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Monday, January 03, 2011

Top Charming (魅力顶峰) - Chinese Breast Enhancement

"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting." - Mark Twain


This is the best thing I've seen so far this year:

Chinese breast-enhancement through electro-vibro-stimulation

It first appeared on YouTube in June 2008, but since 30th December has gone viral online.

As I watched this, I was thinking that half the amusement was in what the women was saying. So I went ahead and did a mostly-accurate translation (vetted by a Chinese friend!) into English and French (turn on subtitles to view them).

Naturally, I can't find ANY company called BCT that does biology, let alone a "Dr Brandon" from there. They're most likely actors hired to give this scam a veneer of credibility.

You can buy it online:

Rose Star Top Charming Breast - Beautified Device (SP-5001) - China Breast-Beautified Device, Breasts-Beatifying Massager, Breast-Care Massager in Bra

"It utilizes physics principle, combines unique abundant chest magnetism device with far infrared material massage to breast, activates every breast organization cell vigor, raises replying of hormone between breast and body female competence, accelerates the blood circulation of the breast, can effectively make the fat body of the mammary gland expand plentifully, increases the breast lower fat cell, reach the result of plump body and standing upright, and while increasing accumulates in the breast of fatty acid, prevents the breast from being wizened and loosing hanging down, breast lump, small leaf hyperplasia and breast cancer appear, balance and regulate the function, such as women's endocrinopathy, etc., achieves the result of the plump and healthy chest."

The minimum purchase seems to be 8,000 sets (400 cartons) though.

If you understand Mandarin, however, you can get one for just 350¥. And since it's tagged as being a gift, a weight loss product (?!) and preferential (? - "特惠"), it is guaranteed to have mass appeal. Given that it's been in the market since 2005, though, I'm surprised it hasn't made a big splash yet.

2 friends suggested that I try it.

I told them that I would if they bought it for me (this is better than EasyCurves).

However, there is a problem: I DON'T HAVE MILK DUCTS.
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