When you can't live without bananas

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

The October 2002 archives have been restored.

Highlights:

"On Monday, someone left a walkie-talkie in the Ops Room, so all throughout the day we were treated to Mat Radio - 9 hours of music sung by Malays, non-stop chatter and commentary. Among the topics covered were: How to find child porn on Kazaa (You must use version 2.0 and you must search 'underage', not 'lolita'), the relative merits of females walking by and the necessity of getting the police to arrest some schoolboys walking by at about 12pm for truancy. We were also treated to the latest chart toppers in Malay and English both. The 'DJs' also whispered disturbing things, like "Come and play with me... Let your body take control... Come and play with me", and entertained their (small) audience with quips such as, "For 5 dollars an hour, for 5 dollars an hour, I will give up my life for this place! This pathetic place". I wonder how they can keep it up. Now I know how RPs can stand the boredom, and why most of them are Malays, the race being of the gregarious sort and more able to entertain themselves such."

"More tales of lasciviousness: I walked into the bunk one day, only to find Boon Huat, Yi liang and Yong Siang on one bed, sprawled on top of each other and giggling softly like demure schoolgirls. After a while, they began grabbing at each other's clothes and trying to pin each other down. And after I wrote that paragraph, I was attacked by Yiliang and fled the bunk yelping, slamming the door after me (and spoiling the door handle in the process)."

"All this - for what? "Pain is temporary - glory is forever" - Dicky, testosterone charged T-Shirt slogan. I beg to differ. "Infinitesimal glory gained from the performance of silly, imprudent, breast beating endeavours is temporary, injury and death are forever". So what if we get Best Unit? Whatever modicum of glory and honour that we get is fleeting - it will be forgotten by the next year, when a new unit wins the BUC (unless we win again, but how long can one keep winning?). And if every unit is good, even being 9th place is not a badge of shame. There are no palpable benefits arising from winning BUC. Perhaps regulars get promoted, and we get more money for more useless souvenirs, but that is all. And for this dubitable goal, we have numerous strenous training sessions, much hollering, and people are even - gasp - threatened with an extension of their ORD dates."

"During range, I realised that my CSM-to-be's laugh sounds unnervingly like Krusty the Klown's. And they both've a husky voice, a paunch and are balding ;)"

"The latest thing to be spirited away - my towel. In the morning it was hanging outside the bunk. At night, after range it was gone. Someone really doesn't like me."

"Our QM (storemen) branch now has a policy ost wonderous - don't report sick for a month and you get 2 days off. I want!"

"Yesterday night, while 'doing work', he, Yiliang and Boon Huat took part in an orgy and started laying into each other, sprawling on the floor, drawing the curtains round themselves while noises of pleasure emerged from behind the shrouds, giggling and stamping each other with ink stamps until the letters of one fell out and theyhad to scour the floor for them. Must be pre-bookout stress."

"My poncho has again undergone a miraculous transformation and been transmogrified into a groundsheet! I attribute this miracle to the power of Providence (a word that, oddly enough, I've only seen used in subtitles to Chinese Gongfu movies)."

"Although we've no Malays in our camp, racial balance is still maintained in a way, by means of... Pseudo-Malays! These people have Chinese or Indian names, and aren't Muslim, but somehow, they look Malay. Whoever said there was no racial tolerance in the SAF?"
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