Quotes:

[On sunglasses] Prevent squinting... that's what I read. [Student 2: Prevent wrinkles.]

[On being Indian] You have melanin, I have melanin, but a lot of people don't have [it]

The first time I got sunburnt... Someone said: 'You better put on sunscreen'. I said: no, I'm naturally protected. I have all this [melanin].

Shit, I need some classical music. Keep myself awake, because classical music doesn't make sense.

Where would you bring your girlfriend for dinner on Friday night?... He said 'Arts Canteen'... [Student 2: 'Arts Canteen' is leading 'Home' by 3 to 2. And in last place is 'It's an academic question'.]... [Student 3: If there's a movie screening with free food then {the} movie screening.]

You know this swamp where the turtles hang out? [Instructor: This pub where the turtles hang out?]

Who's that celloist? (cellist)

[On the Sofa Room] I know for a fact that someone has done it in there before. [Me: Was it you?]

[On my legacy to my grand-juniors] Do you know because of you my friend went to take down all the quotes from the tutors?

[On the Llama] I thought it was from Tibet... The Dalai Llama.

You know what's the worst thing about precum? You get lousy sperm, so you get a really screwed up kid. [Student 2: Is that where you came from?]... [Student 3: There's something in your hair.] [Student 2: Eugh.]

[Me to Frigid Girl: Are you the type that drinks with a straw?] I drink from the can. What do you think I am? A girl?

[On why he wants to try to switch from Philosophy to Law] Because next time I want to own a BMW... [You can't] Unless you're the CEO of Thai Express.

[Male student:] I rather be passive. That's why I rather be raped than rape.

[Me: I have ideological objections to the institution of marriage.] [Student 2: Is there anything you don't have ideological objections to?]... Do you have ideological objections to sex? [Me: No.] See?

[Female student on my balloon] Can I draw on the condom?... I don't want to touch it. It's disgusting. I'm Catholic, I can't use contraception... It feels nice.

[On an instructor] We were discussing yesterday: he's like a woman. What he wants is the opposite of what he says.

I thought Rwanda is in Uganda. (was)

[II on Little India] This is one of the dirtiest places in Singapore.

It's a very crowdy place (crowded)

[During the presentation] For those who don't know me, I'm ***. I'm also in this class.

The see'z'air'shern of Bangladesh (secession)

race coase road (course)

Next week - is that our last lecture? [Students: Yeah.] *whispers* Yes!

Have a very good Deepavali. What do people do for Deepavali? Light lights.

[On presentation attire] We know, Gabriel, that you don't do anything accidentally. Everything is calculated. [Student 2: Everything is on purpose.]

[Female student on a girl revealing her cleavage] Oh my god. I can't stop staring at her boobs.

developing countries' winter woos (woes)

[On presentations] Any other questions for them? Come on, give them a hard time.

[Female student on my tying up my hair] I thought you cut your hair. [Me: I'm so disappointed in you.]

the duh'more'g'rer'fee (demography)

I would say today's presentations are not too - not that bad... I am not unhappy.

It keeps breaking down. As far as I know it's been lying there for the last 10, 15 years. Broken down, rubbish... The red light is always on... It's a complete failure and an embarrassment but in Singapore nothing fails. It's either made to look like a success or buried somewhere... You can send them an email and say 'I want to see your synchrotron'. I'll be very surprised if they let you see it. They'll tell you it's under maintenance. You ask: 'For how many years?'

I'm gonna call your name and after I call your name you tell me if you're present or not present.

[On the exam] Mostly straightforward questions but I can't resist asking some bizarre questions.

[Me on Superpoke Physics: Oh wait. She can't teabag him... It's physically impossible.] Can. She can teabag him on Superpoke. [Student 2: Like 'do' is 'done an impression of']

radiation frog (fog)

[On Inner Mongolia] There are also people growing there (crops there)

[On Quantum Tunneling] You keep banging your head on the wall... After billions of years your head suddenly goes through without damaging the wall.

[Student on laser cutting: How about ice?]... In Japan or Finland they have this ice festival periodically. So you can go with your laser pointer and try.

All lasers are dangerous. [Student: Har?] What har? [Student: I use a laser printer]... The laser is dangerous, not the whole product.

[Student on the uses of fibre optic cables: Car sensors] What car sensors? I don't understand. [Student: I don't understand also.] You seem to provide a lot of answers which are mysterious which neither you nor anyone understands.

