Quote of the Post: "Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?" - Philip G. Hamerton

***

Ponderable thought of the day: Malay males call each other "bruder", but no one calls Malay females "sistuh"

***

My favourite Engineer sends along this picture, on which she comments: "Disturbing how lecturer's jokes can be so lame..."



***

Someone on my retelling of a faux pas:

"?? that don't sound very malicious to me. but you've got a way with people."

Indeed I do, don't I? *g*

***

I used to use Miranda on my laptop for my ICQ-ing and MSN-ing needs, but I found that it choked up, and slowed to a crawl when too many messages came in/went out. Worse, it kept telling me that my messages were timing out, when in fact they were going through. The result of which was that some people got the same message from me 6 times, as I kept trying to resend my "timed out" messages.

Xephyris is still a big fan of it, but after my traumatic experience I've shifted to Trillian Pro. Maybe I shall use it on my desktop too.

***

solsetur on Boiled Coke in Traditional Chinese Medicine:

"coke is used by voodoo-medicine doctors in certain parts of the world. they do see 'miracles' happen afterwards, eg your ailing grandfather suddenly being able to leap around - which is probably the effect of all that sugar and who knows what present in coke.

I can't remember where I read this from. It was a very long time ago. In those parts of the world Coke is more than just a commercialised trendy drink - it has magical medicinal properties too. I laughed when I read it."

Maybe it's the cocaine. Ah, the power of psycho-somatic healing is wondrous indeed. I wonder if they credit Coke with spontaneous remission of cancer too.

***

An acquaintance got his letter published:


PRs and NS: A conflict of interest

Weekend • September 11, 2004

I REFER to Mindef's letter, "PRs can serve NS in other nation, but..." (Sept 10).

Instead of acknowledging the obvious conflict of interest, the response from Colonel Bernard Toh has repeated sections of Singaporean policy. The time will come when Singaporean PRs will have to decide between serving their NS obligations in different countries, for serving more than one is untenable.

Upon serving NS in Singapore, an oath of allegiance needs to be taken, where loyalty and allegiance is sworn to the Republic of Singapore. Why should a foreigner swear allegiance to a foreign state?

I hope that Colonel Toh will offer some insight into the policy regarding this conflict of interest, and if need be, set up a forum to resolve this issue.

Ho Joe-Han

***

Subject: weird number 11

11 has become to be a very interesting number. It could be a forced coincidence, but in any case this is interesting. You decide for your self:

1) New York City has 11 letters.
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W. Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence... (Could it be?)

Now here is what is interesting...

1) New York is the State # 11
2) The first plane crushing against the Twin Towers was flight 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers Adding this number gives 9+2=11.
4) Flight # 77 who also hit the towers, was carrying 65 passengers Adding this: 6+5=11.
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
6) The date is equal to the emergency number 911. Adding this: 9+1+1=11

Now we have a very upsetting piece..

1) The total number of victims inside the planes are 254: 2+5+4=11
2) The day September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year: 2+5+4=11
3) After September 11, there are 111 days more to the end of the year.
4) The tragedy of 3/11/2004 in Madrid also adds to: 3+1+1+2+4=11.
5) The tragedy in Madrid happened 911 days after the tragedy of the Twin Towers.

Spooky!! Read on.....! This is really eerie,,,,, This is something to think about!

Since America is typically represented by an Eagle. Saddam and Bin Laden should have read up on their Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Quran, (the Islamic Bible).

Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Note the verse number!!!!!


Oh my God! How worried should I be? There are 11 letters in the name "David Pawson!" I'm going into hiding NOW. See you in a few weeks.

Wait a sec ... just realized "YOU CAN'T HIDE" also has 11 letters! What am I gonna do? Help me!!! The terrorists are after me! ME! I can't believe it!

Oh crap, there must be someplace on the planet Earth I could hide! But no ..."PLANET EARTH" has 11 letters, too!

Maybe Nostradamus can help me. But dare I trust him? There are 11 letters in "NOSTRADAMUS."

I know, the Red Cross can help. No they can't... 11 letters in "THE RED CROSS," can't trust them.

I would rely on self defense, but "SELF DEFENSE" has 11 letters in it, too! Can someone help?

Anyone? If so, send me email. No, don't... "SEND ME EMAIL" has 11 letters....

Will this never end? I'm going insane! "GOING INSANE???" Eleven letters!!

Nooooooooooo!!!!!! I guess I'll die alone, even though "I'LL DIE ALONE" has 11 letters....

Oh my God, I just realized that America is doomed! Our Independence Day is July 4th ... 7/4 ... 7+4=11!

- Dave

PS. "IT'S BULLSHIT" has 11 letters also.

[See also: Snopes]

***

Friendly Feudalism: The Tibet Myth

In the Dalai Lama's Tibet, torture and mutilation---including eye gouging, the pulling out of tongues, hamstringing, and amputation--were favored punishments inflicted upon runaway serfs and thieves... Since it was against Buddhist teachings to take human life, some offenders were severely lashed and then "left to God" in the freezing night to die. "The parallels between Tibet and medieval Europe are striking," concludes Tom Grunfeld in his book on Tibet.

We are told that when the Dalai Lama ruled Tibet, the people lived in contented and tranquil symbiosis with their monastic and secular lords, in a social order sustained by a deeply spiritual, nonviolent culture, inspired by humane and pacific religious teachings. The Tibetan religious culture was the social glue and comforting balm that kept rich lama and poor peasant spiritually bonded together, to maintain those proselytes who embrace Old Tibet as a cultural purity, a Shangri-La.

One is reminded of the idealized imagery of feudal Europe presented by latter-day conservative Catholics such as G. K. Chesterton and Hilaire Belloc. For them, medieval Christendom was a world of contented peasants living in a deep spiritual bond with their Church, under the protection of their lords. Again we are invited to accept a particular culture on its own terms, which means accepting it as presented by its favored class, by those at the top who profited most from it. The Shangri-La image of Tibet bears no more resemblance to historic reality than does the romanticized image of medieval Europe.

***

Patient dies - " A 56-year-old patient [Jerome Saarines of Ottawa] using an oxygen tank in a room at the VA hospital near Maywood died Monday morning after the cigarette he was smoking ignited the tank Sunday"

Dog Wiggles Paw Free to Shoot Florida Man - "A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger."

Rowboat Veterans for Truth - "Friends and fellow countrymen, it's time to set the record straight. "General" George Washington is no war-hero... Rowboat Vets for Truth is here to share the real story, to correct the misleading use of our images, against our will, in paintings, woodcuts and pamphlets across the colonies. The Rowboat Vets for Truth will counter the outrageous claims made by Mr. Washington and the liberal printing presses in Boston and Philadelphia... It's time to set the record straight."

Can You Be a Pornstar? - "Think you've got what it takes to be a pornstar? We are now casting for 'Can You Be A Pornstar - Season 2!' Click Here to take your first step to $100,000.00 and an Adult Video Contract of your very own! Good Luck!"
Reality TV is getting weirder and weirder.

Torn on porn's net effect - "Pornography is good for people, the academic leading a taxpayer-funded study of the subject said yesterday... 'The surprising finding was that pornography is actually good for you in many ways,' Dr McKee said. 'When you look at people who are using it in everyday life, over 90 per cent report it has had a very positive effect.' Dr McKee said porn users reported it had taught them 'to be more relaxed about their sexuality' and marriages were healthier, while porn made people think about another person's pleasure and made them less judgmental about body shapes. 'The more we try and turn porn into something that's seen to be bad and has to be kept away from families, the more problems we might be causing for ourselves.'"

The Worst Jobs in History - "The history we are taught usually features the lives and times of the great and the good, of the haves and not the have-nots. But the famous aristocrats and monarchs could not have existed without the battalions of minions who performed the tasks that were beneath their masters. In this website, we take you on a journey through 2,000 years of British history and the worst jobs of each era."

