When you can't live without bananas

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Monday, June 19, 2006

xxoos wanted to go to Amsterdam, and I still hadn't seen the Rembrandt-Caravaggio exhibition, so I went along as well. Sportingly (or stingily), she agreed to walk to the city centre with me.


Koningin Wilhelmina (Queen Wilhelmina). This is in Wilhelminapark. It's a really awful statue for a Queen.


Squashed pigeon on the way to the city centre
Besides being deaf, I am also blind. xxoos had to point this out. But at least I take better photos than the Cock. A guy in a car waved at me after I took this picture; this was damn weird, which is why I like this country - both liberal and weird, which is right down my alley.

xxoos had a better eye for zaogengs than I, and claimed that she could see a lot (including one patriotic female who was wearing orange), but then I can only look while being respectable if I'm gay, so. She also pointed out that many of them have big thighs (I theorise it's from a life of cycling), something which I had noticed but was reluctant to list in my previous "how to avoid zaogeng-ing while cycling" list both due to lack of visual confirmation and politeness (hah!)

"After I ate bacon, I never looked back" - contextless

I told xxoos to use the train toilet because it was free, but she claimed she wanted to use the one in the station because there was more space, so she wasted €0,50. (... women) A lot of women also had the same idea, so the queue for the female toilet was very long, almost spiling outside the toilet gates, so one popped into the male toilet.

In Amsterdam they had this party to celebrate 10 years of legalisation (Legalize! Educate not criminate! Stichting Legalize! Haal drugs uit het strafrecht!). There were a lot of police, and from the smell in the air, people were smoking it in public.


Pot cart


The performance artists were getting in on the picture also. This guy's costume was good, except he didn't paint his hands.


People getting relief from the summer heat in a pool behind the Rijksmuseum


Man and dog in pook


When I got to the Van Gogh museum for the Rembrandt-Caravaggio exhibition, I was pissed off to find that my museum card did not get me a reduction on the exhibition - I still had to pay €10 (they even had a sign specifically listing €10 as the price for those with the museum card for youth). This was not as bad as for those without the museum card, for they had to pay €20 for a combined ticket to the Van Gogh museum and the Rembrandt-Caravaggio exhibition - particularly galling since Van Gogh had nothing to do with Rembrandt and Caravaggio. I wonder if they'd have organised the exhibition if the asbestos problem had not hit the Rijksmuseum (how lucky that this year is the 400th anniversary of Rembrandt's birth). And then when I got in I found that photography was disallowed. Grr. It must've cost them a helluva bomb to get all the Caravaggios in. At least the audioguide was included in the price.

One was called the Southern Rembrandt and one the Caravaggio of the North. Gah.

The soft lighting of the exhibition was ironic since Rembrandt himself recommended that one painting by hung in strong light so it would be more striking.

They put Caravaggio's Judith Beheading Holofernes and Rembrandt's The Blinding of Samson beside each other. I found this interesting, because essentially the same event (female treachery) is given 2 completely different spins.

In Caravaggio's The Holy Family with St John the Baptist I saw Jesus' genitalia for the first time in painting.

I like clearly defined painting and dislike muddiness, evident in some of Rembrandt's pieces, but muddiness is employed to great effect in "The Denial of St Peter". Unusually, Jesus is in the background, almost invisible. This causes the focus of the viewer's attention to be directed to Peter's face which contorts as he realises his betrayal. Also, despite Jesus' face being in shadow, Rembrandt manages to make the disappointed look in his face evident (I won't go into the morality.

The end of the commentary on audioguide 8 told the listener that the exhibition continued above, yet there was room 9 beside room 8. Tsk.


"Caravaggio used to say that painting, however and by whomsoever it might be practiced, must remain no more than a vain and idle pastime so long as the principle of painting directly from life was not entirely and consistently adhered to... This was a view which was just as firmly held by our great master Rembrandt, who also made it his principle to paint only from Nature and who looked with suspicion on any tendencies contrary to this principle." - Dutch critic and painter Arnold Houbraken, 1719
This is ironic considering that Van Gogh greatly admired Rembrandt (even saying that he'd give 10 years of his life to sit looking at the Jewish Bride for 14 days with only a crust of dry bread), yet produced kindergarten crayon etchings that the latter would no doubt have despised. I wonder what the two would say about art from Impressionism on. One could always fudge and claim that grotesque buckets splashing on canvas is even more true to life and nature, since it reveals the inner dynamism of it. But then since this is not apologetics, no one (I hope) would accept such a lame excuse.

"What is a devout church father doing alongside a naked woman?" - The audioguide on placing Caravaggio's St Jerome writing beside Rembrandt's Bathsheba bathing. The audioguide called it a provocative choice. What they didn't add was that it was a seditious one as well.

A funny poem from 1681 by Andre Speltz (sp?) on Rembrandt's painted women: "When he'd paint a naked woman... as model no Greek Venus but a maid find in a wood"

Artemisia, the wife of Mausolus (of Mausoleum fame) mixed his ashes with wine and drank it so her body would be a living tomb for her husband. Uhh.

