I was getting off the bus at Tiong Bahru Plaza just now when I saw that a flag day was in progress. The moment my foot touched the ground, I was accosted by a CHIJ girl seeking donations. However, I deftly avoided her, both to allow me to assess the situation first and to get a spring roll (I hadn't eaten since waking up).

I saw several flag day-ers, all from the same school as before, swarming near the entrance to the MRT station, no doubt getting ready to ambush unwary passers-by. As I made my way to the MRT station's entrance, I was charged by 2 of them, each trying to push the other aside in their eagerness to suck my money from me. Eager as they were, they had no inkling of the horror which was about to follow.

First, I administered the usual test that I give to flag day minions; I asked them what charity this was for. This question is a no-brainer, the name of the charity is usually emblazoned on the stickers and collection cans. The two eagerly replied that it was the "Family Life Society". Now, though this is a test, it is not enough to get any donations from me - it is a necessary but not sufficient condition.

So next I asked what the "Family Life Society" did. Their glib response was that it was to help the poor. Right. Probably every charity in the world helps the poor, it just depends on which type of poor they help and how. Having failed this test, I ascertained that they were not worthy of receiving 10 cents. Of course, the fact that they looked like they were in Secondary One might have something to do with it.

So I popped the bonus question, levelling my "buck for a tug" proposition ('I'll give you a dollar if you let me tug your ponytail'). They first stared at me in incomprehension, so I had to repeat myself once or twice. They then laughed and pronounced me "神经病" (shen2 jing1 bing4 - possessed of a mental disorder or neuropathy) and left me.

Foiled on my first attempt. Damn. At least it was a good way of getting rid of unworthy flag day-ers. And I found a $10 note and a $5 note at Raffles Place MRT, so that was a consolation.

I am advised not to end up in a police station, but tugging hair doesn't fall under even under Bill Clinton's definition of sex, let alone asking for the tugging thereof, so. Someone suggests I have a "tug gabriel's hair 4 good luck thing". Given that people already like to touch my body so much, god knows it might work.


He Who Must Not Be Named and Darth Iulius aka the Dwarven Porter would like to have it on record that they're annoyed at my making them wait while I transcribe this sad, sad story.

The latter would also like to add that the Family Life Society is "a good society which, like, helps poor families... and that it really sucks to collect donations, especially if they have to face bastards like you, especially since I was once a tin can collector [HWMNBN watching Alias: Shut up!]", and that I shouldn't mess with their minions for the day.