Microsoft security chief uses Firefox - "Life is safer that way"

iPod Used In Domestic Homicide

Sun 'bomber' in Commons - "A Sun reporter could have blown up the House of Commons yesterday... Our man posed as a Commons waiter to smuggle in a fake bomb. He exposed shambolic security to get the job with bogus references. And just hours before Wednesday's Commons drama he even served Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott... Commons leader Peter Hain said last night The Sun had done MPs a favour by exposing lax security in Parliament. Mr Hain said: 'This confirms all my worst fears and why I have so determinedly pushed for much tighter security and modern professional procedures in the House. Frankly, The Sun has done the House a favour by exposing the amateurish and old-fashioned culture which is a threat to the very cockpit of our democracy.'"
Of course in Singapore he would have been arrested for trespassing and willful mischief instead of being thanked for his efforts to improve security.

The Catholic Version: Do pro-life policies reduce abortion? Or, Why Good Catholics can be Pro-Choice - "What happened when Poland banned abortions in the 1990s? If pro-life policies reduce abortion significantly, there would have been a spike in Poland's birthrate. But Poland's birth rate remained steady."

Wikipedia article on Singlish - "Is it: Used to form yes-no questions, generic like the French n'est-ce pas?, regardless of the actual verb in the sentence."
Fricatives? Phonemes? Acrolectal? Prosody? Argh! *boggle*

Bush Shoot-Out - I'm lousy. I can't even get past the first level on the lowest level of difficulty.

How to remove chewing gum - They should make all the MRT janitors read this one.

Kohlberg's Stages - "Lawrence Kohlberg (1927-1987) was a well-known theorist in the field of moral development. He posed moral dilemmas (e.g., Heinz Dilemma) to his subjects then asked questions to probe their reasons for recommending a specific course of action."

Free Music! - "Looking for classical recordings? Share these with your friends, link to me, spread the word! Everything you can get to from here is 100% copyable - it's produced independently of the RIAA, because we love music! This site primarily archives the concerts of the MIT Concert Choir and MIT Chamber Chorus."
Unfortunately, they're not very good. At least not in the few pieces I've heard.

28.571428571428573% of me is a huge nerd! How about you? - Someone: "i got exactly the same as u. this is a sham"

Weird game where you thwack little Cyclopic aliens. A variation of whack the mole.

Fever x 2/7, headache x 2/7. Perennial dry cough.

38.1 degrees. 124/87mmHg, 115/min despite 10 tabs x setamol over 26 hrs.

P2! P2! IV H/M 1L/2hrs.

Chinese Language Policies In Singapore

We are a group of students researching the impact of the declining standard of the Chinese language on society in Singapore as our Project Work assignment. The following survey is part of our research and we would appreciate your help in completing it.

The declining standard of Chinese has manifested itself in several education policies:
- The Chinese Language B Syllabus is an easier exam and syllabus studied by students who are struggling with the language.
- Requirements for taking Higher Chinese have been lowered to make it easier for able students to take the language at a higher level in hopes of producing a bilingual elite.
- University admission criteria have been altered, making it no longer compulsory to include Chinese results in admission scores.
- A new review committee has been set up to monitor and modify Chinese teaching methods in accordance with the ability levels of students.

We would like to know your opinions and views on these changes. Thank you.

Question 9: How would the policies affect you personally?
Answer: Others: I DO NOT TAKE CHINESE ANYMORE. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

***

More insights on what happens at night in the halls of our country's Premier Institution of Social Engineering:

Friend: the guys in my block are looking for girls to drag into the toilets to shampoo. all of us have to lock our doors. what the heck

it's some honour thing lah.... like why tchs guys don't want to get stripped during their birthdays

and it's very difficult to wash clean after tt cos they use A LOT of shampoo

Me: wah lao sounds like they go around raping girls... forcibly pinning them down etc

Friend: close


Witnessing this sounds like it would be more fun than being a voyeur!

Quote of the Post: "Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists." - John Kenneth Galbraith

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Free wireless broadband for Starhub Mobile customers at Changi Airport. Yay.


"Come find out today scientifically why god exists and why jesus loves you at our talk... 14 september, 2pm, LT 27"

Heh heh. This is too good to resist. I love my informants.

***

By popular demand, more engineer jokes:


Blind Fire Fighters

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?


The Lost Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says,"Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 41 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going to. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."


Engineers & Accountants on a Train

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but all three engineers cramed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants cramed into a restroom and the three engineers cramed into another nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."


A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."


To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

***

"Dear Offended,

I do not suggest that I may have the privilege of viewing society from a more illuminating angle at all, but there is something that I have learned for myself over the years. I have learned that things/events/words are not offensive; it is the context in which things/events/words are used and accepted.

Why do I use the word “cripple” so readily? It’s partially the shock value, but it is mostly because I feel it is important to practice what I am explaining now. A person who calls me a cripple is not necessarily an asshole; it’s the way he uses it. Actually, I am all for free expression, especially if that expression is blatantly offensive. It makes the assholes stand out.

If you were to shine everything up and remove any potentially offensive bit from all humor, there would be no humor at all. Any joke, even the most innocent joke told by my seven year old niece, has a party being hurt either physically or emotionally. We laugh because it is the only way to express ourselves at the time, empathetic or not.

If you hide what is considered offensive in order not to offend but do nothing about its context, you empower that thing to be much more than it ever was. It’s like using a racial epithet. It’s not the word itself, it’s the racist asshole that’s using it."

(notice on It's a BK Holiday!, flash animation to the MP3 of "Ding Fried Are Done", some Burger King parody to the tune of Carol of the Bells)

***

"USP has an entire block at PGP!!
i guess they want u guys to fuck other scholars
whoops, i mean get to know other scholars"

Heh heh.

Quote of the Post: "There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously." - Thomas Sowell

Random Playlist Song: Westminster Cathedral Choir - Schubert - The Lord is my Shepherd D706

Yay. Another of the songs that I've been looking for for the longest time is now within my grasp. Though I'm not fond of organ accompaniments, since the organ notes, already slightly muffled by their nature, tend to merge into indistinct clumps when you layer voices on top of them.

***

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said : "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter.

That made my stepdaughter, my stepmother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father in-law.

Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grand father of my half brother.

This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my stepmother is also the grandmother. This makes my father, the brother in-law of my child whose stepsister is my father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt [Ed: step-daughter-in-law actually], my son is my father's nephew [Ed: step-cousin-in-law actually] and I am my own GRANDFATHER [Ed: step-grandfather actually] !!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS.............................


Did I correct the familial relations properly?

This story is actually based on a song: I'm My Own Grandpa

***

A Rulebook for Arguments


(4) Use definite, specific, concrete language

Write concretely: avoid abstract vague, general terms. "We hiked for hours in the sun" is a hundred times better than "It was an extended period of laborious exertion."

NO:

For those whose roles primarily involved the performance of services, as distinguished from assumption of leadership responsibilities, the main pattern seems to have been a response to the leadership’s invoking obligations that were concomitants of the status of membership in the societal community and various of its segmental units. The closest modern analogy is the military service performed by an ordinary citizen, except that the leader of the Egyptian bureaucracy did not need a special emergency to invoke legitimate obligations. [This passage is from Talcott Parsons, Societies: Evolutionary an Comparative Perspectives (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1966), p. 56. I owe the quotation and the rewritten version which follows to Stanislas Andreski, Social Science as Sorcery (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1972), Chapter 6.]

Yes:

In ancient Egypt the common people were liable to be conscripted for work.


LOL. So much for academic writing - I doubt anyone who writes like in the latter style would be hired, really. It's just the conspiracy of using jargon to exclude others from your inner circle, really.

***

When she was in Egypt for her travel show, Zoe Tay went not only to the Great Pyramid of Khufu, but also the Step Pyramid of Zoser at Saqqara and the Bent Pyramid of Snefru at Dhashur. I'm impressed.


The PVC coated card that I ordered from Kah Keng and Kah Seng at the Science Foyer about 3 weeks ago has arrived! Now I can terrorise everyone with it!


Front


Back


Someone on Wo-hen Nankan:

I totally understand how you feel dude. And I know your secret. It's your mullet combine with your stache. And the shoulder pads... and the obscene vans... and the offensive shirt... and the kensas size ego... somehow, all these elements that are traditionally known to be nothing but bad taste all rolled together with the obscene ego suddenly becomes a new form of retro-chic, making you the sexiest man to the opposite sex, as well as some of the same sex.

it's kinda like a circle. when you go further back enough, you loop around go to the front. Yes, I'm totally jealous, screw you.


