"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

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Someone replied to the "Why all girls are bicurious post"!


Someone: Hmm I’m not so sure about ALL females being bicurious... Sounds like an unbelievable erroneous claim to me (been trying to honestly ask myself if I will even think about dating another women, so far the possibility is really.. zero).. But well this possibility can always be tested out. Anyway, I just want to contribute some points regarding some of the ideas put forth in this post. I think I’m a bit confused with regards to how bicuriousity was explained above. Is it because they get their thrills from the prioritized emotional intimacy and hence are receptive to dating other females in order to seek this emotional intimacy, or is it because there is a spillover effect where checking out the appearance of rivals turns to intra-sexual attraction? Pardon me if I’ve misunderstood. =)

Concerning emotional intimacy, It is likely that emotional intimacy and attachment between men and women was selected as it solved the adaptive problem of forming long term pair bonds, especially for humans who can “move around” and thereby more likely to seek sex with others. However is emotional intimacy with opposite sex partnering the same as that for same sex partnering? My guess is that nature would have selected an emotional intimacy between opposite sex mating partners, and probably emotional intimacy between same sex friends (irreplaceable friends?), BUT these two kinds of emotional intimacy serve different functions and to me they probably evolved in different contexts and exists differently. It is hard to imagine being attracted to a same sex friend because of the possibility of emotional attachment, when this can be experienced in the context of friendship. Thus my question is, are we looking at emotional intimacy per se, or emotional intimacy in certain context? That is, does emotional intimacy with same sex or opposite sex partners make a difference? Like in the case of the evolution of many phenomena we have to take note of the context. Also, I’m quite intrigued by the idea that intra-sexual competition in the form of checking out the appearance of possible rivals can spill into intra-sexual attraction. First of all, I admit that I do check out the appearance of other women, and yes many a times there’s this feeling of envy and admiration, but I wonder how even admiration can turn in attraction. From the evolutionary perspective, I think claiming that intra-sexual competition spills over into intra-sexual attraction necessarily limits the power of sexual selection. If sexual selection is strong enough to account for the many psychological mechanisms we know, I think it is very unlikely for something so contradicting to happen. Finally, I think the point made about male homosexuality is pretty interesting, offering a rather interesting explanation of why the homosexuals tend to take care of their physical appearances well.. Here there’s an assumption that homosexuals are just like every other men in terms of the evolved psychological mechanisms that men have.. We don’t know for sure how homosexuality could have evolved, but this indeed seems an appealing account for why males prioritize physical attractiveness in both hetero- and homo-sexual relationships.

So in all I really I don’t quite buy the idea of bicuriosity in females and how it can be explained using emotional intimacy and spillover.. I can be very wrong of course (defense for women in action.. haha) .. Well,Just some thoughts. =)


Me: Most women then, maybe. I should start a poll :P

My theory, concocted from observation, reading and things people tell me (and totally unsupported by any statistical evidence), was that women could be bicurious because of both emotional thrills and checking out the competition. The former seems a stronget point, though. I added the latter as an afterthought so I won't attempt to defend this theory :P

Regarding intimacy between men and women: both genders have the capacity for forming deep pair bonds, yes, but women look out more for emotional intimacy when considering forming a long term partnership, since in evolutionary terms this means the guy would be less likely to impregnate her and run off. Being more desirious of emotional intimacy presumably makes one more able to provide said intimacy. So if you have 2 women who look out for emotional intimacy, perhaps they might find it in each other.

Emotional intimacy with the opposite sex might be different from emotional intimacy with the same sex, but my point was that emotional intimacy is not tied to physical attributes, unlike physical attraction (ie so few males are bicurious).


"It is hard to imagine being attracted to a same sex friend because of the possibility of emotional attachment, when this can be experienced in the context of friendship."

But then this would apply to friendship with males as well, no? Does that mean it's the physical attraction part that hooks the females? I think not, as both statistical and anecdotal evidence shows.


As for intra-sexual competition and sexual selection, a friend points out that most men are turned on by the thought/sight of 2 women making out or getting it on. Indeed some girls "[snog] each other in bars to attract male attention, only to stop the snogging when interesting males have left", so intra-sexual attraction might help with sexual selection after all!