"Malaysia Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad and the Sultan of Johor are seen in a blue Proton Saga... "When asked whether there is any tension with the sultan, Dr Mahathir said: “No, I don’t see anything because I went to see him and he drove me to the airport. I don’t want to comment on the sultans because if I say anything that is not good then it’s not nice because he is the sultan”"

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Friday, September 10, 2004

Quote of the Post: "I know nothing about sex because I was always married." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Random Playlist Song: Handel - Joshua - Overture

***

Some Engineer jokes from the archives:

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.


Two engineering students are walking across campus; one turns to the other and asks: "Hey, that's some cool bike. Where'd you get such a great bike?"

"Well, I'll tell you. I was out for a walk yesterday, minding my own business, when this beautiful woman rides up on this bike. She throws it to the ground, rips off all her clothes, and says, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nods approvingly. "Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

***

Since I was OCR-ing stuff for my mother's exam papers, I got down to scanning these too:







***

One of TalkingCock's less lame (and more funny) cartoons:

MEN IN WHITE


One day in a HDB estate...

Girl: AIYEE!


Mother: Ah Girl, what is it? Wha'ppen?

Girl: I... I just saw on this wep site... a political opinion!


Girl: ...B-but they don't exist in Singapore... do they?

Mother: I... I donno...


Mysterious Figure: They do, Ma'am, but they shouldn't. That's where we come in...

Girl: Who're you?

Mother: Wait... I... I've heard of you, b-but only in whispers... Y-you're...


Mother: MIW - Men In White

Crew Cut Man: That's right, Ma'am. We show up whenever someone witnesses something alien to Singapore...


Crew Cut Man: There are certain things people shouldn't know about for their own good and the good of the country...

Long Haired Man: Huh! This one's a dangerous one...


Long Haired Man: He doesn't even believe what's written in the Straits Times!

[more]

***

More tales of raunchy prurience from solsetur:


"Sheares hall is having 'Buaya' week, which is their version of the Angel Mortal
game. KH was telling us about his buaya (Angel) the other day during project discussion.
So since I don't know who she is we've been passing presents through X (this other guy) and the other day apart from my gifts, I hugged X and told him that he must pass my hug and hug her.

So X did, came back, and after handing over all her presents told me that she returned the hug with a kiss. But no way was he going to kiss me so I better forget about 'getting' her kiss.

Shit. They told me she is quite chio.

Shit. She kissed X, that lucky idiot.

Shit. I could not get my kiss in the end because X refused to kiss me! X took advantage of my 'Buaya'!!!


Tough luck."

***

"The sound of the harpsichord has been variously described as the ticking of a sewing machine (Ralph Vaughan Williams), a toasting fork on a birdcage (Percy Scholes), and two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof (Thomas Beecham)... the sound can be varied in ways which are simply not possible on any other keyboard, including the modern piano. Dramatic tonal changes can be made by switching manuals, adding extra "choirs" of strings, or applying a lute stop. This is particularly important since the harpsichord - unlike the piano - is very limited in its ability to vary dynamics (note volume) and articulation (note length)."


Someone from the other (wrong) side of the Iron Curtain on the new CO of 42SAR:

"Some guy called Bobby Lee. And his first name is not Robert. He gave a guy 3 extra for talking during his speech.

And his commander 7.

He also implemented weekend RT."


"u dont cut it it'll grow slower than usual
so the theory is that u should trim it a little
keeps ur hair in good health too"

Maybe I should rescind my vow not to let scissors touch my hair for the forseeable future.


Dilbert in a gray area social situation


Someone: i can quote you in my article man. give me a good quote

Someone: Gabriel, an avid user of P2P software, shares, "Ever since I started using file sharing, I've bought more CDs. But not everyone is like me, they're cheapskate."

Me: eh I didn't say that!
learning the first tool of the journalists' trade already, I see: misquoting others

Someone: you learn fast. next up, fabricating articles.
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