"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." - Herman Wouk

***

Quotes:

[On Davidoff cigarettes] Dandruff

[Someone: What's Qui Tacet?] Silence means consent [Someone else: ... I'm not talking about age] Gag them before you...

[On Wesley] They have something called the Fuck Truck. It's the bus that goes to Harvard.

The Malaysian microwave oven... When I first moved into hall... When the Malaysian girl put the egg in the microwave oven, she put 15 minutes. It literally exploded. Even when you boil an egg you don't put 15 minutes.

Tell him about the Taiwanese night market. [nw.t: Fuck lah, there were more hot chicks than in the club.]

Where else would I be on New Year's Eve if not with my closest friends? [Someone: Geylang]

Can I join? [Me: You're not desperate what] [nw.t: And you're not a gentleman]

Girls are only for 2 things. One: For sex. Two: For more sex.

If you're good enough friends with an Eskimo, he'll let you fuck his wife.

[On gendered nouns and how the word sounds] In Italy, In France, 90% of the people who wear 'Ellesse' are women

Shopping is a speciality in Singapore

[Student: What do I do?] You spell your name. [Student: U M A] No. No. You spell it in French.

[On the full spelling of her Indian name] I forgot how to spell my father's name

Why French? My fiance is French

[On French] The pronunciation doesn't follow any logic... You can be as smart as you want [but it won't help].

When I first arrived, came to Singapore... The first time I had a class, I asked 'who is Angie'? (Ng)

When you learn the friend language (foreign)

[On 70] Now the serious thing start. 69 (things start)

[On recognising numbers] Usually I hear '86'. This is the first time [I hear]: 'caramel'

Many troubles and kerr'lair'mer'tais (calamities)

[Teacher: C'est ton nom ou ton premon?] Sounds the same

[Teacher on determining masculin or féminin: What did you hear?] I don't know. I look out for the 'il est' only.

I think it was *** who said 'Bonsoir' [Ed: Good evening] then I nearly fell.

[On why island nations have no gender] They are not French colonies?

[On sexism in language and plurals] It's unfair, I know. Elles sont. Only girls

ar'tuh'ree'sees (arthritis)

I don't know if it happened to you. You call someone... It's a man or a woman? If a strong voice tells you 'Je suis française': you say 'Bonjour madame'... If a little voice says 'Je suis français', you say 'Bonjour monsieur' (weak)

[On going too fast] Latter, later. Not so many things at a time. Otherwise you stop after 2 weeks (later)

This has nothing to do with smartness (intelligence)

The pronunciation in French is very important. It would be a pity if you learn French for 1 year, and you go to France, and you speak French, and they say 'Do you speak English'

[On joining words together when pronouncing] It was to ee'd the pace of the conversation (aid)

If you fly the... airlines, they don't link the words... It is not a contest... The purpose is to speak slowly so all the passengers understand.

[On gender] [Tape: Je suis français] [Student: Both.] Both? I don't know if it's possible to be both. Well, today it's possible.

How do you know [the gender]? [Student: Jacques] Okay, but it's not enough.

I have to tell you, when a child in France starts learning French, of course he gets confused at the beginning... his learning process is only based on intuition... It takes them a few years. If you can learn it in 1 year, that is very good... If you, after 3 years, you still don't know the verb 'to be'... 4 years [and] you still don't know how to count till 10, I'll tell you nicely, 'Maybe you should learn another language'

[On not getting a language] Former French President Jacques Chirac. He was a very good student when he was young. He started learning Sri Lankan. Sri Lankan or Pakistani... He gave up, because he couldn't get it. He started learning Russian and he was excellent in Russian (Sinhala?, Urdu?)

Le professeur. Even if you are a woman... There is a difference between the written language and the verbal language. Verbal language, you can say whatever you want... Probably in 20 years 'La professeur' will be in the dictionary. The intellectuals are not the ones who make the language... The ones who make the language are the ones in the street

He's Bel'german, she's Bel'german (German)

[On exceptions to 98% of countries ending with E being feminine] In the French, countries can be masculin and féminin. With the exception of Mexique. Zaïre - I think some of you don't even know where it is (French, or)

If the President of US, or the President of China comes to France, he will be on TV. I have never seen the Prime Minister of anybody of Singapore on TV.

Chypre, Malte. Some French people don't know where it is (they are)

When people say 'L'Amérique' they refer to [the] US. They don't refer to Canada.