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More adventurous than the average bear

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Thursday, January 28, 2016

What is it like being a woman on a dating site?

Lara l Lord's answer to What is it like being a woman on a dating site? - Quora

It's a grinder. It can be harsh on your self esteem, your self-image, and your view of humanity. But I'll try to answer your question as asked in the details.

1. The number of messages received. It varies, sometimes more than others, sometimes it is like a desert, nothing. I average about 10 messages a week.

2. Types of messages. About 40% are just one word. Another 20% are just a comment on my looks. About 35% are requests for sex. About 4% are from a couple asking me to be their unicorn or guest star in their sexual play. About 1% actually have any content to them.

3. Use of grammar and longer than one word. That is about 10%. Txt speak and gibberish seem to be far more common. As are the catfishing ones that it is obvious English is not their first language.

4. Just plain sleezy. About 65%. Since some are from men my father's age(60-80's) and/or sexual. Or they are from the 18-29 yr old crowd and/or sexual. Or they are from a couple who didn't read my profile and figure I should be excited they decided I fit their sexual wants. About 3x a year, I receive one form someone claiming to be a bisexual or lesbian woman that is convinced she can "turn me" because "all women are secretly bisexual". About 2x a year I have someone tell me they want me to be their transexual fantasy (since obviously in their mind that is the only reason a woman my age would not have children).

5. About 15% have made me laugh. Whether from intent or just plain WTF? varies. Though the WTF? is by far more common than intent.

I've tried several over he years. To the point I really don't see the point of paying for one in my area. The Match. com site is the "for pay" sister site to OKCupid. Plus many of the supposed matches on there they gave me, were also on the free sites, and if contacted through the free sites, informed me they hadn't been on Match in ages or had cancelled their account before I ever got the message. So, why waste the money?

If I go by the number of messages that feel the need to inform me I am "hot/sexy/lying about my age/younger than I claim/fuckable/their sexual fantasy", I'm fairly attractive. If I go by real life experiences, I am either extremely attractive, especially for my age, or average.

I don't list my job or education on my profile. Because;

1. I do not feel that is an accurate meter of me as a person, besides, many LIE about such on dating sites. English Master's degrees that can't spell "boo boo" properly, the number of supposed computer techies that can't get a Unix joke, etc. is kind of amazing.

2. I actually filled out my profile with proper spelling, grammar, and sentences.

Instead I list a broad range of interests, hobbies and activities I participate in. I avoid the cliche fillers of "I like to have fun/laugh" and "I like romantic dinners" etc. If you can't find a single item on my profile to discuss with me besides my looks, I know we most likely have zero in common.
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