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Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts

Thursday, December 05, 2024

We booked Dad a hooker for Father's Day... and MUM turned up

Presumably fake:

AS THE NATION CELEBRATES THIS SPECIAL DAY SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THIS POOR FAMILY...

We booked Dad a hooker for Father's Day... and MUM turned up

RANDY George Thomas got the shock of his life when his boys paid for a HOOKER to cheer him up on Father's Day - and their MUM turned up!

The 54- year- old had suffered from depression since his divorce from Aileen, 50, seven years ago.

And when he admitted feeling lonely to his three teenage sons, they decided a bit of female company would be just the thing to cheer him up.

So last year the teenagers clubbed together to pay for a call girl, along with a slap- up meal and a hotel room for the pair.

Eldest son Adam, 19, said: "Mum walked out on us with no warning when we were kids. It was hard for Dad, having to bring up three young lads.

"He hasn't had a girlfriend since Mum left, not a sniff.

"When he confessed one night af- ter a few whiskies that he was lonely, we decided to do something about it." So along with Scott, 18 and Harry, 17, they decided to hook their old man up with an escort.

Adam said: "We booked a nice room at the local Premier Inn and a table at a nearby restaurant. Then we started looking at escort sites.

"We booked a woman who billed herself as 'The ultimate MILF'.

"Dad was furious when we told him what we'd done, but we eventually won him round and off he went."

But an hour later George stormed back home.

Adam added: "He was really angry. He eventually told us, Your so-called bloody hooker was your mother!

He said Mum even offered to give me a blowie in the toilets for old time's sake."

Adam then joked: "This year we'll be getting him a nice bottle of whiskey!"

Saturday, July 20, 2024

"My Precious": Tolkien's Fetishized Ring

This is one of the most impressive pieces of bullshit I've ever read. She quotes BOTH Freud AND Marx, so you know it's going to be especially nonsensical:

"One of the most dramatic scenes in the first Lord of the Rings film, The Fellowship of the Ring, is the Council at Rivendell at which elf and dwarf nearly come to blows, while in a golden glow worthy of a Glassner jewelry advertisement, the Ring shines serenely on, untouched and untouchable. The focus shifts so that the combatants fade to soft-focus, and the ring in close-up fills the whole screen. We are all drawn to the Ring: readers, filmmakers, and a number of contributors to this volume. Although the Ring is a feature borrowed from ancient Germanic and Nordic myth, I shall argue that we are all in thrall to the Ring because of its contemporary relevance to the way we perceive, lust after, and use the "rings" or commodities of our own society. For me Tolkien's text is not an escapist fantasy but a challenging work that "reads" us as fetishists and offers us an alternative model for our relations with the world of things by means of sacrifice and gift.

Stockings, Rings, and Erotic Control

To explain what I mean by fetishism let us return to that cinematic frame of the chastely glowing ring. Like any close-up shot the effect is to separate the object from its context, so that it seems to exist alone. In that sense, every photographic or filmic close-up operates fetishistically in the sense emploved by the psychologist Sigmund Freud. For the fetishist the stocking, the glove, the fur or the individual body part becomes the focus of sexual desire in so far as it is fixed and separated off from any relation with the whole person or body. In his 1927 essay, "Fetishism," Freud attributes this desire for fixity to a refusal to fully accept that one's mother is not all-powerful-or, in Freudian terms, does not have the phallus. In pursuing and possessing an object that stands for his mother, the fetishist is able to own and control this maternal sexual power he both fears and loves. For a deep terror of the female genitals underlies such behavior and the fetish provides a safe substitute for the risky self-giving of the sexual act.

It is interesting that the One Ring of Power, which I want to suggest is viewed fetishistically, is twice gained as a result of literal separation from the owner's body, once by Isildur hacking off Sauron's finger, and again by Gollum biting off Frodo's finger. Separation marks the Ring from its creation, since it is forged by Sauron in secret, and is deliberately hidden from the makers of the other nineteen Rings of Power. Even these beneficent Rings, however, have something fetishistic about them because they were made in order to prevent the loss and decay of beautiful things. In aiming to create preventatives against loss, the elves share the fetishist's desire to fix the object of sexual arousal, so that it is untouched by age, decay, or mortality. We are told explicitly in Tolkien's myth collection, The Silmarillion, that the Noldor elves won't give up living in Middle-earth and yet they want also to have the bliss of those across the Sea in the Blessed Realm (S, p. 287).

There is, of course, an element of fetishism in much sexual behavior, but usually the stocking merely articulates a boundary of difference and is a means to arousal because it creates a distinction between flesh and clothing that draws attention to the naked leg above the stocking-top. For the lover, the stocking recapitulates the pursuit and uncovering of the desired body; for the fetishist, possession of the stocking is an end in itself. In the same manner we see the Ring's owners becoming transfixed by the Ring, rather than using it as a means to their desires. Chillingly, each owner, from the great Isildur to the hobbit Bilbo Baggins, comes to find it "Precious," and impossible to give up. They become as Smaug the dragon, hoarding treasure for its own sake and meeting threat of its removal with violence. Once Gollum becomes the Ring's possessor he finds himself drawn to underground places, and it is deep in the Misty Mountains that he loses it to Bilbo.

Critics have often noticed the lack of sexual activity in The Lord of the Rings. This, I believe, can be explained through the corrosive power of the Ring, which takes the focus away from the romantic quest and subsumes to itself the power of the erotic. Only with the destruction of the Ring can the characters truly love, marry and have children. And those who have borne the Ring for any length of time do not marry at all. While not wishing to send readers off on a genital-spotting expedition through Middle-earth, it is noticeable that Tolkien offers a most convincing Freudian vagina dentata (teethed vagina) in the ancient and disgustingly gustatory spider Shelob. She represents an ancient maternal power that swallows up masculine identity and autonomy. According to Freud, her castrating hold is pre- cisely what the sexual fetishist fears, and seeks to control by his possession of the fetishized object. She must be faced up to and outwitted before the Ring can be restored to the true maternal source of the fiery "Cracks of Doom." Appropriately, it is the equally ancient and yet empowering woman, Galadriel, who earlier renounced the temptation to be the all-powerful female principle, a "She-who-must-be-obeyed," who provides the light by which Shelob may be overcome. If men in the novel must give up fetishism, women must stand down from their frozen idealization, as Arwen does when she renounces immortality to marry Aragorn.

Paradoxically, although the fetish is intended as a means of erotic control-and a means of warding off the castrating female-its importance as the only possible means to erotic pleasure and the self-identity of the fetishist renders him in its thrall as if it were a god, in the manner of the totemic religious practice from which Freud took his original concept. This process is most graphically exemplified in the transmutation of the river-hobbit Sméagol into the craven Gollum. Possession of the Ring by murder of his friend leads to his self-division and alienation, so that he now speaks of himself in the third person, in babytalk- "Don't hurt us! Don't let them hurt us, precious!"- while the Ring is now personified and looked to as a source of aid and protection. Like early Native American totemists, Gollum has figuratively placed his soul inside the fetish for safe-keeping. Without the Ring, therefore, he is literally torn in two, and, as he replies to Faramir, "no name, no business, no Precious, nothing. Only empty" (TT, p. 335).

In his enthrallment Gollum gives the reader insight into the secret of the mighty Sauron himself. When he forged the Ring, Sauron actually placed some of his power inside, to his great cost when it was lost. Now having lost his physical body he lives a wraithlike existence, akin to that of his slaves, the Nazgûl, with his power transferred to the Ring. Indeed, he is now present mainly as an agent of unceasing surveillance, as a giant and lidless eye, which Frodo glimpses in Galadriel's mirror: "the Eye was rimmed with fire, but was itself glazed, yellow as a cat's, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing" (FR, p. 409). Like Gollum, Sauron is empty and there is no purpose in his will for power apart from the desire for the Ring itself. Rather, Sauron is completely nihilistic and seeks to reduce Middle-earth to ashes, to render everything as null as himself.

Rings and Things

It is central to Tolkien's conception that it is not just the depraved who fetishize the Ring but anyone who has to do with it, and even those who, like Boromir, merely see it occasionally. One can infer from this that Middle-earth is already a fallen world, enmeshed in evil. That this evil makes its effect through fetishism, however, marks the onset of a relatively recent form of alienation, particular to a modern capitalist economy. Fifty years before Freud's essay on fetishism the term was employed as a central concept in German philosopher Karl Marx's great critique of industrial capitalist economy. His groundbreaking book Capital describes the disconnected and phantasmal nature of our relations with the things we produce. As Marx observes, once a piece of wood is made into a table, it is still just a table, but once in the market "as soon as it steps forth as a commodity it is changed into something transcendent. It not only stands with its feet on the ground, but in relation to all other commodities, it stands on its head and evolves out of its wooden brain grotesque ideas." Any television advertisement showing a nubile woman caressing a car's bodywork provides evidence of our tendency to treat commodities as if they had a life of their own.

Marx went on to argue that in the modern market economy we lose relations between makers and consumers, and are estranged even from the objects of our own labor. Relationships between things are substituted for those between people, and these commodities acquire an idolatrous character as fetishes: they are totally of our own creation but we fail to recognize this. In our own lives this can take the form of a lifestyle constructed by means of designer labels, and of the near impossibility of finding out information about the producers of our clothes and our food.

