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Meesa gonna kill you!

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Saturday, November 01, 2003

Today, I was once again favoured by a visit from He Who Must Not Be Named, who thumbed eagerly through my gamebook collection and chomped merrily on you tiao, while still relying on my largesse to pay for some of his discretionary spending.


More weird shit from Melvin

Really lame Chinese Flash thing

The Economics of Suicide - Why trying to kill yourself may be a smart business decision.

Girls pummel man who exposed himself - A man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he was tackled by neighbors, police said Friday.

Of blogging and unemployment - M$ employee loses his job because a photo he took of Mac G5s being used at M$ was deemed a "security breach" (Hmm. Sounds familiar)


Tried WMA for my MP3 player so I could fit more songs in. 64kbps WMA sounds rather muffled compared to 128kbps MP3. Maybe I'll get better results with 96kbps.


For better or for worse, my hits have been levelling off.

Unique hits this year:

Jan 3688
Feb 3265
Mar 3722
Apr 4104
May 1826
Jun 3560
Jul 5472
Aug 1002
Sep 3025
Oct 876
Nov 4


Some mystery fan sent me this:

-- bollywood fan -- has sent you a movie from
www.fanta.dk.

To see your movie, click on the following internet address:
http://www.fanta.dk/showmovie.asp?mid=ECD1D37B-237F-4E67-A4F6-7D69ADA07FF6

Hmm. :)

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Fanta Shokata

My sore eyes are cured, so it's back to camp.

Fanta Shokata

This site seems to let you sub Bollywood clips. Why it's called "Fanta Shokata" I don't know, for there seems to be absolutely no relationship with Fanta. Besides which, it's on a .dk domain, so it's probably some prank site.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Carjacker on tricycle shoots self in foot - A gunman who allegedly tried to hijack a car was apparently no better at driving it than he was at maneuvering his original vehicle: a tricycle.

Six schoolboys hospitalised after taking Viagra - One of the pupils, all aged between 12 and 13, is believed to have brought the Viagra tablets into an all-boys school in Winnersh, west of London, and handed them around to five of his friends.


Blitz! (Warning. Turn back now if you value your sanity)

Andros and Zhane
You're Andros and Zhane - a pairing that is so
romanticised and angst-filled it's beautiful.
Being separated for so long allows one member
of the pair to change, while they other misses
two years.


What is your Power Rangers (slash) pairing?
brought to you by Quizilla

gold ranger
You are an Unclassified Ranger! You tend to be a
loner and a hero, saving the day and then
fading into the background again. You stay
away from the crowds, but you are extremely
loyal to your friends and loved ones. Former
Unclassifieds include Jason (Gold), Zhane
(Silver), Mike (Magna Defender), Ryan
(Titanium), Eric (Quantum), and Merrick (Lunar
Wolf).


What is your Power Ranger color? (incomplete version)
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ORIGINAL RED RANGER. U GOT 2 HOEZ ON EACH ARM!!
ORIGINAL RED RANGER


WHO IS THE RED RANGER U R BEING?!
brought to you by Quizilla

[NB: The above quiz is disturbing. Sample question with selectable answers: You just jumped out of an airplane straight into Lord Zed's lair. He is having the sexual relations with Rita. WHAT DO U DO?!

1) GET IN ON THAT HOT ZED ACTION!!!
2) You tell Zed to beat it! "HANG BACK ROOKIE, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE!"
3) Totally wuss out and colour your hair more.
4) HOLY CRAP U JUMP OUT AND DO XTREME LANDING ON ZED'Z FACE!]


You are the Blue Ranger


Which Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Are You?!?!
brought to you by Quizilla

billy
billy


Which Original Power Ranger Are You?
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YOu be goaten the lion-goat
goaten the lion-goat


Which Power Ranger Monster are you?
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You're Kimberly Ann Hart, the petite gymnast.
You're cute, fun, cute, and you have a SIZZLIN
HOT boyfriend.


Which Power Ranger princess are you?
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Zhane
You are Zhane, the silver Space Ranger! The Silver
Ranger was said to be the most powerful ranger
in the universe. After the attack on your home
planet, KO-35, you were critically injured.
Your best friend, Andros, put you in a
cryongenic sleep and you recovered. The word
that best describes you is girl-crazy. You
wanted Ashley and heck, even Astronema! After
you fought bravely in Dark Spectre's final
assault of the universe, you retired alongside
your fellow Space Rangers.


