Tuesday, April 09, 2024

Links - 9th April 2024 (1 - Star Wars)

Meme - Clone: "Hello sir, we're 200,000 identical clones of a man you just beheaded ordered by a mysteriously killed Jedi who you fired from the council for his extreme views"
Mace Windu: "Cool let's go blow up those spaceships."

Yes, James Earl Jones has used the Darth Vader voice to freak people out

Why Star Wars' Most Infamous Music Style Isn't Just Adult - It's NSFW - "One moment many Star Wars fans remember well from A New Hope is when Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi meet Han Solo in Mos Eisley Cantina. There are aliens playing instruments in the background, and most viewers will probably assume they are a jazz band. However, what some fans may not know is that the genre of music isn't jazz -- it's called jizz. Jizz is a music genre created for Star Wars, named after an in-universe long-reeded musical instrument. Individual musicians are known as jizz-wailers, and a group is referred to as a jizz band"
Star Wars has wiped 'jizz' from the canon - "'Fancy Man' revisits Rebo in flashback and explains how he improvised a new song that's unlike "any number of jatz standards he knew by heart". The anthology mentions how jatz "came to be known by many names, some less palatable than others", but notably misses out on any mention of it being called jizz.  Star Wars isn't always the most imaginative when it comes to names, and just like Black Krrsantan was originally going to be called Newbacca, jizz and jatz are just lazy reimaginings of real-life jazz. Interestingly, it wasn't until 1995's Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina that the word "jizz" was iconised as Star Wars' in-world musical genre. Jatz actually predates it, with it being mentioned in 1994's Star Wars Adventure Journal Volume 1, Number 3 magazine.  Jatz was officially canonised in 2015's The Perfect Weapon as a Force Awakens tie-in novel, had an indirect mention in 2023's Inquisitor: Rise or the Red Blade, and now causes a stir in From a Certain Point of View."

Droopy McCool | Wookieepedia | Fandom - "Droopy McCool was the commonly known stage name of Snit, who was a male Kitonak and the lead horn player of the Max Rebo Band. McCool's real name, however, was actually a series of flute-like whistles, unpronounceable by any other species."

Meme - "Will you teach me, Mr Miyagi?"
"No, I don't believe in Karate anymore. Leave me alone, I just want to die."
"Written and Directed by RIAN JOHNSON"

Meme - "*Prince Charles knighting Christopher Lee*
Star Wars fans: Do it."

Meme - Anakin: "I don't like sand. It's course (sic) and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere."
Padme: "[Maybe if I kiss him, he'll shut up?]"
*Kisses*
Padme: "[Ah, that's better]"

Meme - Yoda: "When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not."
Galadriel: "Over 8000 years old"
Yoda: "I Is it possible to learn this power?"
Galadriel: "NOT FROM A JEDI"

Meme - Luke Skywalker: "Join me, and together we can restore the Jedi Order."
Darth Vader: "Because of the Jedi, my wife and son are dead!"
Luke Skywalker: "No. l... am your son."
Darth Vader: "Nooooo! That's impossible!"

Meme - *Queen Amidala headdress* Kylo Ren: "I will finish..."
Kylo Ren with makeup: "..what you started"

New Poll Finds 31% Of Americans Believe Disney Star Wars Films Are Worse Than The Originals - "Only 22% of Americans believe the Disney films are better than the originals.  It also found that 25% believe the films are of equal standing to each other while a significant 22% responded “Not Sure.”... other markers seem to indicate the distaste for Disney’s Star Wars film is much larger than 31%.  Maybe the biggest piece of evidence is that Disney has not made another Star Wars film since The Rise of Skywalker hit theaters at the end of 2019.   On top of this, Disney CEO Bob Iger recently appeared at a Morgan Stanley conference and implied there was a quality problem with Star Wars... While the box office hauls for Disney’s Star Wars sequel trilogy films were impressive, each film had massive drop offs at the box office... On top of this significant declines at the box office for Disney’s Star Wars films, the property’s TV shows are seeing middling interest from viewers. No Star Wars series made it on to Nielsen’s Top 15 list of the most streamed series for the past year.  Early reports also indicate that viewers have abandoned Disney+’s flagship Star Wars series, The Mandalorian, with analytics company Samba TV reporting the series’ premiere had far less viewership than both Obi-Wan Kenobi and The Book of Boba Fett... Andor showrunner Tony Gilroy also admitted the recently released Star Wars series was “chasing the audience.”"
One cope will be that interest fell naturally in each film in the trilogy, but Revenge of the Sith actually had a higher box office take than Attack of the Clones

