"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." - Jerry Seinfeld

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Trip to Geylang Serai Pasar Malam (Updated with some stuff I missed out)

Superfly and I went to check out the Hari Raya Pasar Malam at Geylang Serai last night. It was very interesting.

In a dodgy shop at the basement of the Singapore Post centre, we found a shop selling helpful-sounding (and undoubtedly expensive) male underwear:


"Finally, a new kind of support underwear has been created for today's modern man... The soft cool mesh pouch comfortably holds the scrotum... eliminating the friction that causes discomfort
It has been a long debate among experts whether to point the male shaft up or down inside the tight fitting underwear. With our new patented design, you can choose whichever direction you desire without any setbacks.
For the "Up" position... the design supports any erection and holds it in place without hindering its growth"
No, we did not do the highlights. And this was behind glass, so presumably the highlights and punctuation marks are the work of the shop owners, to draw attention to their product. Superfly ""highlighted" it on photoshop via the paintbrush option on 40% opacity"


"To make it even more value for money, we have invested in Chitosan material technology... from the soft shells of the crabs... it is able to eliminate germs and bacteria
Wearing the world's first patented underwear will give you a marvelous sensation of being a modern health conscious man...
Free Advise - for gentlemen only
- How to exercise to promote penis growth
There is no need to be shy. It is always better to know what is best for your private parts"


"For the "Down" position, the comfortable compartment will alow you to position your shaft downwards and have a good and undisturbed rest. The design will allow one to experience this carefree sensation all day long."

As if these ads weren't dodgy enough, there were other warning signs, like a notice about MLMs, and:


Collagen promotion

Of course, there was a mannikin with the real thing:




After this, we went out to the bazaar proper. Which was huge.

Faces have been censored for privacy reasons.


Shop selling blowup dolls (the clothes are just a distraction). Here you only see the lower body model - for the budget-conscious, but we also saw a man lugging a full body model behind the stocks.


"First In The World
Quran MP4 Player - this is NOT Quran player,
This is Quran MP4 Player!!!!
$75" (For 1gb capacity)

The Malay guy promoting this to me said: "Don't worry, you can delete off the Quran inside". Which was puzzling, as a Quran MP4 Player without the Quran is... just an MP4 player.


Tubes of henna


Crowd


"Haji Abdullah & Sons
Baju Kurung Metropolitan Vigrose Style
Trend America Top Model
Kink Hanya!!!"

I've no idea what "Vigrose Style" is.

There were a lot of stalls selling Baju Kurungs, which I found curious, since you never see people wearing them nowadays.

There was also another stall with a "jukal korset", which was like a tube top worn below the breasts, but with 2 pieces of fabric sticking up to product the wearer's modesty. 2 descriptions given to me are "low-cut strapless with a shallow V-neck" and "heart shaped bodice but it's not usually so low". The most approximate picture I can find online is this:


Except the "jukal korset" had, instead of stones, normal fabric.

There were no Iron Maiden T-shirts, though, which disappointed superfly.


Sponsor of the Hari Raya lightup - Proton Singapore (this was from those lit gateways - unfortunately Superfly didn't take the whole gateway)


Snek

On the snek front, we not only saw Ramly burger but also some "Sate burger" (more expensive than Ramly) and another generic brand one.

There were also a few stalls selling Halal Bak Kwa, at $4/100g. Given that in late January (i.e. in the leadup to Chinese New year) leading brands charged $43-46 per kg, this is horrendously expensive for pasar malam quality. I guess they can afford to do this because of the captive market.


Carnival games. One side was shooting a rifle, the other throwing balls. On the former side was arrayed the more fragile prizes, and the latter prizes that could withstand some punishment (e.g. stuffed toys - like the evil-looking and probably pirated Spongebob Squarepants you see here)


Rifle-shooting side.
Do you see what's wrong with this picture? If you don't, nevermind. I have highlighted the relevant area:


PIGLET (from Winnie the Pooh)

Unfortunately I did not notice this when I was there, or I would've called the police and made a police report so the seditious stallholders could be charged under Section 298 of the Penal Code: Uttering words, etc., with deliberate intent to wound the religious or racial feelings of any person.

Malaysian Friend: thing is, this would be considered newsworthy in malaysia. makes me wonder why they haven't banned winnie the pooh from tv


Build your own car.

Superfly: haha the cardboard car reminds me of shoddy and cheap nod vehicles


Wares jammed up until the fire hydrant

They had a lot of interesting VCDs, mostly from Malaysia and Indonesia (we didn't see DVDs):


"Crocodile in Batu Niah Sarawak"
Check out the screenshots showing curiously undigested human body parts. I bet this is illegal (not the lack of a Minitrue Board of Film Censors sticker)


Program that was playing. I call it "Aksi Mat Yoyo - 20 years on"


"Cicak-Man: Sebuah Filem 'Super-Hero' Komedi"
Cicak = Gecko


Superfly said this vase looked vulgar


Empty zakat (alms) box


"Taikong Water!!! 100% Good In Singapore"
Go figure. The stall's drinks looked quite normal.


Guy selling motorised soft toys - on a butcher's table (there's a hole, Superfly tells me, for the blood to drain off). Note the freaky bunny the guy is hiding from the camera - it had blood-red eyes against white fur. Truly scary.


"Scientific Research
As a result of its reputation in Malaysia it has become the most widely researched native medicinal plant, with numerous scientific studies published over the past 20 years in Malaysia, Japan and United States of America"
A woman asked the stallholder about Tongkat Ali


Superfly with huge jackfruit. I don't know where they get them from. Of course, there were also rats running around, so.


"Quantum Science BioTech Optimum Energy Program
Quantum Pendant, Quantum Watch, Quantum Bracelet
Japanese Technology
Optimum Energy for Peak Performance"
Snake oil. There was another banner with all the pseudo-scientific claims, but unfortunately that picture is not available.


Guy with "RIP" T-shirt


"Lovely Baby Barrow"

This really puzzled me, so I went back to the dictionary:

"barrow 1
n.
1. A handbarrow.
2. A wheelbarrow.

barrow 2
n.
A large mound of earth or stones placed over a burial site.

barrow 3
n.
A pig that has been castrated before reaching sexual maturity."

Either way, a "Baby Barrow" is not a good thing to have.


They claim it has UV and IR radiation. Actually it's just blue and red light.


All in all, visiting the mega-bazaar was an interesting experience: Chinese visiting it can experience, with the signs, ethnic proportions and people shouting in Malay, what non-Chinese/non-Chinese speakers in Singapore feel like.