"A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people." - Peter McArthur

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Quotes:

[Indian girl] I'm just terrified of Indians... I always feel like they're judging me... I walk into a room: 'Look at what she's wearing'

[On James Sterba] He's the only guy I've ever wikipediaed and not found anything on

He kept smiling to himself, I thought he was weird... At the time I thought it was abnormal behavior. [Me: So now you think it's normal behavior] Now I do it myself. Too stressed, too stressed. [Student 2: I'm in a room with weird people.] [Me: You're in USP, get used to it.]

What are you doing? [Female student: Whoring] Cam-whoring. There's a big difference.

I thought Jiekai is like some Kevin Cheng, or Ryan Seacrest. But he looks like some Cock.

I love USP. Multidisciplinary... People tell me 'Chua Beng Huat'. Next time you want to know Engin information, just ask me. [Me: But nobody wants to know about Engin stuff.] You might want to know how to fix your aircon. I can tell you. [Me: Paper Engineer]... I can tell you the theory.

I'm very stressed... I wish I had a girlfriend to talk to. [Me: Then you'd spend a lot of time talking to her and you'd have even less time and you'd be even more stressed.]

[On speaking his mother tongue] Whenever you're not sure about how to pronounce an English word in Malay, just change the Cs to Ks and add a minah accent

I took this picture in the bathroom. The only photoshop was my eyelashes. [Student 2: You photoshop your eyelashes?] Shut up... It's not photoshopped. It's just my eyes [that] are photoshopped. And my teeth.

[Me: No one remembers NMPs, except the ones from AWARE] Because they talk the most? Because they make the most noise?

[Student 2: I heard she's a bit sexist] She's nice to boys, but not to girls... She's nice to those who prove they are worthy of respect [Me: So girls don't prove they are worthy of respect?]

I hate these modules with ironic titles. 'Why History?' I asked myself that the whole semester... 'Simplicity'. It was anything but simple.

How come you came so late? [Student: I was elsewhere.] That doesn't tell me anything. 'It is raining because it is not not-raining'

They look like they spend 2 hours a day doing makeup... I don't even know how to do full makeup.

Looking at the Arts girls in my group I can see how and why they put on makeup. They don't seem to do much else... This is why a woman will never be the President of the United States. When they announce that she's the winner she'll be in the toilet doing her makeup... Well she looks and acts like a man, so maybe not.

There was this page on Bonobos, and there was a link: 'Click here to see how monkeys make themselves happier through sex'. There was a woman squirting.... The monkeys were below. [Someone else: She was squirting on the monkeys?]... I didn't know people could do that. [Me: You don't squirt? *Pats her boyfriend* You need to try harder.]... It was like a fountain. [Me: So she's like a fountain, you're like a water cooler]

[Me on someone: He became better after he ***] You see that's what sex does for you [Me: Maybe it's reverse causation: he got better, then he got sex] No, that's what sex does for you.

[On me] His Google power is very amazing... I'm a mini Google goddess [Me: And you don't even know how to use google cache?]

Your Internet Explorer is Firefox (browser)

They asked me what novels I read. I said 'Sorry I don't read novels, I don't live in fantasies.'

My boyfriend is not super rich. [Me: So he's just normal rich]

He asked me if I'll ever consider dating a girl. I said I'm as straight as a metal ruler. You know what he said? [Me: 'You're as flat as a metal ruler']

Is that Nanyang? [Me: They're not at urinals but they're pretending to urinate.] That's Nanyang lor. Only Nanyang girls will do such dumb things.

[Me on peeing standing up: Go and try lah. It's very empowering] I liberate myself in other ways.

I have tons and tons of white hair. Just not as much as Gabriel

Do you want to perm it? [Me: No. Why does everyone ask me if I want to perm it? [Student 2: Because that's what everyone does. They rebond and then they perm and they rebond and they perm.] [Me: And then all their hair falls off.

[Me: Under the age of consent.] [Student 2: For what?]... What do you need to be of a certain age to do? [Me: Many things. Sign a legal contract]

[Me: He also says there're a lot of cute girls in 2101 class] There are? It's econs

[Me: What's her nickname?] Ooh shit

[Me: Did you dry your hands on yourself?] No [Me: *Points at her top*] [Someone else: Can you stop making people miserable?]

[Me: Singaporean students are weird... Not all of them have someone to bang. So if you have no one to bang, and you live relatively near school, why would you want to live in school?] To find someone to bang [Someone else: So I assume that's why you live in school] [Me: He already found someone to bang. But not through living in school.]