Relentless Mediocrity Is Killing ‘Star Wars’ - "‘Andor’ Has Ruined ‘Star Wars’ For Me  Andor is simply so much better than anything else from the Disney era—and better than anything, I’d argue, since the original trilogy in its original format—that the rest just pales in comparison. The Mandalorian Season 3 felt cheap, directionless and slapdash. The less said about Obi-Wan Kenobi and The Book Of Boba Fett the better. Ahsoka, so far at least, leaves much to be desired. All this money and so little to show for it.   Mediocrity is the word I’m looking for.  Star Wars has become relentlessly mediocre. It’s not that there isn’t anything to like about these shows, it’s that they all feel half-baked and overblown, like butter spread over too little bread, to borrow a phrase from Mr. Baggins. Did Obi-Wan Kenobi need to be a TV series? It had about enough content for a two-hour movie. The rest was awkward and rather boring filler. The new Willow series was dreadful for many reasons, not the least of which was Disney’s inability to hire talented writers who actually understood what made the original film so beloved, and I can’t help but wonder if it might have been better as a 90-minute film. (Alas, Willow will now once-again languish in obscurity for decades I suspect).   Does Ahsoka need to be an 8-episode series, or would it have been better served as a more tightly-drawn film? I can’t answer that yet, but looking back on most of the Star Wars and Marvel Disney+ shows I can honestly say that the vast majority, with a few exceptions, would have made better movies than shows.  In the Marvel space, WandaVision is the only Disney+ show that works perfectly as a TV series. There are many reasons for this, but the clever format that drops Wanda and Vision and the other townsfolk into different sitcom eras, works perfectly as a TV show. The episodes were generally shorter as well, and each had a different intro song that adopted the style of the sitcom era it was lampooning. Structurally, WandaVision was perfect for TV. Other Marvel shows, from Falcon and the Winter Soldier to She-Hulk, would have worked better as movies. They didn’t need so much time to tell so little story. Andor, like WandaVision, shows us that the television format can work for Star Wars, but only if constructed properly. Gilroy blocked out several different story arcs within the first season of the show, handing each to a team of writers and directors while overseeing the overarching series. Each arc had a beginning, middle and an end that propelled viewers through (albeit, often slowly, as this show is certainly a slow burn) to a series of climactic moments that led directly to the next block of episodes. (Indeed, at the time I lamented the weekly release, believing still that releasing each chunk of episodes each week would have been the savvier move). There is no way to take all four(ish) arcs in Andor and turn them into a satisfying film. But fans have already stripped down Obi-Wan Kenobi into an unofficial film, and I bet it would be easy to do the same for Falcon or Hawkeye or Book of Boba Fett... it’s not just that Andor works well as a TV series that sets it apart. It’s also better than any of the Disney-era Star Wars films and leaps and bounds better than Lucas’s prequel films. This is largely because the writing is excellent, the attention to detail in every set and costume is unparalleled in Star Wars, and the terrific actors are all given great material to work with.  In other words, at every turn Andor strives for excellence, whereas just about every other modern Star Wars offering trucks in cheap tricks, cameos, Easter Eggs and half-cooked ideas. Fan service in all the wrong ways. The sequel trilogy was not only rushed, it was incoherent, with nobody overseeing an overarching storyline for all three films. This oversight—this dreadful calamity—remains utterly baffling to me. With just a little effort and care—not to mention competent management—the trilogy could have been mapped out all at once with a compelling arc from Episode VII - IX. Instead, we get whiplash between each film. Relentless, unabating mediocrity prevails time and time again.  Gilroy was also the man Disney brought in to save Rogue One, though he came to the project well into production. Save it he did, as Rogue One—warts and all—remains the best of the new Star Wars movies.   “I’ve never been interested in Star Wars, ever. So I had no reverence for it whatsoever. I was unafraid about that,” Gilroy told the Hollywood Reporter of his work on the film. “And they were in such a swamp … they were in so much terrible, terrible trouble that all you could do was improve their position.”...   One could argue that the reason so much Star Wars content has felt like its in one stage of identity crisis or another is because of Disney’s decision to start making all the new content for its streaming service, Disney+, rather than releasing theatrically or on traditional cable television."