I am not trying to suggest that The Lord of the Rings is a Marxist text and that Tolkien hoped for the Peoples' Republic of the Shire, but certainly by means of the Ring the novel provides a thoroughgoing critique of our dragonish tendencies to hoard- ing, idolatry, and alienation, the radicalism of which is revealed when put alongside these psychological and economic analyses. Moreover, Tolkien was a devout Catholic and the papal encycli- cals on social teaching in the twentieth century were as critical of capitalism as they were of state socialism. And while secular writers may offer insight into Tolkien's critique, it can be claimed that for an adequate response to the problem of fetishism a religious dimension is important.

For Tolkien, all created things are good, as he states in the myth of creation that opens his Silmarillion. And it is evident from Tolkien's various Indexes to the third volume of The Lord of the Rings that the world of objects is important to him, for he gives an entire section to the category, "Things" (RK, pp. 488-490). Looking down the list of items one finds an unusual combination of those one would expect, such as rings, weapons, flowers, and books, and the unexpected, such as a postal system, battles, meetings, dates, and languages. The reason for the inclusion of such immaterial concepts lies in Tolkien's adoption of a much more ancient usage of the word, "thing." The Oxford English Dictionary gives as its earliest example of the usual modern meaning of "thing" as inanimate object, a reference from 1689.3 Prior to that, a thing meant a matter, an event, even, in Anglo-Saxon and Old Norse and German, a Parliament, as Heidegger emphasizes in his essay on the Thing, "a gathering, and specifically a gathering to deliberate on a matter under discussion, a contested matter." It is from a matter brought forward for important deliberation, an event or experience, that our modern understanding of "thing" evolves as something separate from ourselves, and an object of our perception. In origin, however, there is something inherently com- munal in a thing as a matter between people in a meeting-place. "Thinging gathers," as Heidegger puts it. Today, when we are not in thrall to fetishized objects, we go to the opposite extreme and treat things as inert and of no account. Indeed, the object of desire in the December shop-window quickly loses all aura on the January sale rack.

Tolkien's theology so validates making and creativity that the most important objects in his fictional world are good. The relatively rare bad objects are inevitably dominatory or destructive in character, as, for instance, the Grond, the nasty battering ram named from Morgoth's mace, with an iron wolf-shaped head. Furthermore, there are not very many things in The Lord of the Rings, and the "Things" appendix is much shorter than that for people/creatures or places. After leaving the relatively thing-filled Shire, there are few objects, and most of these are "things" in the Middle English sense of the equipment one takes on a journey. The items taken by the Fellowship are few: food, cooking utensils, water bottles, pipes and pipe-weed, gray elven cloaks, and weapons. The world has been pared down to the few things necessary for sustenance and protection. Thus, the paucity of items renders them doubly precious, as, for example, the rope Sam suddenly remembers he brought from the Lórien boat:

"Rope!" cried Sam, talking wildly to himself in his excitement and relief. "Well, if I don't deserve to be hung on the end of one as a warning to numbskulls! You're nowt but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee: that's what the Gaffer said to me often enough, it being a word of his. Rope!"

"Stop chattering!" cried Frodo, now recovered enough to feel both amused and annoyed. "Never mind your Gaffer! Are you try- ing to tell yourself you've got some rope in your pocket? If so, out with it!"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo, in my pack and all. Carried it hundreds of miles, and I'd clean forgotten it!" (TT, p. 237)

There is a distinctly comic tone to this scene with Sam dancing with delight over the rope while Frodo clings to a cliff-face, and the homely language contrasting with the extremity of the situation. This in no way detracts from the magical quality of the rope, indicated by its silken texture and silvery sheen. As it dangles down it evokes other salvific ropes, such as the line let down by the Biblical Rahab for Joshua's spies that then became the sign to spare her when Jericho was attacked.

With or without literary parallels, the rope has a fullness of presence in this scene. It is prompt when needed, beautiful and useful. Sam accords the rope full appreciation: "It looks a bit thin, but it's tough; and soft as milk to the hand. Packs close too, and as light as light. Wonderful folk to be sure" (TT, p. 238)! Sam refers here to the elvish makers of his rope and he begins to undo the fetishism of things by restoring the relation of object to maker, and the fixed object to potency and use.

Gift-giving and Ring-bearing

It is also important for the full presence of Sam's rope that it was given to him as a gift by the elves of Lórien. Indeed, practically every good object in the whole novel turns out to be a gift, beginning in the very first chapter with Bilbo's birthday party at which, according to hobbit custom, he gives rather than receives birthday presents. Gandalf too provides a gift in the form of fireworks, which in their spectacular self-destruction are a very pure form of gift-giving. Many of the company's weapons are gifts, the very food they eat comes from Rivendell, or Gollum's rabbit hunting (in the closest he gets to human community), or from the lembas of the Lórien elves. Galadriel and Celeborn are primarily gift-givers, whether by sight of the seeing-pool of prophecy or in the magic objects they give Sam and Frodo-the box of super-potent fertilizer and seed and the phial of light.

In granting gifts, Galadriel and Celeborn imitate the actions of the kings in the Norse and Anglo-Saxon sources from which Tolkien derived his Rings of Power. In one such source, the poem Beowulf, on which Tolkien was an important authority, the king, Hrothgar, is called a "ring giver" and he showers Beowulf with presents after Beowulf has killed the monster Grendel. Rings are gifts that bind the wearer to the giver in these ancient tales. And if one receives gold objects as gifts from the true owner, no harm ensues to the wearer.

A prominent example in Norse mythology is the ring, Draupnir, made by the dwarves Brokk and Eitri for the god Odin, which produced eight new rings every ninth night. It was this ring that the desolated Odin placed on the pyre of his son, Baldur, after the latter's death from the mistletoe dart, and which the son returned to his father as a keepsake via Hermod, who visited him in Hel.8 This enriching ring, marked by gift and sacrifice, is not usually mentioned as an influence on The Lord of the Rings, even though it is the only ring in the early sources that is voluntarily renounced. More frequently discussed by Tolkien critics is the dragon Fafnir's ring that was taken by his slayer, Sigurd, which led to his downfall and that of the whole house of the Volsungs.

What these Northern stories of rings show is that a ring stolen curses its possessor, whereas a ring given cements relationships, even beyond the grave. Both positive and negative connotations can be found in Beowulf, in which the hero first receives rings from Hrothgar, later becomes a ring-giver himself, and only dies when he seeks gold rings for his people from a dragon's lair. Similarly, the elven rings in Tolkien are beneficent, concentrating the powers and unity of their bearers, Galadriel, Elrond and Gandalf, all of whom were given the rings by others, which frees them from the trace of fetishism involved in the original forging, as does their willingness to sacrifice the power of their rings for the common good.

Letting Things Go

In order to benefit from these gifts, the protagonists of The Lord of the Rings have first to give up their possessions, their homes and families. The Quest of the Fellowship charts an attempt to deal with the fetishism of the object, and to restore relations with people and with things. The only way this may be secured is through acts of self-sacrifice, and by the destruction of the fetishized Ring. Unlike most quests, in which a beloved object is gained, the Fellowship is inaugurated to return the Ring to its place of origin, and thereby to reverse the fetishizing process that cuts it off from context, origin and materiality. The whole process is presented in comic mode in the opening of the novel when Bilbo, who had not been candid in his account of how he acquired the Ring from Gollum, sets about a potlatch scale sacrifice of everything and every object in his life. He throws a lavish party and gives away what remains of his dragon gold to make up for his Sigurd-like possession of it; he gives away his home and its contents, his hobbit existence itself, and goes off like some Indian holy man. Frodo then follows the same path and makes the sacrifice of giving up his happy life in the Shire to bear the Ring. Like the Ring he becomes separate, and is unable to return and be accepted by his own community. He is also badly wounded by the Morgul-knife of the Black Rider. So Frodo does not merely sacrifice the Ring but himself, as he indicates to Sam as they leave for the Grey Havens, "When things are in danger: someone has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them" (RK, p. 338). Note that it is not just people that are in danger but "things," the whole phenomenal cosmos, and it is all that that he must give up.

Frodo, who gave his life, is then himself given passage to the Undying Lands by Arwen to show that giving up is the means of restoration. And in order to show that an unfetishized life is possible, we are earlier given the example of Tom Bombadil and Goldberry, who are notably also the exemplars of romantic fulfilment in the story. They were left out of the films, and are often something of an embarrassment to critics as being extraneous to the epic form of the novel. In my view Tom and Goldberry's difference is deliberate and is important to the novel's purposes in offering a challenge to the fetishism rife in Middle-earth. For Tom Bombadil is the unfallen "master of wood, water and hill" precisely because he does not own them. Rather he receives everything as a gift and is himself a gift-giver, who is first seen bringing water-lilies to Goldberry. That a gift-economy is being opposed to fetishism is made quite plain by Tom's behavior with the Ring. To Frodo's disapproval he treats it with scant respect, throws it up in the air, and can see through its invisibility magic. He treats it, in fact, like a very pretty ring and nothing more.

