This poem's quite good:


The Ballad of the Bleeding Heart Liberal

Douglas Robertson
1995

My life has been a horror,
since I took up the liberal's art.
But now I don't feel so guilty
(It's great to be a "bleeding heart").

The secret of this art is easy:
just be nice to everyone.
Even to murderers and molesters
(It doesn't matter what they've done).

Every guilt was on my shoulders;
now listen to my tale:
I'm responsible for all evil
(I'm white, middle-class, and male).

Villains robbed my house once,
and my family they did assault.
But this was due to society's ills
(I knew it was not their fault).

My daughter tried to stop them;
they beat her with boot and fist.
I did not try to save her
(I'm a "born-again" pacifist).

Their actions I could not judge;
other people, I cannot condemn.
Even though my wife was "graped"
(there was a "bunch" of them).

It was the same some years before,
fighting Japs in jungle mud.
I never shot a-one of them
(couldn't stand to see yellow blood).

In the future, when the Asian hordes
follow their brothers' call:
They'll outnumber Aussies ten to one
("We're all human", after all).

My eldest son now condemns me,
and tells me I'm a "nong",
because I sold my country to the Japs
(now, how could that be wrong?).

My son thinks I'm an idiot,
and he says I've got no hope.
But I call myself a "liberal"
(perhaps it should be "dope"?).


Pity about the last 3 stanzas though.

I'm sure a lot of people will use the "Hitler was a vegetarian, therefore vegetarianism is evil" argument in this instance.