Which Space Ranger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Adam
Desert Thunder, Turbo Power! You are Adam! Deep
and complicated, you are a mentor to your
friends. You often meditate things through
before you act, which is a good thing. Your
experience in life will help others, including
yourself. You passed your Turbo Powers on to
Carlos.


Which Turbo Ranger are you?
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Ashley
You're Ashley, the Yellow Space Ranger. Despite
being the slut that you are, you finally settle
on Andros. Too bad he has a stick up his ass
most of the time.


Which Space Ranger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is where a pic of Kimberly would go, but you can't see it. Loser.
Kimberly - The Pink Ranger The weakling of the
group. I always found you were more of a
liability, what with the "Save me, save me
Tommy's" and the "Oh my gosh...
that's like, so ugly... I might break a
nail!" However, you were the young maiden
in the high tower, and created excitement for
all the young boys, who had to see Tommy get a
girl.


Which second cast Power Ranger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Kimberly! You're typecast as the cheerful, bubbly valley-girl, but inside, there is a real fighter whose courage, grace and charm make for a winning combination. You have the dist
You are Kimberly! You're typecast as the bubbly,
cheerful valley-girl, but inside, there is a
real fighter whose courage, grace and charm
make for a winning combination. You have the
distinction of being played by a good actress,
unlike some of your cohorts.


Which Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I knew these existed! Too bad few have pictures, and most of them are very sloppily done (as are most quizzes). Perhaps the best of the lot is Which Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Are You?. Finally, since they seem to give contradictory results, we can conclude that these quizzes are just a crappy way for bored people to waste time (surprise surprise).

Incidentally, I like the following results:

You are Kat. You replaced Kimberly, attached yourself leechlike to Tommy, and are the reason the author of this quiz stopped watching the show. Shoot yourself now, or else I will.
You are Kat. You replaced Kimberly, attached
yourself leechlike to Tommy, and are the reason
the author of this quiz stopped watching the
show. Shoot yourself now, or else I will.


Which Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the yellow ranger.
I have this theory that the only reason the asian
ranger got yellow as her color, was because of
racial reasons. Damn racists!


Which Power Ranger are you?
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HIPPIE STONER POWERRANGER~
when all the ther little children were making
friendship bracelets with the little henna
string u were smoking it!...u like tie dye and
the 70's....remeber when u had to save the
kitty out of the tree?..yea you started barking
at it and being a dog cuz u were to high to
know whut wuz goin on..ur magic power is tiedye
zap


Which screwed up POWER RANGER are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, October 27, 2003

Of all the confounded things out there, we now have a Quiz: Wad girl's school should you be from?

So far I've manipulated the results to get:

Raffles Girl's school
Smartest of the lot with unprecedented arrogance.
And pUhlEeese... start Cheering like girls and
be RGS girls not RI GUYS!


Wad girl's school should you be from?
brought to you by Quizilla

nanyang
Nanyang Girl's school
Good girls who always listen to teachers. you don't
break rules, you dont disobey orders but OH
GOD! ENOUGH CHINESE!


Wad girl's school should you be from?
brought to you by Quizilla

CHIJ
CHIJ
You scream for your school at any opportunity and
for some strange reason you love your school to
no end. You wear your belt so low that ACS
boys' pants would be considered high (yeah.
oh.. my..god)


Wad girl's school should you be from?
brought to you by Quizilla

CHIJ
SCGS
You're a very hard nut to crack.. stubborn and
sometimes a little bitchy.. you at one time or
another, wear your school tee over your
pinafore.
Situated between ACS barker and SJI... you'd still
pick SJI guys...


Wad girl's school should you be from?
brought to you by Quizilla

I was looking for one "you are a guy" option. Oh well. If anyone manages to get other results, please post them in the comments box below. Danke.


7 months, 2 weeks and 2 days to ORD!
We have spent the last 2 weeks preparing for the upcoming IQA inspection (now postponed till next month - yeh!). Being intimately involved in the preparation, I have had opportunity to meditate on the ridiculousness of all this ISO and Quality business, sprung from the body of New Age Management Rubbish (ala Dilbert).

IQA assumes that we live in a perfect world, and expects us to deliver perfection, or at least the appearance of it. Draw your own conclusions about what happens.

