Outfield Excursion
All the HQ medics were to be sent outfield to set up the BCS (Battalion Casualty Station) for 2 days and 2 nights, so we were told to report to the Medical Centre by 7pm. In the end, we left just after midnight - the SAF is truly wonderful and efficient.
After we'd set up the BCS, I found that due to it being a night setup (thus enclosed so no light could escape), it was extremely stuff and humid inside, and I felt light-headed - almost faint. And so when we finally got to sleep, instead of sleeping in the BCS tentage or our vehicles, I just opened up a stretcher and KO-ed outside the BCS.
It was already past 3 am, so I was hoping to snatch a precious few hours of uninterrupted rest, but alas, this was not to be. We were made to do guard duty in one hour shifts clad in webbing and helmet - which was even more pointless and obviously for show than it would have been, since we had no weapons. If this wasn't bad enough, through the haze of sleep, I dimly perceived our CO and friends running around, and even after they'd left, I couldn't get back to sleep, especially since the insects were beginning to get to me, so I moved back into the stuffy bronco and uncomfortably reposed.
Being in Armour, we were suitably stocked for our journeys, and while sipping some F&N "Cheeky" Cherryade, a flash of inspiration struck and I came up with one more alternate name for F&N's alliterative series of drinks. So now we have: Obiang Orange (?), Gross Grape, Sucky Strawberry, Freaky Fruitade, Cloying Cherryade, Zonking Zappel (?) and Lousy Lychee! (NB: Names with a question mark beside them are not confirmed as yet) I got some alternate suggestions (cheebye cherryade, fucking fruitade, lanjiao lychee) but somehow they don't have the same charm.
Somehow, we didn't get to draw any combat rations, so we subsisted on bread all the way. This was just as well, I suppose, for from what I saw, other people were eating the Muslim Combat Rations, which not only are hot but contain less pasta packets than the Non-Muslim ones. I discovered that Campbell's Chunky soup is good to have outfield, whether virgin or with bread. I think they should give it to us in our combat rations. It would probably be cheaper than what they currently give us (estimates of 1 24hr pack range from $25 to $50, and most of the cost should go to the SFI-produced meal packets, since the rest can be had commercially), especially in bulk, and sure as hell tastes a whole lot better.
Later in the Outfield Experience, I do not know what came over me, but I had a case of "combat stress reaction" - I broke down when my MO scolded me. I'd forgotten to bring some frozen food from the freezer in camp, cutting off one meal's supplies to widespread discontent. Then later, when we were engaging in casualty "play", I fumbled a few times, and got accused of faking blood pressure readings. I was then inconsolable for a while till I was dispatched back to camp to replenish the ice and make good on my forgetting to bring the frozen food.
Later in the fortnight, I was catching up with a week's backlog of work, and discovered an administrative lapse. The MOs questioned why this was so, and questioned the system, but circumstances inevitably made it seem that it was me taking the hit, and I started to crumble again, managing to get dismissed before I lost control completely.
On a detached level, I wonder why these events distressed me so, for I have little or no pride - indeed, I have no small measure of shame - in anything to do with the SAF. Even if I did, these are little things, and not worthy of worry or taking to heart. And - if I'm going to ORD with this sort of temperament, I think I better check myself into IMH.
Days in 42SAR
To commemorate Total Defense Day, we had a turnout just after 4am on Saturday. We'd heard rumours of a turnout, but it was finally confirmed by our Routine Orders, so we were prepared. I actually had woken up a while before the turnout started, after multiple ringing alarm clocks woke me (but unfortunately, not the ones who set them), though I was too lazy to turn them off, and was lying in bed when I heard the fire bell ringing. People got very excited, and more than one person was running up and down the corridor shouting "ORD Loh!". Groggily, we proceeded downstairs with a mess tin, fork and spoon to eat plain porridge with sweet potato chunks which just made us more hungry, listen to a talk and watch a Defense Watch video, the message of which probably sunk in more effectively due to our lowered resistance to brainwashing. I was actually eagerly anticipating us being asked: "What can we learn from this day?", for I had an answer prepared: "Even when defended by a motivated, well-equipped, well-trained, world class, professional army (the British in 1942), we will lose. So we have no hope with a demoralised, half-past six conscript army of slave soldiers."
I miss the days when all the vending machines in our camp sold Root Beer, and one day I spotted the F&N man topping up one of the machine. I asked him if he could put Root Beer in and he replied that his boss dictated what drinks were available, based on "market data". Bah.
We were made to go on a 5km route march in SBO, and as usual, I was in the Gabriel (ie the last) detail. Sometimes, I wonder why they bother.
During company runs and other physical activities, they like to play us weaker ones off against each other, with cries such as "Christopher is catching up!", or "Gabriel is in front of you. How can you let him beat you?". I, for one, am not swayed by these attempts to appeal to a non-existent part of my pride. In a related note, I am always being accused of "not puting in effort". One of these days, I shall put in no effort at all, stop moving and plonk myself down on the ground.
