Seeing the Penniless in Singapore project done for a SMU "creative thinking" module has prompted me to pen some thoughts on that wonderful place. I was considering going there to do some field work and engage in participant observation, but I'd stick out like a sore thumb because I can't do gymnastics.

The SMU experience starts off with a compulsory $300 3 day orientation, at which "they had absolutely no fun at fuck", there were briefing and execution phases before each game and debriefings and After Action Reviews after, and at which people threw away their waterlogged SAF sports shoes after wet games.

You have to wonder at a place that requires one to pass courses in "analytical skills", "creative thinking", "leadership and team building" and best of all: "The Finishing Touch" (including modules on networking, etiquette and personal grooming) to graduate. It all sounds more like a finishing school or something out of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) than an academic institution. And of course there's the compulsory 80 hours of community service a year - easily fulfilled by going on an overseas expedition, since even sleeping hours are counted this way.

Apparently SMU's philosophy is that a lot of what you learn in normal universities is useless anyway, so they try to inject a dose of practicality into the curriculum. In that case, they should introduce courses which are *really* practical in the workplace to make them even more popular with corporations; "Taichi for the workplace - how to push your work to others", "Sucking up to your boss", "Backstabbing for climbing the corporate ladder", "Meeting annual goals through creative description" and "Making use of watercooler gossip for fun and profit" - they should just subscribe everyone to Dilbert for the duration of their course in SMU. In any case, we have a name for Institutions of Higher Learning which focus on practicality: Polytechnics. [Ed: I don't usually do disclaimers, but since this is Singapore, it is conceivable that I am biased against polys, so.]

One source told me that a common greeting there is "cheers", and that normal people go in and come out "false", "pretentious" and speaking with funny accents. My source then affected a bimbotic valley girl accent. I'm not sure how generalisable the experiences of this source are, but another little bird claims that "normal" (ie probably abnormal) people who go in come out "liberated". Meanwhile a third person (a native source) describes the place as soulless - people are only interested in networking, making money and getting good jobs (but since Singapore is soulless anyway it's "ultra practical").

Academically, the first source told me that the way to score presentation marks is to talk with gusto, even if you spouting bullshit, and that you get marks for shooting people down (so I guess it's good for the business world). He continued and described SMU as the 'centre of banality in Singapore', and related how during their 'creative thinking' module, the students were given the phrase 'tabula rasa', and told to do anything with it. The students asked the Professor, but he just replied 'up to you' - exactly like business bullshit.

Perhaps they have been coasting by so far on all their marketing hype, so much so that some students have started believing it (some of them have the "We're from SMU. Therefore we must be special" attitude), just as some NUS students believe that 18th place on one of the many extant global University rankings is significant, but when the bullshit is discovered, the game will be over. Then again, Business has a good deal of bullshit anyway, so maybe SMU is doing something right (for Business at least).

Despite (or maybe because) of all this, SMU is loved by many of their students (more so than NUS at least), and they turn out better dressed, more confident students ("i have not met a senior, who after all their years in SMU is meek" - though that's probably mostly due to their intake in the first place). So maybe they are doing *something* right.

***

Me: SMU people don't bitch about bidding right

Someone else: not as much as u all. got online petitions. haha

i think smu ppl all scared of offending the administration
but that time there was this guy who sent out mass emails to protest against the fee hike.

the sch suddenly raise sch fees to 6.5k. then that guy damn courageous. pointed out that all the "dialogue sessions" with the dean, provost, president etc are all wayang becoz the student representatives invited are all sCholars! naturally they'll agree with whatever the sch does. and they dun have to pay sch fees anyway. then he gain alot of support, ppl kept fwding the emails he sent out.

at first the sch was damn firm on the fee hike. iin the end they had to back off a little and raise it in stages.
but such courageous ppl are rare in smu. he's probably the only one. haha.
we only learn how to wayang

Me: haha didn't whack him
what happened to SMU people being different?
bah

Someone else: aiya cock 1 la. haha


Someone: my professor just used newton to prove that we could do well in class
he's from NUS.
F=mA. he claims m and a are motivation and aptitude

Me: ...
and F is your grade?
no wonder NUS didn't want him haha

Someone: the F part was a joke
and nobody laughed other than some india students who thought it was very funny

Me: I think it's very funny. for different reasons
haha

Someone: i immediately received 3 msn messages saying "this guy's jokes are very cold"
from different people in my class


Also see: Previously posted conversation on silly grading methods in SMU (from November 2004 archives)

[Addendum:

Someone (2): business is 80% shit and 20% real stuff
it's true

i've studied business, i've studied computing, i've studied maths
business is the ultimate bullshit
not only in coporate world
but also in texts]