Bombadil nicely illustrates the distinction Tolkien draws between magic and enchantment in his essay "On Fairy-stories": magic "is power in this world, domination of things or wills," whereas enchantment "does not seek delusion, nor bewitch- ment and domination; it seeks shared enrichment, partners in making and delight, not slaves." There is something cheerfully fictive and enchanted about Bombadil (signaled to us by his talking in verse), and this tells us that we too can transform our world into one of enchantment in which we see things as they really are: rings as pretty pieces of shining metal, and men and women as utterly real and yet utterly mysterious. In contrast to Tom's singing that rescues the hobbits from entrapment, the honeyed tones of Saruman are merely tricks of dominatory magic that fixate their audience so that they do not see what is really going on.

The novel ends, very simply, with Sam's return home from the Grey Havens. His hobbit home is a scene of simple objects appropriately arranged that deliberately recreates the yellow light, fire and waiting woman of Bombadil's house. The great and onerous quest ends with the restoration of the objectified world, which is now freed from fetishism for use:

And he went on, and there was yellow light, and fire within; and the evening meal was ready, and he was expected. And Rose drew him in, and set him in his chair, and put little Elanor upon his lap.

He drew a deep breath. "Well, I'm back," he said. (RK, p. 340)

The objects of fire, food, light, and shelter unite here to signify human warmth and community. By making Sam function as a chair for his little daughter in a family trinity, the text affirms the familial relation of objects to persons. Chairs are only chairs; they have no magical qualities, but they allow human connection-"Thinging gathers." The fetishized Ring is now replaced by the family circle. There is a triumphant emphasis on the word "and" in these two final sentences. Its repetition sets up a rhythm of connections between the different things in the scene that asserts their unity in combining to bless human life.

Now that objects are returned to full participation they can signify themselves. Galadriel's phial caught the light of the star Eärendil, and its magic came from participation in the source of light that Eärendil redeemed by rescuing it from fetishization by warring groups and returning it to its origin. Thanks to all that has gone before to redeem the object in The Lord of the Rings, any light can now have that same quality, when it serves human need and is valued for its utility and its beauty. Hobbits in the story seem to have been invented precisely in order to appreciate this ordinary domestic world of objects, just as the proper end of the ents is to love trees. In one sense, the whole complex nest of invented languages and creatures, histories and mythologies exists in order that, like Sam, we can see the ordinary world in an unfetishized manner. This is the "recovery" of vision that Tolkien himself states is the purpose of the fantasy or fairy-tale. And that he means the recovery of a right relation to objects as intrinsic to this recovery is seen in the following passage:

And actually fairy-stories deal largely, or (the better ones) mainly, with simple or fundamental things, untouched by Fantasy, but these simplicities are made all the more luminous by their setting. For the story-maker who allows himself to be "free with" Nature can be her lover not her slave. It was in fairy-stories that I first divined the potency of the words, and the wonder of the things, such as stone and wood, and iron; tree and grass; house and fire; bread and wine.

Tolkien calls this love "wonder," as a faculty of vision that accords full presence to that which one sees and is challenged by in its otherness. We learn to see things as if for the first time. This wonder is very far indeed from fetish worship because it celebrates the connections that fetishism denies. Treebeard's word for "hill" exemplifies this relationality:

"A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-burúmë. Excuse me: that is part of my name for it; I do not know what the word is in the outside languages: you know, the thing we are on, where I stand and look out on fine mornings, and think about the Sun, and the grass beyond the wood, and the horses, and the clouds, and the unfolding of the world." (TT, p. 66)

In his sign for "hill" Treebeard reconnects the object with the world of phenomena, and of thoughts, and with himself. In ent language an object is signified by the range of its connections by which it achieves its true identity, not by separation, as in hill being defined by those things it is not: "hill" not "rill." Individuality thus comes from the multitude and variety of inter- connections. Again, "Thinging gathers."

The Lord of the Rings, then, is an ethical text that teaches us to give up dominatory and fixed perceptions in order to receive the world back as gift. The novel itself offers an inexhaustible plenitude of things, but they are not self-referential. For the elves, their songs and their gifts originate outside Middle-earth itself in a Blessed Realm just glimpsed by the reader before Frodo disappears forever. This realm is the source of the "light and high beauty" (RK, p. 211) that Sam perceives in the sky above the dreadful plain of Gorgoroth. The wonder and abundance of all the things that constitute Middle-earth have a divine origin, so that, as we leave the novel, we are somewhat melancholy. For we are unable to remain fetishistically fixated by the details of the story, but left rather with a craving for something more: a hunger for breaking our own unnatural attachment to things, a hunger for transcendence itself."

--- "My Precious": Tolkien's Fetishized Ring / Alison Milbank in The Lord of the rings and philosophy : one book to rule them all

Comments from r/counciloftherings:

"Some “Tolkien experts” certainly have some odd takes. Alison Milbank referring to Shelob as a “teethed vagina” gotta be at the top though 😅
Worse than David Day? What do you think? 🤔"

"Freud was a hack who brought 95% of his theories back to sex and sexuality, usually involving the parents of the kids.
A great deal of his ideas have been widely discredited by the psychological community.
So no, Shelob was definitely not some metaphor for teethed vagina."

"Freud has inspired generations to prove him wrong"

"Isn’t incest like the number one most searched genre of porn? As much as I’d love to discredit him, I fear he was right and actually ahead of his time… "

"No. It has some forced popularity since it's comparatively easy to shoot and a fine excuse to for different age combinations between actors. Here are the 2023 statistics:
https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2023-year-in-review"
[Ed: In the US, step mom was #11 in the list and that's not even real incest. There were no other incest terms in the top 14 and it was not in the top 5 categories either nor was it one of the top 5 categories more viewed compared to the world. the Philippines. In France even step mom didn't appear, much less other incest related terms (odd, given France's history with incest). Mexico, the UK, Japan, Germany, Italy, Brazil, Spain, Poland, Australia, Ukraine, the Netherlands, Argentina, Colombia, Chile and Sweden didn't have incest as popular by any measure either. Egypt had step mom at #11/#14 in keywords]

"Someone can make whatever interpretation they want, but so much of literary analysis is really just grasping for straws or applying a framework for the sake of it. Sure you can apply almost any kind framework for interpetation but that doesn't make that particular analysis valuable or relevant except to a niche academic group"

"The author is desperate to convey their intelligence."

You just described 90% of literary analysis"

"I have no words... Not just that Shelob description but this entire paragraph makes zero sense."

" Isildur was married as well (though before wearing the ring). Tom also had Goldberry. Her getting basic lore stuff wrong makes her lose any credibility"

"Her use of “for any length of time” is an academic weasel phrase designed to invalidate any counter examples. Only Sauron, Gollum, Bilbo, and Frodo count, because they’re the ones that fit her theory. Everyone else can be discarded because they’re inconvenient to her."

"And Bilbo was a noted bachelor before the Ring... Gollum was an exile (who probably lacked opportunity), and Sauron was a bachelor for thousands of years prior to the Ring. So really only Frodo fits cleanly."

"This is the most absurd and offensive thing I’ll read today. And I say this w confidence in today’s political climate. Lol."

"lol at the emphasis on “Crack of Doom”"

"Why
did it take me so many years to run into this joke"

"Man people will just publish anything these days huh"

"I’m just curious why they asked her to write a chapter. She gets basic lore facts wrong."

"Short answer is that publishing companies are often lazy and academic writers are sometimes desperate to get their name out there (sometimes for vanity but sometimes to save their position or career).
The publishing world (especially in academia adjacent topics) is sort of a weird one. It's mostly who you know until you've established yourself. Sometimes bigger titles are willing to roll the dice on someone if they have solid enough connections. I'm assuming that's what has happened here. I'm in the world of "The Philosophy of Art & Literature" which is sort of a weird half way point between the two disciplines. I was once asked to write a book review for a journal over Bettany Hughes' "The Hemlock Cup" (I believe that's the title. It's been years ago).
I'm all for book reviews, but this is a historian/Archeologist writing about Historical facts uncovered in archeological digs. I had to respectfully decline this ask. They wanted a "Philosopher" to write about this book from a "Philosophical point of view" (whatever that means) because it touched on the life of the Historical Socrates, but it was way out of my realm of study. They asked me because 3 of my other philosopher friends (with whom I'd produced other works) had declined for the same reason. Some folks will simply take whatever writing gigs they can get, give it a go, and fall flat on their face."

""Lack of sexual activity"? Tom Bombadil wanders the forest singing songs about he can't wait to get home and bang Goldberry."

"Right? Plus Gimli the simp/hair fetishist"

"WTF was this author smoking?"

"Not everyone should be an academic. Like this one for example."

