"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath." - Dave Barry

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Quotes:

They had a Hay'gern Daze vending machine (Haagen Dazs)

[On social sex like social drinking and smoking] It's what happens when you're married.

I met this Egyptian guy... 'The fruit of the vine is evil... The Holy Koran does not say one thing about Kentucky Bourbon, though. Cheers!'

[On my hair] It looks like a mix between pudding bowl and Spock

[Me: Your legs are very pale. You should get out more.] My everything is very pale. [Someone: Are you an Albino?]

[Me: Open you damn thing] I hope you don't say that to your wife on your first night.

Can you imagine being beheaded while being assraped?

I've never knowingly gone after someone I've known is attached. [Me: I'm very proud of you] [nw.t: He hasn't stopped going after a girl after he found out she was attached] Yeah. [Me: I'm slightly less proud of you]

[To me] Have you met Annabel Chong? You should go and hook up with her.

I don't like the Québécois. To me their French sounds ugly. [Me: I'm sure to them your French sounds ugly. Actually to the French in France your French might sound ugly too.]

Hello my jaded senior. [Me: Hi] I wasn't talking to you [Me: I'm jaded also] Hello my jaded seniors.

[Me: Why are groupies always girls?]... I think it's because girls are more bo liao. Only girls are susceptible to being insane.

9 guys streaked in Temasek... [Me: You always walk around with your towel right] It's different. I've never dropped it.

[On the guys doing most of the cooking and dishwashing] This is called female mate choice. The guys who do this aren't the ones who will get laid.

When girls get angry, just say 'I'm sorry'. [Someone: 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again'] 'I'm sorry' I will do it again

[On Kokomo] It's quite a nice song. [Me: It's the song for seducing women with. Is it working on you all?]

You know in Lexicology... I should do the Lexicology of Gabriel Seah.

My face is so dirty. *eats lettuce* [Someone: I thought you were going to rub it on your face]

[On brown sugar] What's the sugar made of? [Someone: Sugar]

Goosepimple effect. When a piece is really good. [Me: So transcendental? In your words, they need to get laid.] Band people have very high sex drive, let me tell you.

I like the fact that the men are in the kitchen. [Me: Yeah, Singaporean women are useless]

[On someone with a high voice] When he was young he fell into a vat of liquid helium

You look at ***, he looks like he has a bomb on him. Who will mug him?

Do a lot of girls throw themselves at guys? [Someone: Have you ever been thrown on, Gabriel?] (Has anyone ever thrown herself at you)

[Me: You all heard about the RGS girl and the test tube right?] [Someone: How can we be your friends for 3 years and not know about it?] I don't know [Someone else: You're weird] In Year 1 and Year 2 I was very innocent. [Me and Someone (2): Yeah right]

I think sex is not bad... In KR there was a gang. 'There's a guy masturbating in his room'... Some china guy.

[On a hall sex scandal] She was moaning... He was saying something like 'I want to conquer your hairless area'

[Me: What does the winner of the bet (to lose 2kg) get?] A free meal.

[Me: I'm very proud of myself. I ironed 4 shirts today.] I'm very proud of myself. the maid ironed 4 shirts for me today. Economics of specialization. My time is better spent masturbating and watching Heroes.

[Me: Learning dance is a great way to meet women] It's a great way to meet a certain type of women. [Me: Well, if you're not fussy...] In Singapore, you have to be fussy. Let's just say that.

In Physics, when you don't understand something, you invent something... Dark matter.

I've been through one Methodist institution. That's what made me atheist. I think the secret to making more people atheist is more Methodist institutions.

The weirdest are those soci people. In school, so anti-government, anti-government. When they come out, all join ministries. [Me: That's cos no one else will employ them] 'I want to change the system' (they all)