Meme - Obi-Wan: "Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2 ,3?"
Yoda: "In charge of sceduling, I was."
Keywords: in charge of scheduling

Meme - "Reva: *is stabbed* *lives*
Grand Inquisitor: *is stabbed* *lives*
Cal: *is stabbed* *lives*
Qui-Gon: *is stabbed* *dies*"

Meme - "The Sarlacc was able to pull down a spaceship... BUT NOT LANDO CALRISSIAN
Making Lando by far the strongest living being in Starwars canon"

Meme - Lucas Star Wars Girl @LucasSWGirl: "Lizzo is returning to Star Wars to play a classic character *Jabba the Hutt*"

Meme - C3-P0: "Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I am not getting in there. I'm not going to Tatooine. I hate sand! It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. I'd rather turn you into the Empire"
Darth Vader: "Thank you C3PO, I programmed you well We will watch your career with great interest."
C3-P0 in sith robes: "Thank you, my lord!"
"Written and Directed by GEORGE LUCAS"

Meme - "A woman (Kathleen Kennedy) has been doing that since Disney bought Star Wars"
"Star Wars' Director Sharmeen Obaid- Chinoy Says It's About Time a Woman Shaped a Star Wars Film. Obaid-Chinoy is directing the Daisy Ridley-led sequel."

Disney Star Wars Director Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy Role Limited - "Disney has clamped down on Pakistani documentary filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy—slated to direct the first installment of a new Star Wars trilogy—banning her from being involved in any other Star Wars projects. The move comes after a money dispute between Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, the Disney company, and actress Daisy Ridley (the star of the new trilogy).   Another factor believed to be involved with the director’s semi-detachment from the franchise is a series of old interviews that have recently gone viral, in which she reveals several distasteful things about herself, such as “I like to make men uncomfortable.” The director has also revealed that she views her Star Wars project as a vehicle for her activist agenda, which involves female empowerment...   In one of Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy’s viral interviews, the director gleefully—and completely unwittingly—says several things about herself that conform to the very worst female stereotypes, revealing sociopathic, dishonest, and manipulative patterns of behavior. She says, “My greatest asset is I’m a woman. I really can get away with a lot of things. When you can play the woman card, you play the woman card… the damsel in distress. You’ve got to play all sides. If I need to scare [a man] off a bit, I do. I enjoy that power. You can do both, and I like that.” Pop culture commentators have been making hay of these and other comments from the director, some of which date back nearly a decade."

Meme - Nick Fury: "I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it and grant you the rank of Master, young Skywalker."
Anakin Skywalker: "Thank you, Master Fury. That's what I've always wanted. I'll go ahead and take a seat."

Meme - Leia: "THE DOCTOR SAYS YOUR NEW FINGERS WILL NEVER GET TIRED, NOW SHOW MAMI WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH"
*Luke Skywalker's new hand*
Leia: "VERY NICE! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO. NOW MAKE A FIST"
*Hand makes fist*
Leia: "THAT'S SO HOT! I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES BTW"
Luke Skywalker: "I KNOW BECAUSE I'M WEARING YOUR PANTIES"

Meme - Qui-Gon Jinn: "Who was his mother?"
Jango Fett: "There was no mother"
Qui-Gon Jinn: "Come on, Bobby."