"In the list of worst takes on Tolkien I need to mention the Belgian nun Mellie Uyldert. She explains all the symbolism and archtypes from Tolkiens work without any knowledge of the writer.
More info https://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Symboliek_van_Tolkien%27s_In_de_ban_van_de_ring
For anyone wo understands Dutch, grab your copy here; https://www.veelboeken.nl/alle-boeken/niet-gecategoriseerd/symboliek-van-tolkiens-in-de-ban-van-de-ring-9789020248340/"

"You know, it's actually cool to just enjoy LOTR and keep your batshit insane takes to yourself"

"The representation of Shelob as a vagina dentata is a nonsense.
First and foremost, Tolkien’s entire oeuvre is deeply rooted in his serious philological studies, mythological leanings, and, above all, in his devout Catholicism, through which overt sexual symbolism is hardly ever his primary concern.
In contrast, Shelob is more straightforwardly presented as a monstrous creature in the tradition of mythic beasts, dragons, and trolls, designed to evoke fear and peril within a high-fantasy context, rather than conveying psychoanalytic themes.
This makes it easier for us as readers to understand Shelob’s dangerous role as a stumbling block for the heroes, mainly Frodo and Sam, to fit into the larger narrative framework of “The Lord of the Rings” as an epic journey full of diverse challenges. Her menace represents just another of the monstrous challenges; among others are the Balrog or the Nazgûl, which stand for emblems of heroism and perseverance, not some act of gendered symbolism.
More significantly, it is the very broad mythological context within which Tolkien elaborates his world and the creatures: among them, monstrous spiders are a symbol of danger and chaos but never directly representing female sexuality.
So, reading Shelob exclusively through the perspective of vagina dentata completely fails to acknowledge the wider mythopoetic and narrative significance that her character holds within the tightly woven universe created by Tolkien."

"Sometimes a giant evil spider is just a giant evil spider."

"This is a shippers desperate attempt to justify applying horny thoughts to a text wholly absent of erotica."

"I'm currently selling tickets to a genitalia-spotting expedition through Middle-Earth."

"Legolas: ARAGORN, WHY AINT WE FUCKIN!!?
Aragorn, Gotta, deliver the ring dude.
Legolas: AH, right...we fuck later?
Aragorn: HELL YEAH, I love you bro!"

Saturday, June 01, 2024

Links - 1st June 2024 (2 - Women: Bear vs Man)

Meme - "THE BEAR/MAN IN THE WOODS MEME
A FLOWCHART OF WOMEN'S ANSWERS
Would you rather encounter a bear in the woods or a random man?
A bear could kill me. So man. (fin)
The worst thing a bear can do is kill me. So I'd rather encounter a bear.
Random image of how brutal a bear attack would be.
But a bear will eat your face off while you're still alive.
But 98% of men treat women well. Very few men do the bad things you're afraid of.
You already encounter thousands of men a day. Many times you're alone with one.
We get the point. But you aren't listening to our responses.
A million other responses.
You don't get the point.
Look at all of the men who are upset that we chose the bear."

Staying Safe Around Bears - Bears (U.S. National Park Service) - " it is important to remember that bears in national parks are wild and can be dangerous. Their behavior is sometimes unpredictable. Although rare, attacks on humans have occurred, inflicting serious injuries and death. Each bear and each experience is unique; there is no single strategy that will work in all situations and that guarantees safety"
Damn misogynists!

Meme - Mahi Bro: "Like women choosing the bear over a man in the hypothetical woods situation"
ChatGPT: "In that hypothetical situation, if a woman were to choose a bear over a man, it might be described as irrational because choosing a potentially dangerous wild animal over a human companion doesn't align with typical logic or reasoning. It's important to note that individual preferences and decisions can vary greatly, but in a scenario where safety and survival are paramount, choosing a bear over a human would generally be considered irrational."
Time to torture ChatGPT more so it gives the "correct" answer

Miranda on X - "What Misogynists fail to comprehend about the "bear vs man" question is that it's not about bears.  The discussion is about violence against women. Violence that has become so common & dangerous to women that when asked this question many women chose bear, not because women think bears are not dangerous, but because women know statistically & through their own experiences just how dangerous misogynistic men are."
Sam Rosenthal, Award Winning Online Safety EXPERT! on X - "I thought the video was going to tell me about why women should choose "bear," but instead I got a video about why there aren't more women in STEM. Cool."
Accurate data analysis makes one a misogynist since that impedes the feminist agenda

wanye on X - "This goofball is just confusing himself.  First of all, you can’t just take the number of female hikers and divide it by the number of bear attacks. That’s absurd. The question isn’t, “would you feel safe going for a hike.” It’s whether you’d want to actually encounter a bear. Encounter. Be near. Engage with. You have to at the very least deal in encounters.  Second, his snarky aside about bear recidivism might have been a clue, because what you also can’t do is just take the number of men and divide it by the number of attacks on women because of — are you ahead of me? — recidivism. (Abused women often find themselves in an ongoing cycle of violence with a single man who racks up many offenses.)  Finally, he tries to wrap up with a little PSA about lack of reporting, but he should be more curious about why that happens. Domestic violence isn’t when a man hits a random woman in the grocery store. People are in relationships. They live with and encounter each other every day. They have disputes. If you’re comparing a random man to a random bear you obviously want to look at stranger violence, not repeat domestic violence. Again, he hasn’t thought at all about what the numbers he’s citing even mean or whether they can be compared.  All of which is to say, Jesus Christ these amateur data nerds are exhausting. They have no idea how to actually think about anything and, since they’re starting with a conclusion in mind, anyway, it’s all just a huge circlejerk of motivated reasoning to get them right back there they always wanted to be.  And they’re always — always — so smug and condescending about it. At this point that posture is really a tell that something dumb is coming."
Matt Larsen - First Seek Truth on X - "There is always some noncompetitive man telling the girls how bad the rest of the men are. ;-)"
OOP claims that women saying they'd choose the bear is all that matters. But of course, if men criticise women, they are misogynists

Tonttu torvinen on X - "Women seem to have somehow different concept of truth. I talked with a woman about this and she said need to know what is _really_ being asked. So when women answer the question they are playing some kind of game where they swap the question and then answer that question"
Sneeze on X - "This is what blows my mind. Men are taking the question on its face and answering honestly; women are answering dishonestly, then justifying dishonesty under the guise of some crude social commentary."

Meme - Gandalf: "The bear is unpredictable, but the man can be reasoned with"
Women: *two thumbs down*

Meme - Woman: "Bear!"
Bear: "Graawwrrr"
Woman: "Oh thank god. A man!"
MTF with "Kill TERFs" t-shirt: "It's ma'am!"

Meme - The Meme Policeman @PolicemanMeme: "Why are they doing what we just did ourselves a few days ago?! Like most leftist movements, the bear meme has devolved into utter incoherence with its proponents eventually devouring everyone including themselves."
Feminist News: *woman trying to hug/cuddle the bear*
Feminist News: "Nick Bzerkr: 'Why are all the anti-bear memes depicting the woman trying to hug, cuddle, or straight up sex the bear? That wasn't part of it. The question is literally "which would you rather run into" and they can't see any difference between that and "which would you rather fuck" They think "run into" means "fuck" and still cant figure out why everyone is terrified of "running into" them in the woods."

Meme - Laura Lynn: "Don't fucking call yourself my friend, knew it was a matter of time before people on my friends list outed themselves as misogynistic assholes #blocked"
Laura Lynn: "I've never been r*ped by a bear"
Ben Breakingdawn: "And you've never had a man kill you and eat your entire body."
Laura Lynn: "wow way to out yourself"
If you tell a woman she's wrong when she's wrong, you're a  misogynistic asshole

Meme - "Most of the females in this group because I can't take shit serious."
"I chose the bear. You heard me ! I chose the bear! You're supposed to be offended not having fun with it. Stop having fun with the scenario, I need you offended."

Meme - "I've seen things other bears wouldn't believe. Hypothetical bear attack scenarios on Tik-Tok and Facebook. Tourists mauled taking selfies near the Jellystone Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain."
"Time to die!""

Meme - "Yes its a real verse in Proverbs (17:12). Yes God says to choose the bear.
@alana.snorts_driveways: "God answered the man vs bear question!"
12. "It is better to meet a grizzly bear robbed of her cubs than to confront a reckless fool"
"God even chooses bear"
No surprise they are misinterpreting the quote, since they have poor comprehension skills. Given that the quote does not exist outside of TikTok, that is already a huge red flag. Furthermore, Grizzly Bears live in North America and the Syrian brown bear (the one in the bible) is less aggressive. And the most obvious point is that the comparison is to a "reckless fool", which is neither specific to men nor encompassing all men

Meme - did you get picked, sis? Nichole Black: "Yes you are the only one sis."
Orbit Vecarri: "Yes. Yes you are. Wondering if you got picked?"
Ren Higdon: "Am I the only woman who would rather have a man than a bear"
Adiah Sumera Bey: "Unless it's a man I personally know wouldn't harm me, I would absolutely take my chances with a bear."
Women have no agency when they threaten the feminist agenda of misandry. Deviating from the approved line makes you a "pick me"

Meme - Daphne Johnson Presley: "The weird thing about this scenario is the men who didn't jump straight to some nefarious act, who only saw the man as a safe for the woman are being pilloried and told "men like you are the reason we pick the bear". The men whose minds went straight to rape/ murder are being hailed as enlightened by women in the comment section. Is that not some convoluted logic? Which group of men is really "outing" themselves"
When you understand it's a misandristic meme, you get it

Kat Woods ⏸️ on X - "LOL. My dad literally just ran into a solo female hiker in the Canadian wilderness.   He had just run into a couple of bear cubs and a mama bear further up the trail.  He told the woman that there were bears that way and she had the choice.   Random man? Or bear?   She chose the man   My father spent the hike teaching her bear safety and she got home safely."

