Why Girls Do Better In Exams

A Musical Concoction 6

I managed to procure tickets for RV's latest concert yesterday, held at Victoria Concert Hall. I'd thought that with the Esplanade's opening, no one would want to go to VCH anymore, but I suppose it's now a budget location since they've probably slashed prices to compete with the former.

It was rather embarassing, since I saw a lot of the people 3 years my junior whose names I could not remember even though I recognised their faces. It's been a long 4 years since we parted company, and I was never very good at names, especially not with people I worked with for only a few months.

TBS had invited 2 of his other choirs to perform as guests - Evil Cult (RJ Chorale) and St Hilda's Secondary School (over whom the row of girls behind me were gushing over). He really should have gotten some conducted by other people, for variety. I was disappointed to learn that he didn't let the Sec 4s, those who have the most experience and who in fact came up with the idea for the concert, perform, not even in one or two pieces, or for a batch song. Looks like he's still as evil as ever.

For some reason, it seemed that the majority of the audience were secondary school girls (you can speculate for yourself why this is so, but suffice to say that we can suppose that RV still isn't a very popular ECA in RI). This caused me some modicum of distress, and as expected, I wrinkled my nose in distaste when I was pushing through a throng of them. Worse, a majority of them were shrill and anorexic and a few - god forbid - spoke in chinese. I was afforded no respite, for a majority of the males were spiky haired ah bengs. What is this generation coming to?

I was interested to see how RV would perform under TBS, especially since I hadn't seen him conduct since his return from overseas studies so many years ago. They sound pretty much the same as last time, which probably says more about my ear than their sound (which is why nowadays I revert to my speciality of making semi-snide comments), but his hand movements seem to have become more exaggerated.

The alumni item wasn't bad (because I wasn't performing), except that, where usually the alumni choir's item is ahead of the current choir's item by leaps and bounds, in this case it was about as good. Whether that says something about the current choir, or about the alumni, I will not judge ;)

RV was competent during their first appearance, but after they adjourned for other groups to perform, they began to falter. The sops started straining while hitting high notes, and belted them out without restraint instead of attaining them gracefully. At other times, they sounded extremely muffled. That's the problem when you get previously untrained Sec 1s boys to work at the higher levels of their soprano ranges. [Ed: I paid little attention to the other sections because they rarely sung the melody lines (so sue me, I'm shallow) and also because I was never in them and am less familiar with them] After the interval they became even worse, and by the end of the concert, they were terrible, with flaws so egregious they would be audible to the untrained ear. The songs second and third from the end - Angel's Carol and Do You Hear What I Hear - were the pits (perhaps they sounded abysmal only because I am intimately familiar with the scores), and were much worse than when we did them in our day. Hell, I think even in my current state, I can sing better than they did yesterday. They were that bad.

BEATS did not perform at all. Maybe it's been disbanded, to be replaced with small groups formed from members of the same level ala RGS. The small group which did perform - "Viva" - wasn't bad, though they introduced themselves with the ever-popular: "We all like to make music, so we formed an acapella group". Argh, don't they know that they should avoid cliches like the plague? They performed but one song - All I Ask Of You from Phantom of the Opera. I rather liked the rendition, except that both Raoul and Christine's parts were sung in falsetto and "Christine" sang with a constipated look and hand movements reminiscent of a female Chinese Opera star. The torment this caused me is indescribable, unless they were adapting the song for a lesbian couple :)

Later, TBS came onstage with 11 choir members and started singing "The Christmas Song" in his operatic voice while conducting the 11 of them (a double faux pas). It was so spine-chilling, it almost raised my goosebumps. I wonder why he thinks all songs can be sung in an operatic voice. Or maybe his normal singing voice isn't very good. At least he didn't mangle "The Music's Always There With You" (since it wasn't performed), like he did at his "get lost" (not my invention) concert, and bring down the chandelier.

