Bookout post:

Restored Post

The creepy crawlies are very irritating. We have bees flying around the ceiling lights in the morning. Grr.

Even after I'd handed over the post of Platoon I/C, I still had to do some of the work of the post. This week's i/c didn't know the Medic's Pledge, so I had to lead the company *again* on monday. Luckily it was raining on Friday morning, so I didn't have to strain my voice again. But apparently I was visibly joyful at not being the i/c anymore - people kept saying I looked very happy because of the load lifted off my shoulders.

This week's platoon i/c caused me a lot of trouble last week, making plenty of snide remarks from within the file and generally being a noisy nuisance. As a platoon mate puts it, "he either f***s you from the front of f***s you from the file". Being the i/c this week, he was a bit subdued but his glorious character still shone through. Next week he'll be back to normal and since we're all familiar with each other by now, he'll be busily making the i/c's life difficult again. Anyhow he wasn't that great as an i/c - for one, he dismissed us ('keluar baris') when we were lined in 3 long columns, as opposed to 3 long rows as it should be. But despite that and several other foul ups, few complained, at last not in front of him, probably due to the fact that the biggest complainers normally are him and his friend (who happens to have a shortened version of his name).

Because of my neglecting to secure a copy of my Hep B documentation, I had to go to Maju Camp for Hep B screening :( On monday, we all loaded up a tonner, and sat comfortably (there were only 12 or 13 people to the tonner, as opposed to the usual 20-30) for the ride to Maju. And when we arrived we were told, "Don't ask why, we're going back". Well done, efficient and well-run SAF.

During last Friday's guard duty, the rest of the company had a talk by the Course Commander. Apparently he told them that the Commanding Officer would be signing an indemnity form "in a few days", then we would all be able to bring mobile phones in. However, since the SAF has a warped sense of time (my ~$200 credit for buying SAF goods still hasn't arrived), and is ever efficient and well-run, we still haven't been given the green light (so they can stop hiding their phones in their dirty clothes and underwear) and might not till the end of the course!

Even after my 20kg net weight loss since enslavement, my veins are still invisible. Makes for jolly blood drawing sessions and IV practices. Well anyhow it's not due to fat, at least not solely or mainly - my sister has beautiful veins, according to a nurse who poked her before.

The drinks vendor at the canteen earns so much that he has a car. Gah.

I brought in my leopard Beanie Baby, "Sneaky" at the start of week 2. When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I found that some guy with nothing better to do had mummified him with Wide Open Weave (WOW) and Transpore Tape. So I had to use my Paramedic Scissors to cut him loose. (...) I've since brought Sneaky back, but I hope nothing happens to the polar bear which I brought in Wednesday.

It's alleged I have a silly smile, like Teo Shiyi. Ahh!

Another advantage of sleeping on the floor - no bedbugs! Yes, I've experienced what, hitherto, was reserved for cautionary tales during Health Education lessons (or was it History lessons on our suffering forefathers?). Horrible. I've never seen them, but the bump is very big, and it itches horribly. Must be the foam mattresses we are given. So I'm marginally safer in this respect. But then, as someone pointed out, on the floor you've every other thing except bedbugs... Hope my polar bear doesn't get infected with any insects.

Someone who is a contract slave says that the food is about the same standard as when the SAF had NSmen cooks. So we're not that much removed from that generation's culinary sufferings.

On Tuesday, we waited again for our transport to Maju to be poked. While waiting, I bought a drink from the vending machine, and when I was done, I followed the instructions given on this sign:

"Go Green!
Recycle!

1) Please crush your cans and dispose them here

2) Do your bit to save Earth

3) Thanks for the good deed"

For my trouble, I was scolded by a corporal, who asked if I wanted him to pick the can up for me.

On reaching Maju camp, I was shocked to see the TSS (Temporary Support Staff) "YX Lau" (Jason Lau) and "G Yong" (Yong Gen) grinning at me, and saying "we'll be poking you [all] later". Though they weren't too thrilled at the prospect of having to hold me down while they worked. They and their lot gathered around me, but couldn't find any veins (as is usual), so luckily they let the real medic draw my blood. The rest of them were unfortunate, however, and most were poked at least twice, as the inept TSS "topo-ed" a lot. Steven, with very prominent veins, came out with 3 plasters, and we all chuckled.

