France/Spain 2011 - Day 14 - Departure

"To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so." - Robert Orben

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France/Spain 2011
Day 14 - 30th March - Departure

As far as I could tell, everyone in my room was male. One came back at about 1am and I didn't know about the rest. Hah, backpackers. No wonder I'd slept well.

7:35am on an ugly street (Avenue des Gobelins) is not a good place to start kissing your guy. But then, what do I know? And this was France.


More snake oil: homeopathy in a beauty parlour. How appropriate.

At the bakery where I'd taken a picture of the Traditional Baguette advertisement the previous day, I bought a demi-baguette. I'd been tempted the previous day but it'd been near closing time so it probably wouldn't have been that good and anyway I was going for dinner. The price was extremely fair at 1,1€ (exactly half the price).

The same place also had a formule petit déjeuner (set breakfast) but it was a terrible deal at 3€ for a pain au chocolat/pain au miel/croissant and an orange pression (freshly squeezed orange juice). With the pastries at 1€-1,1€, that meant you were paying ~2€ for the orange juice. I had it anyway, and the juice was sweet and a little sour at the same time. Not as good as Florida's Natural and definitely not as good as Spanish Orange Juice. The croissant was very good (perfect except it wasn't warm) but the baguette was disappointing: cold annd not that crusty (despite it being about 7:30am). In other words worse than what I usually got in restaurants (I never buy baguettes myself, since I can't finish them). I need to go to Poilâne next time, at My Toy's recommendation.


"Because of a sick traveller, traffic is slowed down along the whole line"
Maybe this was a lame excuse to cover up technical problems.


Some lion. I think it was a monument to the defence of Paris in the Franco-Prussian War. Considering they actually lost the war...


In a park

The Orlybus was 6,6€ and the Orlyval train 10€ including a métro ticket. Yet there was the allure of the train. It was faster also, I think, and definitely less frustrating (due to traffic, if nothing else).

A group of 4East/Southeast Asian women carried branded handbags and huge LV paper bags, and all were wearing boots. Gah. Meanwhile there was a guy wearing a beanie and the hair inside was puffed up, so he looked like one of the coneheads.


The most pathetic boarding pass I'd ever seen, courtesy of AirAsia

There was a hysterical bilingual anti-pirated goods campaign at the airport, probably sponsored by LVMH and friends.




This should read "MU", of course.

At the airport, I witnessed a typically French cultural activity:


Demonstration by cleaning staff

As demonstrations went it wasn't very impressive, but it was the thought that counted.


Demonstration

I asked them why they were protesting and got a lot of vocabulary I didn't understand thrown at me. They asked a PRC to explain to me, but I didn't get it either, since I again got a lot of strange vocabulary. I thought it was about pensions but it turned out it was about overtime which they hadn't been paid for this year (which I rephrased as "la paiement pour les heures prolongées") despite an industrial agreement which went back many years (at least since 1984 - they rattled off a long list of years). They said the airport had a lot of money (from the government, I think) and yet didn't want to pay them. At one point the PRC asked the non-Chinese speakers questions in Mandarin, which I found hilarious (the language confusion effect again).

Since I could do nothing, I just wished them "bonne protestation".


Strike notice


I think these were Soc Gen ads about team spirit.


"Trash output decreased from 2007-2008, thanks to you"
Presumably it went up in 2009.


This menu had no prices, so alarm bells went off. The prices were from top to bottom 8€, 10,10€ and 10,50€ (I only took note of the first 3)


"The ideal man. 50 lessons for seducing the woman who pleases you"
This was beside "Les 7 clés du leadership" ("the 7 keys of leadership"), which was appropriate; both were about 20€. Below was "Pourquoi les hommes ne pensent qu'à ça et les femmes préfèrent le chocolat ?" ("Why do men only think of that and women prefer chocolate?") at an agreeable 6€.


"Le secret des femmes. Voyage au cœur du plaisir et de la jouissance"
("The secret of women. Voyage to the heart of pleasure and orgasm")

There were also similar books like "Qui a peur du point G?" ("Who's afraid of the G spot?"), "sexe, mensonges et petite robe noire" ("sex, lies and the LBD" - telling).

The bookshop also had Liu Xiaobao's "La Philosophie du porc et autres essais". I think it was a French publication (and not a translation). I mean, the philosophy of pigs???

Before immigration, a woman asked me to carry her bag for her. This was not a very smart thing to ask me. Especially as she asked it right in front of a member of the airport staff. Naturally she got scolded. Meanwhile, one French woman took pictures of a group of black teens in the security queue. Uhh. But then she seemed to know them (maybe she was the teacher?)

