Les citations - le 15 avril 2010

"Language is the source of misunderstandings." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

***

She's going to do things with - Je suis choqué

[On a picture of a guy in a car speeding towards a tree] He's stealing the car. [Teacher: After economics you should study psychology]

[Me: Je suis malade] Because of women, right?

[On handphone use] ***, are you planning my assassination? Very suspicious.

[Student: The writing part, will it be the same as before?] How much are you willing to pay?... As you know, I am the only teacher at Alliance that you can bribe [Student 2: Whatever it takes] [Student 3: Do you accept cards?] [Student 4: I will cancel the assassination]

[On a test] Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept victimes potentielles. Parfait.

The last letter you will ever write to your friends and family. We are so considerate at Alliance, as you can see.

[On a proposed bribe] $5 I hardly pay my char kway teow (can hardly pay for)

[On the test] For the rest, I recommend you to revise - everything (that you) [Student: Especially what?] Especially everything

[On the test] You will suffer. And I will enjoy as much as you suffer (your suffering)

[On his narration of a passage from the CD] Is it better? Is it worse? The same? [Student: Worse] I'm sorry for my bad French accent

[On speaking in whole sentences] I prefer when you waste more saliva and say the whole sentence.

En général, les singapouriens préferent habiter dans des maisons ou dans des appartements ? ... Et les français ? [Student: Chateau] Non

[Student: On l'achète ou pas ?] Be careful. Because what you said was 'We kill it or not?' or 'We kill him or her or not?'

Protestation ? [Student: Can we do it after the break?] You're being very French

[Teacher: R-a-n-g-e-r] Can you spell that in English? [Student 2: Ranger]

[Me: Je suis malade encore] Pourquoi tu es malade? [Me: Je ne sais pas] Les femmes. Les femmes.

I'm sure you're lying. We have a new device at Alliance. Le polygraphe.

Metz est infâme. C'est horrible... Il fait froid... Paysages... The best you can do in Metz is to leave the city as soon as possible

[Teacher: Tu préfère habiter en ville ou à la campagne ?]... [Me: À la campagne... Parce que - le CAP... Common Agricultural Policy... The farmers get a lot of money] Are you having a fever?

[Student on a video zooming in on scenery: Can like that ah?] It's not me. It's the TV. We are not that advanced at Alliance.

[Student on identifying a weird object on the TV screen: Chateau]... [Me: Lamppost?] Why not a Merlion?

[Concernant 2 vieux hommes] Qui est le plus sexy?

[Professeur: Quel casquette ?] Une casquette rose. Je ne suis pas gai.

[On describing a video but not talking about pants] According to you those guys wear no pants [Me: We can't see the pants] [Student: Peut-être] New fashion

Tu est chaud ? [Male student: Non] Pas encore

[Me: Il est un homme blanc] Ah. A white man. You mean 'ang moh' right?... Occidental... Caucasian... It reminds us of prehistory

[Teacher: Elle regarde la fenêtre.] [Me: Elle regarde la fenêtre de la porte] Wah lao

[On Pétanque] This is our mahjong

[[On the French] They have a song for everything, except white suits... Paper on the floor [has a song too]

[Me on an Alliance event: There's free wine and cheese. Who pays for this?] Us.

They are not on top of the car. You are not in Mexico here.

What did you say ***? I heard 'shit' [Student: 'Yay'] [Student 2: He said it in Chinese] I can see that my Chinese is going to improve

[Moi, concernant les questions à poser aux Parisiens: Détestez-vous les Anglais ?] C'est une très bonne idée

[Me practising asking each other questions: Quel est votre âge ?] Of course you can invent. I prefer old people. For you to practise your numbers.

[Teacher: Poser une question.] [Student: Bonjour] Bonjour. [Student: Ça va ?] Ça va. [Student: C'est fini]

Où habitez-vous à Paris? [Student: Un chateau]... Vous habitez à Notre Dame ? 'Je suis riche'

[On an 'ordeal'] The first 10 minutes I thought she was speaking Italian

[On an 'ordeal'] I didn't know what was sujet until the break. I thought it was a country... Who is 'sujet'?

Je suis polonais. Polonaise.

[Student: Je ne chômage pas] Je ne chômage pas ? Je ne chômage pas ? Je ne chômage pas ? [Student: Je ne suis chômage] Do you want more homework?

[On Britanny] This is the exception. It is the only region without cheese

[Teacher on a hexagon on the board: Ça, que c'est ?] La France. Exactement.

[Concernant Bretagne] [Si] vous adorez la pluie... [n'est pas de soleil,] c'est la destination parfaite

Paris, c'est pas exactement la France... Orchard, c'est pas exactement Singapour

[Professeur: Quel est le taux de chômage en France, en ce moment?] Cent pourcent

[On silence in class] Do you understand me? I don't hear anything.

[Moi: Une femme qui a 29 ans, c'est une 'fille'?] Oui. 30 ans - *secouant la tête*

[Doing a Jeopardy style exercise] 'Malo, Malo Declas' [Me: Je m'appelle Bond, James Bond]

[Professeur: Guyone est très important pour France, et Europe.] Fromage ? [Professeur: Totalement différent.]

