Day 2, Part 4 - 8th September - Ping Pong Show
Finally, I was going to see what I had been wanting to see for several years now - the Ping Pong Show, a tribute to the power of the Human Body.
(for obvious reasons there won't be any photos for most of this post)
Amusingly, the woman at the door remembered me. There was no cover charge, so I ordered a Sprite (and got a receipt, wow) for 125B and sat back to watch the action. The UV light in the bar made it a bit more sleazy but it helped me scribble my notes so that was good.
While waiting for the main event, there were some girls dancing. They were more active than earlier in the evening, and even engaged in a spot of pole dancing.
I was not the only one in the bar, which was a good sign (that they wouldn't rip me off or drug me and steal my kidneys). I even took a seat near the exit so I could run out if there was trouble, but my fears were overblown.
After a while, one girl finally came up to me, but she gave up after a while because she could tell I was not interested.
Intriguingly, all of the staff were female. Even the girl at the bar and what seemed like the boss (a male bartender appeared later). So whatever you might say, this was not about men exploiting women (unless you want to claim, like a good conspiracy theorist, that the big boss in the shadows was male).
Finally, a girl came out with 3 ping pong balls in her hand. A Thai song was played and after insertion the balls were shot into a glass on the bar. Except that she cheated sometimes, using her thighs and calves to guide the ball down. There wasn't the shooting of ping pong balls that I had heard so much about, so I was disappointed.
Then 2 girls came out. They started doing a bartop dance, then they pulled out what must've been 2m garlands from their nether regions, and used them as props for a dance while other girls pranced around them.
Next, 6 girls went up with short sarongs at their hips and garlands around their chests. They dragged out their performance and just gyrated their hips. This lasted for at least 15 minutes and was boring. Maybe it would've gotten more interesting if I had drunk alcohol, which might've been the point. The Asian uncle beside me lost patience and left - not even finishing his Diet Coke. I held out, though.
I noticed other Asian guys in the bar, but like me they were mostly ignored. A white couple came in, and then some white guys BYO-ed Thai girls.
Finally the good stuff came back. To Aerosmith's "I don't wanna miss a thing", the girl smoked a cigarette with her fanny. Then she played a bicycle trumpet to Queen's "We are the champions". Then candles on a birthday cake were blown out. Next she put a banana inside and shot it out.
One girl looked at my sheet of paper and was shocked.
One girl came to me and said she wanted a Cola. I felt sorry for her, so I tipped her 100B (so she would get 100%) and told her I was just there to watch.
Then 3 girls came out with candles in each hand and performed a choreographed dance. They dripped hot wax on their tongues and chests, and continued holding candles above themselves. This bizarre S&M display was not very synchronised, and not very professional either (one kept brushing wax off herself). They would've done better to stick to their core competencies.
Next came a fun part - the audience participation round. The guy in front of me (Asian, of course) refused to take part, so I took over the balloon. The same girl from previously (it seemed very few of them had the natural talents and/or skills necessary to take part in the Ping Pong Show - if she runs away, they're dead) then came back. Significantly, her hair was in a practical ponytail. First she pulled a long string with something sharp (razor blades, I think) from inside her, to the same Aerosmith song. She then disappeared and returned with a short blowpipe.
I got to hold a balloon aloft (the Thai girl beside me declined, so I decided that the worst that could happen was that I would be crippled for life from dart damage and possible infection from her vaginal lubrication and bit the bullet), and the girl popped my balloon with a dart from her blowpipe.
I noticed some local groups. One had 2 guys and 4 girls. The Ping Pong Show was almost family entertainment!
After the previous stunt, 16 girls came on stage (the bartop) and "danced". It was really crowded so there was no room to dance. Maybe they were waiting for guys to take them back. After a while I concluded the show was over and made ready to leave. I was aided in my decision by the fact that the bartop dancing was about as erotic as a viewing of Eyes Wide Shut (for one, a lot of them used their hands to cover their gonads, which was really unprofessional).
Overall, I was really impressed. I'd read that the Ping Pong Show girls were bored and ugly. Except for the first Ping Pong stunt (ironically the titular act was one of the less impressive) I was quite entertained and amazed, and I'd seen all of the acts described except for the writing of "Welcome to Thailand" with a marker, and the shooting of ping pong balls at guests (maybe this was because of Health & Safety concerns, so I was unable to emulate the guy who I heard produced a ping pong bat and hit the ball back at the girl).
I was almost moved by the establishment's commitment to Health and Safety - the Ping Pong Show and Candle show performers had tied their hairs to minimise fire risks, and they didn't wear shoes so they wouldn't fall off the bartop.
Sign: "Bar fine/pay bar
Lady dance 600B
Sexy show 800B"
Presumably the bar fine depended on how attractive the girl was.
Are there any PRCs in the Thai sex trade? I doubt it, but is this due to protectionism by the mafia or are they unable to compete on Thai girls' native ground due to local knowledge and an uncompetitive cost structure?
One of the bar's management asked me if I was a student. I said I'd tell my friends to come, as the show was very good. She didn't seem convinced, and later chased me out by asking if I wanted another drink. I had set a 1 hr time limit anyway and as previously mentioned it didn't look like there was going to be anymore Ping Pong antics, so I left the overcrowded fish in the tank.
There was an auntie going down the street at midnight peddling soft toys. Uhh.
At this hour the metro no longer worked so I got a tuk tuk back. He quoted me 400B but I managed to knock it down to 200B.
Death defying tuktuk ride
The brake lights were cute
Carpark shrine
I was peckish. Luckily there were hawkers at the foot of the hotel.
"Thai Food. Cheap & Delicious". And no English menu, so I went to the next place.
"Kob's Kitchen"
Stir fried wild boar with chili sounded interesting but was 130B. So I went for ribbon noodles with pork for 70B. Beside the canal, I got to enjoy the authentic smell of Thailand (and at that point, what was probably a sewage truck rolled past, intensifying the experience).
This was good (even if essentially fried horfun) but it was a ripoff at about S$3. What does it say if the price is about the same as in Singapore?
Street seating
"Healthy Boy Light Soya Sauce"
"TGM: Thai-German Meat Product"
I thought of "Transsexual Genital Mutilation"
Longan drink. It tasted like longan red date. The ingredients: longan extract, sucrose (i.e. sugar) and fructose syrup (i.e. sugar). Somehow water was missing.
I want to be a SPG too. Note that "SPG" is a registered trademark.