Rembrandt's Rape of Ganymede is funny since it portrays Ganymede as an ugly crybaby (and urinating at the same time). I wonder why people are offended when Alexander the Great and Frederick the Great are portrayed as bisexual and homosexual respectively, but no one complains about Zeus.

Caravaggio's "The Supper at Emmaus" offended people because he depicted saints as ordinary people. It's lucky these people who took offence did not mutilate or destroy the painting, since now another interpretation is that this prosaic quality allows a contrast with the ethereal figure of Christ.

In all the exhibition was amazing, if a bit overpriced. But since I can't prove I'm not a brain in a vat and all my thoughts are not pre-programmed into me, Rembrandt and Caravaggio might actually be crap and my reactions and evaluations dissolve into the ether and are worthless (damn, I'm getting good at Argumentum ad Ludicrum. I can get my PhD in theology now).

The exhibition noted that no one calls Rembrandt by his last name, and that Van Gogh didn't want to be called by his last name too. I think I once read that it's silly to call Leonardo Da Vinci by his last name (so to speak), since it simply means "From Vinci"; "Van Gogh" translates to "Of/from Gogh" (but I'm not sure what "Gogh" is so the translation might not be correct), but then no one thinks it's stupid to call people "Smith", "Taylor", "Baker", "Weaver" and the like.

Rembrandt enrolled in a Latin school so he could go to University. However, he dropped out at 14 to be an artist. Doubtless people bemoaned his irresponsibility and said he'd never amount to much. But then the expected return on making everyone an engineer is higher than of letting people do what they want: as the saying goes, "For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them". You just get a lower variance (probably).

At the end of the exhibition you could record your video reaction to it. Heh.



The only reason I'm not making a snide remark about the museum posting of the "Go to the museum as often as you can" quote by Van Gogh is because of the museum card.

I walked out the door of the museum, and then realised I'd left my bag in the cloakroom, which was beside the door. I tried to go back in, but the guy at the door waved his finger at me with a "no no" when I told him the reason. Annoyed, I dug out my museum card, and then my cloakroom token. I wonder if he'd have let me in if I'd only shown my cloakroom token. It's just beside the door, damnit.


A black woman with braided hair in the park near the Van Gogh museum asked me, in an American accent, if I would like her to braid my hair for me. Gah. Do I look like someone who wants braided hair?!

"A lot of people here don't wear bra one" - xxoos


Canal


I am told that this sign informs the viewer that Chinese get their first jug/glass of "wine water" (drinks) on the house. The discrimination is disgusting. It's one thing to give free soup/dessert/drinks to those who speak Chinese to you. It's another to discreetly discriminate by having a sign in Chinese saying you get a free drink, thereby excluding those who don't read Chinese. But to say that only Chinese get a free drink?! And what about Bananas who, unlike Urine, cannot read Chinese?
The restaurant with this sign, "Namtin" had lots of awards, but their har gao (€4 for 4) and siu mai (€2,75 for 4) (xxoos wanted to ta bao dim sum) was alright only. Actually the siu mai was mediocre - mostly meat and very little prawn. The only good thing I can say is that the pieces were huge.

I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with xxoos and a machine came by to empty the dustbin outside the restaurant. Instead of the dustbin being turned on its head, emptying its contents into the truck, a snout-like appendage unfolded from the truch and started thrusting rhythmically in and out of the dustbin, guided by the hands of one worker. How appropriate for Amsterdam.

I ordered sweet and sour pork Hong Kong style at the restaurant. I was wondering how different it would be from normal sweet and sour pork, but it turned out to be the same. At least it wasn't drenched in the sauce like most sweet and sour pork, so it was a bit crispy. Meanwhile my duck was excellent - the skin melted in my mouth, being close to Hwa Ting quality.


Funky books: "Combat Training for the Special Technical Soldiers Taking Free and Passively Qin Na, Lectured by Liu Yi, The Combat Coach for Special Technical Forces, The 35th Generation Disciple of the Ancient Orthodox Shaolin Quan"; Chinese Kung-Fu Series 6, 8 and 15: "Ten Routine Spring Leg", "Changquan - Long Shadow Boxing", "13 Emei Shortsword Techniques"; Treatment of common diseases with Qi Gong Therapy, Believe it or not: Aneicnt and Mysterious Chinese Qigong
Also in the shop: MAO ZEDONG: Man, Not God - Quan Yanchi


Naughty figurines illustrate Asian Values

"All bikes will be removed and utterly destroyed" - Seen in a shop window or some such. Gotta love the translations.

"How are you? Wij zijn gesloten" (We are closed) - sign in a shop window. Gah.


Palace


Nieuwe Kerk

I don't know why so many places say they're 100% Halal. Is it possible to be 99% Halal? Maybe I can set up a restaurant where 10% of the ingredients are non-Halal, then it'll be 90% Halal.

The guy in front of me while queuing for the bus back from the station had 3 ABN AMRO wereldkaarten in his wallet. Wah lao.
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