Meme - "Last night was sooooo crazy I hooked up with this random guy I didn't even know....anyways I choose the bear because how can I trust a guy I don't even know"?"

Meme - "Bear penis. Search term. United States, Past 30 days. Interest over time *surge*"

Family of woman eaten alive by tiger during 'family row' to sue safari park for £250,000 - "The devastated family of a woman eaten alive by a safari park tiger are suing zoo bosses for £250,000.  The tragic incident began when a young woman got out of a car inside the Siberian tiger enclosure to berate her partner in the driver's seat.  One of the powerful creatures quickly pounced at Badaling Wildlife Park in Beijing, China...   Yanqing district government said the tourists should be held accountable as they ignored warnings from the park authorities.  But now the family are seeking damages of £250,000 (HK$2.3 million), which the park rejected...   A few seconds later, the older woman also gets out the car as park rangers appear in a jeep.  The man appears to motion her back into the vehicle, but she runs with him off camera as well... The older woman was dragged to her death while the younger woman remains seriously injured"
The women are lucky they didn't get out in a room full of men, or worse things would've happened to them

Meme - "Bears out here wondering what they did to deserve all these delicious snacks."

Meme - "KNOW THE WORK RULES. APPROPRIATE
Bear: Rawrr!
Woman: Awww, you're sweet
INAPPROPRIATE
Man: Good morning
Woman: Hello, human resources?!"

AngryFrank on X - "Women intentionally picking the disingenuous answer to hypothetical question just to anger men is a pretty telling look into the female psyche. Still better than how they treat each other, though"

Meme - "Bears wondering what they did wrong to have feminists choosing to be near them"

Meme - "Hill: Listen to the Timothy Treadwell tapes before saying you'd rather be taken out by a bear in the woods. So you know, bears eat you alive slowly, at their leisure."

Meme - "POV: You'd rather die than admit you said something dumb. *bear running to you* (You're a woman)"

Meme - NPC: "WE DON'T TRUST MEN, so CHOOSE THE BEARS"
Normal person: "So you understand why I don't want a man in the restroom with my daughter then, right?"
NPC: *upset*

Meme - "it's starting to make sense
*Bear*
tall. unemployed. doesn't raise any kids. brown. multiple baby mamas. violent"

Meme - "Women would rather get mauled by a bear than go to therapy. *Brienne from Game of Thrones and bear*"

Meme - "If I were lost in the woods and had to choose between an unknown and a bear. I'd choose the bear"
"Bear?"
"This is a hypothetical situation and you still can't take a No for an answer?"
Comments (elsewhere): "Just because it’s hypothetical doesn’t mean I have to agree with an illogical, trauma-based victim mentality"
"You guys are looking at this all wrong. Take note of anyone who would choose the bear. Those are the women you stay away from because their life revolves around drama and being a victim. Eventually given the chance they will pretend to be a victim of you in a sad attempt for attention"
"It's cap: we all know these women would climb up a man to get away from a spider, let alone a bear."
"The fact that if men has started saying "I'd rather encounter a bear in the woods than a woman" and then listed their grievances like women currently have with this meme, they'd be called misogynist, incel, sexist"
"They're all talk and only fishing for likes"
"I swear, feminists want to be oppressed so badly. They have nothing else going on in their lives."
"Idk kind of makes a good point. Sane people really should stop trying to reason with irrational idiots"
"It’s so asinine. So many people I know irl who I didn’t ~think~ were chronically online are posting dramatic rants about why they’d choose the bear and it’s driving me insane. We literally see unknown men every single day and yet we’re fine. Bears are killing machines 😂"
"The whole point is to make women appear stupid and irrational from the man’s POV. And to make men appear insensitive and misogynistic from the woman’s POV. Classic Agitation Propaganda by Divide and conquer technique."
"A lot of men would rather work in a office with a bear than with *coffee cup* so I guess it goes both ways."
"Who cares, go meet the damn bear and shut the fuck up"
"It's the stupidest thing ever and that's saying a lot when dealing with feminists but hot dang the memes are 🔥"
"At no point are people not taking no as an answer, we're just trying to mansplain how fucking dumb you are. But please go ahead and go find the bear to prove us wrong"
"I think we should start a reality TV show where they ask people this and then actually stick them into the woods with a grizzly bear"
"I'd take gonorrhea in the woods over most females I've met"
"Women making up fake scenarios in their head and then getting PTSD over it"
"So if i were asked if I'd grape a xx hypothetically and I said I would, I get to scold xxs who get upset?"
"This premise is really stupid because the men that would make the women who chose the bear choose the bear won't apologize. It's only the men who won't hurt these attention seekers that end up having to pay. They are just gonna have men say "have fun" when they start their bear talk. The truth is, they don't want any type of discussions or solutions, they just want to complain and trash men. They are also terrible liars. Any woman who says "they'd choose the bear" is clearly lying."
"I blame this on Baldur's Gate 3"
"I'd rather encounter a bear than a female in the woods myself"

Meme - "Women who post this sentiment are telling on themselves for being unable to think rationally. I'm not saying anyone is "wrong" for being scared of men. You can't be "wrong" for a way you feel. I am saying the reasoning used to think bear is a better option than man is irrational. The decision is driven by emotion rather than logic."
"You know we're not choosing the bear because we think we'd survive, right?"
"When xxs admit they're irrational and spiteful"

Meme Soyjak *Team Bear*: "Hi ladies! I swear, I'm not like those "other" guys! I totally think the point you're trying to make with that bear thing or whatever is totally valid!"

Meme - Apollo Strong: "Men, would you rather be trapped in a car with a woman driving or a bear?"

Meme Fat Crying Feminist: "MEN ARE SO EVIL THAT WOMEN WOULD RATHER BE LOST IN THE WOODS WITH A GRIZZLY BEAR RATHER THAN A MAN! WHY AREN'T YOU FEELING SORRY FOR US FOR MAKING THIS ASSERTION?!"
Man: "HAHAHA, JESUS CHRIST! WHAT A DELUSIONAL, SELF-VICTIMIZING RETARD"
Fat Feminist: "LOL, WHAT'S A MATTER? YOUR FRAGILE MALE EGO GOT BRUISED?"

Meme - "THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE. DO BEARS BELONG IN WOMENS LOCKER ROOMS?"

Meme *Bear* "WHEN YOU FIND OUT THAT THE FAT FEMINIST WITH PRONOUNS AND PURPLE ARMPIT HAIR WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE EITHER"

Meme Bugs Bunny in Tuxedo: "I wish all women a very pleasant bear"

Meme - "The w*men choosing bears, are the same ones who get hot and bothered by male serial killers. CHANGE MY MIND"

Meme - Fat woman in water with polar bear: "HA HA! POOR LITTLE MALE EGOS! DID I HURT YOUR... OH MY GOD! HE'S EATING MY FUCKING SPINE!"

Meme - "Giving them up to the bears sounds like something to celebrate with an ice cold beer and a good time with friends afterwards"

Meme - "Ken says: Women will say 'I'd feel safer with the bear than I would with men' and then date a drug dealer"

Meme - "THE BEAR, CHOOSING A MAN, AFTER AN HOUR WITH THE WOMAN WHO CHOSE HIM."

Meme - "The bear wishing she'd chosen a man after 10 minutes of her asking if the bear would love her if she was a worm"

Meme - "Bears on their way to steal yo girl cus she don't feel safe enough around you *bear on skateboard and bear looking into camera*"

Meme - "I'm just glad it was a bear I ran into.. a man could have scarred and traumatized me for life" *skull with wig*

Meme - "Tell her the truth Mark"
"Every one of you who said "I choose the bear" would cry and run to a man for protection within a millisecond if you saw a loose bear in real life."

Meme - Celina 52 Truck Stop: "We wanted to honor this sweet Black Bear for saving a woman this afternoon. The bear exited the nearby woods and saw a creepy man hitting on the woman while she pumped gas. The bear charged at the man until he sped away in his vehicle, and then comforted the woman. Luckily we caught up to the bear and humanely euthanized him in order to get a photo."

Meme - "Brown Bear
Up to 9 feet tall standing
Up to 1300 Ibs
Claws- up to 4 inches
Bite force- 1200 psi
Pelt/fur- up to 5 inches
Speed- up to 35 mph
Kyle
5'10 (eww)
174 lbs
Project Engineer
Said "hi" to you at the gym"

Meme - *5 black bears with woman on couch* (Piper Perri Surrounded)

Meme - "so the bear is better because it's predictable?"
"yes, exactly."
"I get it. I'd choose the same, as a bear would never falsely accuse a man of assault to ruin his life."

Meme - "Just two bros going out into the woods to harass women. *Man and Bear*"

Meme - Pedobear: "I heard you preferred the bear... *shocked/disgusted Mary Jane Watson*"

Meme - Girl Explaining: "I wanna fuck bears bro come on please bro. this is a different meme bro its different this is funny. bro this isnt like other memes different strain this. will make you so mad bro. just try it I swear bro just take the bait please bro I just wanna fuck a bear bro please"

Meme - Cat: "ITS NOT MEN OR BEARS WOMEN MUST WORRY ABOUT. WORRY ABOUT THE CATS EATING YOU WHEN YOU DIE ALONE"

Meme - Bear: "yeah she just walked into my den saying something about online misogyny. honestly I was startled, before eating her I just stared at her for a minute. hey what's an incel?"