The repertoire has certainly expanded since the Wu Yi (Wu Jie) days. That is certainly a good thing, but the moves by most choirs that consider themselves to be in the top league to deliberately exclude more common and well known pieces is, I feel a mistake. It is good to perform a wide range of songs, but surely a sprinkling of audience favourites can't hurt. In fact, the move towards esoteric, dischordant avant garde and plain weird pieces (eg all of Goh Toh Chai's compositions) that some are making can only serve to further diminish the popularity of choral music, and we'll end up with either small ensembles that have an audience smaller than their numbers or crossover/pops choirs that sing muzak. Or maybe I can't appreciate modern music, just like I can't appreciate modern art made by splashing a bucket of paint on canvas.

I also had the feeling that too many Asian songs were performed. This wasn't really the case, but I don't like Asian music, so. Anyway, just because we are Asian does not mean we have to sing many asian songs, just like how ethnic Chinese don't need to speak Chinese, Muslim Women don't have to wear tudungs, Sikhs don't have to wear their turbans and Germans don't have to drink beer. I also think that a judicious sprinkling of songs with accompaniment can add variety to a performance, since sometimes the whole can be greater than the sum of its parts. Sad, for it's all because judges like these things (avant garde, asian and acapella music).

According to Tim, Durufle's Ubi Caritas is a favourite piece of TBS' which he does every concert, and he did not disappoint. Bah. At least he didn't prepare an encore piece, unlike a previous RJ concert where he had 2 encore items and pretended that he had not prepared for the second encore.

I miss some things about the Wu Jie days (the stories he told that no one but Jasper understood are not one of them). He made us perform too many songs with accompaniment, partly due to the fact that we weren't very good and would go sharp of flat at the drop of a pin, but I am left with a lingering fondness for hearing such songs, a fondness which I rarely have the opportunity to indulge with live performances. He let us sing more popular music than is fashionable - pieces from operas, oratorios and other classics, but that is how I first heard of The Creation, Messiah or Ave Maria. Maybe performing songs reminiscent of the croaking of frogs being culled turns some people on, but I am not such a person and I do not think I would be the dilettante that I am today without him.

I think MCs should be banned from using the word "enjoy" to end off their interludes.

Mr Ong was there as always, and he was wearing blue SAF New Balance shoes. I think New Balance must have hooked a large fish, seeing how many civilians wear their line of SAF PT Shoes.

Many idiots were taking pictures with their flashes. Good luck for their pictures.

"I don't want to be seen next to you. It's embarassing" - I don't think it's as embarassing as it used to be.

Amusing quote from the past:
Someone (I forgot who): When *** conducts, you give 'A' grade singing. When *** conducts, you give 'B' grade singing. When *** conducts, you give 'C' grade singing.
Me: Maybe that is because *** is a 'A' grade conductor, *** is a 'B' grade conductor and *** is a 'C' grade conductor.

Amusing quote from the present:
Me to the guy next to me: Excuse me, you're alumni also? What year are you free?
Him: Sec 4. You're Gabriel right.
Me: Eh? How do you know?
Him: Your infamous webpage.
Me: *Buries head in hand and shakes it vigorously*

Since my page is so popular, I think I should add a shameless Paypal donation box. I can also capitalise on my notoriety as the person people love to hate by selling dartboards with my face as the bullseye and toilet seat covers with me on them.

The token negroes in Master and Commander rather irked me, for I am pretty sure that in the early 19th Century, blacks did not go to sea as common sailors. If they want to be so politically correct, they might as well include a Korean crew member as well as a blind, albino hermaphrodite.


My Very First Time - Nigel's blog. He makes it sound like he just got deflowered.

PerversionTracker: Apparently Useless Software - "We will assume that KillerRobots’ mention of "amazing 3D graphics" was somewhat sarcastic, as all we saw was a insect-riddled rendition of Pac-Man. Given that Gaichu adds only a few minor variations like movable barriers and poison pills, we were not overly impressed in the usual sense of the word. Instead, Gaichu is impressive in the way that a howler monkey’s perfect feces-flinging skills are impressive, as when the excreta achieves perfect coverage across the broad expanses of a suburban family on their first and last visit to the local zoo. So you see, this sense of "impressive" covers the gamut of emotional trauma, the agony of gratingly disparate worldviews, and flan lightly dusted with ginger."

