Normally I find these incredibly lame, but tonight I'm giving someone a Fortune Cookie as a Facebook gift (he asked for anyone to give him one):

Confucius say, top 100

1. Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone
11. Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly
19. Confucius say, man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist
21. Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel
29. Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok (the one I eventually chose)
32. Confucius say, to meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl is better
35. Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement
43. Confucius say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
46. Confucius say, woman who go to man's apartment for snack, get titbit
72. Confucius say, sex on beach like American beer - fucking near water
89. Confucius say, man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self
91. Confucius say, man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor
92. Confucius say, man who put cock on stove, have hot rod
95. Confucius say, man who fuck in cemetery may end up fucking dead
99. Confucius say, man who finger girl having period get caught red handed