An observation about choristers: Many of them are nonchalent about non-modern music. A few of them start to like choral music, though usually only the pieces/genres that they're used to.

Some of them find that they have an affinity for modern acapella, which really is mostly a way of singing pop music without needing guitars and drums, so that's not really counted.

However, it seems that only those who have prior musical background like classical music. Ah well.


Got my ink from a company called "S-Trans". So far it's been ok, only occasionally not flowing properly, in which case I've to reprint the page. At least they delivered the goods, unlike sginkjets!

***

As a service towards the world at large, I am hosting the lyrics and mp3 of the unofficial song of the NUS USP: "That's what I call an education", by Don Shiau.

All I will say about this song is to quote someone else: "It's about everything it says it isn't about"

MP3
Don Shiau - That's What I Call an Education! (128kbps, 44khz, 1724kb)


Lyrics:

That's What I Call an Education!
Don Shiau

It's not about money
It's not about grades
It's not about mugging
It's not about brains
It's not about glamour
It's not about elites
It's not about power
Or how hard to compete

Chorus:
It's about diversity
Growing opportunities
Bounded only by imagination
Being in the USP
Building a community
Now that's what I call an education

It's not about money
It's not about bonds
It's not about how much
It's not about how long
It's not about ranking
It's not about power
It's not about living
In an ivory tower

(repeat chorus)

***

What Happened to the Political Sim? - "Read the reviews of countless recent strategy titles, and you’ll find a recurrent criticism: Their diplomatic systems lack depth. The very model of a modern AI general might be supremely challenging in other respects, but when it comes to negotiation, he’s monolithic and stupid. However, this is merely a symptom: The approach of developers to strategy gaming has become so focused on play dynamics that political simulations have all but vanished. Look at the latest batch of strategy releases, and one might think consumers want nothing but relentless action even in so-called brainy releases, and couldn’t give two hoots whether, say, Pope Julius II is depicted with his devious strategic imagination historically intact."
After watching nw.t play Hidden Agenda, I wanted to play it too so I emailed the author of Hidden Agenda, who said he'd send the game to anyone who asked, but I haven't gotten a response after many days.

Alice Law - "Learn Special Relativity and General Relativity with this program. The program shows in an extraordinary way, how and why occur these magical physics laws"

Mothers Against Maddox (mirror - original site here) - This is hilarious. As Maddox comments: "For years, I was under the impression that the only mother who wanted my site shut down was my own. I stand corrected"

Big Burger - "A 6 lb. Burger. Where's the beef? It's at a Pennsylvania pub that serves the world's biggest burger — weighing in at NINE lip-smacking pounds! That's no whopper — you can actually get this meat monster for $23.95, loaded with all the fixings: Two whole tomatoes, a half-head of lettuce, 12 slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers, two entire onions, plus, a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard."

2nd reason found to check woman's ring finger - "Women whose index fingers are shorter than their ring fingers are more likely to engage in casual sex, a McMaster University psychologist claims... The strongest indicator of high sexual activity, of the seven Clark studied, was the amount of money spent on alcohol."
And I wonder why I'm a teetotaller.

Research Randomizer - "Research Randomizer is a free service offered to students and researchers interested in conducting random assignment and random sampling."
I thought it was faking results for your assignments! *g*

Da Vinci mystery tour piques Paris - "Officials at St Sulpice are annoyed by the onslaught of visitors brandishing the novel and are angered by the book's distortion of history. Staff are so exhausted by demands for information about the Priory of Sion, which Brown links to the church, that they have hung a terse printed notice on a side wall: 'Contrary to the fanciful allegations in a recent best-selling novel, this is not the vestige of a pagan temple.'"

Singapore Political Dissidents (from Carl Parkes, Singapore Handbook, 1st edition, which I doubt is on sale here) - This excerpt has the stories of Chia Thye Poh ("near-holder of world’s record for political detention"), J.B. Jeyaretnam ("Singapore’s most defiant opposition figure"), Vincent Cheng and the Marxist Conspiracy ("few observers thought it possible that this loose collection of lawyers, Christian activists, and theatrical performers comprised some sort of Marxist conspiracy against the Singapore government"), Francis Seow and Chee Soon Juan ("fired by the university on charges that he had spent US$138 of university research funds to ship his wife's doctoral thesis to Pennsylvania State University"), and ends with 2 famous quotes on democracy and freedom, and a sycophantic mass media from MM which, for some reason, you never read in the Straits Times.

Quote of the Post: "I know nothing about sex because I was always married." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Random Playlist Song: Handel - Joshua - Overture

***

Some Engineer jokes from the archives:

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.


Two engineering students are walking across campus; one turns to the other and asks: "Hey, that's some cool bike. Where'd you get such a great bike?"

"Well, I'll tell you. I was out for a walk yesterday, minding my own business, when this beautiful woman rides up on this bike. She throws it to the ground, rips off all her clothes, and says, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nods approvingly. "Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

***

Since I was OCR-ing stuff for my mother's exam papers, I got down to scanning these too:







***

One of TalkingCock's less lame (and more funny) cartoons:

MEN IN WHITE


One day in a HDB estate...

Girl: AIYEE!


Mother: Ah Girl, what is it? Wha'ppen?

Girl: I... I just saw on this wep site... a political opinion!


Girl: ...B-but they don't exist in Singapore... do they?

Mother: I... I donno...


Mysterious Figure: They do, Ma'am, but they shouldn't. That's where we come in...

Girl: Who're you?

Mother: Wait... I... I've heard of you, b-but only in whispers... Y-you're...


Mother: MIW - Men In White

Crew Cut Man: That's right, Ma'am. We show up whenever someone witnesses something alien to Singapore...


Crew Cut Man: There are certain things people shouldn't know about for their own good and the good of the country...

Long Haired Man: Huh! This one's a dangerous one...


Long Haired Man: He doesn't even believe what's written in the Straits Times!

[more]

***

More tales of raunchy prurience from solsetur:


"Sheares hall is having 'Buaya' week, which is their version of the Angel Mortal
game. KH was telling us about his buaya (Angel) the other day during project discussion.

So since I don't know who she is we've been passing presents through X (this other guy) and the other day apart from my gifts, I hugged X and told him that he must pass my hug and hug her.

So X did, came back, and after handing over all her presents told me that she returned the hug with a kiss. But no way was he going to kiss me so I better forget about 'getting' her kiss.

Shit. They told me she is quite chio.

Shit. She kissed X, that lucky idiot.

Shit. I could not get my kiss in the end because X refused to kiss me! X took advantage of my 'Buaya'!!!

Tough luck."

***

"The sound of the harpsichord has been variously described as the ticking of a sewing machine (Ralph Vaughan Williams), a toasting fork on a birdcage (Percy Scholes), and two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof (Thomas Beecham)... the sound can be varied in ways which are simply not possible on any other keyboard, including the modern piano. Dramatic tonal changes can be made by switching manuals, adding extra "choirs" of strings, or applying a lute stop. This is particularly important since the harpsichord - unlike the piano - is very limited in its ability to vary dynamics (note volume) and articulation (note length)."


Someone from the other (wrong) side of the Iron Curtain on the new CO of 42SAR:

"Some guy called Bobby Lee. And his first name is not Robert. He gave a guy 3 extra for talking during his speech.

And his commander 7.

He also implemented weekend RT."


"u dont cut it it'll grow slower than usual
so the theory is that u should trim it a little
keeps ur hair in good health too"

Maybe I should rescind my vow not to let scissors touch my hair for the forseeable future.


Dilbert in a gray area social situation


Someone: i can quote you in my article man. give me a good quote

Someone: Gabriel, an avid user of P2P software, shares, "Ever since I started using file sharing, I've bought more CDs. But not everyone is like me, they're cheapskate."

Me: eh I didn't say that!
learning the first tool of the journalists' trade already, I see: misquoting others

Someone: you learn fast. next up, fabricating articles.

Quote of the Post: "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." - Hunter S. Thompson

Random Playlist Song: Schubert - Impromptu in B flat major

***

Picture of the Day



Observe the vacuous, wide-eyed look on the faces of the people on the shirt. They're either hypnotised or on drugs.

