Great pickup lines

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." - Mitch Hedberg

***

Nice try, creep.

"What began as an innocent foray into the world of online dating quickly turned into a degenerate parade of quirky, amusing, odd and nauseating characters vying for female attention."


My favourite (and evidently theirs too) attempt currently on the first page:

Subject: Hell bitch. I'll be your much older friend.

Message:We can hang out.

I wear a motherfucking chicken suit. And I use it to play pranks on my local KFC. I go around their store saying "I'm a chicken on steroids!" They call the cops. I run for it down the streets. The cops are forced to chase a man in a chicken suit. I get tasered and start crying. People put it up on youtube. I become a celebrity.

I think what we have together could at least be friendship, but at the very most be true love with lots of mini-golf and butt-sex.

And that would be awesome. Cause I'm really good at mini-golf.

Motherfucker.


And an incisive observation (on "Are you a FUCKER, or a TALKER"):

"I want to believe that the success rate of messages such as this is in the low decimal points of a tiny fraction of a marginal percentage… but if that were truly the case, they wouldn't keep on coming.

Perhaps we ought to be examining this social scenario from a diametric angle: Who is responding to these messages in a manner that suggests such obnoxiousness is erotic, or even acceptable?

I'd like to meet her and tell her that this website is all her fault."

(in other words, it takes two hands to clap)