From The Onion Radio News:

Millions Cheer Ball's Passage Through Hoop

"In a landmark event today, a ball going through a hoop left millions cheering, while at the same time leading others to gnash their teeth in despair.

Experts say the far-reaching consequences of the ball going through the hoop may never be fully understood, and may lead to the loss of large sums of money, the end of relationships and violence.

Police Chief Vincent Carber (?):

"Whenever you have a ball or object go through a hoop or a goal, you have to be ready for anything"

Carber went on to say that the addition of a racquet, club or lady easily eliminates the violence prevalent in all other ball-related sports"