Kazaa Lite shut down - The Kazaa Lite K++ project has been shut down by Sharman Networks on grounds of copyright infringement. How ironic. Oh well, there's always Diet K.


WANT TO BE A MAVERICK?

Friday December 5, 2003

You must have 8 A*s at PSLE, an IQ above 150 and excel in CCA and sports

by mr brown news@newstoday.com.sg

Some call these men the greatest entertainers on earth - flying without wings - defying physical limitations. But the risks these men take are great: Bodies have been battered, heads broken, careers ended in an instant.

Yes, this is entertainment, but the hazards are real: No matter whoever you are, whatever you do, please don't try this at home. Please - don't become part of a confrontational union.

Ok, now that we have got the violent union stuff out of the way, let's talk about wimps.

I was going to talk about Wimp Lizkit, that tough and angry rock group, cancelling their concert here in Singapore because of security fears. (Yes. Those violent car drivers who horn 0.2 seconds after the light turns green can be really scary in Singapore).

But I decided that the Army treadmill story was more relevant.

Apparently, there are soldiers out there who believe the new IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test) in an aircon gym idea is not a good thing. These are the same people who reminisce about the good old days when National Service was a lot tougher.

I think every generation of NSMan believes that their training was the toughest, or at least tougher than the current batch.

1975: "In my day, our officers made us run 10km with our full packs, to reach our training location! Not like you wimps who get there by three-tonner now."

1998: "In my day, our officers made us sit in a hot three-tonner to reach our training location to do our 2.4km run. Not like you wimps who get to do your training without leaving the camp now."

2003: "In my day, our officers made us run our IPPT 2.4km on real roads in our camp, in the heat, not like you wimps who run on a treadmill in an aircon gym now."

2010: "In my day, our officers made us run our IPPT 2.4km on a treadmill. Not like you wimps who now do your IPPT as a written test!"

Singapore soldiers are a funny lot. We bitch when the training is tough and when Mindef comes along and makes things more convenient, we complain that the training has gotten too soft.

I believe that most of us become passionate about the toughness of training only after we finish our full time stint. Because while you are serving those two or 2.5 years, you would be crazy to complain that the training was too easy.

Even if you thought so, you would not come out and complain about it, because your platoon mates would probably beat you up for saying that the training needs to be harder.

"Sergeant! I want to give feedback! I think we should do more than this 24km route march we just finished! I think we should try for marathon distance, like 42km. Or else we will compromise the quality of our army training!"

(Blanket Party follows)

But of course, there is a fear of army training getting too soft. If we are not careful, our fighting men will one day need to get mommy and daddy to sign a consent form to let Ah Boy crawl in the grass or eat the food at the cookhouse.

We need our fighting men to be fit and tough as nails, able to take long periods without canteen breaks and able to work as a team. Build a team player, not a maverick.

That said, top government officials have acknowledged that Singapore needs its share of mavericks to help us make the leap forward.

So all those interested in being a Singapore Maverick, please pick up a form at your nearest community centre - to be an officially-approved maverick.

If shortlisted, you will be required to take an entrance exam, followed by an interview and submit an essay that describes in no less than 3000 words, "Why I want to be a Maverick, and how I can contribute to the good of the nation by being one without being confrontational".

Some schools will offer programmes for students who show the potential to be a Maverick. Maverick Assistance Plan schools, or M.A.P. schools, will have a special curriculum that caters to students with maverick tendencies. Classes will be kept small, around one to two students per class. To qualify, students need to have at least eight A*s at PSLE, an IQ of no less than 150, and excel in CCA and sports.

Singapore will be striving to become the Maverick Hub of Asia, attracting mavericks from all around the world.

But we want quality mavericks, not the kind that snip their (unmentionable) hair in protest, or who vote their union leaders out as and when they feel like it. No, we want the constructive and compliant kind, the type who feel a need to contribute to Team Singapore.