Among other things, we have to fill up paperwork that absolutely no one looks at except the inspection team (which brings to mind the question of why it's needed in the first place, as it doesn't help us provide Quality Service to the patients). Wasting time on the paperwork, we have less time and energy to spend on doing -real- work, so our level of productivity actually goes down. Also, we are not supposed to leave anything inside the temporary slots of medical dockets - what then are the slots for, I ask (except for lazy - mostly Tekong - medics to stuff visit summaries instead of filing them properly)? I find that the slots are good for putting fragile things - like x-ray reports, printed on thin paper. So now I've to file the reports in, and they'll probably tear in a few years. Furthermore, we're not supposed to stock more than one month's supply of drugs at anytime. The problem is that stock takes forever to come, so the alternative is to run out of drugs (and get screwed by the MOs).

All these requirements were probably thought up by people in High Places who envisioned them as leading to a improved quality of health care, but the sad reality is that on the ground, most of it doesn't work and in fact backfires, not only resulting in time, effort and resources wasted on paperwork and skulduggery, but an ultimately lower standard of work. The most laughable - and ultimately indefensible - part of the ISO requirements, though, is the Quality Manual (and related gobbledy-gook). Now, these grimoires on the Philosophy of Customer Service, Quality Policy and related Dark Arts (which staff are supposed to memorise?!) are so thick, jargon ridden, repetitive, unused and in a word: useless that how anyone in a proper frame of mind can think they improve standards is totally beyond me. The only reason why all this rubbish exists in the first place is to provide employment for the ISO people, pure and simple. Since they are the ones setting the criteria for ISO certification, they take the opportunity to stun clueless top-level management with their Arcane Manuals and Incomprehensible ISO-Speak, who then believe that these are Good Things (TM), when they are mere ploys to increase the bulk and complexity of the bureaucracy needed to adminster ISO certification, which benefits - surprise - ISO by allowing it to grow, hire more employees and generally better sucker companies of their money.

Of course, the SAF wanting to be a World Class Organisation (and to hell with the real situation) is not the only reason why all these measures are foisted on us. Us being unwilling slaves, there is no incentive for us to work well, so this is a way of making sure we do our work. Unfortunately, the law of Unintended Consequences applies again, as always.

Why we work so hard, I do not know. Maybe it is out of a misguided sense of responsibility.

The madness of inspections does not only affect us. We asked a unit for a vehicle to send someone to A&E, but they refused at first, because of their own upcoming inspection. Well done. So since the medical centre is preparing for an inspection, we should refuse to see all patients or give out any medicine and ask them everyone report sick outside (actually that way both the patients and us are happy - the former get bountiful MCs and we get less work while earning the same amount of money).


I am rather pleased with the SAF's handling of the POW training incident. There is greater transparency now, and less covering up. Perhaps this is due to a change in mindset. Or perhaps they realised that IRC chat rooms can spread the news faster than Pioneer Magazine can! As a fellow malcontent remarked: "The country is moving towards the right direction. The higher command can no longer be complacent. Not the increasingly critical tone of the st."

As I probably have mentioned before, the doing things by going up the Chain Of Command is useless. Your superiors don't care, and they are all friends, so complaining about one to his superior may not do much good, and may bring retribution. If your CO does not care about your problem, you supposedly can call an "Armed Forces Council", but few know that they exist and nobody (except the Chief Clerks) knows how to summoned one, and even if they do, is there any guarantee that one will be convened? Is it any wonder then that people like to write letters to their MPs, pull strings or otherwise circumvent military channels? There's always the SAF Hotline, but I venture that that's more to stop servicemen defenestrating themselves, thus resulting in a gargantuan PR disaster. For real complaints, the average serviceman has little recourse. For example, in the recent POW training incident, there isn't supposed to be physical contact, but they'd been drowning the trainees for god knows how long. Nobody bothered to report about this breach of training safety because they feared reprisals or being ignored. Hell, the people they were supposed to voice their concerns to were condoning or actively encouraging the drowning, and going beyond them was either unfeasible or unlikely to bring results (probably due to collusion?). The very chain of command that is supposed to solve servicemen's problems creates them by perverting training (among other things). There really should be an anonymous hotline to report abuse or other cock ups in the system.

Jason tricked me one day. He needed 10 oxygen tanks changed at the Army Logistics Base, and claimed that since Ban Xiong wasn't around, he had to remain behind, being the only specialist. I was suspicious of his motives, but not having been to ALB, I had no idea of the horrors in store for me. So me and Yao Shun merrily went to ALB. The vehicle we used was also sending patients to A&E, so it could not pass the ALB gate. Consequently, me and Yao Shun had to trudge all the way to level 3 of the warehouse with our heavy loads. By the time I got there, my shirt was thoroughly soaked. When we finished, we had to wait some time for the vehicle and so decided to eat at their canteen, since we wouldn't be able to return to the cookhouse in time. Their canteen turned out to be horrible. I had Chinese Fried Rice, normally a safe dish, but somehow, it was the only place in the world to cook Chinese-style Fried Rice with Chilli in it.

