's understaffed
>Can't have breakfast because my
landlord drank the last of the milk
>Leaving the apartment I see a notice from the
Hoa saying I will be fined if I don't put up my
Official Coca-ColaTM Frosty the SnowmanTM Light—
Up Inflatable Christmas‘" Decoration
>Love that community spitit
>Can't take my car to work because it got repossessed after I missed the 300th monthly
installment of $499.99
>Cant walk to work because it‘s illegal
>Have to take my wife‘s boyfriend's bicycle instead
>On the way I see a woman shovelling dead children out of the local school
>"Again?" I ask
>She shrugs and says "Shall not be infringed."
>As I'm turning onto 6379.53rd Street, I get driven
off the road by a five (imperial) ton pickup truck
billowing black smoke
>A man wearing a camouflage shirt, camouflage
cargo pants, camouflage boots, camouflage
gloves and a camouflage cap with a camouflage
American flag on it leans out of the window
>"THE ROAD IS FOR CARS, FAGGOT!"
>Thank him for his service
>An old woman finds me lying in a pool of my own
blood
>I beg her not to call an ambulance, but she
doesn't seek English
>Half way to the hospital they realise I don't have
insurance and they kick me out on the freeway
>Tip them with the $300 I keep on my person at all
times
>Crawl the rest of the way to the hospital
>Don't have any money left to tip the doctors, so
they spit in my IV
>Get a text from my boss saying I'm fired because
I missed the morning cheer
>Nurse hands me a bill for $3,000,000 and a
month's free trial of Opiodol
>Salute the American flag on the way out
>Get shot by the police for moving my hand too
quickly
>Thank Jesus that I was born in the only free
country in the world