Someone: "zombie kids, i say. that blank, emotionless stare from their cold, unblinking eyes :)

**** is breeding zombies!!!

all with terribly cheena hairstyles. and scrawny arms. and they all seem to be locked in a position as if they want the wind to disperse the sweat from their left armpits"

***

CampBabe 2004

"Join the Search for CampBabe 2004

The event which enlivened camp sites and kept our soldiers delighted is back!

CampBabe 2004 is jointly organized by SAFRA Radio and MIW to bring more refreshing programmes and see more joyful faces in camps this year.

In addition, the young, talented and aspiring female contestants are also given an opportunity to pursue a dream career as a DJ with SAFRA Radio Dongli 88.3FM, not to mention winning $5,000 worth of cash and prizes."


And you thought NS Idol was bad enough! No doubt the soldiers were "delighted", though, given how desperate most NS guys are. Most of them are either ugly, ah lian, or (most commonly) both.

Question: What's worse than 1 shrill, anorexic, chinese-speaking ah lian?
Answer: 12 of them!

Friend: kept our soldiers delighted is back!
more joyful faces in camps
SOUNDS LIKE COMFORT WOMEN!!

Brother in law: "Is this what my tax dollars are going to? CampBabe 2004? I want to protest!"

***

"In a faraway town, there is a barber who only shaves men that do not shave themselves. Does the barber shave himself?"

There is an easy solution to Russel's Paradox in this case.


"The oldest profession is also the oldest pretext for outraged moralising and unrealistic lawmaking devised by man." - My favourite periodical

Great product of the day: Australian 'Red Rock Deli' brand 'Honey Soy' flavour potato chips. Cooked in Sunflower Oil, they have as big a crunch as the chips from Kettle, and their taste is simply sublime.

***

The NUS Forum Co-op stocks a lot of interesting magazines:

Mother and Baby (must be a lot of teenage pregnancies)
Dogs Life
Animals and You (A pets magazine for tweens, aimed at Screwed Up Girls no doubt)
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (for Screwed Up Girls who won't grow up)
Jughead's Double Digest (for guys who won't grow up)
Wine Spectator (to decide what to bring for drunken frat parties)
Guns and Ammo; Combat Handguns (in case someone gets so pissed off by the administration that they decide to do a Columbine)
Tattoos for Men; Tattoos for Women (so people can carve their exss names onto their arms)
Golf (for those in Law and Medicine)
Metal Maniacs (for Satanists)
Australian Linux Journal (PRC hackers)
International homes: for the best homes and lifestyles (to inspire people to study)
British railway modelling
Chai Wan Kon Astrology 2005 - welcoming the god of prosperity
Combat - the best in Martial Arts Coverage (Bullies)


For our last Sociology lecture, we were treated to something special. Not only did we have a "guest" lecturer (someone else from the department), but at some points the Tutorial Assistants snatched the mic from her, berated her for being boring, and launched into various skits on The Family and types of marriages; they covered monogamy (having one spouse but cheating on him/her), serial monogamy (having various spouses singly but in succession), polyandry and polygyny (which Masai women don't mind their husband practising because it means there are more people around to do the work: smearing the roof, clearing muck from the village and milking cows, especially if they're pregnant or have just given birth). Personally, I'm all for polyamory.

Probably the most fascinating thing we learned was the Nayar familial exception. No doubt others exist, but the lecturer probably chose this one because it was the most unusual, entertaining (yeah, most of us are stuck in our cultural paradigm) and extreme.

Anyhow: The Nayar are a tribe/group of castes who reside in the state of Kerala, India, along the Malabar Coast. In the past, the men trained as professional soldiers, and for much of the year they went off to fight wars on behalf of various warring factions, so most of the time they weren't around, which explains many peculiar characteristics of traditional Nayar society.

The Nayar are matrilineal (tracing descent through women), and not coincidentally, Nayar women are treated better than women in the rest of India. Instead of families, they had taravads (joint households), containing only people related by blood (ie no in-laws).

Before a young girl first menstruated (between the ages of 7-12), she was ritually married, with a tali (gold ornament) being tied around her neck. She and her ritual husband then spent 3 days together in a hut. However, the man she "married" rarely consummated their marriage (unless she was near puberty), and sometimes she never saw him again. After the ritual marriage, she was free to sleep with anyone she wanted - of an equal or higher caste - and Nayar women had 3-12 "visiting husbands" at any one time, but if she conceived, someone (anyone) had to acknowledge the child (though he did not bear the responsibilities traditionally ascribed to fathers); "This they did by providing a fee of a cloth and some vegetables to the low caste midwife who attended the woman in childbirth. If no man of suitable caste would consent to make this gift, it was assumed that the woman had had relations with a man of lower caste or with a Christian or a Muslim. She must then be either expelled from her lineage and caste or killed by her matrilineal kinsmen" (The Nayars and the Definition of Marriage, Gough, 1959). The children had no fathers - at least not in the conventional sense of the word.

Unfortunately (or otherwise, as the case might be) in the 1990s, thanks to the Immoral Winds Blowing From The West and rampant Cultural Imperialism, fewer than 5% of the Nayars practised this form of familial relations.

"The Nayar are fascinating to anthropologists because they're the radical exception to the human tendency to control the sex and love lives of most women, in practice, and of most men, in principle."

It just goes to show (once again) that little, if anything, is "natural". Besides which, just because something (engaging in acts of physical aggression towards your enemies) is "natural" does not make it right, and just because something (going to the doctor) is "unnatural" does not make it wrong.


Someone with a (PRC?) accent approached me while I was walking by the Dragonboat booth and asked me if I'd like to join. Wth. Do I look like the type?!

I've seen a not insignificant number of guys wearing the grey "Army" T-shirt. Maybe I should dig up my "Army Sucks. Big Time" singlet and wear it.

For her 21st birthday, a friend got a My Little Pony figurine and a Barbie Doll. Why is it socially acceptable for females to retain the trappings of their childhood for disproportionately long amounts of time?!

In late August, some people from Sginkjets.com set up a stall near the Arts Canteen and hawked 3rd party ink cartridges for various printers. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, they'd run out of ink for my Canon S200SPx (apparently quite an old model). They took down my name, and promised that they'd contact me. 2 weeks later, there's been no word from them, despite a reminder email that I sent out a week or so ago. I am immensely pissed off.

Even with a self-declared free day, I'm down to half a free day per fortnight. Boo hoo.


Quotes:

At higher levels, you will use mathematics to prove [this]. For now, just trust me. It is correct.

You can use your medit save (Medisave)

[On the Baby Bonus] Is it possible to un-DINK the person? (couple)

It's all hundreds dollar note (hundred dollar notes)

This is for flate (freight)

[On doing the hard paper topic] Courage is a philosophical virture]

[On doing the easy paper topic] Go and do it, finish it, and go and play video games, while your neighbour is sweating it out over the family

Impromptu questions. You answer questions that are not in the tutorial, you get M&Ms. It works.

I'm a bit old, so when I hear SMS, I lose concentration.

I really enjoy Economics. I think it's the best subject in the world. Obviously: I'm doing my PhD in economics

I have been tasked by Professor *** to enthuse you guys [about Economics].

[Student on Opportunity Cost: Why is it that you don't consider the amount the person has to pay for University fees?] Because it [this module] is EC1101E.

'Use the supply and demand model to explain what happens to the equilibrium price and equilibrium quantity for prata in the following cases.' You guys know what prata is?

[On the Nayar exception] They stay together for 3 days. During the 3 days, you can play masak masak [Literal translation: Play at cooking. More general translation: Play around], whatever.

[On the Nayar exception] She doesn't have to have sex with her husband. Come on, she's 7!

[On his 'wife'] Marry her - 14 years. See? A bit sian. (I've married her for)

PhD right? Permanent head damage. Tao pai liao. Tao pai liaon [Translation: The head is spoilt]

You cannot say: 'Aiyoh, nice breasts. Marry lah.' You cannot say that, unfortunately.

[On some bad joke about love birds] You tell that to the girl you're dating, you get a swollen forehead, or other parts. Girls these days are very powerful. Ok lah, stop that [making bad jokes]

I didn't know that, you know. Singapore men go for flirtatious women. In that case, I should have quite a good chance.

