Via a meme, I was made aware of this delightful book, The Young Girl's Handbook of Good Manners for Use in Educational Establishments, by Pierre Louÿs:
"SUCKING
Never ask a gentleman: "Do you need a suck?" That is how little streetwalkers express themselves. Say in a low voice, and in his ear: "Would you like my mouth?"
If he is a gentleman whom you have not previously sucked, do not start in by skillfully licking up and down his prick and behind his balls. He would form a bad opinion as to your past.
Take his prick into your mouth modestly, lowering your eyes. Suck slowly. Spread your jaws apart so as not to bite and clench your lips so as not to drool.
When the gentleman is about to cum, do not interrupt yourself to ask him how his mother is doing, even if you had forgotten to do so before.
When he sjaculates, silently swallow it all to the very last drop and then say something nice about the taste of the liquor you just drank."
Unfortunately, I was unable to obtain a copy in English. I did, however, find one in the original French: << Manuel de civilité pour les petites filles à l'usage des maisons d'éducation >>
It is so hilarious, I have decided to do some translations of it. Though I have quickly discovered that some parts are funnier than others:
Translation:
"GLOSSARY
We have judged it useless to explain the words: cunt, vulva, pussy, mound, penis, cock, dick, balls, fuck (verb) fuck (substantive), to have an erection, masturbate, suck, lick, blow, screw, penetrate, fuck, penetrate [a woman], sodomise, cum, dildo, lesbian, dyke, 69, eating out, pussy, whore, whorehouse
The words are familiar to all young girls.
IN THE BEDROOM
If you're surprised in the nude, chastely put one hand on your face and the other on your cunt; but don't thumb your nose with the first and don't masturbate yourself with the second.
Don't pee in the radiator, go to the toilet.
Don't hang your dildo on the stoup [holy water basin] of your bed. These instruments are to be put on your bolster
AT HOME
Don't hang out on the balcony to spit on passers-by; especially if you have cum in your mouth.
Don't pee on the highest step of the stairs to make waterfalls.
Don't stuff a dildo in the mouth of a small baby to get him to suck the milk left in the balls of rubber [?], when you're not really sure that your lesbian has no syphilis.
AT THE OFFICE
When you give yourself a banana to amuse yourself when you're alone or to pleasure the chambermaid, don't put the banana back in the fruit bowl without wiping it carefully.
Don't masturbate all your boyfriends using a pitcher of lemonade, even if this drink seems better to you with the addition of fresh cum. Your father's guests may not sure your tastes.
If you surreptitiously chug half a bottle of champagne, don't pee into it to replenish it.
Don't suggest to the waiter to make love in the butt of a cooked poularde [chicken], without being assured by yourself that he is not sick.
Don't shit in the chocolate cream, even if, deprived of dessert, you are sure you won't eat it"
Original:
"GLOSSAIRE
Nous avons jugé inutile d’expliquer les mots : con, fente, moniche, motte, pine, queue, bitte, couille, foutre (verbe) foutre (subst.), bander, branler, sucer, lécher, pomper, baiser, piner, enfiler, enconner, enculer, décharger, godmiché, gougnotte, gousse, soixante-neuf, minette, mimi, putain, bordel.
Ces mots sont familiers à toutes les petites filles.
À LA CHAMBRE
Si l’on vous surprend toute nue, mettez pudiquement une main sur votre visage et l’autre sur votre con ; mais ne faites pas de pied de nez avec la première et ne vous branlez pas avec la seconde.
Ne pissez pas dans le calorifère, allez aux W.-C.
Ne suspendez pas de godmiché au bénitier de votre lit. Ces instruments-là se mettent sous le traversin.
À LA MAISON
Ne vous mettez pas au balcon pour cracher sur les passants ; surtout si vous avez du foutre dans la bouche.
Ne pissez pas sur la plus haute marche de l’escalier pour faire des cascades.
Ne fourrez pas un godmiché dans la bouche d’un petit bébé pour lui faire téter le lait qui reste dans les couilles de caoutchouc, quand vous n’êtes pas tout à fait sûre que votre gougnotte n’a pas la vérole.
À L’OFFICE
Quand vous vous êtes servie d’une banane pour vous amuser toute seule ou pour faire jouir la femme de chambre, ne remettez pas la banane dans la jatte sans l’avoir soigneusement essuyée.
Ne branlez pas tous vos petits amis dans une carafe de citronnade, même si cette boisson vous paraît meilleure additionnée de foutre frais. Les invités de monsieur votre père ne partagent peut-être pas votre goût.
Si vous videz subrepticement la moitié d’une bouteille de champagne, ne pissez pas dedans pour la remplir.
Ne suggérez pas au serveur de faire l’amour dans le cul d’une poularde cuite, sans vous être assurée par vous-même que le serveur n’est pas malade.
Ne faites pas caca dans la crème au chocolat, même si, étant privée de dessert, vous êtes sûre de n’en pas manger."