Meme - Walter White: "I'm the bear"

Meme - ""Man vs Bear" is just a distraction from what Man AND Bear can do together. I for one stand with our ursine brothers *upset women, many with colourful hair*"

Scottish tourist stops to take selfie with bear ... You can guess what happened next but read it anyway for the laugh 😂 - "72-year-old Moira Gallacher from West Lothian, Scottland, was on holiday in Romania with her friend Charmian Widdowson when they came across a mamma bear and her cub.  Widdowson took a picture, and they went on their way, but Widdowson didn't like how the picture turned out, so they went back to get another shot with the window down.  You know what happened next... This was the point when Gallacher thought it would be a good idea to take a selfie with a bear... Gallacher's photo was lost because she dropped her phone out the window when the bear tried to bite off her hand... Luckily, Gallacher's fashion sense was better than her common sense, as she was wearing a thick jacket that kept the bear from tearing her arm off."

Bear dragged car crash victim's body from scene: cops - "A driver likely killed in a horror car crash in Massachusetts was found next to a bear that appeared to have then dragged his body into woods, according to cops.  Daniel Ducharme, 31, lost control of his car on Route 91 in Hatfield Sunday morning, striking the guardrail multiple times before hurtling off the road and down an embankment"

US woman killed by bear that dragged her from tent in Montana - "Leah Lokan, a 65-year-old nurse from California, had stopped over in the town of Ovando during a cycling trip.  During the attack on Tuesday, her fellow campers used bear spray to force the animal out of their camping site."

Colorado: Woman killed in apparent bear attack - "A woman walking her two dogs in Colorado has been killed in a bear attack, park officials say... A black bear and two young bears were located nearby and euthanised. Colorado Parks and Wildlife Service (CPW) confirmed human remains were found in the digestive systems of two bears."

Ouray woman was killed by bear she fed - "Division of Wildlife did everything to deter a woman suspected of feeding bears for “a decade,” except issue a fine, the agency said Monday.  Donna Munson’s autopsy released showed she was killed by a bear, bleeding to death quickly from the deep slashes to her head and neck, according to the Ouray County coroner’s office.  Officials aren’t sure, however, if the bear that killed Munson was was the 394-pound male bruin shot by a sheriff’s deputy who found the animal eating the woman’s body on her property north of Ouray Friday.  Wildlife officials initially reported killing two bears on Munson’s property."

'Mum, the bear is eating me!': Final phone calls of woman, 19, who was eaten alive by brown bear and its three cubs - "A distraught mother listened on a mobile phone as her teenage daughter was eaten alive by a brown bear and its three cubs.  Olga Moskalyova, 19, gave an horrific hour-long running commentary on her own death in three separate calls as the wild animals mauled her.  She screamed: 'Mum, the bear is eating me! Mum, it’s such agony. Mum, help!'  Her mother Tatiana said that at first she thought she was joking.  'But then I heard the real horror and pain in Olga’s voice, and the sounds of a bear growling and chewing,' she added. 'I could have died then and there from shock.' Unknown to Tatiana, the bear had already killed her husband Igor Tsyganenkov - Olga’s stepfather - by overpowering him, breaking his neck and smashing his skull. Olga, a trainee psychologist, saw the attack on her stepfather in tall grass and reeds by a river in Russia and fled for 70 yards before the mother bear grabbed her leg.  As the creature toyed with her, she managed to call Tatiana several times during the prolonged attack.Tatiana rang her husband - not knowing he was already dead - but got no answer... In a second call, a weak Olga gasped: 'Mum, the bears are back. She came back and brought her three babies. They’re... eating me.' Finally, in her last call - almost an hour after the first - Olga sensed she was on the verge of death. With the bears having apparently left her to die, she said: 'Mum, it’s not hurting any more. I don’t feel the pain. Forgive me for everything, I love you so much.'... Igor’s brother Andrei arrived with police to find the mother bear still devouring his body. Badly mauled Olga was also dead."

a random Brandon on X - "A woman goes into the woods. She encounters a man and a bear. The man is actually cake. The bear has two wolves inside it. The wolves want to know if you would love them if they were a worm"

Meme - "What she thought it would be like *woman being intimate with tame bear*
What it was like *bear with skeleton*"

Meme - authormattcesca: "A lot of my fellow men have really misunderstood the assignment with the whole man vs bear thing. Your job wasn't to come charging in to mansplain to women why they were wrong for choosing the bear. Your job was to listen to them about WHY they would choose the bear. And THEN to hold our fellow men accountable so that in the future women would not feel inclined to choose the bear. That was the assignment fellas."
Of course, men who criticise women are misogynists, and women can charge in and slime them as "incels", and don't need to listen to the criticisms and hold their fellow women accountable so that in the future men would not feel inclined to criticise women.

Meme - "How every person of the delusional sex on Facebook thinks this scenario will play out. *AI woman backpacker with friendly bear*"

Meme - Various female and MTF wojaks: "i'll go with the statistics, i choose the bear"
Female Gigachad: "i'll go with the statistics too, what race is the man?"

Meme - *Big thumb guy / giant thumb guy*
Pink haired lady to crowd: "I chose the bear"
*Man in crowd: *thumbs up*
Pink haired lady to crowd: "stay mad misogynist"

Meme - "Alone with a man *Panik*
Alone with a bear *Kalm*
The bear is male *Panik*
Alone with a man in a dress in the bathroom *Kalm*"

Meme - Girl: "A bear!!! So cute, aaaa so fluffy ! I love! &;t;3"
*bear eats girl*

Meme - Man in the woods: "wave. friendly smile. "GM!" "Happy Trails!" head nod"
Bear in the woods: "I'm going to eat your face now" *bloody mouth*

Invernomuto on X - "Turn the question around: ask them if they would rather be stuck in a forest with a black man or a lion. Ask them if they'd rather be stuck with a muslim or a tiger. See them shift their stance into a "we shouldn't generalize like that" one."

Man or bear?.... but with a twist : r/amiwrong - "This is getting a little old so let's change it a bit. "Would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a black man?""
Of course, people got upset and insulted OP without addressing the point. Which proves the point

Meme - *Daily Struggle/Two Buttons*
"A bear. A man (but he's a Muslim)"

Meme - "Me (a male stranger) watching a women get mauled by a bear in a National Park knowing I'm fully capable of helping (I'm avoiding a grape accusation)"

Meme - Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer @dyingscribe: "Reading accounts about how FTM’s feel as a man are really kind of funny because you usually stop thinking about these things when you’re used to them. Poe's aw, Esq: Poe's Lawyer @ Reading accounts about how FTM's feel as a man are really kind of funny because you usually stop thinking about these things when you're used to them."
Meme - r/FTMventing: "The bear vs man thing is damaging my mental health
I hate how I went from being treated well and valued when I passed as a woman but now being treated as a threat to the point that people would rather choose a wild animal than a human being. It's actually crazy to me that there is no respect and they talk about men like they're not people"
Meme - "This is the reality shock that most people don't realize... When presenting as a man walking anywhere alone, even if you look safe/clean-cut/kind/happy, when you enter a woman's field of vision for the first time, they will visibly flinch and tighten up. This happens again and again and again, every single day for your entire adult life. This subtle body language eats away at your psyche. "What did I do wrong? How could I stop scaring people without doing anything wrong? Am I dangerous? Am Ia monster?" There are countless more scenarios like this in every man's adult life that all send the same message. "You are a danger to society. You scare people. People are scared or uncomfortable whenever you show arousal, weakness, sadness, vulnerability, or any negative emotion." After presenting as an adult man for many years, it's impossible not to have bouts of very negative feelings from these innocent daily encounters without ever actually doing anything wrong despite any best intentions you may have. This is just an unfortunate and inescapable reality of life as an adult man."
Meme - "Sorry dude, trends like this come and go all the time. #killallmen was a trend a little while back, more like it will pop up in the future. If it's damaging to your mental health it's best just to stay off twitter or mute associated words for a while, if you try to argue that it affects men's mental health you'll just be associated with with those that would that rape and assault women."
Meme - "Exactly. And it doesn't hurt the violent men - they literally don't care. It hurts men who are just trying to exist. Many men already are self conscious about how they appear to women and change themselves for the comfort of women. This is especially going to affect black men, autistic men and trans people who are already demonised"
When FTMs discover Male Privilege!

