Random Playlist Song: Vaughan Williams - Rhosymedre
***
Tiberius was the second emperor of Rome. His
mother wanted it more than he was. He had to
leave his wife to marry Julia, the daughter of
Augustus. He never really cared much for
politics. Later on in life, he moved to the
island of Capri, turning it into an island of
depravity and sex.
What Julio-Claudian Roman Emperor are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
***
My Brother-in-law said Steven Lim should have sung Gunther's Ding Dong Song as he stripped. Heh heh.
Maybe for the next season of Singapore Idol I will dress up as Wo-hen Nankan and sing one of his songs. But I'd need to grow a mullet first. Or find a mullet wig.
Rate My Mullet
What is a mullet?
What a question! Almost everyone knows what a mullet is by now, its popularity has risen greatly in recent times - not the popularity of the instance of the mullet (which has remained at a constant plateau for several millennia), but rather the youth-backlash towards it. Leading scienticians say that anti-mullet sentiments have risen a staggering 437% in the past 5 years alone.
What is it anyways? To say that the mullet is a hairstyle barely even scratches the surface of the issue. The mullet is a way of life, it is a state of mind, it is every person who wears it. Physically it is characterized by short hair on the top, front, and sides of the head, followed by a long drape of hair on the back, reaching at least to the middle of the spine. Typical accessories to the mullet include moustaches, scraggly beards and/or goatees, and sunglasses. Research on the mullet phenomena, at this stage, is still in its infancy. However it is suggested by many top laboratories that the mullet, as it slowly reaches maturity, begins to grow tentacles into the brain of the victim. which affect several areas of the brain and fundamentally alter the candidate's actions and behavioural responses. Said behavioural changes mainly include extreme agression, the proclivity to consume large amounts of alcohol, pedophilia, lack of hygeine, dramatic reduction in inhibitions (often bolstered by the consumption of alcohol), sense of paranoia and distrust towards authority/governmental figures, and most importantly - steadily decreasing IQ levels. I would stress that these are only preliminary details however, and the controversial nature of the theory renders it unsuitable for mass publication.
Now, why would any human being willingly decide, of their own freewill, to wear the mullet? Well, let us not discount the many advantages of the hairstyle. It is widely known that the instance of the mullet in any given area is inversely proportional to average annual income. There is little to no maintenance required to preserve the mullet, and the costs involved are much lower than that of most other hairstyles. Subjects need not even wash the mullet for long periods of time, nor groom it in the morning, though many do meticulously attend to their mullet as an issue of pride and beauty - still the costs are indeed negligible. Also the mullet insulates the subject's neck, keeping him or her warm through the cold winter nights. The other important advantage of the mullet is that it offers it's host the freedom of both worlds of work and leisure. The subject appears to be a normal human being from the front, unencumbered by long hair over the face, and also appears to be a "party animal" from behind, with the long flowing locks. Hence, the "business in the front, party in the back" mentality. One is free to be taken seriously in the world of work, and, when the opportunity arises, is also free to "let loose" and "go wild - ape style." But let us get to the harsh reality of the mullet. It looks horrible, I cannot stress that enough. Wearing a mullet makes you look like a complete and total fool, and instantly makes you much poorer and less intelligent. I mean, there must be a sad lack of intelligence and self-worth to begin with if a person is to decide to grow a mullet. Hey! Do something about that mullet! It looks so fucking stupid! Get your ass to the barber's shop and tell him you're sick of lookin' like an asshole!
***
Tales of Weirdness from Inferno XV:
"I've been doing a touring play, comissioned by the Health Promotion Board. No, it's nothing glamourous - it's for teaching primary-school age kids about Osteoporosis and the importance of eating calcium-rich foods. The sort of script that has "Can anybody name me a vegetable rich in calcium? Yes! Spinach! very good!" and a character named Aladdin who shakes a carton of milk (any special carton? As long as it's - CALCIUM ENRICHED!) and a genie comes out to teach us all about Osteoporosis. In case you were wondering - I'm the panto dame. Yes. I've got a big purple wig and frighteningly garish dress and big skirt. Needless to say, it's artistically highly dubious. However, we actors being what we are, we do it for pay. I fail to see how this differs in essence from prostitution. The lines are awful, hence impossible to learn EXACTLY. We cover all the points everytime, even if the lines come out slightly differently with each performance. Yeah, fine, except the chap who wrote the play (and is acting as well) is behaving as if we're desecrating great literature. Somebody please tell him 'Aladdin and the Magical Maxx' is not on the same level as Shakespeare."