So if you think you have the makings of a Singapore Maverick, start studying hard now.

We want to farm you and nurture you, to help the rest of the non-Maverick but Equally Essential Team-Playing Citizens of this country come up with better ideas than doing IPPT in an aircon gym.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He thinks IPPT should be done in real combat conditions, like in union meetings.

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tel: 68725218

From the last page of the "Spot The Fake Smile" Test - "when a smile is genuine, the eye cover fold - the fleshy part of the eye between the eyebrow and the eyelid - moves downwards and the end of the eyebrows dip slightly." - So now I know why my eyes always look closed in photos!

Singapore Paranormal Investigators Proudly Presents "A Night with Tang-Ki" - "SPI cordially invite you to join our forthcoming club gathering with a highlight called "A Night with Tang-Ki". You will get to witness Taoist Tang-Ki's dance in trance, summon deities into their bodies and perform amazing acts like chopping their bodies with sharp swords. What's more. We will work together as a team to investigate the Tang-Ki performance using night vision goggles, measuring atmospheric changes during the ritual and perhaps a short interview with the Tang-Ki's. With luck, we may capture the first paranormal pictures on how spirits enter and leave the Tang-Ki's body, or record some abnormal EMF on the spot. It will nevertheless be a great opportunity to explore into the mystery of Taoism rituals and learn more about them from the Tang-Ki's. So don't miss out."

Photobucket - Good, *free* image hosting allowing direct linking!


Disturbing activities:

"i set eyes upon two young bucks frolicking on the bed, humping one another from various tricky angles."

More Miserable Moanings

I remember reading an article about how the American Right Wing has managed to mould public thought in America by its clever manipulation of language to its advantage. This puts me in mind of the SAF. Take the word "National Service" for example. It implies that it is a way of serving one's country, and has the connotation of duty. I refuse to accept the paradigm that the apparatchiks are trying to implant in me subliminally, which is why I call it "National Slavery". For, if not similar then related reasons, Chinx calls it "Neverending Slavery".

Take, then, what the SAF, with its collective wapred mind, considers "privileges". E-mart "breaks" are a "privilege". Canteen breaks are a "privilege". Booking out is a "privilege". By defining basic rights as "privileges" and using the term copiously, they get most slaves to accept implicitly that they are fortunate to be given these "privileges". I reckon that if they had their way, they would proclaim that it was a "privilege" that us slaves do not spend 2 1/2 years imprisoned at the bottom of a pit, wallowing in our filth and excrement, with naught but unleavened bread and brackish water to survive on, and "Property of the SAF" tattooed all over our bodies.

All this just goes to show once again that for all their glowing talk of "duty", "honour" and "sacrifice", and the gold medals Lee Kuan Yew gave the first batch of Slaves, it is all a sham to deceive pre-enlistees and the fortunate members of the public who have not had the chance to "serve" their country. Once you're in, the facade is dropped and you are treated like the inhuman scum that you are, not deserving of humane treatment, to be stripped of human dignity in the name of "discipline" and "regimentation", all because you have little or no rank (a concept that, in the end, is empty and worthless for a surefire way to get it is either through good A level results or signing on)

Meanwhile, in an insidious if ingenious ploy, the best and brightest, the natural leaders of any rebellion from among the ranks, are co-opted into the system as Officers and given a few more "privileges" than the rest to placate them. Some others are elevated to the posts of Specialists - junior commanders and given similar "privileges", albeit to a lesser degree. They are then turned on each other - BMT Sergeants against their Recruits, jailers in DB against the inmates and indeed, Local Third Sergeants against their Men. The fellow slaves who should stand united instead fall to the strategy of Divide and Conquer, and the slavemasters are satisfied.

More and more, I tend to agree with parts of He Who Must Not Be Named's theory - "i admit NS has become more about social engineering and mind control than it has about actual military defense." Why else do they enslave everyone when not everyone is needed? Why can't conscientious objectors choose to do non-military "service", as is the norm in other countries with conscription? And why else is the philosophy behind NS "make them suffer" rather than "make them defend Singapore"?

