There is a meme about the difference between men's and women's self-help books.
">male self-help book
>ctrl+f "you have to "
>342 results
>female self-help book
>ctrl+f "you deserve "
>764 results"
This ties in with the majority of the literature, which finds that women have an external locus of control and men have an internal one. Nonetheless, I decided to do an empirical test of this claim.
Firstly, I had to find a self-help book for men and a self-help book for women to compare.
Only Indigo seemed to have listings for both categories, so I looked at the Best Match for both categories.
Under Self-help Books For Women, the first Best Match was The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About by Mel Robbins.
Unfortunately, many male self-improvement books could not be used for various reasons.
Under Men's Self Improvement Books, the first Best Match was The Richest Man In Babylon: Complete and Original Signature Edition by George S. Clason. However, this book was unsuitable due to the structure of the narrative, told in a serialised story that reminded me of Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. The next book, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, also seemed unsuitable as it was also a Holocaust memoir. Then, I was unable to find a copy of Self Help for Men: Confidence, Assertiveness and Self-Esteem Training (3 in 1): Use These Tools and Methods to Say NO more, to Stop Doubting and to Stop Always Being Mr. Nice Guy by John Adams. As A Man Thinketh: The Complete Original Edition And Master Of Destiny: A Gps Guide To Life by James Allen was published in 1908 with archaic language, and was also very short (the Project Gutenberg file is 33 pages long, vs 272 for The Let Them Theory).
In the end, Make The Impossible Possible: One Man's Crusade To Inspire Others To Dream Bigger And Achieve The Extraordinary by Bill Strickland seemed suitable.
I then searched for the two key phrases in both books. I also looked at the context of these phrases, and generally they were used in a way that matches the analytical framework above (e.g. "you have to" was not being used in sentences like "you have to know that you're worth it").
Results:
you have to (agentic language): 10 for male vs 42 for female
you deserve (entitlement language): 1 for male vs 33 for female
While there is more agentic language in the female self-help book than the meme suggests, looking at the ratios of the phrases is telling.
The ratio of agentic to entitlement language for the male self-help book is 10:1. Whereas for the female self-help book it is 1.3. So men are indeed told that they need to get off their ass and change their life more than women.
Related:
"Self-help books for women vs. men aren’t selling the same story.
If you walk through the self-help section and compare the books marketed to men with those aimed at women, the contrast is striking. The books for men tend to emphasize stoicism, discipline, and self-sufficiency: become more focused, toughen up, don’t let the world knock you off your path, no one is coming to save you. The message is essentially that you need to strengthen yourself and earn your way forward.
The books for women, by contrast, rarely begin with the idea that you’re lacking something that needs to be built. Instead, the theme is closer to: you’re already great, but you keep getting in your own way. The world hasn’t recognized your value because you haven’t fully accepted it yourself. The promise is that once you stop beating yourself up and embrace who you already are, others will see it too.
Two very different messages—one built around improvement, the other around affirmation."
"EXACTLY. And this isn't just true about self-help groups. Therapy itself mirrors this trend."
"I watched a doctor on YouTube talk about women and migraines. After rattling off a whole bunch of lifestyle choices that contribute to migraines, the doctor then said, “The first thing to know: is it’s not your fault.”
Make it make sense!"
"I have dev a deep distaste for female self improvement talks/books b/c their focus is make women feel good NOT get better. Reality is maj of 🚺 respond very negatively to self improvement b/c it requires self awareness"
"There's a similar orientation in kids/family movies: Frozen, Encanto, Moana -> “you're already enough, you/others must recognize it"
It’s harder to name recent movies where "you're not ready, you must improve"
It's easy to name old ones: Aladdin, Lion King, Nemo, Tarzan..."
