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Meesa gonna kill you!

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Friday, December 05, 2003

Balderdash is in the big leagues now!

Vote for us.. er... i mean, Gabriel right here

The line-up, so far as I can see at this point in time are:

a) A narcissist with a pastel colour-fetish and punctuation issues
b) An origami site
c) A classic Amy Tan-esque "banana-re-exploring-roots-in-a-voyage-of-self-discovery-between-generations -and-cultures"
d) Another classic "intelligent-and-emotionally-balanced-but-slightly-quirky-and-just-this-side-of-obliquely -literate-somewhere-in-tertiary-education" archetype
e) A fat autistic whining about NS in copious torrents of prose and his no-life, dysfunctional, sometime contributor.

*Thankfully*, none of the nominees *appear* to be Goths, self-mutilators, poets, template whores, camgirls, RPG addicts, Adrian Moles, or those who think the web serves exclusively as an amphitheater for their soliloquies of obtuse whining about emotional issues which they refuse to elaborate on but insist on publicising anyway.

[Ed: Update - as of 6th Dec, 11:25pm, Balderdash is in first place - 20 votes to the runner up's 19 and the second runner up's 18]

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Caught the Swingle Singers last Saturday. For some reason there was a bag search - maybe they were afraid someone wanted to shoot them. It was my first time in the Esplanade Concert Hall - the layout was interesting but didn't seem an optimum way to squeeze in more seats. I didn't get any reception inside, so maybe it was an evil plot to disable mobile phones.

The first half of the concert was a tribute to the first Swingle Group from the 60s, so I recognised most of the songs. Given that it was supposed to be a "tribute", I'll forgive their sounding almost exactly like the tracks on "Jazz Sebastian Bach".

In the second half, they strode onto stage in these grotesque red and white outfits. I think they should fire their current designer - the one who clothed them 2 years back was much better.


Yechao, David, Screwed Up Girl and I went for a spot of ice cream after the concert, and found that Haagen Dazs' prices were daylight robbery - $4.20 for one scoop - so we got 2 double scoops.


I gave Hwa some Vanilla Ice Cream and he thought it was Banana. Oh well, this can't beat the time he thought Durian was Pear.


Visited Bodyworlds on Sunday with our "Poor Suffering Substantive Third Sergeant, Formerly a Poor Suffering Local Third Sergeant, the Self-Proclaimed 'Master of Office' yada yada" and his Unspecified Friend. It seemed that almost all the bodies on display were of males. Maybe females don't like to pledge their bodies to science. We also felt cheated, for we were led to believe that the bodies of a horse and its rider would be on display. Maybe it's in the Hamburg exhibit.

I don't think that all those people thought, when they pledged their bodies to scince, that they'd be on display in a travelling exhibit. I also wonder where they got all the fetuses from - I don't think that many mothers pledged their aborted fetuses to science, or pledged their own bodies and died in various stages of pregnancy.


Why is Singapore filled with "shrill, anorexic, Chinese-speaking Ah Lians" (a phrase I coined a few weeks ago and am quite proud of)?
It took me an hour and 8 minutes to come back, by TIBS buses 61 and 855, from Andrew's house. This is ridiculous.


Humour on the M$ website:

Tweakomatic

"The problem we faced, though, was this: how can we outdo a
piece of software as slick and as useful as TweakUI? How can we find a
way to provide even more of what customers need and desire? How
can we justify playing Age of Mythology all day when we're supposed to
be working? We pondered this dilemma long and hard when suddenly it hit
us. There's only one way to outdo a great piece of software like
TweakUI: the Tweakomatic. (Yes, it's so obvious you're probably
wondering why you didn't think of it.)

"


Sexual syndrome that takes joy out of life - 'The syndrome is the opposite of the usual female sexual complaint -- difficulty getting aroused. Instead, patients sustain unrelenting physical arousal, no matter how many orgasms they have. They are not nymphomaniacs; they do not experience desire. Rather, they feel the vaginal congestion and pulsation of arousal, and it is not about pleasure -- far from it.

"It's just a horror," said Lila, a 71-year-old woman who has had the syndrome since brain and bladder surgery in 1999, and said she often has 200 small orgasms a day. "It bothers me more than the breast cancer," an advanced case that was diagnosed two years ago.

"This never stops, it never lets up," she said, and it ruins everything, including car travel, dinner parties, and simply sitting on the couch. "It colors your whole life."