What's that about peeling prawns? I came back to Singapore and everyone was talking about peeling prawns for men... Maybe it's sexy.

[On arranged marriage] Children are stupid. You leave it to them, they come back with any Tom, Dick or Harry. [Realises one of the TAs is named 'Harry'] Cannot cannot! Handsome harry. [Her name], [her name].

I was walking, walking along Boat Quay. And she emerged. My Indian Goddess... She said she was vegetarian, good right? Cheap... She only want hydrophonic vegetables! (wanted)

I am quite free, nothing to do, get married lah. Quite cute. Koochee, koochee [tickles "wife"'s cheeks]

***, wherefore art thou? [Searching look] (where)

Should she marry me? [Everyone: Nooooo...] You all [are] so cruel. Mid-term test you all die already. (You all will die for the mid-term test)

[On his 'wife'] I treated her like a queen and like a fine wine, she aged with time. Unfortunately I don't like wine, I like grape juice.

[On polygyny] You're probably wondering about the sleeping arrangement. We're not into the whole orgy thing... Day 1, he goes to her, he doesn't get satisfied. Day 2, he goes to me, he gets really tired. Day 3, he goes to her [a third wife], to cool down.

Polygyny is the best form of marriage... Do you know that at one time, Lee Kuan yew wanted to make it legal in Singapore?

Time for some girl power. [Whoops from girls in audience] Let me tell you about the best form of marriage: polyandry.

[On how Singaporean men propose] 'Hey, honey, shall we go register for a HDB flat?' So romantic right.

[On bride price] Someone in the village wanted to marry me. Then they heard: PhD from Harvard. Oh my god, cannot afford... Me: PhD from Harvard. But once she opens her mouth, the price goes down. [You] Must be quiet [to fetch a high bride price].

You can't have sex with everybody and anybody right? That's a wild dream everybody has.

[On herself] When you get home, you complain. Call the provost. 'She said she was Harvard-trained. How boring. Get her out.' Thank god. [I'm going to] Yale.

GSSQ. Kimberly. [Me: Nobody knows me by those names] I will announce it later. [Me: Thank you]

[On passing last year's AGM minutes] Let's go through this and achieve Nirvana.

We have a soft lunch of Chatterbox (launch)

[On herself] The show is not over until the fat lady sings

[Lecturer: Who rules the state?] Lee Kuan Yew.

[ On my sociological observation of dancers] Please lah, the way you talk: like they're some species

Quote of the Post: "I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. / But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me"- Psalms 131:1-2

***

Has anyone watched the malaysian film Princess of Gunung Ledang yet? Let me know if it's worth watching.

Quote of the Post: "Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!" - Jean Sibelius

Random Playlist Song: ACJC Choir - San Ge Mei Er San

I have no idea what this song is about, since I don't understand chinese.

***

Ugh. I fell asleep too early yesterday and now I have a massive sleep hangover.

***

"MSN Personal Address is now even better

All current MSN Personal Address customers will be automatically upgraded by the end of September to an improved MSN Personal Address subscription"

So much for July, then "this summer".

***

Hi Everyone!

Just wanted to get this important reminder out. To show support for our Presidential candidates, whomever they may be:

If you support the policies and character of John Kerry, please drive with your headlights on during the day on Friday.

If you support George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights off that night.

Thank you.

[JumboJoke]

***

Dr. Bob's Quiz Results - August 2004


Q1 - Why is the start of Tarkovsky's amazing film Solaris (1972) so long and boring?

A1 - Tarkovsky hoped that the Soviet censors would get fed up with having to watch it, nick out and skip the rest of the film where the deeper and more controversial statements were.


Q2 - The first book that Gutenberg printed was the Bible. What was the topic of the second book that he printed?

A2 - Come on now, what do you think .... Pornography! Gutty was broke and he thought this would make money.


Q3 - How many people mentioned in the Bible were known to be ambidextrous?

A3 Only 23 persons are actually named and stated to be ambidextrous - in 1 Chronicles 12:2. Take it away Ahiezer, Joash, Jeziel, Pelet, Berachah, Jehu, Ismaiah, Jeremiah, Jahaziel, Johanan, Josabad, Eluzai, Jerimoth, Bealiah, Shemariah, Shephatiah, Elkanah, Jesiah, Azareel, Joezer, Jashobeam, Joelah, and Zebadiah.

***

Tym returns to our (common) (communist) Alma Mater:

Neatly uniformed schoolchildren bobbed their heads in well-orchestrated greetings every time a someone walked by, resulting in a wave-like echo of "Good evening ma'am evening ma'am evening ma'am" wherever I passed.

This is all part of the school's drive to turn its students into "you3 yong4 de4 ren2", translated as: "useful people" - useful for what, it doesn't say. If I'm a good bank robber, I'm sure that is useful for some purposes.

Abruptly, my old Principal made an appearance, looking exactly as she did in 1986 when I saw her last, bouffant hairdo and all. I could say that she's well-preserved, I could say that she really knows how to take care of herself

I have a feeling she looked the same in 1978, when she first helmed the place, as in 1998, when she left.

The shrill Mandarin brought me right back to announcements at school assemblies.. The opening strains of the school song brought back not a jot of memory in me; either they've changed the song since my time or I've thoroughly suppressed any recollection thereof. I couldn't even understand half the song --- or, for that matter, half the announcements. Some things never change.

I think they use a different tape now. Luckily I still have a WAV of the old version. Well, not really. It's the one to which I made some... enahncements.

***

Refugee who became Dutch MP defies Islam with film about Koran

After describing the Prophet Mohammed as a pervert, Ayaan Hirsi Ali already needs round-the-clock protection from the Dutch security services.

Now the Muslim apostate and rising star of Dutch politics has pushed her luck even further with a film exhibiting verses of the Koran across the chest, stomach and thighs of an almost naked girl.

Mrs Hirsi Ali, who has risen from Somali asylum seeker to Dutch MP in 12 years, produced the film broadcast on Dutch television on Sunday night to highlight the continued oppression of Muslim women in Europe.

The 11-minute programme, Submission, depicts a young Muslim girl confronting Allah at prayer in a mosque. She wears the veil, covering most of the face, but her voluptuous body is clearly visible through a transparent gown.

"All praise to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds," begins the text painted across the actress's throat, which then scrolls down her bare chest. It is taken from the fatiha or opening of the Koran, the lines recited aloud by men, and silently by women, at Muslim prayer five times a day throughout the world.

Four other women act out scenes of torment and repression. One battered victim in a torn dress, exposes her shoulders and arms covered with lash wounds and the text of Verse 34, Chapter 4, The Women.

"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made them excel and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient. Those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them," it says.

The broadcast was watched by 750,000 people, a large audience in a country of 16 million. An estimated one million are Muslims of Turkish or North African origin.

Mrs Hirsi Ali, 34, an MP for the free-market Liberals, has emerged as the unlikely heir of Pim Fortuyn, the homosexual firebrand who launched a mass movement to defend Holland's easy-going way of life against radical imams.

While shunning his party, she has pursued his message, denouncing the country's 30-year experiment with multiculturalism - including 700 Islamic clubs funded by the taxpayer - as a disastrous error born of "misplaced guilt".

Low-level fatwas - or death edicts - have been raining down since she attacked Islam as a medieval, misogynist cult incapable of self-criticism and blind to modern science.

Mrs Hirsi Ali said she chose the naked body formula to open up the opaque world of Islam and show that there is a human being behind the veil.

Steven Huismans, the director of Holland's Institute for Multicultural Development, said: "What she is doing is really provocative." Nabil Marouch, the head of the Dutch wing of the Arabic European League, said: "If the public keeps listening to Ayaan Hirsi, it will do great damage to integration."

But Mrs Hirsi Ali has become immensely popular among the ordinary Dutch, people who have been shocked by the sudden emergence of large Muslim enclaves in their cities - often with ties to militant anti-western groups. A parliamentary report this year found that more than 70 per cent of Dutch-born Muslims were bringing in spouses from their home countries, perpetuating a separatist sub-culture.

