[Ed: The original video has been taken down. Here's a replacement (as of 21/08/08:
]
For some reason there're 7 identical versions of this production by "Columbia Pornstar Claque Films" on YouTube. I don't understand French but I still found this very funny. A transcription by Tim and a translation by someone follow. I asked Tim for a transliteration and a transcription but he ran off and suggests that I "call for experts".
Translation:
(guy speaking french in obvious anglophone accent) : those who protect the
secret of the table..a secret that goes to the very foundation of humanity.
professor landon, the police need your help.
good that we can be of service. (finishes shitting) oh that's better
on the mona lisa, a 'preservatif' is a condom.
man : (can't quite catch what he's saying..something about the '60'?)
woman : how is this possible
man : it's a message that your grandfather left for you
woman : that he left for us
man : perhaps it's a puzzle
woman : can you decode it?
man crosses out words, triumphantly, 'da vinci'
phone rings, woman's voice : prof. landon, you are in great danger
v.o : a film by ron howard
sir leigh teabing! (can't quite catch what he says)
guy : i'm a party to a story that i don't understand
teabing : if you want to know who it is that has doen the killing
teabing : you monks have discovered the biggest secret(?) of all history.
title : the proof of the real/true nature of christ
woman: do you really believe this?
man: some people believe to the point of being willing to kill.
can't quite make out what he yells i nthe alleyway
leigh teabing : we must find out the truth and show it to the world.
mankind needs deliverance.
Transcription:
[Tim's note: goder is a verb that means to grimace]
Guy: Nous voila mêlé à une guerre
visons à proteger un secret si redoubtable
que ça révélation ( ??? ) les fondements de l'humanité. [Ed: Some words are missing from this transcription]
Police: Professeur Langdon, (le) police a besoin (de) votre aide.
Langdon: C'est bien peu de ne pas vous être dans grand secours.
Oh c'est mieux. (oh seigneur?)
Langdon: C'est lui qui a fait ça avec son sang.
Neveu: Est-ce que c'est possible ?
Langdon: C'est un message de votre grand-père vous a laissé.
Neveu: Nous a laissé.
Langdon: Peut-être une sorte d'anagram.
Neveu: Vous pouvez la décoder?
Langdon: DEMON, AMEN, GOD, MANCHE.
De Vinci.
Phone: Professeur Langdon. Vous courez un grave danger.
Voiceover: Un film de Ron Howard
Langdon: Sir Leigh Teabing.
Teabing: Robert, Qu'est-ce qu’un vielliard infirme peut faire pour vous?
Langdon: Je suis empêtré dans une histoire que je ne comprends pas
Teabing: Si vous vous demandez ce qui peut pousser à tuer.
Teabing: Ouvrez les yeux, et decouvrez la plus grande dissimulation de l'histoire !
Neveu: Mais vous y croyez tout ça?
Langdon: Certains y croient, c’est pour tuer.
Langdon: Allez, t’es sympa sympa !
Voiceover: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, avec Paul Bettany, et Jean Reno.
Teabing: Il faut faire éclater la verité, à la face du monde.
L’humanité peut enfin être delivré.
Voiceover: Da Vinci Code.
Langdon: Non !!!
Man: Hahahaha, ahahahaha
Mignonne, mignonne, mignonne...
Langdon: Ho... ho... ho...