I can't believe this.
***
Chicken madras with spicy sauce and a pack of wet wipes will get our boys in a fighting mood By Alan Hamilton
RATIONS and a pair of boots are the most important things for a fighting man. What today’s British soldier demands is boots that fit, and curry.
Troops returning from active service in Afghanistan and Iraq have been bellyaching about their 24-hour ration packs — dull, stodgy and essentially unchanged for 30 years. What they really want is what they would eat after five pints of lager at home.
Defence catering chiefs yesterday unveiled new dishes for sustaining a man in the field, which will be tested on 20,000 service men in the coming months. Their views will determine whether the British fighting machine runs in future on ethnic fuel, with chicken balti and chicken madras high on the new menu list.
Britain’s national dish, chicken tikka, has been included in some ration packs since 1988 and has proved popular. Other older staples like beef and dumplings, pork casserole and lamb stew are finding less and less favour with their consumers, because they are bored with them and because they are unlikely to eat them on a night out with the lads.
“Most fighting men are aged between 18 and 24 and their palates have become much more sophisticated since I joined up 31 years ago,” Major Andy Main of the Defence Catering Group said. He is from a fish-and-chips generation that knew little of biriyani or boil-in-the-bag.
Military food experts say they want to make the ration packs healthier, but admit the scope for improvement is limited; there is no use giving a fighting man goat’s cheese.
“Each pack, which weighs two kilograms and must have a shelf life of three years, aims to get 4,000 calories into a man every day, twice the recommended amount for a sedentary civilian. The only way to do that in a compact pack is with plenty of sugar and fat. For them a hard day at the office means getting shot at; they burn it all off. If they didn’t, they’d get very fat very quickly,” Major Main said. Each day’s meal pack costs the MoD £6.
The one item which soldiers throw away more than any other is military treacle pudding, which even they find resembles an over-sweet house brick. Nor are they fond of the lemon crystals for making a flavoured drink. Other new items being tested are instant porridge, spotted dick, isotonic drinks of the Red Bull type, and Yorkie bars, the staple diet of truck drivers whose wrapping bears the macho slogan, “Not for girls”. The military version will say, “Not for civvies”. Research has shown that including a branded item familiar at home is a significant morale booster. Another supermarket regular, Princes tuna in mayonnaise, is also under consideration.
One advance in rations in recent years has been the virtual abandonment of tins in favour of sealed plastic pouches. You “boil in the bag” in your mess tin heated with paraffin tablets, and use the still-fresh cooking water for your brew-up. If a soldier fell, it was found, his tinned dinner stashed around his body could cause him significant injury.
What a serviceman eats while on active operations raises a delicate but vital question. The current ration pack is supposed to promote evacuation only once every three days, a vital consideration in hostile territory. What the effects of curry will be remains an uncharted area. “We have tried to formulate the curries so that they have all the flavour without too much of the spice. We are including a sachet of tabasco-style pepper sauce for the guys who know they can handle a hot one,” Major Main said.
In their foxholes in a Suffolk wood near RAF Honington, members of the RAF Regiment were cooking up the new dishes and offering them to reporters. They seemed to win approval.
Senior Aircraftman Dave O’Brien is a curry fan, and gave the thumbs up to the chicken madras with spiced pilau rice. “It doesn’t look like a restaurant curry but it tastes pretty close. The pepper sauce added a bit of taste, unlike the old rations, which all tasted the same.” Sharing his foxhole was SAC Shaun Irwin, who was almost convinced. “I wouldn’t normally eat curries at home; I’m a burger-and- chips man. But I can see myself eating these.”
The pair apologised for the spotted dick with separately bagged custard. “Could have done with a bit more cooking — maybe another three minutes,” they agreed.
Military Catering provides kosher, Sikh, halal and vegetarian ration packs, but none was available yesterday.
In another foxhole Corporal Gareth Saunders said of the new food: “To get people to join up you’ve got to tempt them; it’s quite cushy out in Civvy Street these days.”
Each ration contains a small packet of paper tissues, but what the lads really wanted were wet wipes, to clean themselves up after dinner. Blimey, our boys aren’t going that cushy, are they?
HAMILTON’S FIVE-STAR TASTE TEST
3 stars: Chicken balti. Indian restaurant quality, with plenty of chicken chunks, spiced up with the hot pepper sauce and with a pleasant lemony tang, leaving only the faintest aftertaste of cardboard.
3 stars: Chicken madras. Good and mildly spicy with generous amounts of meat and an authentic tasting sauce. Accompanied by mildly spiced firm pilau rice, and with no unpleasant after taste.