Mrs Hirsi Ali arrived in Holland as a penniless refugee in 1992 after sneaking across the German border to escape a forced marriage to a Somali kinsman. She did not speak a word of Dutch. Finding jobs as a cleaner, she went on to study political science at Leiden University.

Her ambition now is nothing less than a reformation of Islam.

***

Until death do us ... wed - "A South African man who shot his pregnant fiancee dead before killing himself will be posthumously married to her at the weekend... 'In African culture, there is no death -- there is merely the separation of body and soul,' said cultural expert Mathole Motshekga. 'It is also important because the families are married together... This does not mean the relationship has irretrievably broken down.'"

Norwegian motorist is slapped with parking ticket while stuck in traffic jam"

The school of second chances - "A President's Scholar who lost his award speaks out"

***

On Tuesday I decided to try out the engineering canteen, which everyone says sucks, for shits and giggles, and it was a veritable disaster.

To start off, I ordered a $2 plate of Hor Fun, and watched it being prepared Cookhouse Style - the noodles were fried separately, the ingredients were put on top, and sauce was spooned over it. The portion wasn't very big either; I shudder to think how small the $1.50 and $1.80 portions are. Though as a saving grace, it tasted alright.

When I left, I forgot to take with me the bag of junk that I had put at my feet: a bag containing wire, crocodile clips, 'D' size batteries, zinc and copper plates, 2 small metal pots and some other odds and ends. When, 20 minutes later, I realised that I had left it behind and rushed back, it was gone. I asked the uncle cleaning the tables and he told me that my "nu3 peng2 you3" (female friend/girlfriend - I assume the former unless I have a secret admirer. Or maybe it was just a breakdown in communication) took it.

I was thinking that no one would want all the junk in the bag, but then maybe engin students have a use for it. Alternatively, she just wanted the bag. It's a nice bag, decorated with pussies. Actually it's my sister's bag, and she almost certainly has forgotten of its existence. At least until she reads this paragraph.

Now all that's left to do is draw out more stuff, and hope that my Fairy Godmother flies in on Friday and returns the bag to me.


Morals of the Story:

1. Don't leave cute stuff where girls roam
2. Don't leave junk in the engineering canteen
3. Girls like pussies

Quote of the Post: "The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds." - King Farouk of Egypt

Random Playlist Song: Mozart - Symphony No 41 in C, K.551 'Jupiter' - 04 - Molto Allegro

The English Concert under Trevor Pinnock plays with a smaller orchestra than is usual, so the individual instruments are more easily discernable.

***

On what she was doing in Sec 2:

"i was playing with condoms
i used to buy condoms
in school uniform
fill them up with water and just throw
haha
stupid"

...

***

Description of this site on eatonweb portal: "Weird. Eccentric. Intended verbosity. Bonker-to-be"

What's a bonker?


A few have commented that by highlighting my search referrals, I am merely ensuring that I will continue to get them, or referrals of that nature in the future.

Now the thing is, this manner of search referrals do not enrage or offend me, so much as amuse me and leave me flabbergasted. All the same, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle does apply - the very act of measuring them (or rather, publicising my results) makes their re-occurence more likely, and additionally boosts my rankings when searches of that nature are carried out.

Oh well (*ahem*). Maybe I shall replace vowels with asterisks next time, or something.


I once asked my mother why she has double standards for me and my brother in law. She said that it was because he wasn't her son. So I replied that I should find some girl whose family I could marry into.


"Microsoft will produce a product that doesn't suck when they start making vacuum cleaners."

***

One Hundred Percent American

There can be no question about the average American's Americanism or his desire to preserve this precious heritage at all costs. Nevertheless, some insidious foreign ideas have already wormed their way into his civilization without his realizing what was going on. Thus, dawn finds the unsuspecting patriot garbed in pajamas, a garment of East Indian origin; and lying in a bed built on a pattern which originated in either Persia or Asia Minor. He is muffled to the ears in un-American materials: cotton, first domesticated in India; linen, domesticated in the Middle East; wool from an animal native to Asia Minor; or silk whose uses were first discovered by the Chinese.

On awakening he glances at the clock, a medieval European invention, rises in haste, and goes to the bathroom. Here, if he stops to think about it, he must feel himself in the presence of a great American institution; he will have heard stories of both the quality and frequency of foreign plumbing and will know that in no other country does the average man or woman perform their ablutions in the midst of such splendor. But the insidious foreign influences pursue him even here. Glass was invented by the ancient Egyptians, the use of glazed tiles for floors and walls in the Middle East, porcelain in China, and the art of enameling on metal by Mediterranean artisans of the Bronze Age. Even his bathtub and toilet are but slightly modified copies of Roman originals. The only purely American contribution to the ensemble is the steam radiator, against which our patriot very briefly and unintentionally places his posterior.

Returning to the bedroom, the unconscious victim of un-American practices removes his clothes from a chair, invented in the Near East, and proceeds to dress. He puts on close-fitting tailored garments whose form derives from the skin clothing of the ancient nomads of the Asiatic steppes and fastens them with buttons whose prototypes appeared in Europe at the close of the Stone Age. He puts on his feet stiff coverings made from hide prepared by a process invented in ancient Egypt and cut to a pattern which can be traced back to ancient Greece and makes sure they are properly polished, also a Greek idea. Lastly, he ties about his neck a strip of bright-colored cloth, which is a vestigial survival of the shoulder shawls worn by seventeenth-century Croats. He gives himself a final appraisal in the mirror, an old Mediterranean invention and goes downstairs to breakfast.

Here a whole new series of foreign things confront him. His food and drink are placed before him in pottery vessels, the popular name of which - china - is sufficient evidence of their origin. His fork is a medieval Italian invention and his spoon a copy of a Roman original. He will usually begin his meal with coffee, an Abyssinian plant first discovered by Arabs. The American is quite likely to need it to dispel the morning after affects of over-indulgence in fermented drinks, invented in the Near East; or distilled ones, invented by the alchemists of medieval Europe.

If our patriot is old-fashioned enough to adhere to the so-called American breakfast, his coffee will be accompanied by an orange, or orange juice, domesticated in the Mediterranean region, a cantaloupe domesticated in Persia, or grapes domesticated in Asia Minor. From this he will go on to waffles, a Scandinavian invention, with plenty of butter, originally a Near-Eastern cosmetic.

Breakfast over, he sprints for his train - the train, not the sprinting, being an English invention. At the station, he pauses for a moment to buy a newspaper, paying for it with coins invented in ancient Lydia. Once on the train he settles back to inhale the fumes of a cigarette invented in Mexico, or a cigar invented in Brazil. Meanwhile, he reads the news of the day, imprinted in characters invented by the ancient Semites by a process invented in Germany upon a material invented in China. As he scans the latest editorial pointing out the dire results to our institutions of accepting foreign ideas, he will not fail to thank a Hebrew God in an Indo-European language that he is one hundred percent (decimal system invented by the Greeks) American (from Americus Vespucci, Italian geographer).

--- by Anthropologist Ralph Linton in The American Century vol. 40, 1937

***

Wth.


Guess What? The Biggest Young PAP Bash of the Year!!!

My Dear Friend,

You received an email from me last week which made you guessing what we were up to???

Guess no further.The Young PAP is having our own concert and party in Zouk disco. It will be a night of high energy fun and many stars are joining the Young PAP for this dazzling night.

We are honoured to have the Prime Minister and Ministers with us for this event. Entrance to Zouk is totally free. Drinks are provided as well.

Do join us. Invite your families and friends as well. We welcome all of them. We await your presence to sashay the night away with us. J

For more details, please go to http://www.youngpap.org.sg/articles/PAPRockConcert.php

If you and your friends are interested, kindly let me have your names, IC numbers and contact numbers for registration.

Thanks and regards,

Nelson Goh

Chairman
Young PAP General Branch & Recruitment

People's Action Party

***

Tosser's review of last Friday's session of the concert I attended:

"When Gil Shaham started leaping about at one of the climaxes I had to suppress laughter. It's supposed to be the tragic death scene, but the performance was emotionally weak though techinically flawless, so I was quite unable to get into it, although that is also partly because I've never liked the piece, catchy melodies and all. I don't understand the rationale behind the concerto format for the Butterfly Lovers' story anyway. Given two main characters, two soloists would be more appropriate, or else a symphonic poem of sorts would do just as well. The solo parts seemed rather artificial, as though they were just spliced in to give the soloist something to do.