Only the 4 Ds can end my misery: reDeployment (not strictly a 'D' but we have the 3 'Rs', so) - extremely unlikely due to my lack of skill and impending ORD, Downgrading - unlikely since I'm too stupid, lazy, honest (I don't even take MCs unless I am very sick) and blacklisted, Discharge - only a matter of time (188 days as of 6th Dec) and Death - also only a matter of time. The question is whether it will take more or less than 188 days in 42SAR to kill me.

188 days to go. I've survived this long in oppression before, albeit not in a place where I am Public Enemy Number 1. Sometimes I just want someone to comfort me and tell me everything will be alright soon, and that soon I will be free - except for the 2 weeks of ICT every year and RT sessions lasting 3 hours each, 3 times a week, 8 weeks a year - from this organisation based on lies, and able to get on with what's left of my life with what's left of my energies, mind and sanity.

As Cesspit used to say, "ming2 tian1 hui4 geng4 hao3" (Translation: Tomorrow will be a better day).


The Weekly Grind - 42SAR

Latest tidbit from "Gabriel's Believe It Or Not?": In 42SAR, the Powers That Be have decided that for 3 months, enlistees will only visit the 42SAR Canteen so they can ascertain the quality of the current caterers and decide whether to retain them - as if everyone didn't already know it was a sucky canteen and so voted with their feet and wallets. It seems that, after at least a year of offering mediocre, un-fresh food and overpriced drinks, the stall holders have complained. So much for the free market, and so much for commanders leading by example and suffering with their men.

My company has sent so many people to the Unit Fitness Program that it can be renamed the "42 Fitness Program", seeing as more than 95% of its "participants" are from 42. I wonder what will happen when, one day, we have too many people to fit in the gym comfortably. Furthermore, they told us, at first, that we would have to take attendance at 42 at 4:00pm, a good half an hour before UFP starts officially, so we would have even less time to settle our work. Luckily, they realised their folly and changed the time for attendance taking to 4:20pm.

In one day, we had 5BX, SOC and UFP. Then the next day we had 5BX again, then a run out of camp, to the Scout Camp (Sarimbun - they got lost, incidentally). Gee, I wonder who plans our training program.

My S4 was praising my "not giving up" and continuing to participate in the various physical activities I'm being put through, which set me wondering why I was being so silly as to continue. The reasons are probably the same as why I'm not actively seeking to downgrade (I'm too stupid, lazy, honest and blacklisted) and why I worked relatively hard for our recent IQA - my misguided sense of responsibility.

One Thursday's company PT ended at 10:30 for people like me who got <225cm for standing broad jump. I was so zoned out I could'nt do anything till late afternoon. They must think we're as free as they are. The extra-long duration was justified as being "for your own good" and a way of "helping" us so we wouldn't have to do RT. This is just like saying that gangsters demanding protection money is for our own good and a way of "helping" us so that they do not have to come down with their whole gang to break our legs later.

We had our HQ Company "OC evening" one night. Our fire wasn't burning well, so our Senior Medic brought out his "secret weapon" - the solid fuel from the field rations. It's reputed to be poisonous but apparently some MOs had endorsed it before, so we merrily cooked our satay until we realised that white flecks of solid fuel were appearing on them, whereupon we dumped the solid fuel and Ban Xiong valiantly ate the contaminated sticks (so if he gets stomach cancer in a few decades we'll all know why). Later there was a somewhat ingenious party game where pre-chosen groups of 4 from each platoon had to eat boxes of "delicacies" - pieces of capsicum, lemon, onions, carrots and chili padi generously seasoned with wasabi. I was selected but luckily the others ate the chili padi for me. For our troubles, we won the top prize - 2 boxes of chocolates, but even that wasn't enough to clear the bad taste from our mouths.

People were killing time before booking out, so they bounced a squash ball at my cupboard - at Asian Prince's head. They missed it most of the time, due to his mystical powers, but they hit the picture of Blue Bear and Kimberly a few times! Gah.