"If you gave me the choice of this or never having another orgasm as long as I live," Lila said, "I'll take never having another one as long as I live."'

Sunday, November 30, 2003

My brother in law bought me Empires: Dawn of the Modern World. Yeh.

In other news, he is returning Bam Bam, the pussy, because he was feeling miserable cooped up the whole day.
Differences between Men and Women - Boys Toys are so much Better than Girls Toys

Have you noticed at Christmas that boys get toys that are just so much better than girls toys? Boys will get things like Lego or Construx, models of air planes and air-craft carriers, rocket kits, chemistry sets, electronic boards, robots and cars that actually drive. Girls on the other hand get junk like little Barbie dolls, or even worse horrendous little fake babies that pee and poop when you feed them. If they are real lucky the girl might get a play house that they can pretend to be a bitter married middle-aged house wife in.

Boys toys are better for two reasons:

1) They are just plain funner. I mean seriously, what's cooler: constructing and blasting a model rocket thousands of feet into the air, watching it come down on its parachute (if it deploys properly - its even funner if it doesn't deploy), or mindlessly brushing the nylon hair of the useless hunk of plastic that is a Barbie, muttering how pretty she is all the while resenting her long legs and big bust.

2) They are educational. Chemistry sets, lego and construx are all preparing the little scientists and engineers of the future. They all teach the basics of science and engineering: the driving forces behind civilization. What are Barbies and other dolls teaching little girls? How to feel bad about themselves because they cannot possibly achieve the ideal that Barbie creates? Or with the pooping baby: seriously, there will be more than enough time in the future to clean up poopy diapers. Same with playing house. Come on now, how boring and pointless is that. I play house all the time now and it sucks big time.

Little girls, get out there and make something! Use lego, contstrux, even popsicle sticks. Then once you make it, blow it up! Like the boys do! Believe me, its a lot of fun. A lot funner than those rancid pooping babies that's for sure. Parents take note.

This all leads to a much larger social issues as well. It is because of how we condition our children with these gender roles from such an early age that you don't see nearly as many women in the useful jobs like scientists or engineers. Women generally go into more pointless 'nurturing' and 'people-oriented' jobs like school teachers and strippers. It sickens me. There is nothing sexier in this earth that a woman in a lab coat with splash goggles or a hard-hat on, but damn are they hard to find (and if you do find them, they are taken!).

These toys also leads to how women and men differ as consumers. Any TV commercial you see directed towards woman will be one of these 3 types of products:

1) Stuff to make women look pretty - Things like clothes and cosmetics. I find cosmetics hilarious: little greasy creams and paints that women spread around on your face to try and cover and mask up their natural features. Think about how ridiculous it would be for men to put on makeup (ok, straight men). I hope one day women come to their senses and scrap this bullshit. Anyways, my point is that the unholy obsession with Prostitute Barbie, with her raccon eye shadow and strumpet lipstick is partly to blame for this state of affairs

2) Stuff to keep the house clean - Notice even today how all household cleaning commercials have still have only women in them. If I was a woman, and not even a feminist I would be outraged by this. As a man I'm outraged because I do lots of cleaning, but is there ever a man with his arm in the toilet up to his elbow scrubbing away? No! But playing house has conditioned women to accept this sorry state without question.

3) Feminine Hygiene (this one maybe doesn't have anything to do with toys - is there a menstruating Barbie out there? I would not be suprised if there was) - We won't even go too far down this road, 'cept to say there should be laws against these commercials.

Young girl to her mother says: 'Sometimes I feel, you know, not so Fresh-'

Me watching commercial: 'NOOOOOOOO! THE HORROR! LALALALALAL'

Me: *Flips channel to good old wholesome show with people being blown to bits*

Men on the other hand get all the cool adverting directed towards them: beer, cars, TVs, computers, electronics, food, you name it. Any funny and clever ad, (and they are few and far between) will be directed towards men. If I was a woman, I would once again be outraged by this, but since I'm a man I just sit back and enjoy.

So in conclusion I just want to say to all of you parents of little girls out there - think carefully before you buy your daughter the all new Pooping Menstruating Barbie for Christmas, or whatever girly bullshit you were thinking of buying her - her entire future is at stake.


Historic Tale Construction Kit - Make your own Bayeux Tapestry

The Troth - A group of people who worship the old Viking Gods - Odin, Thor, Frigga and others
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