Meme - "DESTROY THAT ESCAPE POD"
"YES SIR!"
"I'M GOING TO JOIN THE ACADEMY THIS YEAR."
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND YOU MY SON WORKING IN THE TIE FIGHTER CORPS, COME, LET ME TRAIN YOU."
"YES, MY MASTER, I SERVE THE EMPEROR"

Meme - "this scene is so sad. vader made a nice meal for everyone and han solo just starts shooting like a dickhead"

Meme - Darth Sidious: "Soon I will have a new apprentice, one far younger and more powerful."
Padme: "How young?"
General Grievous: "???"

Meme - "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can"
"Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them"
"And that is why I think having free donuts in the DS-2 cafeteria once a week will increase productivity."

Meme - "You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule."
"I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can."
"Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."
*pizza and Coke in conference room*

Meme - "This happened because Top Gun Maverick wasn't directed by a dumbass
OLD LUKE
Old and grumpy
Nothing like the real Luke
Gives up on the Jedi
Ridiculed
Refuses to train Rey
Sad and pathetic
Won't fight
Dies for nothing
OLD MAVERICK
Older and wiser
Same core character
Still believes in Top Gun
Respected
Trains new pilots
Jaded but inspiring
Fights despite the odds
Puts his life on the line"

"Star Wars fans are so ungrateful": The Acolyte Trailer Achieves a Disappointing Milestone and It's the Fandom That's Being Blamed to be Too Toxic to Please
If you don't shut up and consume, you're a bad person

'The Acolyte' Stars Reveal Major Issues with Disney's Next Star Wars Series - "Jodie Turner-Smith, who also stars in the spin-off series, accused the Star Wars universe of being too male-centered and “patriarchal” during an event honoring the space epic and its dozens of spin-offs. Turner-Smith and co-star Rebecca Henderson were interviewed about their roles in the upcoming Disney series at the Star Wars Celebration 2023 event, and she insisted that because she is a woman, her portrayal of a “powerful leader” is actually common in the universe of films, TV shows, and other properties.     These comments aren’t surprising when you understand the culture of this series. Showrunner Leslye Headland is not only a militant gay feminist, but she is also obsessed with pushing inclusion and diversity."

Meme - "Ki-Adi-Mundi's face after watching the trailer for the Acolyte, because the sith have been extinct for over a millennia"

'The Acolyte' Showrunner Leslye Headland Implies The Show Is A Lesbian Series With A Star Wars Veneer - "Headland informed the outlet her pitch to Kennedy was Kill Bill meets Frozen... Not only will the show push this queer agenda, but actress Jodie Turner-Smith also shared at Star Wars Celebration how the series will push feminism, “My character, you know, she’s a powerful leader. She’s a powerful leader in a very woman-centered world, which I was very excited to kind of be in that because I feel like Star Wars is very patriarchal.”"

Meme - "Star Wars: The Acolyte Showrunner on How It'll Challenge What We Know About the Jedi and Sith"
"Star Wars fans being subjected to another "challenging" installment (it just means it's bad)"

'The Acolyte' Actress Amandla Stenberg Claims Entire Series Was Developed With Her In Mind Over 4 Years Ago, Appears To Show Disney Quotas In Action - "This revelation might be surprising to many, but it perfectly aligns with The Walt Disney Company and Lucasfilm’s identity-based quota goals when it comes to casting. Stenberg is a black woman who claimed to use “they/them” pronouns telling Teen Vogue in 2016, “They/them makes me feel comfortable.” Back in 2015 Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy made it explicit that she wanted to inject feminism into Star Wars. During an appearance at Fortune Magazine’s The Most Powerful Women Summit, Kennedy stated, “I think the interesting path we’ve had is the conversation that took place around consumer products. Because there were a lot of companies that were in place who frankly didn’t initially feel that Star Wars was for girls.”... “But we have 50% of our executive team are women. And six out of eight of the people in my story group are women. And I’m sure there’s a lot of people that would be surprised that we’re making Star Wars movies and the majority of the people involved in the development of those stories are women. And I think it’s making a huge difference in the stories that we’re trying to tell.”   Not only did Kathleen Kennedy make it abundantly clear she wanted to inject feminism into Star Wars, but The Walt Disney Company also launched their Reimagine Tomorrow campaign back in 2021 and clearly had been developing it before that.  The website originally made it clear they were hiring based on identity with a claim stating, “By 2022, 50% of regular and recurring characters across Disney General Entertainment scripted content will come from underrepresented groups.”...   It also links to ABC Entertainment’s Inclusion Standards, which the company launched in September 2022.  Those standards make it even more explicit the company is hiring based on identity. One section states, “Characters: 50% or more of regular and recurring written characters come from Underrepresented Groups.”  Another section states, “50% or more of producer & above on writing staff and 50% or more of Co-Producer & below on writing staff come from Underrepresented Groups.” These quotas are now a subject of an Equal Employment Opportunities Commission complaint...   Not only does Stenberg fill the quotas for the show, she’s also an activist and has no inhibitions with playing the victim card. She informed C Magazine she dealt with racists due to her role as Rue in The Hunger Games... These comments are not out of the ordinary for Stenberg.  Back in 2015 she did a video for Hype Hair Magazine titled “Don’t Cash Crop On My Cornrows” where she made the accusation that celebrities wearing cornrows was cultural appropriation."
Some left wingers still claim that the "the force is female" t-shirts don't mean anything because they were part of a promotional event