Nowadays large parts of our routine orders repeat every few days. I think they ran out of stuff to put in them and just want some filler space, but all that happens is that people ignore what's written in them.

Some time ago, Second and First Sergeants in my unit joined the Third Sergeants and below in having to sign book in / book out books. A pity for them, but it means the rest of us should no longer be imprisoned by arms clearing late, since the 2SGs and 1SGs will kill the armskoteman and poison the Duty Officer if if they clear arms after 6:30pm.

Those who take the shuttle buses out of camp aren't allowed to stand on the buses, contrary to public practice. I think they're kiasu, as usual.

Ban Xiong has finally been promoted to S/3SG (Substantive Third Sergeant), so he will finally earn pay less grossly disproportionate to his workload and responsibility. It's been good having a L-3SG (Local Third Sergeant) around. Having a S/3SG is so boring, as they're a dime a dozen and it's so easy to attain that rank. Now for L-3SG - you need an outstanding individual for him to warrant the favour and recognition the rank confers. And there are fringe benefits too - people get to misuse your name and emblazon it all over the place!

I wonder why people like to make light of my suffering. Perhaps they think that if they can do it, so can I, so all my breakdowns, depressed looks, tiredness and pains must be faked. By the same token, since I do not get footrot, everyone who claims to have it is faking it and should be charged for mutilating their skin to fake the condition.


The Weekly Grind - Medical Centre

One morning, one DXO got bitten by a snake which refused to let go. So he managed to catch it, tie it up in a bag and bring it to the medical centre. In the afternoon, I noticed that the snake was still there, so I decided to kill it so it wouldn't bite anyway. Someone suggested autoclaving it, but I thought alcohol a better choice. So I put the bag in a giant metal bowl, the sort used for kneading pastry. I then poured alcohol in and let it seep in through the small holes in the bag the Senior Medic had poked with a syringe earlier to allow the snake to breathe. After a while, the snake became agitated. Someone suggested injecting alcohol into the bag since it was seeping in slowly. I thought that was a good idea, but while I was waving the syringe around, I poked myself deeply on a finger, so I let someone else do the dirty work. Being bored with just injecting alcohol into the bag, he then squirted alcohol into the snake's mouth when it was open, and later injected alcohol directly into the body of the snake. The snake was in its death throes when someone else came by and snatched the bag away from me, intending to free it. I tried to protect everyone by getting the bag back, but alas, to no avail. He then washed the snake in the drain (it was raining) and flung the now-immobile snake down the slope towards the guardhouse. So if one of the guards gets bitten one day, we all know who to blame.

Idiots always sleep on my mattresses with their boots on and leave dirty stains on the sheets, so I have now made bedsheets items of individual issue. Hah!


The Weekly Grind - Other SAF and Misc Stuff

Why is there a tendency to label all enlistees who display signs of fatigue or injury not readily obvious (eg severed head, haemorrhages, deep lacerations) as "chao keng"? This bashing is regularly engaged in not only by commanders but by fellow enlistees, which makes it particularly disturbing and dangerous to the cause of enlistee unity. One day, one of these "chao keng" enlistees will die. Oh wait. That's already happened. Meanwhile some commanders find ways to disappear or avoid training or work, and/or are forever on MC (maybe regulars who take too many MCs should be discharged w/o a pension for "poor health"). When they come to report sick in camp, they get MCs easily even though they're not really sick - because they're regulars.

Commanders are supposed to lead by example eg not asking their men to do anything unless they are willing to do them themselves. If that is the case, why are they granted so many more "privileges"? Some justify this by saying that they have earned it after going through SISPEC and OCS, but from many accounts, those institutions are not that difficult to pass out from, and sometimes enlistees go through more. Besides, how can 9 months in OCS justify a lifetime of respect? Bollocks. "Rank is worn, respect is earned" - this saying is not uncommon, but how many people with rank actually earn it?