One day, Melvin and I were tasked to cover NSmen's IPPT... in Tanjong Gul camp. This camp was rundown, hard to find, and perhaps even further from civilisation (factories in Tuas don't count) than ours. Further, the mess we had breakfast at was both expensive and lousy. The people conducting the IPPT were very on-the-ball - they even asked the NSmen to count timing for their warmups louder (of course, the NS men ignored them). I sure hope I don't go to this sort of NS unit. The sole beacon of light in our visit was the E-mart. There, they had packets upon packets of white and black socks (out of stock in our E-mart for *months* - now we know what happened to the stock) and even several field packs! The food and toiletry selection was relatively extensive too.

The ATC cookhouse is learning from the old SMM's - I saw "Fish Fillet ala Meuniere" (fish with a lemon sauce) and "Vicky (Vichy?) Carrot" (which turned out to be diced carrots) one day. Oh no!

I am used to seeing instant noodle particles in the toilet sinks and water coolers, but what I saw one day dwarved my previous sightings - what must have been at least 1/15 of a packet of instant noodles was clogging up the sink of the water cooler. After a day, no one had bothered to remove it, so I nobly scooped most of it up with a piece of newspaper, knowing that if my CSM had found out, she'd have banned everyone from eating instant noodles.

I think if we go to war, some regulars will be the first to die as their men will shoot them.

The stray dogs in camp are becoming an ever-bigger nuisance these days. They fight more often and more noisily, especially in the wee hours of the morning, they bark incessantly after the sun has set and generally get in people's way. Now, I like dogs but the ones in camp are less predictable since they're not tamed. Besides which, they are huge, mangy and more dirty (especially the "Disgusting Dog" who has a serious case of piles and hangs out at the ATC Cookhouse during meal times, grossing diners out). One experience, especially, shook me. One morning before 5BX I was in the toilet. When I finished, I noticed one of the dogs had parked itself outside the door. Plaintive pleas did not work, so I jumped across the threshold and landed behind it. I was proceeding to the area where 5BX was to be conducted and then I noticed that the dog was following me. Even when I crossed a road, it followed, finally ending its "pursuit" at the chinup bars - probably another dog's territory. Now, I know he was just trying to be friendly, but when you're groggy at 5:20am, dressed in PT kit and there's a big dog you don't know following you, it is natural to be apprehensive.

For some reason, Lion Company pronounces their company's motto (when falling out) as "Firm and Fear'y". Maybe they're scared of something.

I was investigating the MINDEF Forums, which I had heard so much about. It seems a very censored place which is a cruel perversion of what a forum should be. Users are banned for the most trivial reasons: complaining (even in mild ways) about the SAF and the Government (as you might expect, the bulk of bans are because of this), posting of incoherent and nonsensical posts (that just shows he is a fool. Why ban him?), spending too much time on the forums during working hours (can you believe one person got banned for that?!), selling handphones ("moonlighting") and speculating who will win the next World Cup (somehow, this constitutes "betting" - preposterous). To their credit, though, the administrators do not (or at least, not that we know) reveal the identities of flouters of the forum's draconian rules to the Powers That Be, and allow appeals.

SAF is ending the use of manual leave forms. I guess they finally realised people were taking Magic Leave (TM).

I was discussing accents with 2 others, and they said I had a neutral, non-Singaporean accent which was identifiable - contrary to Jie's claims that I had the accent of a chinese-educated Singaporean (at times).


One issue of the crappy New Paper on Sunday which I happened to read one Monday had this feature on "tweens". I've always thought that the phenomenon was overrated, since the years 8-14 are not those when children traditionally have their identity crises. Maybe, with the chemicals in the environment these days, people are reaching puberty faster, so. Anyhow, according to the feature, lots of funky things can happen during girls' sleepovers - makeout sessions for example as they "take the opportunity to explore themselves sexually and physically". I was always under the impression that girls were more skittish about this type of thing, but then children these days...

Some quotes that puzzled/amused me:
1) "Sixteen is a cool age to lose our virginity. Anyway, we can't lose it any younger or we would get caught" - Yes, but it's the male who gets punished, so why do you care?
2) "Many people think that we're sisters because both of us have long hair" - This girl should be shot.
3) "Girls are prettier than boys. Boys are very dirty, rough and mischievous. I don't like them."
4) Article: "She surfs lesbian porn websites but she thinks that sex between 2 women is disgusting" - Isn't that what lesbian porn is about? These girls are dumber than I thought.
5) "It's disgusting to touch each other's private parts. It's abnormal. My girlfriend has never wanted it either." - Nice to see they share a solely emotional and spiritual bond. Anyway, it's not like society thinks their relationship is any more normal.

