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Meesa gonna kill you!

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Monday, December 05, 2011

Caught out for Gobbledy-Gook

A: I am not sure how many people would respond, but does anyone here think that it is never right to describe a suicide as a selfish act? If yes, why?

B: A, I think any response to your question will be inadequate in light of its decontextualisation from the possible circumstances surrounding a case of suicide. At most, we can say that sometimes it isn't right to attribute an act of suicide as being selfish. In the case of the suicide of the Singaporean teenager, we are completely capable of making overarching statements regards the circumstances surrounding her death, but at the same time, we are also able to realise that whatever rationalisations we can concieve of, they always have a tendency to inadvertendly trivialise the situation; that the methods we somehow employ in making sense of her situation can never quite fully comprehend the pain and suffering she had to go through. I think this sense of impotence when dealing with any kind of experience which might be called subjective can be attributed to the tangential lives we are condemned to be living. Just like numbers on a number line, '2' can never really get to '3'; the chasm between them is infinity; '2' gets closer to '3' but never any closer. And so when faced with the absurdity which Life can sometimes throw at us, we can either take it heroically like Camus's Sisyphus or we can choose to abdicate our responsibilities and discard the boulder. Ever so often, from our vantage point from where we roll our boulders inexorably uphill, we see our friends giving up, throwing in the towel. We would like very much to lend a hand, but our hands can never quite reach them from our isolated vertices, and so the most we can do is to cheer them on and hope they somehow receive our messages and pick themselves up again.

C: i marked B's comment as spam

B: It's regrettable that you will regard my comment as spam-but no matter, i merely wanted to give an opinion. Cheers =).

Me: For one to give an opinion it is first necessary for one to have content to communicate

B: Indeed Gabriel, i do agree with you. i had initially thought of messaging you privately but i suppose it be better to not rely on the veil of anonymity and reply here directly. i was wondering if you can put it across to me starkly, am i right to say that the opinion i managed was 'all form no substance'? i think i'll need to know, it'll help me. Thanks in advance Gabriel. ;)

D: Your comment is spam regardless of our attitude towards it. If I see a pile of shit, it is a pile of shit no matter how hard I imagine it as something else.

Your ability to confuse people with your words is astounding. If they had a competition for this kind of thing in the Olympics, you would definitely do our country proud by winning the gold medal. I have, to my misfortune, come across showers of shite, streams of drivel, and all manner of incomprehensible things, and I have to say, what you customarily produce is simply in a league of its own.

You express your ideas in 1,000 words when 100 will do. You enjoy using obscure references to illustrate your points. It is impossible to read your writing without suffering pounding headaches and waves of nausea.

Your vocabulary is atrocious. You seem to be on a mission to misuse as many words as possible within the shortest amount of time it takes for you to force out your linguistic excrement and form it into sentences.

Your spelling is unimpressive. All the time and effort you waste on browsing the thesaurus for big words can be better put to use on checking the dictionary for correct spellings. Of course, we all make mistakes - nobody is perfect - but you give the impression of trying too hard to impress.

Long, flowing, and beautiful scripts are beyond your ability to produce. Do not waste your time creating dismal failures. When in doubt, stick to simple English. It makes proofreading easier. Your readers will be less inclined to dismiss your comments as nonsense and mark them as spam.

If I were your English teacher and you served me your usual fare, I would order you to rewrite the whole thing. If you are thinking of pursuing a degree in Philosophy, Political Science, or some other course requiring a strong command of English, I urge you to reconsider your choice. Any lecturer or professor marking your assignment would definitely contemplate drowning his sorrows in the Bedok Reservoir. Let us try to save a few lives.

To summarise, your writing is as long-winded as a nagging old hag, as uninspiring as a woman imitating a dead fish during sex, as meaningless as the ejaculations a fundie makes when he speaks in tongues, and as pretentious as a drooling popinjay who wears an expensive suit and fancies himself an urbane gentleman.

I suggest you purchase a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Grammar and Style and read it. Give yourself this Xmas present. It will change your life. Maybe you can even get a date!

Me: In short, "no form, no substance"
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