2 stars: Improved bacon and beans. An old stalwart now made with better quality bacon which you can actually taste without overly fatty undertones. But the combination with beans makes it extremely salty.
1 star: Improved burger and beans. Not improved much. The alleged burger was an indeterminate minced lump, mushy and indistinguishable from cheap sausage meat. Definitely unappetising.
1 star: Spotted dick. A tricky one, as the chef admitted it should have been cooked longer. The block of fruit was dense but not overly sweet, while the custard was pale, thin and watery. Not the greatest-morale booster after a day being shot at.
***
On cabinet shuffling:
i think it's hard to take a government seriously when they "shuffle" their posts around every year. I have a vague idea of who's who, but i'm never sure because of this shuffling. Honestly, Who knows what posts Mah Bow Tan is currently holding, and has held in the last 5 years alone? Put a military admiral with no teaching experience in charge of the education ministry? sounds like a great idea. Let's put a ballerina in charge of defence.
There is a lot of shuffling in Singapore, but in other countries, ministers are changed either because their parties are toppled from government or they get embroiled in scandals. Neither of which happens here, so.
And it's good to have outsiders in charge: they bring a new, outside perspective to the job. Insiders get captured by the vested interests they are trying to overcome. Which is why asking critics of political scenes to *join* the scenes they are criticising just doesn't work. And why the press is always good to have around (except when you want a critical evaluation of the press itself).
***
Sarong Party Girl on bras
"Seriously though, what is wrong with not wearing a bra?
My mom says it’s because I’d cause men to lust.
Oh. Is it my fault that they do? They only lust because society dictates that wearing a bra is the decent thing to do, and not wearing one is decadent. And anything decadent will always incite lust. Is it just that Iranian women cannot participate in the sport they are best at because they have to wear the burkha, least their hair emanates rays that incite erections? (It covers their faces because eyebrows and eyelashes are hair, and some older women plainly need to thread their mustaches)."
***
Making sense of Singaporean policies - "In practice, the [Graduate Mothers] scheme granted privileges to children of graduate mothers. As for their less-educated, and low-income counterparts under 30 years of age; they would be given $10,000 if they had themselves sterilised after their first or second child. The scheme went unheeded and was abandoned shortly after its implementation."
You never read about the last part. I wonder why.
A funny thing happened on way to disbelief. A theologian at Oxford University explains why atheism's appeal has faded. - "Time magazine spurred public debate 40 years ago with a startling question on its cover: 'Is God Dead?' Some estimate that half the world's population was then nominally atheist... Atheism envisioned a glorious future for a humanity freed from outdated religious dogmas and restrictions, with unlimited potential provided by scientific advancement and the human imagination. Human beings could not only be good without God, but much better. The reality has been very different. Along with progress, scientific advance brought environmental devastation and the potential to eliminate human life. Atheistic regimes dominating a huge proportion of the globe created new forms of tyranny (including mind control) and executed unprecedented millions."
What this has to do with discrediting atheism, I do not know. Neither does the author offer compelling evidence of atheism's decline, unless one accepts the more than highly dubious figure of "half the world's population" being "nominally atheist" 40 years ago.
Hamza offered pork chops - "A jail boss apologised to fanatic Abu Hamza and other Muslim terror suspects when they were offered pork for dinner."
The Sun. Everyone's favourite newspaper.
Puss nosh at cat cafe - "The Meow Mix Cafe opened in Manhattan this week and is designed for owners to have their din dins alongside their feline friends."
Sound Mirror Site Visit Reflects Entente Cordiale - "With a clear view of the Folkestone coastline 21 miles distant, Miss Autogena went on to explain the concept of the Sound or Acoustic Mirrors inspired by the “listening ears” - forerunners of inter-war experimental early warning systems. Rare examples of these can be found at Folkestone, Hythe and Greatstone, the latter of which English Heritage is planning to restore."
MA Creative Curating - No, I don't understand this either.
PawSense - "Catproof your computer. When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data, damage your files, and even crash your computer. This can happen whether you are near the computer or have suddenly been called away from it. PawSense is a software utility that helps protect your computer from cats. It quickly detects and blocks cat typing, and also helps train your cat to stay off the computer keyboard."
Journal of Negative Results - "In recent years, the trend has been to publish only studies with 'significant' results and to ignore studies that seem uneventful. This may lead to a biased, perhaps untrue, representation of what exists in nature. By counter-balancing such selective reporting, JNR aims to expand the capacity for formulating generalizations."