Our old CSM has returned from East Timor, and during a bunk inspection he allegedly proclaimed Wo-Hen Nankan "obiang" and swore at him, so I have been forced to move his pictures onto the inner door of my cupboard. In more uplifting news, though, I have re-telked (however you spell it) my documentation table, and put pictures of my 2 idols underneath it, to widespread disapproval.
42 is becoming more and more ririculous. Now enlistees are not allowed to wear the battalion baseball cap in camp.
We were chosen to participate in a
grassroots leaders visit to Nee Soon camp one Sunday. Just as we didn't want to be there, I think the grassroots leaders didn't either. Anyhow, we were kiwing the tracks of our Broncos in preparation. Not only was this tedious and tiring, it was pointless too, for by the day of the visit, one could not tell how we'd slaved over the tracks.
One day when I booked out in No 4, the guard 2ic told me to put on my beret, but he himself wasn't wearing his. Bah.
Some reservists tried to hitchhike out of camp, and one of them was making the sign. So I'm not the only idiot who's tried!
Apparently people in HQ4SAB stay out on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights. Wah. [Update: A friend who's in there tells me this isn't true. Just goes to show - don't believe everything you hear in the SAF!]
My WITS team won the "Outstanding Commendable Effort" award. Now, if we could just figure out what that means...
Mandai Range
I got arrowed to cover my company's range at Mandai on Thursday and Friday, and consequently my sleep cycle is seriously disrupted - I woke at 5:10am on Thursday and slept at almost 1:30am, since people took their time shooting at the range. On Friday, I woke at 5:30am (about 4 hours of sleep) and slept just after 12 midnight. However, we had the Total Defence turnout (see above), so I got only about 4 hours of sleep for the second consecutive night.
I did manage to get some sleep at the range - more than the firers, at any rate, but in both quality and quantity it was less than sufficient, due to the rule that at range, no one is allowed to lie down. This rule puzzles me, actually. If the firers don't get to rest properly, they won't shoot properly, especially if it's the second or third day of a range, when insufficient sleep is already having an effect on the firers' performances. Maybe it's just a devious rule drawn up by the SAF to ensure fewer people get Marksman, and so it saves money.
The range itself was quite impressive, as ranges go. The canteen was large and looked like a proper canteen, even coming with a fish pond, public telephone and a dog, and the shooting chambers, toilet and training sheds were all numerous and large.
Medical Centre Musings
The 46SAR recruits are very ardent patrons of our after hours report sick service. It wouldn't be that bad, but for the fact that they come singly, such that sometimes the entire evening can be burnt sending them to see the duty MOs. They should make them wait for 2 hours, then have a tonner send 20 of them to Tengah to see the MO, or have an evening sick parade when they are asked if they want to report sick.
Our medical centre is a veritable rats' paradise. It started with the pantry - if one enters it, there's a good chance that one will see rats scurrying up pipes or scampering across the floor to their hiding places with unearthly speed and dexterity. Now, the infestation has spread. I am told that they now run across the sickbay floor at night, striking abject fear into the hearts of those warded for sore eyes, and they have even been spotted in the waiting area in the main building. I hope that the upcoming renovation will get rid of them once and for all.
After some time, you no longer care - you can no longer afford to. (Un)Fortunately, I haven't reached that stage.
General SAF Thoughts
SAF units always expend all unused rounds (live or blank) after ranges, live firing and exercises. I am told that this is because the paperwork to fill out for returning the rounds is too onerous. Perhaps to save costs, they should make it such that it is easier to return some rounds than expend them all - an incentive, even. Maybe 10% of the cost of returned rounds can be channeled towards the respective unit's welfare fund.
Some doctors interviewed on people who malinger to get fake MCs said that people who do manual, repetitive work and/or are unhappy in their jobs are the most likely to get MCs. This describes the problem the SAF has perfectly.
I wonder why many people are wont to postulate wildly implausible 'what if' scenarios, and then expect others to prepare for all of them, even if the expected benefit is dwarfed by the expected cost.
It's rich, how people can talk about Social Defense as a part of Total Defense, when some parts of the SAF - Armour and Signals, for example, are off limits to certain groups.
I am told in Maju camp, due to the cat infestation, they're getting a day off for each cat they kill. Maybe they should give us a day off for each dog that we kill.
"Fairness" in the SAF
The SAF concept of "fairness" is uniquely warped. Whenever one person manages to pull himself above the others in some small way, perhaps to improve the quality of his life infinitesimally, he will be pulled down promptly by his peers, egged on by the commanders, so that he, once again, is as miserable as they are, to a chorus of "it's not fair to the others". For example, if some people in a group are in the shade, they are told to move into the sun (even if the area of shade is sufficient to accommodate everyone). As a friend puts it, this is the "Crab Bucket Syndrome - a term coined by educational psychologists, describing the phenomena that crabs in a bucket will always pull down the lone crab who’s almost crawled out of the bucket. Prevalent mainly where large groups of oppressed/disempowered people gather hoping no one will rise above his/her station and make the rest of them look lazy. e.g. school, the workplace, the military).
