Assorted Shorts
(because, for unspecified reasons, I have not felt like blogging in the past few days)

"well its harmless fun.. and someone has to do it..." - On my puerile tendencies

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Maybe the Brazillian guys who used to ask me for cyber-BDSM on ICQ were attracted by the words "Gabriel is a slave" in my ICQ info.

Hmm.

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And now we have the The Skeptic's Annotated Book of Mormon.

Industrious fella. I wonder if he's going to tackle the Vedic Sutras next :0

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To nw.t:

Quoth I,

"Upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup."

Cringe, fellow heathen, for The Worst Is Yet To Be.

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Question about Knights of the Old Republic: They didn't answer a seminal question - what turned Revan, Malak, Saul and friends to the Dark Side in the first place? I thought this was quite an important mystery.

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I've always asserted that Oil Control Film (blue tracing paper) is an evil plot by Cosmetics Companies to con foolish and gullible females of their money.

The Top Bio Student in NJC in his year, whom I cannot refer to him as "Poor Suffering" anymore since he isn't suffering any longer, confirmed my suspicions when he said that he'd tried it before and it was useless.

The thing is, oil shows up very clearly on the tracing paper, so it gives people a false high on seeing how much oil has been absorbed from their faces.

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Salon.com Comics | Tom the Dancing Bug - News of the Times: Bush discovered to be an Evil Cybord, Kerry still lags in polls

For those too lazy to get the Salon daypass, a transcript follows:

Panel 1

Blurb: At a G.O.P fundraiser, an errant butter knife accidentally sliced President Bush's face, revealing him to be an evil cyborg

Bush: Yes, I'm an Evil Cyborg programmed by Subterranean Mutants to destroy America. I accept responsibility for that... but not any blame or negative consequences.

Panel 2

Blurb: Senator Kerry was unable to make any political hay over the revelation, as he had his own imbroglio over what he did with his medals for heroism 30 years ago.

Kerry: I never said I threw seven medals, I said I threw several ribbons.

Panel 3

Blurb: Bush vigorously defenced his record.

Bush (with Evil Cyborg head): You have to ask one question: Is the world better off without Saddam Hussein? Just ask that one question! Do not ask any other questions!

Panel 4

Blurb: Vice President Cheney, revealed last week to be a Brain-Craving Zombie, faced the press.

Reporter: The Democrats are suggesting that the horrifying and catastrophic events of Bush's term could be related

Cheney (eating a grey brain): They're politicizing the fact that the President is an Evil Cyborg! It's shameful.

Panel 5

Blurb: American voters seem to agree and still favor Bush over Kerry.

Voter: Kerry seems sorta wishy-washy. Imagine how he could mess things up if he were President.

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This is so bad, it's good

"Growth caused by chickens that have been injected by Steroids

This is a true story! I am very concerned about the health of the people out there especially the women’s!

A friend of mine recently had a growth in her womb and she underwent an operation to remove the cyst. The cyst removed was filled with a dark coloured blood.

She thought that she would be recovered after the surgery but she was terribly wrong. A relapse occurred just a few months later. Distressed, she rushed down to her gynecologist for a consultation. During her consultation, her doctor asked her a question that puzzled her. He ask if she was a frequent consumer of chicken wings and she replied yes wondering as to how, he knew of her eating habits.

You see, the truth is in this modern day and age, chickens are injected with steroids to accelerate their growth so that the needs of this society can be met. This need is none other then the need for food. Chickens that are injected with steroids are usually given the shot at the neck or the wings. Therefore, it is in this places that the highest concentration of steroids exist.

These steroids have terrifying effects on the body as it accelerates growth. It has an even more dangerous effect in the presence of female hormones, this leads to women being more prone to the growth of a cyst in the womb.

Therefore, I advise the people out there to watch their diets and to lower their frequency of consuming chicken wings!

People who receive this email, please forward it to your friends and loved ones. I’m sure no one wants to see him or her suffer!

Take care and god bless!"

Now, anyone with half a brain would be struck by the following:

1) The lymphatic and circulatory system circulate the putative steroids around the chickens' bodies and have a systemic, as opposed to a localised effect. If this were not the case, it would be useless to pump steroids into them, unless you wanted otherwise normal chickens with Gigantic Wings.

2) Why would steroids for chickens necessarily affect humans? And if humans and chickens have similar physiologies such that they'd both be affected by the steroids, why did the story's protagonist suddenly develop huge muscles, or the chickens abdominal cysts?

3) Steroids largely consist of hormones, which get denatured by heat. Unless our dear protagonist was fond of eating the wings raw, most of the hormones would have been deactivated by the time she ate them (not to mention what the peptic acids and enzymes would do to them)

4) Males have female hormones too, though to a lesser degree. How come these steroids don't affect them as well?

5) If even our good doctor (or gynaecologist, if you prefer) knows about this dastardly plot, why hasn't he alerted the authorities? Mmm, conspiracy theory.

Moral of the story: Think before you forward crap.