According to some girls schools, their students' homosexuality is an expression of their angst. Bah.


It seems people use Friendster to look for pictures of "chio bus" [Dialect: Pretty girls]. What, then, do the "chio bus" use it for? To look for pictures of "yan daos" [Dialect: Handsome guys]?

More traditional disingeneous advice debunked: If facing your fears is the best way of dealing with them, then those who fear being knocked down by a car, infected with flesh eating bacteria, molested or raped should "face" their fears and subject themselves to said activities.

It's evil how developers are moving to 3D games to force consumers to upgrade their systems, while saving on production costs by having the "movies" rendered by the in-game 3D engine instead of rendering or filming their own Full Motion Videos.

I realised I got conned again when I got Command and Conquer: Generals a second time. I suppose it coming in a single disc should have tipped me off, for when I played the game, there was no pre-Mission briefing, no unit sounds and perhaps worse of all - almost all of the terrain tiles had been stripped and replaced with black. Now, I'm no graphics freak but it is nice to admire the (relatively) beautiful terrain as rendered by the 3D engine (though it may never look as beautiful as 2D terrain). More importantly, I need to see ravines and other terrain so I know where to deploy my troops and where I cannot station them! Luckily, DirectConnect came to the rescue, so. I miss the FMV, though. Tanya was really brought to life by the clips in Red Alert. Incidentally, after returning from the UK I have not the patience for medieval total war. That's bad.


I think my introverted trait has been coming to the fore in the past 14 months or so.


Quotes:

[On Friendster] I'm your friend's friend's friend. Want to meet tonight for sex?

[Me on an X-ray at CMPB: Wouldn't you rather stay out and go there tomorrow morning?] Are you crazy? You know how many times I've booked out this week? Wah lao. Cannot tahan. [Me: This is the first time I've heard someone complain about booking out too much.]

[On Screwed Up Regulars] Don't you know? 42 is a dumping ground.

This medical centre is mine. You dare to put anything inside the fridge? I will eat it for you. [Someone: Stool sample.]

[On someone] He's the oly one in the Medical Centre whom nobody calls friend.

Masturbate - left hand. Eat pork - left hand. All the dirty things use left hand (things: use)

[Someone on not stopping CPR if you fracture a rib: Do you want to save lives or save organs first?] Save organs lor. After die can donate (you die you can donate them)

[Me on answering the phone] Hello, MO Room 4. (3)

[Sign] Hotel Pheonix (Phoenix)

[On Tanjong Gul's 'Camp II'] Camp 11? They have so many camps here ah?

[Sign] Care For Soldier (Soldiers)

She males cannot get jobs, so they take pictures of themselves.

Gabriel, you're supposed to be on a diet. I forbig you from eating vegetable (vegetables)
Many people speak about Miracles

"In the case of cancer, there are occasionally spontaneous remissions. If one of these happens under the time frame of a "healing," it will seem to be a miracle. For lesser health problems, there is the placebo effect - the mind is sometimes a powerful aid to healing and if one believes strongly enough that healing will work, it sometimes does. This phenomenon is still not well understood. What is dangerous, however, is feeling better temporarily and attributing it to "healing," when in fact no healing has taken place, and the patient will eventually get worse."

"Many people attribute to miracles that wich can be explained naturally. For instance my sister-in-law says it was a miracle her mother stopped smoking. My husband however tells me it was because he, as a little boy, told his mom that when he grew up he was going to smoke just like her. "

" Now, what constitutes seeing a "miracle"? Had you no knowledge of atomic weapons and witnessed the explosions over Japan, would you not see those as miracles? Just because we view things as miraculous does not mean there isn't a natural explanation that is just not understood by the individual. Many majicians may be viewed as performing miracles if the viewer does not understand that slight-of-hand is being used."

"I come from the heart of the bible belt and I've seen first hand how people are lead to believe that if these so called "healings" do not come about
then it isn't gods will.Conversly, if you are"healed" it is the will of god. Obviously a no lose proposition for the faithhealer. Many of these modern tent revivalists "heal" psychosomatic dis-eases that are easily mistaken as legitimate. People in these healing ministries believe,for the most part, what they are told or expect."