One wonders why, instead of this "one suffer, all suffer" (sic) attitude, they cannot have a "one enjoy, all enjoy" (sic) attitude. Life, after all, is not a zero-sum game, and this mercantilist philosophy can only lead to greater aggregate suffering as the "equal misery principle" is applied. If not everyone can be happy, can not at least some people be less unhappy than the others?
I suspect that this mentality is deliberately encouraged both to play slaves off against each other in trivial matters such as these, such that they fall to petty squabbling and putting each other down and thus are distracted from greater things, and to reinforce the sense in everyone that National Slavery is a must - if one has had to do it, one will be less objecting to one's sons doing it ("I did it. So can/should/must/will you, son"), and will also strenuously object if, in the distant future, they come to their senses and decide to enslave a smaller proportion of the male population ("I had/have to do it. Why shouldn't they?").
"It is hard to think of any neo-conservative who has put on his country's uniforms other than in his dreams" (The Economist) - Deliciously wicked. I love it.
The funniest book I have read in a long while: "How to marry the man of your choice" (Margaret Kent, 1988). Particularly mirth-inducing sections are forthcoming, and I'm not the only one who thinks so as Publishers Weekly commented that "the author's detailed tips on male manipulation comprise a howling, humorous success". (Apparently the book sold for US$95 on initial publication!)
A certain friend of mine - let's call him "Melvin", to preserve his privacy - not too long ago made the mistake of agreeing to let the NKF suck a few dollars off him every month. Since that fateful day, he has changed his mind (or decided he was too lazy to give them his bank account number). He has been pestered by the NKF staff at least 3 times on his handphone, and they have now resorted to emailing him to try to wheedle his bank account number from him. It seems they don't get the message, while he is too shy to tell them the truth (maybe I need to answer the 4th call for him and forcefully turn them away with my holy charms). The NKF is really like the dialysis machines it buys, sucking blood endlessly. The only difference being most, or at least a good portion, of the blood disappears. I wonder where all the money goes to, anyway.
[Ed: Update as of 15/02/04 - They've sent something by snail mail to his house. I offered my services in rebuffing them but "Melvin" declined. For all we know, their overpaid staff will be knocking on his door next!]
Apparently Nokia phones cannot send pictures and ringtones to one another via IR. Evil!
I am told that My Little Pony slash exists, but I'm having finding it. Maybe I need to ask the Internet Search Wizard.
Quotes:
I have a feeling of impending doom.
Silly And Foolish. SAF stands for what. (That's what SAF stands for)
[On the grassroots leaders visit to Nee Soon camp] So are any of our friends' fathers grassroots leaders? Ask them to go. "Very good, very good"
[On safety and learning from mistakes] All wear black. CO killed by a flying baka pole. "Treat it as a learning experience"
[On a route march] I'm your bunk mate. I always take good care of you. Fuck you, walk faster lah!
[Someone: Signal platoon diam! Good morning Sir!] Go away, go away. [Someone: Permission to carry on Sir!] Carry on 20. [Someone: Thank you Sir! Signal platoon at ease!]
[On why there are so many school kids in Bishan] Everybody likes RI guys, so they come here to pick them up.
Once I came to 42, everything went down[hill]. Nothing surprises me anymore.
[On my being in 42SAR for almost 20 months] I don't know how you lasted here so long. You are truly strong.
[On 'How to marry the man of your choice'] This stupid book plants stupid ideas into stupid women.
[On the above] Are you going to write that down? Let me repeat it to you slowly. [Me: No need]
[On my listening to 96.8FM] What the hell are you doing? Do you want me to send you to PCC?
[On my troubles] They seems to have given up on you. Now they only make fun of you. Always seems to call your name. (seem)
[On safety during the airborne course] There ws one guy who was even more vicious. He hoped that ***'d land in a crocodile farm in Southern Thailand.
[Routine Orders] All personnel are reminded to consume porridge for breakfast on Saturday in collaboration to Total Defense Day (commemoration of)
[Me on the black meal: I hope it's not mat food] I think it's mat food. I heard the food today is funeral food.
Are we the only ones who clean the toilet? Sorry, I phrased it wrongly. Are we the only ones who are supposed to clean the toilet?
There's nothing much to do in the Treatment Room. I wonder what Toh Ah Beng does there all day. That's why he goes for so many details... His job is so much easier than mine.
[On my secret garden] Why is my name still there?... And stop forging my signature! [Me: It's not me. It was Melvin]
