"Malaysia Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad and the Sultan of Johor are seen in a blue Proton Saga... "When asked whether there is any tension with the sultan, Dr Mahathir said: “No, I don’t see anything because I went to see him and he drove me to the airport. I don’t want to comment on the sultans because if I say anything that is not good then it’s not nice because he is the sultan”"

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Saturday, April 24, 2010

The scummiest bust enhancement and slimming ads

"To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent." - Robert Copeland

***

I regularly look at bust enhancement (and, to a lesser extent, slimming) ads for entertainment, in order to see what strategies these companies adopt in order to make women feel insecure and thus buy their products.

I am proud to present:

The most scummy slimming ad I've seen so far



""My son now loves his slimmer mummy more!"

... One night, as I was tucking my son into bed, he pointed to my wedding photo and said, 'That slimmer mummy is more beautiful'. I decided to seek treatment with the slimming experts."

(note the phrasing of their deal: "Exclusively for new female customers with weight problems" - not only do they discriminate against males, but non-overweight females are also welcome, as long as they have vaguely defined "weight problems")

The most scummy bust enhancement ad I've seen so far
NB: Sociological Images beat me to posting this one, and reports that "many fashion/gossip magazines" (presumably in America) have similar ads



""A TRUE SAD STORY"

Since young, Janet has always felt inferior about her small breasts. Constant teasing from her friends as a 'washboard' totally destroyed her confidence and self-esteem. Things got worse when her boyfriend left her because of her small breasts. Subsequent failed relationships caused her to give up all hopes (sic) on herself.

Let Janet tell you her sad story

"Thank you so much Slim Fit for giving me a pair of beautiful breasts which I’ve always wanted! Now that my bust is so voluptuous and shapely, I finally feel complete as a woman!

But it wasn’t like this before! Since young, I’ve always had small breasts with no cleavage at all. In fact, my breats were so flat that they were almost non-existent. Being constantly teased as a ‘washboard’ really upset me, making me lose confidence and self-esteem.

Things got worse when I started dating. I felt really insecure of my body. I knew my boyfriend minds my small breasts and It was ruining our relationship. I hated myself whenever I see him looking at other girls who were well-endowed. I felt really terrible deep down. I knew it was only a matter of time that I will lose him. And true enough, he left me shortly after. Subsequently, I had countless failed relationships. I felt really unattractive and ashamed of myself. I totally gave up hope and gave up on myself...

I plucked up courage to seek professional help.

Since then, my life has never been the same again! After just 5 sessions of treatment, I could see the difference! For the first time, I have a cleavage and my bust has never been more perfect! I met the guy of my dreams and this time, it worked! We have been happily married for 5 years now."

Points to note:

1) I love how a bust enhancement clinic is termed "professional help"
2) Seeing how many flat attached girls there are in Singapore, her ex-boyfriends might've dumped her because she was so insecure and for the first, at least, also jealous over his looking at other women. And she probably got her current boyfriend because she was secure, not because she had bigger breasts.

As such, this is an example of an indirect effect (small breasts -> insecurity -> lack of success in love) rather than a direct effect (small breasts -> lack of success in love), and bust enhancment might not be the most appropriate treatment for most women.

3) The footnote reads: "All testimonials are not typical", which is more revealing than "your results may vary".
4) This reminds me of a cute HSA ad I saw warning people to beware of dodgy slimming centres which would permanently damage their health.


(I trust that I do not need to justify my choices)


Here's a bonus: the sort of pseudo-scientific babble (notice the disclaimer at the bottom for a tacit admission of that) they use to explain bust enhancement.



"INCREASE THE SEXY FULLNESS OF YOUR BUST WITH OUR LATEST NANOTECHNOLOGY

Leveraging on the exclusive benefits of cutting-edge Nanotechnology, our new bust enhancement treatment delivers fast and visible results that surpass other bust treatments on the market. The active compounds within our Nano Serum are 100% natural and are structured into tiny nano-sized particles 2000 times smaller than the skin pores around the breasts. When coupled with the unique gentle massage of our therapists, these particles will penetrate deeply and rapidly into underlying breast tissues to achieve immediate growth as well as lifting and firming effects."


This is not the most nonsensical such spiel I've ever read*, but I happened to have this around, so.

* - I believe the prize for that would go to some pseudo-Japanese firm - probably Tokyo Bust Express, which naturally has no outlet in Tokyo, or even Japan, or even outside Orchard Central in Singapore.
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