Meme - r/MtF: "I put myself in a bad headspace regarding man vs bear
Trigger Warning
I hope I'm not going to pull anyone else down with me so read at your own peril. We all know the debate man vs bear - whod you rather meet all alone in the forest and many women choose bear. Less risky. But I've been thinking - what would people actually choose in a non-hugbox environment where nobody sees their choice, if the question were: who would you rather meet alone in the woods? A non-passing Transwoman or a bear. And i haven't read that question anywhere (yet) but i know, i know in my heart how we are seen. I see the children's stares when I'm out and about. I see the way I get clocked and the interactions. I remember the way i always scurry to the female bathroom and if there are women outside I often rush out, often without washing my hands because i want to minimize my time there. Don't get me wrong i don't feel that time all the time and i don't get clocked all the time but it happens often enough. And i know, i know in my heart of hearts that many people would choose bear instead of transwoman. But would choose woman instead of bear. And that's my mental Fuck Up of the day. Sorry for venting. Sorry for taking y'all down. And please no hugboxing, i can't face it right now. I hate hugboxing hate the dishonesty of the hugbox."
This is funny, given that there is a chance that transwomen rape more than men

Meme - *Spider-Man in elevator* "I WOULD CHOOSE THE BEAR. A MAN CAN DO MUCH WORSE THEN A BEAR. THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF MEN, THOSE THAT..."
"MOST MEN WOULD NOT ATTACK YOU BUT MOST BEARS PROBABLY WOULD."
"YOU'RE A RAPIST"

Meme - "Men choose Robotic Wives over Real Woman. "I get keep my money and property. I don't have to deal with DV, emotional/ mental abuse and false allegations. I won't be cheated on. If I want children I can adopt or use my own sperm in an artificial womb, knowing that they won't be used as pawns in divorce. The house will be clean, dinner on the table and my balls empty.""
Of course, men are not allowed to choose from hypotheticals, or they are misogynists and incels

A Grizzly Bear Terrorized a Man for Days in Alaska. The Coast Guard Saw His SOS. - The New York Times - "He was sleep-deprived and nearly out of ammunition, alone in the wilderness of Alaska. Well, not really alone.  For several nights in a row, the man had fended off the tenacious advances of a grizzly bear that had attacked him a few days earlier at a mining camp some 40 miles outside Nome.  There was no way to phone for help. But then help found him.  En route to a mission on Friday, the crew of a Coast Guard helicopter saw the man waving both hands in the air, a widely recognized distress signal, the helicopter’s pilot said. On the tin roof of a shack, SOS and “help me” had been scrawled. The shack’s door had been ripped off. The crew took the man to Nome to be treated for bruises to his torso and a leg injury that was not life-threatening, according to the Coast Guard. So ended a weeklong ordeal that could pass as a sequel to “The Revenant,” in which Leonardo DiCaprio was mauled by a computer-generated grizzly bear. “At some point, a bear had dragged him down to the river,” Lt. Cmdr. Jared Carbajal, one of the pilots of the Coast Guard helicopter, said in an interview on Wednesday. “He had a pistol. He said that the bear kept coming back every night and he hadn’t slept in a few days.”
Of course, he would've been safe if he had been a woman

Meme - "Gentlemen, would you rather have sex with a woman or use your hand? I choose hand 100% of the time. There are 2 types of women, one who understands why men would choose their hand, and one who is the REASON why men choose their hand. If women don't understand why men would choose their hand, then they're the reason why men choose their hand in the first place. They missed the point, they were supposed to become better women so that men wouldn't have to choose their hand in the first place, they misunderstood the assignment. My hand will never call me an incel in response to being called out, my hand will never break my heart, my hand will never divorce me and take half my money and half of my future income, my hand will never gaslight me with the bear thing, my hand will never nag me, my hand will never turn me down for sex, and I don't have to buy things for my hand so that it'll stay happy so I can keep having sex with it. Hand every time. #teamhand"

Meme - *side eyeing Chloe* "NORMAL WOMEN LOOKING AT LIBERAL WOMEN CHOOSING A BEAR OVER A MAN"

Meme - "Have sex with a female bear or a transwoman?"

Monday, April 01, 2024

Nannies Masturbating Boys to Sleep

I keep seeing this "fact" being shared online, and it has been circulating for about a decade:

What The F*** Facts on X

"In Europe, until the 17th century, teenage boys were routinely masturbated by their nannies for a good night sleep."

This is from 2014, but I've found examples from as far back as 2012 (Facebook) or 2013 (open Internet) and as recently as 2022 (open internet) or March 29 2024 (Facebook).

Digging through the (rare) sources for this, I have traced the original claim to The Tyranny of Pleasure (Jean-Claude Guillebaud, 1999). On reading it, it sounds dodgy. No wonder it was removed from Wikipedia (the fact that no other source talks about it doesn't help):

"Researchers like Michel Foucault and Peter Brown, to cite just two, were ironical about this misplaced condescension for the past and the “smug, even malicious, familiarity with which modern man feels he can mock the sexual anxieties of the men and the women of a distant past.” In this “distant past,” however, one would find a thousand examples of an art of compromised which we have lost. The anxious societies are not always the ones we think they are.

In the 17th century, no one saw anything wrong in the nannies’ practice of masturbating little boys to help them sleep. As for the famous medieval repression of homosexuals, it was so seldom put in practice since the 14th century that historians have barely managed to come up with 38 cases of capital punishment actually applied between 1317 and 1789, i.e. in four and a half centuries! And most of those were instances of criminal pedophilia perpetrated on boys or girls of ten years or even younger (acts which would be punished similarly in the post-modern America of today). Let us add that most of the penalties that the famous ecclesiastical courts of the Middle Ages imposed for sexual transgressions consisted of prolonged fasts or voluntary penitences — punishments well on this side of the sentences given today. Contrary to our own practices, in moral matters the traditional societies combined severity of principles with moderation in practice.

Our conduct is pretty much the opposite, today. We are dizzy with theoretical license, but cannot, in reality, indulge. A man from the Renaissance or the 18th century would be shocked by certain contemporary legal restrictions — restrictions which are very strictly fol- lowed. For example, in 1986 the U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law in the State of Georgia, by five votes against four, making crimes of sodomy and fellatio even between a married couple. Or another decision by the same Supreme Court, in Bowers vs. Hardwick, allowing the States to declare homosexuality between two consenting adults a crime.

Thus we find ourselves, without fully realizing it, in the bitterest contradiction between apparent permissiveness and a niggling repression. Our daily life is a constant conflict between solicitation and suspicion, a proselytizing pan-sexuality and a nosy vigilance, extraordinary “sexual invitation” and the maniacal threat of an inquisition (sexual harassment, etc.). We are caught in a double bind. That is undoubtedly one of the explanations for the flood of proclamations and noise we en- dure, the inexhaustible discourse about love. It betrays a strange exis- tential discomfort, as if the presumptuous Western societies had lost the art of measure, the capacity for amicable “arrangements,” the virtue of silence which still prevails, for example, in African cultures. It is as though we are orphans of an erotic, patient culture made up of internalized rules and consenting transgressions, devastating inclinations and accepted risks, license and the half-light of prudence, which yesterday perpetuated — more intelligently than is imagined — the unstable equilibrium of desire.

An African scholar describes it beautifully. “What Westerners take. . . for a lack of transparency, even duplicity, is only a modest reserve that surrounds human relations like a halo of mystery, a protective opacity and something impalpable connected with respect, especially self respect. Damma rouss (‘I am ashamed’), the Wolofs say. We are shocked by the distance which traditional cultures place between men and women. But we should be aware that the terrible face-to-face discussion of the Western couple, stripped of decency and reserve, is profoundly destroying relations in love, desire and any closeness.”"

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Sexy Losers: A Harry Situation


"A HARRY SITUATION
I should be proud of this but most Harry Potter fiction is far worse than this, trust me.

Ron Weasley: "OH HERMIONE ... I'M GONNA ... GONNA ..."

Hermione Granger: "OH YES, RON ... JUST COME INSIDE ME ... WAIT ... IS YOUR FACE ... CHANGING?"

Harry Potter: "I .. ER ..."

Hermione Granger: "HARRY POTTER! I KNEW IT !! YOU WERE USING POLYJUICE POTION TO SLEEP WITH HERMIONE!"

Harry Potter: "... GINNY?"

Ginny Weasley: "THAT'S RIGHT, POTTER. I CAUGHT YOU RED HANDED TRYING TO CHEAT ON ME!"

Harry Potter: "BUT IF YOU WERE WRONG, YOU WOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH YOUR BRO --"

Ginny Weasley: "... I KNOW"

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Sexual Temperance Spoon

Not rejected by iFunny (that I know of), but long enough to be posted in all its glory:


Ladies! Nip Tumescence in the Bud... with the SEXUAL TEMPERANCE SPOON. Guaranteed to soften even the most optimistic ardour!

SCHOOL nurses have known for centuries that a sharp blow from a cold spoon is the best way to tame an unwelcome erection. Now at last, these spoons are available to the public if you finished with all that nonsense twenty years ago, but it still raises its ugly head, then and this spoon is for YOU!

ONE WHACK AND IT'S ON THE SLACK!

Stop it before he starts!

Made in Sheffield from finest quality stainless steel, the Sexual Temperance Spoon is kept nice and cold in its own miniature chilling cabinet. Measuring only 6ins x 6ins x 10ins, the cabinet fits easily on the bed-side table, ready for any nocturnal emergency.

“My hubby got ideas one night after watching ‘Carry On Camping’. A quick flick with the Temperance Spoon sent him scampering to the spare room with his tail between his legs thanks!”

Mrs. R Barnsley

“It’s a SPOON!” Mrs. B Essex

It's the only spoon that STOPS stirring!

only £24.99 from all good shops

Please note: Extremely turgid erections may require more than one whack on the lid.