Former Hollywood Executive Assistant Speculates Leslye Headland Given Star Wars' 'The Acolyte' Series Job To Keep Silent On Harvey Weinstein - "Headland served as Weinstein’s personal assistant for four years beginning in 2003 and used her time under Weinstein to create her 2008 play “Assistance.”  In that time, new documents reveal that Weinstein was in communication with convicted child trafficker Jeffrey Epstein"

Social Media Analyst Discovers Vast Blue Check Effort To Boost 'Star Wars: The Acolyte' Through Possible Botting - "there is evidence bots were employed to attempt destroying Gina Carano’s career via an appearance of outraged fans who could have been totally fake. At the least, bots may have been used to bolster the appearance of said outrage."

Why John Boyega Hates The Last Jedi - YouTube - " R2-D2 has been the top of everyone's list for 40 plus years and B-8's already been forgotten. Forgotten and replaced by Baby Yoda, a design from the original trilogy. And even when Ryan Johnson decide to give Finn an actual moment that would have elevated his character from comic relief to some type of hero, he was taken out by the sack of potatoes. And then violated by the sack of potatoes... and to think, Ryan Johnson had the cheek to point the finger at fans criticizing this film. This guy should be bloody ashamed the way he treated John Boyega...  so is it any surprise which film John picked as his worst Star Wars film? Was he going to pick the one where he starred in the trailer and was getting built up as a main hero? Or the one where he got to run around shooting guns and save the day with the pretty girl? Or the racist one that did some old school Hollywood and treated him like a joke?"
Clearly, he's a racist, sexist bigot. And if you think women are capable of sexually assaulting men, you're a misogynist

Meme - Din Djarin with DarkSaber: "Why is this so heavy?"
The Armorer: "Because you're carrying the weight of the entire franchise."

Sam Brenard's answer to What is the worst plan ever enacted in the Star Wars Universe? - Quora - "Few can compete with Palpatine’s ‘final order’ plan, which was probably originally a fan fiction written by a fourth grader. Here’s how it goes:  The First Order was a puppet army commanded by the puppet Snoke, who was controlled by Palpatine. Mr. Sheev was behind everything.  Anyways, Palpatine has a fleet of what appears to be thousands of Star Destroyers, each equipped with the ability to destroy a planet, because I guess budgeting is no longer a thing. But there’s a catch. They each take twelve hours to launch.  So, good ol’ Sheev, not the best planner, tells the entire galaxy that he is in-fact back.  As such, the Resistance has twelve hours to assemble the entire galaxy and destroy Palpatine’s army, which by the way, just bursts through the surface of the planet. No, I’m not making that up.  But it gets worse: these ships don’t know which way is up from down and require an antenna to tell them which way is up despite having gone up in the process of launching. In the words of Vito, “You’re telling me they’ve got a thousand goddamn ships, and none of them can take off if you break Palpatine’s DirecTV satellite?”  Whatever the case, this movie is absolutely stuffed with plot holes and requires no further analysis."

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