The mini furore over the recent announcement that reservists would be able to do their IPPT in gyms on treadmills was amusing. Some complain of a lack of realism - why don't they do their IPPT in Standard Battle order (Helmet, Webbing and Rifle) then? No one goes to war in singlet and shorts. Anyhow, we all know that the SAF is imbued with a peacetime mentality - why else are the men treated as slaves and inferior beings rather than fellow soldiers to fight and die alongside with? Know what "SAF" stands for? "Singapore Acting Force". 'Nuff said.

My sources inform me that in the near future, officers and specialists will be enslaved for 24 months, and enlistees for 21. Though I will not get to benefit from this, I am happy for all the poor unfortunate souls after me, who will be slightly less poor and unfortunate.

The NKF came down to give us a "free" health screening. I was intensely suspicious and sure enough, it turned out to be a series of cheap tests, ending with a donation drive, and many were conned into signing up for recurring monthly donations. When it came to my turn, I stalwartly refused and was asked why. Each of my points was countered adroitly (or otherwise) by the woman they'd put at the last counter. The temp staff being paid ridiculously ($8/hr?) was justified as getting them to provide "quality service" (from office temps? And I didn't even talk about the perm staff's bonuses). Their lavish building was "sponsored" (for the price of the building, think of how many dialysis machines they could have bought). And they "didn't pay the full cost" for the VCDs they flooded us with and all the TCS Channel 8 TV Shows they commissioned (imagine how many needles could have been bought instead). I didn't even mention how they had a glut of publicity, and even a yearly televised fundraiser. They suck money from the populace unceasingly, and their thirst is never quenched.

I bought this lousy Made in Ma-laysia deodorant some time bad. I do not know what possessed me to buy it, for not only was it from a cheapskate sounding brand, it had an odd rose smell. After my purchase, I found to my displeasure that it didn't last very long and made me smell like a cheap harlot doused with some quantity of hair spray. But since it was for camp use, it wasn't that bad. Then one day, I shook the bottle to ensure the roller was wet. The roller flew off and the liquid spilt all over my bosom and face, some nearly entering my mouth. Wth.


Outside the Middle Of Nowhere

Company and organisational "visions" and "missions" always sound suspiciously similar, probably because they are written for their own sake, and not for any further purpose. Anyhow, since only the gullible take heed of them, why do they even exist? I think that visions and missions are the quintessential products of New Age Management Kitsch, or worse - an ISO 900X requirement!

The New Paper reported that a survey of 2 boys' schools and one girls' school found that in the former, requests for games sites far outnumbered those for porn sites, and it was the reverse in the latter. This being "Singapore's Number One Tabloid!", I was immediately suspicious. For all we know, these 3 schools were blips on the radar and the proportion of site requests were the other way around in 30 other schools, and I have my suspicions about which girls school was surveyed. But assuming the story was not misleading - so much for the so-called fairer sex.

I wanted to watch Messiah with Andrew but thanks to 42 which won't let me take half a day off on that Friday afternoon. Gah. Oh well, there's always next year.


Quotes:

Is alcohol a drug allergy? [Me: You're allergic to alcohol? So sad. Then you can't go clubbing.] Oh, shut up.

[Me: Ah, all the action we missed out on when we were 18] Watch 'Girls Gone Wild'.

[On tucking Ban Xiong in] You must read him a bedtime story or sing him a lullaby.

[On CFM] She dresses well

[On CFM] So ugly, so disappointing

[On CFM] Your CFM is CMI - Cannot Make It.

Life in 42 is getting from bad to worse

[On the Casio Exilim] That one's just for girls lah

[On SOC] If you really cannot [do it], then do what I always say - go and injure yourself.

Balderdash is in the big leagues now!

Vote for us.. er... i mean, Gabriel right here

The line-up, so far as I can see at this point in time are:

a) A narcissist with a pastel colour-fetish and punctuation issues
b) An origami site
c) A classic Amy Tan-esque "banana-re-exploring-roots-in-a-voyage-of-self-discovery-between-generations -and-cultures"
d) Another classic "intelligent-and-emotionally-balanced-but-slightly-quirky-and-just-this-side-of-obliquely -literate-somewhere-in-tertiary-education" archetype
e) A fat autistic whining about NS in copious torrents of prose and his no-life, dysfunctional, sometime contributor.