There was a weighing scale at Maju Medical Centre, so I took the opportunity to weigh myself. 91.8kg with Boots, wallet and No 4. Not bad. And apparently my peripheral equipment weighs just under 2kg.

A thought that struck me on the way back from Maju: If a Malay or Indian illegitimate child is born, and they don't know the father's name, what do they call him/her?

After we came back from Maju, we had IV. Yeh, so I was poked twice in one day. Steven poked me in the left wrist. The left wrist, dammit, with little flesh to reduce the pain. It still hurts a little as I am typing this. But I feel quite bad myself because I failed 2 IVs on 2 people, the first through no fault of my own - no backflow came out even with the instructor's ministrations, and the second because I dislodged the catheter by pulling the needle out instead of pushing the catheter in. Now I'll do 2 next week. Oh well.

Tan Yew Yew's guide to picking oranges: Choose those with a big "navel" and preferably, the growth from the navel must extend outside it.

On Tuesday, our night off was burned when this guy from Time Magazine came down to try to sell us Time Magazine, at $0.90 off the subscription price. He offered us a choice of gifts. One was a Pooh Bear in fatigues (Eee!!!). Another was an overstock of a Life book - "Our Call to Arms", on Pearl Harbor. And the last was leftover phonecards from Time's 75th Anniversary (3 years haven't been enough to get rid of them apparently).

The Bruneians came back from one (of the millions) night off, and they had prata for the malays! Gah.

I've found a third person in my platoon who doesn't shave. Yeh!

After a canteen break, I was hiding behind the training shed and singing latin songs. Apparently I freaked some of the people out, as they thought that there was a little girl singing.

Every time we have a canteen break, I see the Malays eating Nasi Lemak. It seems they don't get tired of it, even after 3 weeks. I wonder if they'll still be eating it after another 8 weeks.

[Some of] The Malays also like to walk around naked in the bunk. It's really disgusting, the nonchalent way they do it - they've no sense of shame. And it led to someone making fun of their "peanuts" (ahem).

The food at SMM really "cannot make it", which is why you often see permstaff buying food back from outside (like Burger King). When it comes to survey time, some people put 2 chips in the "poor" slot. I think the workers have given up on us - one of them told the other, "bu4 yao4 kan4 le4. Ta1 men2 suo1 bu4 hao3 jiu4 shi4 bu4 hao3" - "Don't look [at what slot they're putting the chips into], if they think we're bad, we're bad". So we know why we've so many cats over there. Also, the vegetables at the cookhouse are perenially undercooked. Perhaps this is to make up for the overcooked vegetables at Tekong. At least we've had one good meal so far - Nasi Lemak on Tuesday night, with a chicken wing with pineapple and raisins (wah), and large onion omelette. We can't count on good food, though and so I brought in copious quantities of food in. I suspect one of my giant Carte d'Or Hazelnut bars got stolen, though. I'll have to lock everything in the cupboard next time!

The people who pop up. Arvindren OOCed from OCS and popped up in SMM as a TSS. He's to join the July course as a combat medic. Yeh.

I feel really silly. I'm the only idiot who didn't bring in a handphone, and no one's been caught yet (and indeed, may ever be).

It's quite sad, people were holding forth a discourse in the bunk on the breasts of the girls in FHM. Oh well.

I think slavery lowers our standard for jokes - even really crappy and lousy jokes elicit at least a chuckle from the lot of us.

They squeeze so much into us in just 5-6 weeks. Someone claims that we're actually doing a compressed 8 month course, but even if that isn't true, it is a great deal to study and absorb in such a short time. And we've a casualty aid test on monday, which may cause me to necessitate burning a weekend for a retest.

A female Bruneian cut the canteen queue and wasn't forcibly ejected. Gah. The Bruneians all have 5 digit army serial numbers, like slaves, and apaprently they all own cars.

We only have 2 compulsory water parades a day - before 5BX and during the last parade, and sometimes these are "drink beyond your point of thirst" affairs. Less water torture!

It was quite disgusting - 4 people were seated on a bed, gathered around this guy who was playing Muzak ringtones on his Samsung polyphonic ringtone phone, and some of them were shaking their heads with the music.

Our course is certified by the Justice Institute of British Columbia, Paramedic Academy. Unfortunately, the certificates have expired. Aww.

