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Thursday, February 07, 2013

Singaporeans at Work

An excerpt of a conversation a friend had with an East Asian friend:

"Let me count the number of Singaporeans on my floor. hmmm oh wait, there isn't a single fucking Singaporean on my floor (multinational bank)! WHY you ask?

Singaporeans can't solve problems even if their lives depended on it. You guys are so fucking afraid of making mistakes, its a fucking joke. I have to tackle tax, accounting and legal issues at work. Sometimes the tax and accounting works, the legal doesn't. Then we have to find a way around it. With all the respect due to you as a fellow human being, you guys don't have the balls and the common sense to be at that (senior executive) level. The only Singaporeans on my floor are the secretaries. And hey, we have them by the balls. No, wait, they're girls. Anyway, so we have them on a ball and chain because these idiots would buy 7, 8 thousand dollar bags on credit while drawing a 3 thousand dollar salary. Singapore is the ONLY country with such a crazy obsession over Birkins and Kellys. Nowhere else in the world do I see such an economic phenomena. Its so great that the fucking company has to instil a worldwide minimum expenditure before anyone can buy those bags. (I'd want *** to confirm this)

I'd want to expound that issue, but I'm not Singaporean and its really none of my business. You guys are unsustainable and its a matter of time before you people crash and burn.

(pause. takes a huge gulp of beer)

HOWEVER, the back office, the middle office, filled with Singaporeans. fantastic worker bees. Overpaid, over-educated worker bees who punch numbers in to excel sheets with macros NOT created by them. Amazing workers I tell you. I can walk in and demand that no one goes home tonight, and all you poor motherfuckers would listen to me. I've never had such power before in my life. I feel like I'm the fucking God King. Even Ahmadinejad doesn't wield such fear and power. I'm probably second to Kim Jong Un. In London, the same people would have told me to fockauf, suck dick, I'm going for a pint at 8pm. (Which reminds me about *** telling me the other day that we have an entire generation of students who think that their business degree is sufficient for them to make it in the world of Finance. My friend agrees whole heartedly)

I'm not saying that Singaporeans aren't good enough. You guys transitioned from a manufacturing hub where protocols and processes have to followed to the hilt. This change is gonna be long, its gonna be difficult. Its gonna take one or two generations before you people can catch up and finally sit on my floor. By then I'd be somewhere in Sardinia on my yacht sipping my cocktail and giving you guys the finger."

I would wager that you could say most of this about the rest of East Asia too (Singapore being an honorary part of the region).
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