[On ceux] In order to explain that, I will need a few handphones please. [Student: *keeps his*]

[On 120 Days of Sodom, The Movie] It's banned here? It's on TV in Poland. Much later. After the news. After the kids' stuff.

Une question un peu inquisitive - *Girl's name*, combien de paires de chausseures as-tu ? [Me: Haven't you asked us that before? Yes, but she was not here

Gabriel? [Me: Ça m'est t'égal] You don't care. Sorry to the question.

Les tatouages. You just don't understand because it is an English word pronounced by the French.

[Me: Le style nu ?]... ***. Il est le style nu ?... [Student: Peut-être pour toi] (lui)

Le style singapourien. Le short. Le t-shirt. Les sandales... I'm not criticising. I'm describing.

Je porte un jean... Un jean jean (bleu)

Vous allez décrire un collègue... Not me, otherwise I'm going to blush.

[On the exercise] Let's write about him. 'Il n'est pas sympa'

[Student: La personne est très gentil. Et son français est très bien.] It's me? You're not supposed to describe the teacher

[On her tudung] ***, je pense que ses cheveux sont rouges, non ? [Student: Peut-être] Les cheveux verts à lundi.

[Student: La personne porte un t-shirt orange...] Guantanamo colours style.

[On why there is no Mandarin onomatopoeia for a cock's crow] They don't have time to make the sound before they are eaten

'Available'. It's not a French word. ***, tu es available ce soir?... 'Busy'. New French word. [Me: C'est anglicisme]

[On il a arrivé] Utilisez avoir, c'est inacceptable. You saw that 8 months ago [Me: That's why we forgot] Une bonne justification

Une action ou une situation ? [Student: Situation] Donc. Donc. Donc. Donc. Donc. [Student: L'imparfait] Merci.

[On the last lesson] I think we should start today with a test [Student: Let's have a party instead] It will be an unforgettable experience. I want you to be marked forever

How did you know it [aller] was an exception [in the conditional]? [Teacher: Because he studied] [Student in question: I guessed]

[Student: Je venirai] Ce, c'est espagnol. N'est pas français

*** [Student: Yes?] You're allowed to say 'oui'

Quelle est ta profession idéale ? [Me: Je voudrais séduire des femmes et prendre ses d'argents] (argents)

Quel est ton rêve ? [Student: Je n'ai pas de rêve] I'm going to cry... [Student 2: Je voudrais rencontrer Lady Gaga]

Quelles sont ses préoccupations ? [Student 1: Tigres indes] [Student 2: Crocodiles en afrique] (indiens)

[On someone's pronunciation] 'Je n'ai pas d'argent'. I heard 'I do not have a joint of marijuana'

[Me: Femme de ménage ?]... [Teacher: Cleaning lady] You pervert [Me: What?!]

[Moi: Je voyagerais à Côte d'Ivoire] Pour parler français ? [Moi: Pour trouver les diamants]... [Pour donner à] les femmes ? [Moi: Je n'ai pas de femme dans ma vie] [Tu peux les chercher] en Côte d'Ivoire [Moi: Les femmes en Côte d'Ivoire ont les diamants encore] [Pas toutes les femmes] (en, ont déjà les diamants)

[Me: Killer litter] For cats?

C'est mon appartement. C'est ma chein [Student: *kicks*] Non !

[Student on a drawing of her house plan: Vous habitez seule ?] J'habite avec ma sœur. [Me: Mais il y a 3 lits] I have 2 sisters.

80% des personnes habitent à HDB. Où habitent 20% des personnes autres ? [Student 1: Dans la rue] [Student 2: Officialement, il n'y a pas des personnes sans habite]

À Singapour, il y a plus de sacs de Louis Vuitton qu'il y a 10 ans

Utilisez trois phrases... 'C'est une ville aussi agréable que Vladivostok' [Me: What city don't you like?] [Student: KL lah]

Get a French girlfriend lah. Then you can practise everyday. Sweet nothings.

Life would not be fun without exceptions.

Les stéréotypes de la France ? [Moi: Les français boivent du vin tous les jours ?] Ce n'est pas stéréotype. C'est vrai.

Pour devenir électri'chien [Professeur: électricien]

[Pour donner les conseils] 'Pour trouver un travail, ce n'était pas facile. Je n'avais pas de diplôme' [Moi: J'ai marié un acteur célèbre] (je me suis mariée)

Passé composé ou l'imparfait?... 'That's how everything started' [Student: Oh] English! Yay!

[On a job interview] Vous parlez français aussi ? [Student: Un peu] You have to lie

[On interviewing as a secretary] Que'est-ce qui vous aimez?... [Me: J'aime faire du café]

[Concernant le travail] J'aime bien commencer très tôt et finir très tôt [Moi: J'aime bien commencer très tard et finir très tôt]

[On Medishield] You can't take it out until you die

I [will] drill you until you ingest and digest the mechanism (memorise)

Je suis pas du tout de féministe... Are there many feminists in Singapore? The Charter is pretty strong... In France the kids go half-half. In France it was like this [like Singapore] 15 years ago. Now the guys are speaking up for their rights.