The sergeant who projects his "garang" aspirations on us (not fulfilling them himself, whether due to physical inability or something else) has given us bad feelings and deep fears about the combat phase and our future unit life. Ugh.

My bunk, bunk 1, is transformed into a gym at night! Dave puts on his black gloves and becomes a personal trainer, training people with pushups and dips. Ah, but that's not it. He brought in dumbbells and barbells. Woo.

Zhang and I were discussing the insidious effect that the army environment has, and we concur that: everytime something bad happens, the vulgarities spring unbidden to mind.


Quotes:

"[During Stand By Bed] This glove. For what? Sell chicken rice?"

"Why [did] you sign on? [Commando: I love my country.] You love the pay, don't bullshit."

"[Trainee while marching: Good afternoon Sir] Good afternoon, carry on, enjoy yourselves."

"[On me] Do all RJ people give that stupid smile?... Because both you and Teo Shiyi give that stupid smile."

"[To someone] Fuck you, don't talk to me about SISPEC. I hate that place."

"Everyday, the breakfast lunch and dinner here, cannot make it."

"Is it really that nice to smoke? Why does everyone like to smoke?"

"[On me copying the sign urging us to recycle our cans] What are you copying?... Eh, don't be stupid eh. Copy my boot size also!... 'Today, I followed instructions on the board. Then I kenna fucked. The guy asked me, the can, waiting for him to throw?' (was I waiting for him to throw the can away)"

"[To Steve] Everyday, see you, never bathe... Jee bye, come back bunk, put some powder then sleep. You think field camp ah? (I never see you bathing, you come back to the, and then, this is field)"

"Hope that you have Hep B. Serious. Then you're excused IV, that means you can poke your buddy, [but] your buddy cannot poke you... Get AIDS. You cannot poke your buddy, your buddy cannot poke you."

"[On Hep B screening by TSS] That's the guy. It's this guy, fucking hell. That's the fucker who missed my vein."

"[On Hep B screening by TSS] They poke, draw blood. Three quarters full. Then, no blood... 'Sorry ah, sorry ah.' Then the other guy, 'Don't worry, it's not our blood.' (poked and drew, Till it was three, there was no more blood, guy said)"

"[On Hep B screening by TSS] We should bring [our] MOP here and shoot IOV here. Shoot on them. (MOPs)"

"[To me during Hep B screening] Fuck, how [do] you take IV? Next time [during] IV lessons [they] must tie you to a stretcher."

"[On not minding IVing someone, but not liking being IVed himself] It's like when you rape someone, you feel shiok, but when you kenna raped, you don't feel shiok."

"But Gabriel, seriously, I've never seen you with a hard on... It makes you wonder. [Goes on to make some comment about when I had wet underwear on and he couldn't see any outline]"

"[On specifics in bandaging of wounds] In your course, you must know this. In real life, I tell you, nobody cares."

"Next is the clavicle. You know where's the clavicle? It's this bone here. All the girls have this, very sexy."

"[Handphone rings] Na beh, all these girls. [Trainees protest] It's a guy lah, 'Desmond'."

"[On people in Units] They bastard you, they see the catheter, they scared already. You just whack one time... sadistic ah. (If they treat you badly, once)"

"Don't go and take the rectal thermometer and put it in the mouth."

"[On my polar bear] Gabriel, you gay ah?"

"I didn't know Nanyang Girls' School looks so nice, sia... Look at the clock. [Me: You're referring to the building right.] The building, not the girls - forget it."

"[On his drawing of a heart] Testicle, what? Take out yours and put it up here."

"[On dinner] Stayout personnel, if you all are not eating, make a motion of going down and coming back up."

"[On a blood donation drive] I donate sperm."

"Last batch, we had no female trainees, but the Miss CMC. Wah."

"In Singapore, you know why? All these people, they study too much already. You punish them too much, they write letter to minister to complain, then you're in trouble. (study, If you, they will, letters to the)"

"Why do you think the girls join army? [They're] Hopeless, can't find jobs outside."


Barry has just told me what the other letters of SISPEC stand for! So far I've only heard it referred to as "Suffer In Silence" but now I know it stands for "Suffer in Silence Plus Extra Confinement". Ahh. Yeah I'm slow.