Same weak performance in the Tchaikovsky. I made a better attempt to concentrate this time, closing my eyes in case he started jumping again, but it was just unconvincing. I've only ever listened properly to the interpretation by Heifetz/Reiner/CSO, and last night's performance was anaemic in comparison.

I keep examining myself to ensure that the mindblowing Pletnev concerts haven't ensured eternal dissatisfaction, and I think they haven't, since I have still managed to regard several concerts after those as rather good, though not to the extent of wanting to give standing ovations. But even after confirming that I'm not being unreasonably demanding, I still observe considerable applause inflation, which, since I'm one of those spoilsports who believes one should not show approval for everything just to make the performers "feel good", is rather annoying."

***

Adults, children picking up Mandarin through Confucian Classics - "'What we've learnt of course is not only being more gracious to one another. We're talking about filial piety, respect for each other, especially for elders, and these are some of the values that I find are very relevant to our society now,' said Ms Tan, a student at Confucian Treasure Trove."
Other Good, Old-Fashioned, Wholesome and Virtuous Confucian values that are just possibly very relevant to our society now: Misogyny, not questioning the validity of your assigned roles in society, despising merchants and obeying your rulers.

Twelve O'Six - "What's the one lesson that they tell you you should never forget about throwing a smoke? well... aside from the obvious one that you throw the grenade and not the pin? that you let it ignite before throwing it... but my Section 2I/C was so smart... he threw it straightaway, and true to form, the ground caught fire... Before long, the fire had spread and was chasing us as we dragged our half-alive PC and his stinking webbing, losing 1 pair of boots and 1 helmet amongst other things hauling ass down the knoll..." (Days Were The Those: Stories of National Service in Singapore. Contributors welcome. Army, Navy, Air Force, Police, Civil Defence also can.)

See-Through Loo - "Here's a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there, but when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box."

London seeks ways to cool underground - "Plans are underway to install a cooling system that would tap the millions of gallons of cold ground water pumped daily out of London's deep tunnels in order to cool air in the labyrinthine network. Trials could begin before next summer."

Singapore bans cloning - I'm surprised it took so long. Or maybe I shouldn't be.

***

Picture time!


Possible future job prospects for me


Flare pattern from a C-130

More Search Referrals (divining the nature of humanity is enlightening indeed)

As usual I shall let most of these speak for themselves. You may comment on them if you wish.


raffles hall nus sex

saruman boob forum

consumer behaviour deodorant roll on Australia aerosol can

Proxomitron sharp nokia

use bittorrent ntu singapore - Not a very wise thing to do.

A&W Root Beer Stand Model Fold Up

hentai "deep voice" game

eric's growing paunch

"Hermione Hentai" -porn - But Hentai *is* porn (Xephyris, shut up)

Emma Watson tree naked

A&W ingredients headaches

"Neverwinter Nights" "weight gain"

HQ hental

nurse "give rectal" - I've given a rectal before. Does that count?

Female Cunt Shooting - It must be some game.

fiona xie bouncing boobs

JAP SEX WITH 8 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRLS VCD

pony girls bdsm

raffles institution guys masturbate - Why am I the first result for this on Yahoo?

toenail "ah lian"

act cute - The first result is a page analysing the USA's Patriot Act. Wth?!

"steven lim is a hunk"

singapore ah beng cheer

saf inefficient downgrade

sign up bukkake party germany audition

earlier inventions in opening durians

cursor hypnotic induction

Internet Explorer granny takes three ten inch dicks xxx - Why Internet Explorer?

singaporean apostate

Yao Ming height shoe size puberty

movie steven lim eyebrow plucker - I'll be the first to watch it.

frenulum tissue closed in a honey * * fashion

rubber penises athens opening ceremony

"Swee Shoon"

waiver for military service and self-mutilation

waffletown fried chicken - Mmm.

schoolgirl guestbook collection xxx

mass swim, nus, 2004

dawn zaogeng

weeping demon wah sound clip

"chij" "tight jeans"

sjsm blog kairen - Oddly enough, it didn't bring up his real blog.

"NUS hostels" sex

rgsyb - Interestingly enough, my old yearbooks site (intermittently down) is on the "Official blocklist of Information and Communications Technology Ministry of Thailand -- January 2004"

"uniform fetish" communist

"man playing piano""naked"

nus the sexiest leg contest

use of haram ingredients in islamic medicine

R@YGOLD MOM END SON - These people can't even spell

black leather wheel + pegs + S&M

jade-stone greenness paper

"dress like a girl" jews

"wearing gold chains" fetish porn

singapore schoolgirl zaogeng - Somehow I am the only result for this.

zlad gunther - Many people see the connection between them, I see.

malaysian sanitary vending machine franchise

singapore netball girls doing porn - I'm the 2nd for this result. Damnit.

e-mail address of people contact name chio in korea - "Hi. I'm very chio (even though as a Korean I don't use this word). Here's my email address. Please stalk me and ask me about my face job and implants."

samarkand "ali g"

what is the competitive advantages on Estée Lauder Beyond Paradise

"satan's beasts terrorists" - I see people still remember that psycho.

geraldine blog gabriel seah - Gah.

Play Game Online Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

serious neopets impact "primary school" teaching 2004

enid blyton slash fanfiction

Pope rollerblades

womens+olympics+2004+swimming+"see through"+revealing - Meanwhile: "So surely I'm not the only woman, whose sole reason for watching the Olympics is to perve on the hot European guys in speedos yeah? I mean, did you see those Greek synchronised divers who won gold?? A pair of damn fine asses. My husband had to keep mentioning - Honey close your mouth, you're drooling on the couch. Bring back nude Olympics I say."

molvanian idols - Zladko "Zlad" Vladcik will always be the man for me.

hwa chong stewardess

camp phoenix afghanistan sex OR fuck OR intercorse

rjc toilet

singapore KFC, 2353535

mexican eyebrow plucker

~clitoridectomy convent

"fashionable uniforms" school england - "Academic schools in Japan are appealing to fashion-conscious teenagers by introducing more styling uniforms. Attractive and fashionable uniforms can boost a school's enrollment."

rjc uniform fetish
vjc uniform fetish - The second came immediately after the first

+"qi gong" +"nocturnal emission"

pics of emma watson's dad

replica and display power ranger weapons

jailbait overclocking while anal

pics of women taking on long dong silver

commando missile batok

what do girls use to masterbate with - How about household items? (If you don't get the joke, never mind)

rabbi nazi "head shaved"

sexiest female shorts at Athens Olympics

horny young girls knee high socks

Redemption of Althalus personality tests - "You are David Eddings, the author of this book! All of your books are identical, yet idiots persist in buying them."

bathroom signs poems for septic tanks, no tampons

"saint philomena" bones male

compulsive-obsessive boys AND underwear

dan radcliffe's taste in girls girlfriend

fishbone diagram suicide

singapore flavoured condom ban - I'm sure Condomania sells some.

neoliberal homepage

funny things to say to girls

hentai na sic radical

Picture day by day week by week or month by month digital camera exericse or diet

bcg scar fetish

dangers of buying pirated media in malaysia - There are none.

gabriel seah and rjc - Gah.

NUS NTU SMU lousy universities

effects of sahaja bust cream

how can ENT problems and stamina be resolved by proper quran reading in arabic

njc barber blog

downloadable video of steven lim in singapore idol - I want!

schoolgirl loose socks photos

bandung_porn_film

Emma Watson's Thongs

bad pop music influences to malaysian teenager nowdays

pork in candlenut gravy

kokomo hernia center

Is it Haram to Watch Hentai in Islam

data entry jobs that you can do in your home that can gurantee you $ 800 a wee - Fat hope.

"alan turing" pedophilia

recipe for fried economy bee hoon

How to get rid of Bottlers on IRC

Lesbians Cadets Sent home from Argonaut

my doctor told me to eat a banana but it makes me sick

Emma Watson's brother

famous vietnamese singers wo hen nankan

girls posting nude pictures of themselves

how did Socrates contribute to the United States - I'm the top result. Yay.

porn videos teacher student talk in class rectal thermometer - So that's what the whole rectal thermometer thing is about.

