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Monday, May 17, 2004

You would expect that after seeing Troy, I'd post a hefty list of nitpicks, but you would be wrong because:

a) There were too many things to pick on
b) Troy was relatively veracious as this sort of movie goes, which says more about the genre than about it
c) I was feeling benevolent
d) I was feeling vaguely unsettled after semi-advertently insulting someone

However, there were some Cardinal Sins committed by the movie makers which I cannot rest without pointing out:

i) Though gods were conspicuously absent, Thetis the sea nymph put in an appearance, wading by the shore no less. She looked considerably aged, so I find it hard to believe how she could have been a sea nymph. This leaves the unpalatable conclusion - they made Thetis a human!!!
ii) The most beautiful woman in the world wasn't very beautiful. Paris obviously got shortchanged by Aphrodite. Unless he hallucinated the whole Apple contest.
iii) Achilles himself insinuated that he was not invulnerable, but somehow he has a flawless face, with no scars or marks of battle
iv) The Myrmidons had a tortoise formation. That was only invented later by the Romans [Ed: nw.t points out that, "i might add that the tortoise formation predates the hard-core Roman legion conception. Pliny mentions that the Scythians in Cappadocia and Amernia used the tortoise formation too. using relatively smaller tower shields instead of the back square phalanxy types. albeit around 100-200BC:)"]
v) The "Sword of Troy", which goes to Aeneas
vi) The screwed chronology - both in terms of the length of the war (the great 10-year long war is over in less than 3 weeks, and that's including 12 days of funeral games) and events
vii) Menelaus and Agamemnon dying at the hands of Hector and Briseis respectively, in and around Troy
viii) I don't think the Trojans used Phalanxes
ix) Briseis is Trojan royalty
x) They cut the poignant scene where Hector's son doesn't recognise him till he removes his helmet
xi) Paris becomes Cassandra
xii) The god-figure seated on a throne behind Priam reminded me of Zeus at Olympia

It must be a little frightening considering what I'd deem mortal and venial sins. But if you think I am picky, you should see Archaeology Magazine's thorough rundown ("Nice columns! Did you get thse [sic] at Knossos, or what?").

Homer, or rather the group of poets who compiled the Iliad, must be turning in his grave. At least they had the decency to call the movie "inspired" by the Iliad rather than based on it.

Interesting points:

i) Many people are skeptical about the gods' existence. This was rare - almost suicidal - in an ancient society
ii) Architecture and statues in Troy are vaguely Egyptian

The movie is rated PG, even though it is a lot more "decadent" than, say, Goodbye Lenin, which received an R(A) rating due to a scene with a nude man walking around and a clip from a porn video with a deformed woman licking whipped cream from her deformed breasts.

The censors' logic seems to be: Violence, sex, lust, rape and nudity are okay, as long as they don't reveal breasts or the gonads, but flash a nipple or a male member and you get slapped with a NC-16 rating. Evidently the sight of a brown nipple is capable of polluting young minds, while the image of writhing bodies (covered strategically, of course) which have obviously just engaged in the act of congress is perfectly fine.

"I think most people wouldn't pay $8.50 to see Diane Kruger, let alone launch a thousand ships" - Hwa
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