'Down, Boy' Chastity Products. Unit 6. Fulchester Industrial Estate. Leeds

Wednesday, August 30, 2023

Animal Men & Women

There're 2 photos that sometimes make the rounds classifying men and women by their genitals:


"Sheep Woman, Cat Woman, Buffalo Woman, Bear Woman, Wolf Woman, Antelope Woman, Deer Woman, Fox Woman, Dancing Woman
Fig 8.1. Nine Female Anatomy Types"


"Coyote Man, Pitbull Man, Bear Man, Pony Man, Horse Man, Elk Man, Deer Man, Ram Man, Dancing Man
Fig 9.2. Nine Male Anatomy Types"

Having seen it a few times, I decided to dig into them, and found that they came from The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka by Amara Charles.

As you can expect from the photos, the book itself is wild. It's also nonsense.

Sunday, January 15, 2023

Calling Clarence Thomas the N Word / Queen of Spades

3 more blocked by ifunny:


"I always heard white liberals are the most racist. @IndieCat30 posted this and no ban from @Twitter. No mentioning of the other 4 white men and the 1 white female judge! @maddow @MSNBC"
AJ @lndieCat30: "doesn't the NIGGER realize his rights are next?
And this is how pissed off I am! Drop the N word and people react- I'm not racist either! Just making a point!"


*American flag with Queen of Spades*
*Captain America shield with blue color skin*
*Black and White American flag with "BBC Only" and Queen of Spades in Pink*
*Proud Race Traitor. Breed Me. Queen of Spades. KRIS. Black New World Order*
*Trans woman [?] in black Queen of Spades leotard with grey hair*

As far as I can tell, this is KRIS KANE, u/BBCPRINCESS9 on reddit, which describes itself as "GAY SISSY FAGGOT QOS KRIS 🏳️‍🌈♠ PROUD RACE TRAITOR FOR THE BNWO!♠". It was last active a year ago. The photos I could find have non-gray hair.

Saturday, December 10, 2022

Why you shouldn't celebrate Christmas

Shylie Armon Bannon

Since Halloween is over, I've seen so many posts and reels of friends and influencers decorating for Christmas and being gleeful about beginning to listen to Christmas music. So many captions involving some form of "Tis the Season!" sentiment. So, earlier than ever, guess it's time for my non-Christian PSA to all of American society:
 
There is no such thing as Secular Christmas. No one who actively observes a religion other than Christianity is persuaded by clever points that Christmas trees and Santa Clause and candlemas all allegedly derived from Pagan celebrations (nor does it make those of us who aren't pagan want to adopt those holidays). Christmas is not an "American" holiday, nor are Christmas traditions part of Americana in anything other than a display of Christian privilege and exclusionary behavior/mindset.
 
Calling something a "Holiday Party," or "Holiday Celebration" and decorating with trees, candy canes, snow flakes, nutcrackers, etc. -- it's not secular and it's not non-denominational. Further, although this year Hanukkah happens to occur at the same time as Christmas--some years it happens during Thanksgiving, so putting a Menorah up at a "Holiday" party in deep December is at best a half-hearted token gesture to acknowledge that Christmas is not the only winter adjacent holiday, but usually quite out of place and demonstrates no true thought or care was put into making it a secular party.
 
Hanukkah is not equivalent in any way to Christmas, and many families do not try to make Hanukkah compete with Christmas. Do not assume that if you are talking to a Jewish family, instead of asking "What are you getting for Christmas?" that asking "What are you getting for Hanukkah" is the right question. Hanukkah is a minor holiday on the Jewish calendar. If you feel you must ask about a winter holiday upon learning that someone is Jewish during the winter months, then a) make sure Hanukkah has not already passed, and b) ask generically "How does your family celebrate Hanukkah?"
 
If you learn that someone is Jewish or, more generally, does not celebrate Christmas, do not offer your condolences, and try to control any pained or sorrowful looks. I'm ok with the fact that I don't celebrate Christmas. I also don't think it's any type of child abuse that my kid doesn't celebrate it, so please do not say "oh, I just feel so sorry for your son that he misses out!" Especially if you happen to be within my child's earshot. Please do not ask if we even celebrate Christmas "a little," (yes this is often a very real question).
 
If you consider yourself an ally or a progressive person, or even a thoughtful person--break with the traditions of the more exclusionary generations that came before you, and start teaching your Christmas-celebrating children from an early age that not everyone celebrates Christmas, that Santa Claus is not real to everyone but is a tradition that is celebrated only by people who celebrate Christmas, and educate them on other cultures and traditions proactively and early, so that your children do not automatically start assuming that everyone is Christmas-observing around them.
 
Have important conversations with your children about why popular Christmas stories such as A Christmas Carol and How the Grinch Stole Christmas demonize and villainize individuals who do not celebrate Christmas. As your children get older, ask them to think about some of the anti-Semitic concepts that are present in stories like A Christmas Carol, and discuss with them how non-Christians were often persecuted in places like Portugal, Spain and pre-revolutionary Russia/Ukraine/Poland for failing to celebrate Christian holidays.
 
If you truly think that the "magic" of Christmas is believing that Santa visits homes with good children, I would recommend you reframe your mindset. If you are dead-set on doing this because this is how your childhood went, or your parents' childhood went, then I would suggest thinking about other traditions or beliefs that were acceptable when you were children or your parents were children and how you've discarded those. Why are you still holding on to this exclusionary way of thought so tightly? And, G-d forbid, if another child "ruins Christmas" by telling your child the "truth" about Santa Claus--do not put that child on blast on social media or engage in any efforts to ostracize that child or his/her family.
 
If you are a school teacher or a children's programming coordinator in a public school - adding "I have a little dreidel" to a "winter" concert is insufficient. Why are you so committed to having children sing Christmas-themed songs and doing crafts with candy canes? Also - if you insist on having a discussion of holiday observances from other cultures, please talk to the parents of minority children in the classrooms before having the child be put on the spot to explain their own life to others like a show and tell exhibit. Nothing like being "othered" by your teacher (spoken from experience).
 
I promise--those of us who don't celebrate Christmas live very happy and fulfilled lives. I even enjoy seeing Christmas lights around town and enjoying Christmas celebrations at other people's homes when we are invited as guests (much like celebrating a friend's birthday with a party). We have our own traditions and celebrations that we find quite enjoyable. I say Merry Christmas to my friends who celebrate. I’m happy to invite others to Hanukkah parties at my home, or other religious holidays. But I really hope everyone can recognize that there is no ‘default’ celebration in this country—or at least there shouldn’t be.

(Screenshot)

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Rebecca Black's Friday as Doomsday Prophecy

"To start, analyze the name of the singer, "Rebecca Black".
 
"Rebecca" comes from the Hebrew "Ribkah", meaning to bind something, or trap something.
 
"Black" comes from the old Norse "Blakr", meaning "Darkness."
 
So, her name roughly means "bound darkness" or "entrapped darkness".
 
This is a reference to Fenrir, the the world ending wolf that was bound by the gods in Norse mythology, but will break free in the time of the world's end.
 
Also, her middle name is "Renee", which literally means "Rebirth"
 
Moving onto the song, and the music video as well, it starts by her chanting "Yeah-yeah-yeah" while an image of a clock progressing comes into view.
 
While you could be forgiven for thinking this was just random shit posting by the lyric writer, it was not. The sound is meant to replicate the word "Yera", which means "Year", and the rune for which represents cycles and the passing of time. This is a reference to the Norse concept of cyclical destruction and rebirth. One world ends, and in its end, the next is birthed into a new life.
 
The song continues;
 
"Seven AM, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seeing everything, the time is going
Ticking on and on, everybody's rushing
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends"
 
This portion represents the continual struggle of man against the futility of its existence, engaging in the same thing day after day, repeating the same actions to no change and to no remaining effect. The "week" here represents the process through one of these cycles, between the birth and destruction, where in people simply go through motions waiting for their destruction.
 
"Kicking in the front seat
Sitting in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?"
 
This portion demonstrates the futility of our decisions, mocking our indecisiveness for placing determinant value on life decisions that will ultimately have all impact wiped away when this world is destroyed and reborn.
 
"It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Getting down on Friday
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend."
 
Here, "Friday" represents the final hours before the world's end, the only time where the people of that cycle can truly understand the nature of their reality, and the only time where they can truly appreciate their destruction. It's an acceptance of the end, and a celebration of what's to come. (I.E. the next "week")
 
"Partying, partying, Yeah!
Partying, partying, Yeah!
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Looking forward to the weekend."
 
These lines represent an acknowledgement and celebtration of the Yera, the cycle.
 
They celebrate the passing of one week onto another, and accept the "weekend" as a necessary completion of their futility, not to be feared, but to be appreciated as the final chapter of this story, giving the only true meaning to it that it ever had.
 
"Seven fourty-five, we're driving on the highway
Cruising so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this,you got this.
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this,you got this.
Now you know it"
 
Here, the lyrics represent a rush towards the end, to confront it head on.
 
In the video, the singer has two friends, one to each side. However, the lyrics only note the one to her right.
 
This is a reference to the story of Odin's charge against death in the end times. Odin famously sacrificed his right eye, and is therefore blind on his right, which is why the lyrics, which are depicting a readiness in an onward charge, only require an ally to guard the right flank. The "right hand man" archetype is a guard against the blindspot.
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