There was a sign for new security measures for US flights - no printer cartridges weighing 16 ounces or more, even in checkin bags. Yes, the terrorists have won. Maybe their real aim is to make flying unpleasant. So they are actually looking for more and more ways to make security measures even more ridiculous.


"Diploma of the BEST BAGUETTE in Paris. All our breads are weighed and made by hand"
Bullshit. I was so disappointed, and I couldn't finish it. It was even worse 9 hours afrer purchase.

The flight back to KL was emptier than the flight to Paris. The woman beside me suggested I move to an almost-empty row so she could sit with her guy and I would have no one beside me (2 people in a 3 seat row). Inexplicably a woman on the other side of the row sidled up, to the seat beside me. Maybe she was lonely. Then later a woman tried to chase me out of the row (in Cantonese at first - I should've replied in French), claiming I was sitting in her friend's seat. But then her friend had moved away so she could sleep in the row of 3 seats. Grr.

There were also a lot of stewards. More than on all previous AirAsia flights I'd been combined. Possibly multiplied by 2-3.

The Captain thanked us for helping make their dreams reality. Well, guess what? Their dream is no more. Perhaps one reason was they didn't use ad space effectively, wasting a lot of it. At this point only the area where the common video screen would've been on planes in the 90s had ads, but they should've put them also on seat headrests and inside luggage compartments.

There was an ad for Queensland holidays in the plane - not Malaysia. Tsk.

Someone kept talking on the PA system about something called a "window shit".


Pain in Chocolate. Putain.
That said it's cheap, especially for a flight. But it's probably Malaysian Kualiti, especially since AirAsia probably flies everything from Malaysia. How do I know? The mineral water I bought on the Paris-KL leg was packaged in Malaysia (I should've brought my own water on but didn't have enough time due to security screening). For meals there's at least some rationale, but water?! Very good.

Refusing to pay RM25 for Nasi Lemak, I'd smuggled a 6,90€ airport wrap onto the plane. Actually that worked out to about the same (the wrap was quite big but cold and not that good - but there was no Sign of the Evil Eye). Moral of the story: don't buy food at the airport. Though it was too early to get food in the city anyway (e.g. a kebab, which wouldn't have been nice by the time I ate it)

They made a "very special announcement" about drugs before we landed, then a kid started crying. Also, there's a word in Malay: "mandatori". Très bien.

2 of the AirAsia stewardesses made announcements in very good French. Especially when compared to what I'd heard on SIA.

We then landed at KL airport.


I found this hilarious. Now you can bribe Malaysian officials with your credit card. Who said they don't move forward into the 21st century?


Boost Juice Bar


"Customer Satisfactory Box"

The rest of the journey back was uneventful.


AirAsia used to justify their no outside food policy with some line about respecting different Asian cultures, i.e. "our food is Halal and yours isn't". Now they just had a blanket ban without explanation. Moral of the story: fly on an airline from a civilised country. Of course libertarians can claim that there is a willing buyer-willing seller market, but then the airline could equally impose conditions like compulsory comfort kit purchases under this rule.

Interestingly the food has an allergy warning about nuts, gluten, seafood, eggs and dairy products. So I don't know what you're supposed to do if you're allergic, given their no outside food policy. I've got to see what happens next time - I'll tell AirAsia I'm allergic to one of these things and bring my own food onboard. Then again I saw a woman eating "Chips à l'ancienne" and no one stopped her. Doubtless its kualiti was much higher than the made in Malaysia pringles original available for sale.

AirAsia meal prices are by origin city. Flights from KL, Taipei, India and China cost RM12, those from Seoul 14,000 Won, Tokyo at 900Y, Paris at 6€, London 6£, Australia A$8 and New Zealand $15. This is not entirely justified by distance differentials.

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And now on to my Australia 2011 travelogue. I think I should finish each trip before starting on the next one, so I know just *how* far behind I am.

France/Spain 2011 - Day 13, Part 2 - Paris

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw

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France/Spain 2011
Day 13 - 29th March - Paris (Part 2)

When I got to Paris (Orly) I shelled out for some more La Durée macarons. I think they open at 6:30am!


Framboise, Caramel à fleur de sel, Pétale de Rose, Orange and Passionfruit
(Raspberry, Caramel with fleur de sel, Rose Petal)
The Rose had the most intense rose scent I'd ever smelled (I was benchmarking it with rose-scented products, naturally, since real roses almost never have a smell that's even vaguely intense).


Croatia ad. I was intending to visit this during my next trip to Europe, but it didn't work out. Perhaps next time.


"To the children of the 13th Arrondisement who died for France"


They like Charles de Gaulle's words so much they put them on a plaque.


