"Malaysia Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad and the Sultan of Johor are seen in a blue Proton Saga... "When asked whether there is any tension with the sultan, Dr Mahathir said: “No, I don’t see anything because I went to see him and he drove me to the airport. I don’t want to comment on the sultans because if I say anything that is not good then it’s not nice because he is the sultan”"

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Monday, September 13, 2004

Quote of the Post: "Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists." - John Kenneth Galbraith

***

Free wireless broadband for Starhub Mobile customers at Changi Airport. Yay.


"Come find out today scientifically why god exists and why jesus loves you at our talk... 14 september, 2pm, LT 27"

Heh heh. This is too good to resist. I love my informants.

***

By popular demand, more engineer jokes:


Blind Fire Fighters

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?


The Lost Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says,"Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 41 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going to. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."


Engineers & Accountants on a Train

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but all three engineers cramed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants cramed into a restroom and the three engineers cramed into another nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."


A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."


To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

***

"Dear Offended,

I do not suggest that I may have the privilege of viewing society from a more illuminating angle at all, but there is something that I have learned for myself over the years. I have learned that things/events/words are not offensive; it is the context in which things/events/words are used and accepted.

Why do I use the word “cripple” so readily? It’s partially the shock value, but it is mostly because I feel it is important to practice what I am explaining now. A person who calls me a cripple is not necessarily an asshole; it’s the way he uses it. Actually, I am all for free expression, especially if that expression is blatantly offensive. It makes the assholes stand out.

If you were to shine everything up and remove any potentially offensive bit from all humor, there would be no humor at all. Any joke, even the most innocent joke told by my seven year old niece, has a party being hurt either physically or emotionally. We laugh because it is the only way to express ourselves at the time, empathetic or not.

If you hide what is considered offensive in order not to offend but do nothing about its context, you empower that thing to be much more than it ever was. It’s like using a racial epithet. It’s not the word itself, it’s the racist asshole that’s using it."

(notice on It's a BK Holiday!, flash animation to the MP3 of "Ding Fried Are Done", some Burger King parody to the tune of Carol of the Bells)

***

"USP has an entire block at PGP!!
i guess they want u guys to fuck other scholars
whoops, i mean get to know other scholars"

Heh heh.
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