An inherently problematic issue. *I smile* Your favourite word.

[On the Speak Mandarin Campaign] It appears the younger generation has a different surname with the older generation (than)

Hainan'niss (Hainanese)

[On a photo of LKY shaking hands] This is Lee Kuan Yew. He is intimately behaving with a clan member in public... At the same time he has the policies... responsible for the dares'miss of dialects. This is suspicious. (behaving intimately, demise)

Chinese Clans associations (Clan)

[On dialect groups' music] The Cantonese have their goh'ng and drum. (gong)

[On what Chineseness is defined in distinction to] In Singapore, we have the Malays, the Indians, the Other - the Others.

[On interviewing Chinese Clan associations] They don't want to talk to us, we are just students. They want to talk to people who can highlight them - the press, newspapers. They tell us to read the newspapers - everything is in there. They just ignore us.

A citizen of the whirl (world)

[On idolatry prohibitions and the value of tangible symbols in Abrahmic religions] We don't worship Golden Cows, but we go to war over pieces of the Cross

[On the Wailing Wall] Stuffing little pieces of paper with prayers and maybe curses written on them... A couple of years ago there was a photo op of Pope John Paul... To remind them that the Vatican II council had forgiven them for killing Christ. (with)

You have the Armenians, who are the scariest of them visually, aesthetically. It's almost Harry Potter-esque. You do not laugh at an Armenian service. This bearded old man with a tall hat with stars on it.

[On the Al-Aqsa Mosque] This tranquil area with lots of trees. It's a very quiet area when there's no riots there.

[On rebuilding the Jersualem Temple again on the Dome of the Rock] Some people look forward to the end of the world. Some people think it's a bad idea.

[On stone throwing in Hebron] It became almost a rite of passage, a duty... For young men of both sides with too much free time and testosterone.

[On Abrahmaic religions, Hebron and the agreed meaning of the Tomb of the Patriarchs] It's very rare for these 3 groups to agree on anything.

[On Joseph] He worked as a clairvoyent... What's the word for the guy who interprets dreams? [Students: Seer.] [Me: Fraud.] He worked as a charlatan for the Pharaoh.

To a lot of people the absence of evidence is not seen as a problem, since faith itself is a kind of evidence, in a weird sort of way... This is the weird thing about religious heritage... The idea of faith itself as supporting evidence.

[On Muslims destroying Joseph's tomb in Nablus in 2000] No one had a good answer... This is an important Muslim site. Why did you destroy it? 'Because the Jews are here'. The argument stopped there.

[On settlers praying at Joseph's tomb without an escort] I've always been fascinated by this site, because I could never figure out why it was so important... Joseph. Pretty minor guy. Would you go to war over him?... An act of aggression... Going there to pray at midnight, it wasn't an act of faith. It was an act of aggression.

Building a ramp at the Dome of the Rock... It was a Jewish idea, so it was a bad idea, even though it was to get disabled Muslims up there... Conspiracy theories. I didn't know what was real anymore.

[On my explaining MOE's financial aid policy] Is this for work?... Sometimes it's hard to tell what you're doing for work and what you're doing for fun.

[On LED lighting in Third World Countries] For women, the birth rate will decrease, because now they have more things to do at night. *Laughs from audience* Yah, you all understand.

Electricity is only 10% of your electricity bill (Lighting)

110 lumens per watt. [Instructor: What is a lumen?] The lumen is a unit of brightness. Yes. Prof is asking me a question I asked him several weeks ago. [Instructor: I didn't give you the answer, so you tell me.]

You claim that this system is environmental friendly (claim, environmentally)

My friend's boyfriend got caught for play'ger'rising a lab report (plagiarising)

[On SEP] I remember in ***, XXX had his IPPT, so everyday he went to the treadmill. But actually he was looking at the Caucasian girls.

[On Applied Maths] Our expression isn't going to be so bad. There's always one bad term in there, but we haven't hit it yet.

[On the Envelope Theorem] We also have to use a theorem you don't know... Just believe me... In some ways life is very simple.

[On a big mess of algebra] It's not hard... You're thinking you have to remember this. Don't worry about that yet... I'm here to teach you but you keep thinking I'm here to test you... Until the moment you have to memorise it. That's when the [shock] sets in. But we're not at that moment yet.