Some crap beauty product with no hormones or soya.


Equality is not having to shave your armpits

Having arrived at 6+, I wasn't able to do much; I was supposed to meet Cunning Linguist for dinner and had gotten an earlier flight, but got stood up. So ironically I had quite a lot of time. I definitely wanted to head to Piment d'Or (the Asian Prince restaurant), so I walked down to Porte d'Italie.


"Traditional French Baguette"
Apparently these were better than the normal ones, so I wanted to try one.


This is cheap. I'm going to Paris to make my next pair of glasses. My last pair of glasses in Singapore must've been at least S$150. This is 40€ including the lenses.


Yummy-looking artisanal breads.


Macarons in shop window. 13,50€ for 16 vs 1,60€ for 1 at La Durée. Almsot half the price, and you get a box free.

I saw a lady and her dog begging (the dog makes it more credible somehow). Too bad I had thrown away the crap Spanish pastry. I should walk around with food and give it to beggars.


Lost dog poster. Pasted over an anti-foie gras poster (quelle horreur !)


I think this "Chobix" amused me because I thought I saw a Chobits reference.

They bill themselves as "Le magazine fait par les actrices" ("The magazine made by the actresses").

I went to Chobix's website to try to find out how they shared their profits with their actresses, whether they take on directoral, scriptwriting, marketing, billing or customer support roles to expand their portfolios and prepare for when they retire from the pornography industry, if all of them have the right to require barrier use during filming and perhaps if they have a complicated profit-sharing scheme which includes stock options.

I went to read the interviews in the hope of finding out such information, and was pleasantly surprised to read, in an interview with Chloé Delaure:

"I.S. : Tu es prête à la notoriété, ça veut dire que ta famille est au courant de ce que tu fais ?
C.D. : Absolument, je ne leur cache rien. J’assume ce que je fais donc tout le monde est au courant depuis le début. Pour le reste, en dehors de ma famille, je me fi che de ce que les gens pensent de moi

I.S. : C’est sûr ! Comment un homme doit-il se comporter au lit avec toi ?
C.D. : Ca dépend. Si j’ai envie de passer une soirée tranquille, j’aime qu’il soit doux. Mais sinon, en règle générale, je suis soumise. Sans jamais tomber dans l’extrême, j’aime qu’il me donne des petites fessées, qu’il me tire un peu les cheveux…."

This is actually a genuine interview! I was extremely surprised, and pleasantly pleased (translations available on request).

In the end, I didn't manage to find out what I had set out to, but I have learnt a new piece of vocabulary: "branlette espagnole" ("Spanish wanking" [male]), which translates as Paizuri. Amusingly, the British are following in a long and time-honoured tradition by calling it the French Fuck. Another term: "Se Goder".

I also came across this amusing cover letter on the forum. I'm trying to decide whether it's taking the piss:

"Madame, Monsieur,

Je suis un homme de 23ans , mesurant 1m75 , bruns.
J'aimerais effectuer un tournage X. Je souhaiterais intégrer une grande enseigne comme CHOBIX afin d'acquérir de l'expérience professionnelle et d'enrichir mes connaissances sexuelles.

J'ai toujours été attiré par le domaine du sexe et plus particulièrement par la pornographie. J'ai choisi cette entreprise pour me spécialiser car j'espère devenir hardeur.

Mon adaptation aux situations nouvelles, ma motivation, ma rigueur, mes connaissances constituent mes atouts que je souhaite mettre au service de la CHOBIX.

Espérant que ma candidature retienne votre attention, je me tiens à votre entière disposition afin de vous soumettre ma vive motivation.

Je vous prie d'accepter, Madame, Monsieur, l'expression de mes salutations distinguées.

PS: je fournirai mes coordonnées qu'après avoir reçu une réponse à cette demande merci."


"Made in Italy". So it's not fresh.

I walked into a Monoprix to buy something for my ex-boss, and at the book aisle I was struck by a realisation:


Very little of the books are actually French. And one of the French books was "je ne sais pas maigrir" ("I don't know how to lose weight").


Cheap Boursin! For some reason some is 1,92€ per pack and some 1,99€. I don't know why they even bother. It's a strange product differentiation strategy.


"Diversity"
You can tell they have problems with it if they need to advertise a job fair which promises to give you an equal chance

I then entered (Indo-)Chinatown. With lots of shots with signs in Chinese which didn't translate to French.


"中法旅游" ("The Chinese way of travelling")
Presumably it involves rushing from place to place, lots of shopping and Chinese food.