"In the occassional miracle tent crusades in this area and in church services, with the laying on of hands etc. supposed demons being expelled from some of them. I've seen and know many the people laying claim to god healing them. Much fanfare at the time but the reality of the matter is this. These same people who still live in this village are still as sick as ever, some of course have died. These are the same people who came down to the front of the church or tent and claimed the healing power of god had come upon them. These poor people who got caught up in the emotional hype of the night were victims of hyper active suggestion. There are some people in all walks of life whether religious or atheist who go into remission. This is as yet not understood but is leading more and more to positive suggestion."

"There was a popular faith healer, some time back, named Kathryn Kuhlman. At the time I lived in Los Angeles, she would fill the enormous Shrine auditorium, and her "healings" were numerous. People on crutches and in wheelchairs suddenly had bodies that could do extraordinary things, for all in the audience to witness.

A family member of mine, who was a nurse, told me that their emergency room had to put on extra staff for the few days following each of Kuhlman's visits to town."

"All religions have miracles. It makes them more appealing and helps explain anything we don't know. Most of the christians I know are apt to call anything good that happens to them a miracle. Charismatic churches teach that everything is a work of god or the devil. I challenge anyone to come up with someone that has lost a limb and had it regrown from a miracle. Why would this be any more difficult to god then healing cancer? Thing is, you won't find it. Any lead you get on a miracle like that dissapears when you chase it. If something like this did happen it would be HUGE news. Any doctor would be blown away to see that."

"Faith healers bury their failures... literally. The dead don't get to give testimonials about how God smote them down. The terminally ill who believe in such generally continue to cling to hope to the end, so they're not going to say anything to tick off the big cheese. And chronically ill people who eventually lose faith don't usually draw a large audience to hear their non-testimony of non-healing. So we usually hear only about the "successes." Anyone have any impartial statistics on faith healer success ratios compared to spontaneous remission rates? Hmmm... I wonder if it could be exactly equal be some strange coincidence."

" Does it not surprise anyone that when god has delivered a "miracle", everyone hears about it and everyone praises him, but the 9,999,999 other times when he does nothing, nobody notices or say that it is his "divine will"? Seems the odds of this god delivering a miracle are the same as that of the "miracle" occuring naturally. How convenient." (My own contribution)

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Alcohol is a wonderful virtual CD program. Unfortunately, it's exorbitantly priced, and the claims of reading virtual CDs at up to 200x speed must be taken with a pinch of salt, since you'd be reading from and writing to the hard disk simultaneously.


I still think the Sunday Times is an atrocious, disorganised mess, divided into only 2 sections so at most 2 people can read it at any time. Regardless, their back page interview fills me with mirth:

Reporter: You seem to delight in controversy. Almost all your plays are rated R(A). Shopping and F***ing had scenes of gang rape, sex orgies, drug abuse, Bent had gay characters parading in leather G-strings while Fireface dealt with necrophilia and incest. Very dark and disturbing preoccupations for a Raffles Girls' School (RGS) girl, wouldn't you say?

Beatrice Chia: Oh no! On the contrary, my penchant for R(A) plays is inspired by my days at RGS! Underneath all those A1s, thick glasses and pinafores, we had very sexy minds too, you know. In fact, the school disciplinarian is my inspiration for this photo shoot. I dedicate this picture to her. Filiae Melioris Aevi (means: daughters of a better age) Mrs Lim! Remember that RGS didn't just produce such luminaries like Claire Chiang, Kit Chan and Emma Yong, we produced Annabel Chong too. We were very well-balanced, I think. I am definitely going to send my daughter to school at RGS.

Reporter: You spent two years studying at a boarding school for boys in England. How has that experience shaped you as a person and taught you about boys and men?

Beatrice Chia: Seriously, sexually frustrated British boys aged between 13 and 18, locked up in a boarding school that looks like Hogwarts can be pretty scary. They seemed to think that screaming 'Slapper-face!' at a girl 30 times a day and emotionally abusing her was 'smashing!' and 'wicked fun!'

By the time I left, I felt as if I had been through two years of BMT in Pulau Tekong.

Until I went to boarding school, I always thought William Golding's Lord Of The Flies was pure fiction.

Reporter: Apparently you got into regular fights with them.

Beatrice Chia: Yes. Those were some of the best days of my life. When you fight with scary British boys, you have to be prepared to fight to the death. Some of our fights would last for days. But I always knew how to hurt them bad. I would just confiscate their porn magazines. That always got them good.
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