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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Amusing My Paper article on dating

Going dutch on first date a no-no

Acing that first date can be a tricky affair, especially when one is nervous and unsure of what to expect.

My Paper gets tips from image consultant Suzenne Zheng, founder and master trainer at First Impressions Image International, ahead of Saturday's Singles Forum, which is organised by the Social Development Network.

Why are first impressions important? Isn't it unfair to judge a person based on his appearance?
It should be (based on) more than the person's appearance. We all think that it is unfair to judge, but the problem is that we all do.

Research in psychology has found that you tend to make an impression on somebody in less than 30 seconds. It makes sense that, in these 30 seconds, when you are presenting yourself to the world, you present the best (side of yourself).

Tests show that it takes a further 20 encounters for someone to change their opinion of you.

Conventional dating wisdom says guys should be the one who is more proactive. Is this true?
The girl can make the first move too. A lot of guys need to be pushed. If a girl calls a guy up for coffee a week after the first date, it's a form of encouragement for him.

In this modern age, why not split the bill for a meal on the first date?
A girl must never allow a guy to go dutch on the first date. It doesn't matter which century we live in, chivalry must (not die).

For a marriage to work, a man must still be a man, and a woman must still be a woman. For example, you don't expect a couple to split the cost of a washing machine for their family home.

Talking to a date can be pretty daunting. What topics should one talk about on the first date?
You must be able to strike up a conversation (with your date).

You don't have to know everything, but you should be up to date with what's current. For example, the news headlines of the day, popular movies that people are talking about and songs that people are currently listening to.

Will women carrying branded bags on dates scare guys away?
In other countries, say, China, the guy may think that the girl is hard to maintain (should she carry a branded bag to a date).

In Singapore, guys don't think of it the same way. Most of us work and earn our own keep. If you want a branded bag, the guy expects you to be able to pay for it yourself.

He may give you branded gifts if he can afford it. But don't expect such things from the start.


Catch Ms Zheng and other relationship gurus at The Singles Forum 2013, to be held at the Joyden Hall in Bugis+ at 9am on Saturday.

Registration fee costs $25 (inclusive of tea break and buffet lunch). Sign up for the forum at www.singlesforum Registration ends today.

Make a good first impression

AS THE saying goes, first impressions count.

And when it comes to dating, first impressions can either score you a second date or turn the other party off totally.

To make a good first impression, here's a list of things you need to take note of:

Women are put off by guys with oily hair, nasal hair that is showing, a long nail on the last finger and dirty shoes.

Men are turned off by women with messy hair. According to image consultant Suzenne Zheng, 90 per cent of guys like girls with long, straight black hair.

If getting a perm is your thing, you should go for romantic bouncy curls. Curls that look like Maggi noodles are a no-no.

Men like women in kitten heels or court shoes with 2cm heels.

Killer stilettos give off aggressive vibes that tend to scare men off. And although ballerina flats are comfy, guys feel that these shoes aren't feminine enough.

On the first date, women should consider wearing light make-up, meaning just powder, lipstick and a little eyeliner.

Dramatic false eyelashes may brighten those peepers, but guys don't like them.


A: "... a man must still be a man, and a woman must still be a woman."

Oh ok. She better start washing those clothes so she can start making dinner on time.

B: I do expect my husband and I to split the cost of the washing machine.

Me: I still don't understand who's supposed to pay for the washing machine

C: Or whatever society deems to be the "correct" qualities of a man or woman... we are, each of us, individuals, and should not taint ourselves with the pressure of conforming into our so-called "proper" gender archtypes...

Such an archaic way of thinking... what of the man who wants to stay at home and nurse his own child, or the female who prides her independence and wishes to earn her own living?

Petty things like money should not be the cause of concern for whether a marriage would work. What's important is commitment, the want to sacrifice, companionship... not if the man pays for the fucking washing machine... >.>

D: This thread is awesome. The deliberations over the payment of a washing machine!

Me: the thing about social interaction is that other people have expectations of your behavior. You can behave however you want but this may be misunderstood.

If everyone follows different social scripts this will probably lead to a worse outcome for most people (e.g. the 90% of guys who like long straight black hair, who we can roughly assume are happy to conform to "proper" gender stereotypes) even if a minority benefit. It's like purposely driving on the left side of the road when everyone else is driving on the right.

That said if people were more forthright/honest then different scripts would work, since you would know what the other person was thinking. Unfortunately the realm of inter-gender relations is fraught with games and intrigue, so having common scripts is a necessary evil.
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