"Famous digital cameras"
Presumably not PRC brands


"法国友谊食品有限公司"
("France Friendship Foodstuffs Pte Coy")

I noticed that even bona fide Vietnamese places didn't use Vietnamese but Chinese characters. In fact I couldn't recall any with Vietnamese words (just as I scribbed that I walked by one place with Vietnamese, Katakana Korean, English and Chinese - but no French - words: "Big Store" at www.bigstoreparis.com).

Getting to Piment d'Or, I found the team different. I asked if it had changed and was told it'd stayed the same for 14 years. There was no outside seating this time, but then it was March and not October.

I resolved to try something new, and was thinking of hotplate scallops with spicy sauce, but was advised that Soupe de nouilles à la Saigonnaise (Vietnamese noodles with prawns and grilled pork) would work better for one person, and that it wasn't Pho.


Kir and Soup with Vietnamese Noodles. There were supposed to be quail's eggs but they'd been struck from the menu.

If you think this looks like wanton mee soup with prawns replacing the wantons, you're right. The Vietnamese really took everything from the Chinese. That said it was not bad and the soup was different from the MSG water you get with wanton mee, but still.

The lemon was quite weird. I thought Asian food usually uses limes. Maybe it was a substitution.

I remarked on the remarkable similarity with Chinese noodles and was asked if I was Chinese. I forgot the word for dumpling.


Interior

Some North African guy came in to sell stuff and ignored me. Help help, I'm being repressed!


Wall menu


Their specialities (with photo)


Menu


Of course I couldn't leave without nems. I'd forgotten to order this and only realised when having the noodles. I was asked if I wanted them for takeaway, hurr hurr. They were good, but at 1,075€ per spring roll, not cheap.


Interesting nude woman stirrer for Kir. Very good.

I felt like having dessert, but the desserts seemed Thai. I was recommended "dessert aux trois couleurs froid" (Cold dessert in 3 colours), and he said it was very popular.


Iced Bobo Chacha: red balls, the chendol worms, some salty yellow thing (mung beans?), attap chee, something like sea coconut but less sweet and less darkly coloured and a clear jelly in a serrated shape in coconut milk. Actually I was expecting it to turn out like Bobo Chacha. It was quite good anyhow, and actually had more than 3 colours: green (worms), red (balls), translucent (jelly and attap chee) and cream (coconut milk).

The guy who served me had a weird French accent. I don't know if it was worse than mine.

I was tempted to order more spring rolls (I was already their most greedy client) but they were expensive and I kept in mind the law of diminishing marginal utility of consumption.


Kuei Lu, a Vietnamese digestif.
It was interesting with an indescribable taste. It was almost as strong as vodka and went to the nose a little, leaving a sting on the tongue, with a slightly sweet middle taste (before the aftertaste)
I didn't need to have it to hit the credit card threshold actually.

Later the boss came out and I mentioned I'd been there in October, and was a fan of Asian Prince. He smiled but didn't remember that. Sad.

A white guy then came in to sell stuff: keychains and LEDs for keychains. This was the second vendor of the night, and I was surprised he was white till he put a card in front of me with 3 languages: FR, DE and GB. So he was deaf.




They're one of the only restaurants or indeed establishments with a Vietnamese name


WO-HEN!


Some marriage play. I'm not sure how to translate the title.


"Exotic products"

There was a "中华旅行社" ("Chinese Travel Society"), blandly translated as "M.T. Voyages". This was even better than the Chinese style of travel.

Many restaurants advertised their food as being "à la vapeur" (steamed). Eee.


"Restaurant Kiss. Sushi Fondue"
At first I thought this was sticking the sushi into the fondue (steamboat). The guy who came out to greet me seemed mildly disturbed. I asked him in Mandarin if he spoke Mandarin and at first he went huh (he did). It happens to me too - when one changes one's linguistic mindset. He said he'd migrated when very young.




"Last seating"

Outside the hostel an American guy was briefing a group of teens. I found that amusing.

I stayed at Oops ! Hostel which had won awards for its design. I was skeptical at first but it was quite nice.






Back in Paris from Northern Spain, the most striking thing (en dehors des jolis êtres, bien sûr) was the number of minorities. In Northern Spain, apart from some East Asian shopkeepers, there were almost no minorities. Presumably things are different in the South.

You know it's getting warmer when people are showing cleavage on the métro, and not only guys are staring.

I am told that the best way to spot a Bottle Blonde is the eyebrows, since they usually forget to dye them. Yet I have since realised that this is not as easy as it sounds, since there're many shades of blonde (e.g. strawberry blonde), and with the relatively sparse density on the eyebrows, their true colour may not be immediately apparent at a glance.

The equivalent of the crazy cat lady is probably the hobo with the dog.