When playing the "quickie cover all", the caller must announce the letter before each number

sikh boys dressing in baggy pants

scaphism -ringtones - For some reason a search for "scaphism" always turn up ringtones. Is there a group by that name?

carabinas bdsm

roman baths launceston nude

schoolgirl unwashed pe uniform - Yahoo Auctions

how to zaogeng - "There are two main ways to zaogeng - getting upskirted and getting downbloused. For the former, merely wear a skirt (preferably short), and sit heedless of etiquette. If you wish, you may try opening your legs a little but this is to be cautioned against, since the thrill is sometimes lost on the part of the viewer if they realise that the subject is zaogeng-ing on purpose. As for the latter, just wear a loose top, and stand near others so they can peer down it. Alternatively, bend down frequently to pick items up."

lin yucheng, spanish

Quote of the Post: "Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." - David Lloyd George

Random Playlist Song: Jascha Heifetz - Partita #2 in Re Minor, BWV 1004 - Ciaccona

***

Quanxing sent me the following Army Posters:












Frankly, I could do better, even though my "graphics manipulation skills are limited to cutting and pasting, resizing and cropping" (see God's Billboards Parody. But I heartily applaud whoever made these for actually doing the deed :)

***

I like the following quotes from the latest Quotation series on the UCTAA page; even though I'm not a member of the UCTAA, being neither Apathetic nor Agnostic, I enjoy most of their meditations:

1. Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill all and you are God. Jean Rostand

4. Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That unalterable rule applies both to God and man. John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton

7. Scientific education and religious education are incompatible. The clergy have ceased to interfere with education at the advanced state, with which I am directly concerned, but they have still got control of that of children. This means that the children have to learn about Adam and Noah instead of about evolution; about David who killed Goliath, instead of Koch who killed cholera; about Christ's ascent into heaven instead of Montgolfier's and Wright's. Worse than that, they are taught that it is a virtue to accept statements without adequate evidence, which leaves them a prey to quacks of every kind in later life, and makes it very difficult for them to accept the methods of thought which are successful in science.
J.B.S. Haldane

9. Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope. Robert G. Ingersoll

10. We cannot hope for a society in which formal organized religion dies out. But we can stop behaving as if it was worthy of our collective respect. A.N. Wilson

11. Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly. Isaac Asimov

12. A believer is a bird in a cage, a free-thinker is an eagle parting the clouds with tireless wing. Robert G. Ingersoll

15. If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said no. Margaret "Stevie" Smith

16. The truths which God revealed have been overthrown by the truths which man has discovered. Lemuel K. Washburn

17. I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science. Heinz Pagels

18. The supernatural is the natural not yet understood. Elbert Hubbard

19. People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know.
Brooks Atkinson

20. Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things. Ned Flanders (The Simpsons)

Quote of the Post: "Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good." - Thomas Sowell (1993)

***

Someone: actually, your entire argument rests upon definition

Me: don't all arguments

Someone: no, in the sense that we cannot even define what a god is

Me: hahaha
an imaginary friend with superhuman powers

Someone: haha
i think i must've known god when i was in pri sch
and i presume your personal god is kimberly? satisfies the criteria ;)


A friend sent me this exchange:

Him: I don't think I got alot of meat... what about yours?
Me: Oh, hmm... guess I'm luckier. Mine's quite meaty. Heh (boyish toothy grin)
Him: Looks quite big leh, how do you handle it? (Looks with concern)
Me: Oh don't worry, it's cut. (Nods in assurance)
Him: Lemme have a look will you?
Me: (takes it out and points the tip at him) Here you go... see how its bulging? Always gets me excited.
Him: Wah! So big ar? Damn. I feel so shortchanged... mine is only a six incher, should have had yours...
Me: Hehe. Don't feel bad man, I'm kinda regretting having such a big one.
Him: Yar... I don't think I can fit it in my mouth also. (stares in wonder)
Me: Here, you wanna try? (lifts it with both hands and offers it to him) Careful not to stain your shirt... it's beginning to drip...

Me: hot dog?
Friend: yeap...... it's definitely not in that sense. Make a guess?
Me: subway sandwich
Friend: head on! wah... really food guru


Someone: btw your comments on [them] treating us like commodities are spot on. More like domesticated animals really. They even encourage us to inbreed.

Me: really? they keep having mixers?

Someone: Yes, and they openly say that they hope it will help to produce a new generation of scientists. And I have this suspicion the sports people are eagerly awaiting Susilo and Li's offspring.


Someone else on me pressing others' self destruct buttons: so it's some analogy for the indian nuclear standoff then. hahah. south asia is getting to me. 'pressing each other's buttons'

***

I used to use Dictionary.com for all my dictionary needs, not least because they had a bookmarklet making looking up words easy. Then, when they started coming up with ways to try to force users to pay for their premium service, I moved to Merriam-Webster and hacked out a similar bookmarklet for my purposes, based on the one on Dictionary.com.

Now, I've discovered The Free Dictionary, which provides the word searched for in context by showing how it is used in Classic Literary works. For pronunciation, though, Merriam-Webster is still better as they have WAV files of people pronouncing the words, albeit with an American accent and in an American fashion, and not for all words.

***

5 Gmail invites are still up for grabs.

***

Singapore not so straitlaced

"Prostitution is permitted. Indeed that's one of the great ironies of Asia: prostitution is permitted in Singapore but is illegal in Bangkok. But pimping, soliciting and streetwalking are not permitted. Pimping can attract stiff penalties including lengthy jail terms. But prostitutes who are registered are quite able to work in licensed brothels that operate openly in Singapore's Designated Red-light Areas (DRAs), of which there are about six in which as many as 400 licensed brothels operate. The principal DRAs are located in Geylang, Flanders Square, Keong Saik Road and Desker Road. Additionally, escort services and private callgirls are permitted... Prostitutes are required to register and carry a Yellow Card supplied by the Government. It is the same size and in the same style as a national identity card and carries the holder's photograph and thumb print. Card holders are required to submit to a health check every two weeks.

Prostitution is apparent even on Orchard Road. The Orchard Towers complex, right on Singapore's premier shopping strip, has earned the moniker The Four Floors of Whores. It's not a DRA, but you wouldn't know it. It has several discos that cater mostly to a Filipino crowd. Massage parlours and KTV lounges that specialise in mainland Chinese prostitutes also operate from the building.

The Singapore Government bans movies such as Eyes Wide Shut and Lolita on account of their "pornographic" content. It bans magazines such as Playboy too. And yet pornographic DVDs are readily available in the city's many red-light districts. Sex toys and pornographic magazines too are sold most evenings from lean-to stalls along Desker Road in Singapore's Little India district. Indeed, Desker Road is the only place in Asia that I've seen child pornography available for sale. This in a red-light district that's licensed by the Government.

Some point to widespread rumours in Singapore that a prominent local political figure maintains a boyfriend across the causeway in the Malaysian city of Johor Bahru as one reason for the apparent liberalisation.

But that is what happens when you have the tight media controls that the Singapore Government insists upon: people create their own news and are willing to believe anything once the established media has lost its credibility.

More likely, it all points to the lengths to which Singapore will go to stay afloat, given that it is a small economy that's feeling the heat. The Nation Party received almost no coverage in the Government-controlled local media, but it was reported widely in the region.

And that's exactly what the Singapore Government seems to want: to appear disapproving of all this to the point of keeping homosexual acts banned, while making money from it on the side as visitors flock in to attend the festivities. It's hypocritical of course. But in Singapore, hypocrisy, at least, is not a crime."


Meanwhile, everyone's favourite periodical got sued, on the basis of one or two glancingly snide remarks whose target had to be inferred. I wonder why Berlusconi and Mugabe don't bother suing them, given that they are much more heavily slammed, instead of being mentioned sarcastically.

Of course Hwa points out that they knew they were going to be sued when they published it, and were gunning for the publicity, but still I find it quite sad.

***

My senior, if he passes all his modules this term, will have done 19 modules in 3 semesters. Wth?!