"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." - Clarence Darrow

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[Ed: This essay has since been updated. The latest version is on my homepage: Malaysia - the Land of Poor Quality]

In light of recent events, I feel compelled to update my "Malaysia - the land of poor quality" paragraph and expand it into a post.


For one, we have Brown Bear, the teddy bear my brother-in-law stole from me. I bought him in the mid-90s (maybe 1994), but in the late 90s he started getting injured (incidentally, someone observes that he started getting injured shortly after I returned from Plaak in end 1998 - when my brother-in-law stole him). The fur on his nose eroded, revealing first the dark brown cloth base and then the shiny pink material underneath. Then when I went to the UK in 2003 I noticed that he had acquired a vagina. And recently the vagina has expanded and there's a gash down his thigh. Even if he was made in China, it was for the Malaysian market so the specifications would've been looser and the QC less strict. Blue Bear, bought in Singapore, is in a lot better condition considering his age (1986).

Another thing is "kordial" (cordial) instead of real fruit juice. It is pretty depressing walking around supermarkets in Malayusia, as it's very hard to find proper fruit juice. Instead you've a huge range of fruit kordials and fake orange juice (really orange juice drink, but cunningly labeled so you can't quite tell the difference, although of course someone like me always can tell).

We also have Malaysian Pringles (the post speaks for itself). At the last YR gathering we had one tube - in a blind taste test Charles ('The quality sucks!') and Enming knew it was Malaysian (of course the Cock had no idea). I noticed that they were also labeled "For sale in ASEAN only" - probably if you export it to the rest of the world, no one would buy or eat it.

We also have lousy cat food. someone bought Rosie dry cat food from Malaysia (the can had a picture of a tudung-ed lady), but she refused to eat it; when my brother-in-law mixed it with better quality cat food, she even slowly separated it from the rest and refused to eat it. My brother-in-law's mother scolded him for giving her such lousy cat food, and gave it to a feeder of stray cats in Marine Parade who in turn scolded her for the same reason, saying that it was lousy stuff - some strays were reluctant to eat it, and some refused, if given a choice. She didn't feed her own strays with it, but left it in a pile somewhere where there were many others.

Everything is made with and contains palm oil, which is one of the most unhealthy oils you can get. This is probably one of the reasons why Malaysian Dunkin Donuts tastes like shit, despite being alright outside of Malaysia. Hell, even the coffee creamer in Malaysia contains no cream, but instead a palm oil derivative. I find Malaysian A&W good, but this is probably because I've never eaten at a real A&W (those in Singapore probably had the same suppliers).

someone bought bak kwa in KL, from a chain that was very good in Singapore. Unfortunately, this bak kwa tasted like shit, having a horrible smell and taste.

McDonalds Milkshakes are also the worst milkshake I've ever had. In June 2005, I was in JB and when Kok Heng spotted a McDonalds, I realised he shared my passion for milkshakes, so we and Jiekai got one each. Unfortunately, even McDonalds was not safe from the corrupting influence of Ma-laysia. Perhaps they were running out of milkshake mix or something - our two strawberry and one chocolate milkshake were all adulterated with vanilla. Mine was the worst: 90% of my milkshake was vanilla, and it wasn't even good vanilla, having a limp, miserable flavour and without the rich and creamy base of a Real McDonalds Milkshake (which in turn is not on the top of the hierarchy - Carl's Jr provides the base standard for a good milkshake, and Billy Bombers' folded-not-blended passes the test with flying colours).

In Europe, Jiekai and I were reminiscing about the time we sat in a Perodua. The car felt like shit, and I remember that it felt like it'd fall apart at any time. No wonder Jeremy Clarkson smashed his. Jiekai also mentioned that his Creative MP3 player, though only 1 1/2 years old, had problems with its audio jack. To no one's surprise, it was manufactured in Malaysia (I think my other friend whose Creative MP3 player fell apart in 3 months was also manufactured there). I then recalled that my Palm IIIc had given up the ghost after only a year, while the m130 was still going strong after more than 3 1/2 years. Guess which was made in Malaysia and which in China?

My Canon Powershot A70 also spoiled after 2 years - when I sent it in for evaluation, they said that the CCD failure was their fault; naturally, the camera was made in Malaysia. Cadbury's chocolate milk powder also tastes very different depending on whether it comes from Malaysia or Australia, and Malaysian milk chocolate tastes like shit because of the palm oil.


When I was at my brother-in-law's place, I saw this in the fridge: "Sunkist Premium 100% Orange Juice... You can't resist it. Sunkist Quality... The best oranges. Now the best orange juice... "Sunkist Premium" is the ultimate orange juice using only the finest oranges to bring you the "Premium" flavour and pure orange juice pleasure"

Thinking that it was good stuff, I took a swig. I almost spit it out. It was the worst "Premium" orange juice I'd ever had, and tasted like that made from concentrate (vile juice), especially with that nasty bitter edge (Florida's Natural has a slight bitter tang, but that's alright not least because it's compensated with the not-from-concentrate goodness).

Looking at the side, I saw the following: "Ingredients: Concentrated Orange Juice, Orange Pulp Cells, Orange Juice...". Bloody hell. They put in less fresh orange juice than pulp and they dared to call it "Premium"; there wasn't even that much pulp - less than half as much as Florida's Natural's Most Pulp variety. Looking at the side, I was not surprised to find out that it was packed in Malaysia.


Just about the only things in Malaysia that're well-made are hawker food (outside of food courts), pirated products and fresh fruit and vegetables. (Some people think Malaysian Milo tastes good -because- of the Palm Oil, but not being a fan of Milo I can't comment)

Just why Malaysia is the land of poor quality is left as an exercise for the reader. Unfortunately, Singapore is near Malaysia, so we get a lot of this shit also. The only way to solve this problem is consumer education and awareness.