*Thankfully*, none of the nominees *appear* to be Goths, self-mutilators, poets, template whores, camgirls, RPG addicts, Adrian Moles, or those who think the web serves exclusively as an amphitheater for their soliloquies of obtuse whining about emotional issues which they refuse to elaborate on but insist on publicising anyway.

[Ed: Update - as of 6th Dec, 11:25pm, Balderdash is in first place - 20 votes to the runner up's 19 and the second runner up's 18]

Caught the Swingle Singers last Saturday. For some reason there was a bag search - maybe they were afraid someone wanted to shoot them. It was my first time in the Esplanade Concert Hall - the layout was interesting but didn't seem an optimum way to squeeze in more seats. I didn't get any reception inside, so maybe it was an evil plot to disable mobile phones.

The first half of the concert was a tribute to the first Swingle Group from the 60s, so I recognised most of the songs. Given that it was supposed to be a "tribute", I'll forgive their sounding almost exactly like the tracks on "Jazz Sebastian Bach".

In the second half, they strode onto stage in these grotesque red and white outfits. I think they should fire their current designer - the one who clothed them 2 years back was much better.


Yechao, David, Screwed Up Girl and I went for a spot of ice cream after the concert, and found that Haagen Dazs' prices were daylight robbery - $4.20 for one scoop - so we got 2 double scoops.


I gave Hwa some Vanilla Ice Cream and he thought it was Banana. Oh well, this can't beat the time he thought Durian was Pear.


Visited Bodyworlds on Sunday with our "Poor Suffering Substantive Third Sergeant, Formerly a Poor Suffering Local Third Sergeant, the Self-Proclaimed 'Master of Office' yada yada" and his Unspecified Friend. It seemed that almost all the bodies on display were of males. Maybe females don't like to pledge their bodies to science. We also felt cheated, for we were led to believe that the bodies of a horse and its rider would be on display. Maybe it's in the Hamburg exhibit.

I don't think that all those people thought, when they pledged their bodies to scince, that they'd be on display in a travelling exhibit. I also wonder where they got all the fetuses from - I don't think that many mothers pledged their aborted fetuses to science, or pledged their own bodies and died in various stages of pregnancy.


Why is Singapore filled with "shrill, anorexic, Chinese-speaking Ah Lians" (a phrase I coined a few weeks ago and am quite proud of)?

It took me an hour and 8 minutes to come back, by TIBS buses 61 and 855, from Andrew's house. This is ridiculous.


Humour on the M$ website:

Tweakomatic

"The problem we faced, though, was this: how can we outdo a
piece of software as slick and as useful as TweakUI? How can we find a
way to provide even more of what customers need and desire? How
can we justify playing Age of Mythology all day when we're supposed to
be working? We pondered this dilemma long and hard when suddenly it hit
us. There's only one way to outdo a great piece of software like
TweakUI: the Tweakomatic. (Yes, it's so obvious you're probably
wondering why you didn't think of it.)

"


Sexual syndrome that takes joy out of life - 'The syndrome is the opposite of the usual female sexual complaint -- difficulty getting aroused. Instead, patients sustain unrelenting physical arousal, no matter how many orgasms they have. They are not nymphomaniacs; they do not experience desire. Rather, they feel the vaginal congestion and pulsation of arousal, and it is not about pleasure -- far from it.

"It's just a horror," said Lila, a 71-year-old woman who has had the syndrome since brain and bladder surgery in 1999, and said she often has 200 small orgasms a day. "It bothers me more than the breast cancer," an advanced case that was diagnosed two years ago.

"This never stops, it never lets up," she said, and it ruins everything, including car travel, dinner parties, and simply sitting on the couch. "It colors your whole life."

"If you gave me the choice of this or never having another orgasm as long as I live," Lila said, "I'll take never having another one as long as I live."'